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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > why will he only IM and text me and not call me?      Home login  
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 blustar7
Joined: 11/1/2008
Msg: 1
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?Page 1 of 1    
ok, so im dating this guy, hes 32. weve been on a few dates and he tells me he really likes me etc... Well i think ive talked to him on the phone twice if that. He will only talk to me via IM or texting. I tell him i dont have free texts and why cant he answer my calls or call me? he insists on IM'n to talk or plan the next date, etc.. why the hell will he not talk on the phone???? I dont know if i can be with someone who refuses to talk to me!
 BrianM2
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 2
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:34:38 PM
Wow, this is so close to home, it's scary. I recently left a LDR, same scenereo with her, and when we talked, it was only through the computer headset via. YIM, and even then, it was hard to get her to even use that. I offered to send her a free prepaid cell phone as well, she refused and insisted that I never do it, every single time, I never got an actual reason.

Ok, so one guy, one girl here ran into the same problem, what is it do you think people? I can only speculate after the fact, that perhaps she was trying to hide our relationship from earshot of someone else? That's the only logical explanation I can think of, perhaps there is another possible reason, I'd like to know big time.
 digitalfever
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 3
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:36:29 PM
He’s probably hiding the relationship. He could be scared shitless of talking with you on the phone. There are a number of reasons… Although I don’t want to speculate every single one…
 TX Jeep Guy
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 4
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:38:46 PM
If he's this much fun now, just imagine what it will be like once the honeymoon phase is over.

I think he's putting forth minimal effort as he knows you will allow yourself to be available as a Plan B for him.

His treatment of you is just soooo far beyond wrong that I can't come up with an appropriate word for it. File this guy under the "Flake" pile and move onward and upward. You will soon find a real man capable of willingly giving you the attention you deserve.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best!!
 silentsteel
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 5
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:44:13 PM
Maybe he is afraid that the killer hairball with the hoodie, is listening on the other line.
 I Cornelius
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 6
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why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:44:55 PM
Yeah... I mean some people just don't like talking on the phone, but when you're starting a relationship with someone you gotta make some sort of effort. He's either hiding something or just plain flaky.

if he's driving you crazy with it now... listen to m'man from Texas there. It sure won't get any better.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 7
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:46:43 PM

ok, so im dating this guy, hes 32. weve been on a few dates and he tells me he really likes me etc... Well i think ive talked to him on the phone twice if that. He will only talk to me via IM or texting


I'd assume he is married or in a relationship of some sort. If you've only dated him a few times and he's that evasive and avoids telephone calls.... it aint too good.

I can just imagine what he'll say if you invite yourself over to his place...... Find out if he's a schmuck.
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 8
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:47:15 PM
He doesn't want his wife to hear the phone ring or to accidentally overhear he is talking on the phone. It's so much easier to hide on the laptop...not as noisy.
 sing625
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 9
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:49:42 PM
let me spell this out for you my dear. you are not the only woman in his life. plain and simple. if a guy is into you he will let you have his number and he will answer it. your wasting your time on his charms.
 RelationshipShady
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 10
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:50:39 PM
i love talking... it's best in person and a second best on the phone. txt is great for sending info like where and when. emails are ideal for poems. txting and emails loose of the communication value.

it's the guy. is he busy in his career? he doesn't like conversations that carry over a few hours at nights? then there is also the possibility that he is out with other girls and can not pick up. theres no easy answer to your question.
 JakeBanman
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 11
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why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:51:37 PM
In all aspects that I am able to see in this senario; I agree; its fear. In many cases, the text/IM route is a way of "hiding your imperfections"... It also allows one to be slightly more bold in what they say compared to a phone call or face to face meeting.

Esentially, it allows the person to curb their personality to suite your own needs; granted what they are saying MAY be their personality; but experience has shown that that is rarely the case.

So in summary, I believe it is fear... fear that you may pick up on one of his "faults" and thus end the relationship.

As far as what to do about it... its a tough call in alot of senses; but if he is truely unwilling to talk to you on the phone, maybe thats a sign that there may be more problems along the way.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 12
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 9:54:09 PM
This sounds like that phone commercial where it's like a trailer for a movie about a women who's in love with her phone. I am amazed you scored dates without some serious voice-communication. Are you sure it's HIM or did the movie-trailer guy do all the voice-overs:

"In a world, where voices can lie, ONE man REFUSES to answer his PHONE. Just when a woman had given up ALL HOPE, a text message opens a NEW door to adventures. Come with us this fall to a world where a TEXT is worth 1000 phone calls." TEXT-WORLD: The Rise of Blustar 7

RING! RING! RING!
"Hello...?"
"Beep! You have 54 text messages."
"eeeeeeeeekk!! "

This feature has not been rated.
 bitahunni
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 13
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:07:30 PM
I went out with a guy a few times that didn't like talking on the phone. It was hard for me to connect with him emotionally. We stopped seeing each other because we didn't have an emotional connection.

Who knows what is going on with the guy you are speaking of. You are worth being with someone that is at least willing to compromise in some areas to build a relationship.
 OSGF
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 14
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:13:22 PM
OMG WackMC, that is hilarious!

Anyways, to the OP.... Have you asked this guy why he won't talk on the phone? Recently, I was dating a guy who would never call, and would only text. We dated for about 3 months. He wasn't married or anything like that. I finally asked him why we didn't talk on the phone. He explained to me that he was on the phone all day for work and didn't feel like talking on the phone anymore. So, there were a few times that I got him on the phone, and needless to say it was a boring conversation. Every time. He was very fun in person, boring on the phone. Maybe your guy has the same problem? He may be doing you a favor by not talking to you on the phone. Lol.
 casheyesblond
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 15
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why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:21:09 PM

Well i think ive talked to him on the phone twice if that.


Did he block his number when he called ?... if you answer with a 'no' then next question:
Both times,was it from his cell phone? I think this may be a 'yes.'

final answer is;
He has two cell phones...one for the home front and one he leaves at the 'office.' The one he leaves at the office;one of his guy friends puts it in his name so the bill doesn't accidentally go to the house.hehehe/I'm just kidding around with ya---sort of. In other words,makes one ponder,doesn't it?
 AK-12
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 16
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why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:49:04 PM
What a strange guy. Maybe he has a phone phobia and doesn't like to use it. Of course the people that matter must in my life I pick up the phone and call the rest I text.
 TxBluEyes74
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 17
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/28/2009 11:18:29 PM
OP: I really could not say, it could be a factor of many things. But I'm with you on this one. I hate texting, I think it's for kids, and when I get a text, my first response is "why didn't you just call me?" I even have that programmed in my phone as my first response. All of my friends know I hate it.. It takes so much away from actually hearing that voice on the other line. It's madness, I rather you just call, tell me what's on your mind, hang up and go on with our day.. Or I would suggest OP: whenever he text, just call his ass, I usually just do that. If he has the time to text you, then he has the time to speak with you over the phone for a few minutes.. Sheesh
 Kelley-1989
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 18
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/29/2009 12:07:37 AM

I dont know if i can be with someone who refuses to talk to me!

Then don't. You want it your way. He does it his way. Since it is your way or the highway, do him a favor, dump him, and look for someone else.
 ALOHA_CUTIE
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 19
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/29/2009 2:13:01 AM
You already told him that you don't have free texts yet he still resorts to it. Sounds like a real doozy to me. He is either married or he is just plain lazy....a man who is truly crazy about you in the beginning stages of dating will want to hear your voice on the phone ( some people prefer texting to set up a date but once a man meets you ....and has butterflies thinking of you, trust me, he WILL want to keep in touch with you via phone now and then just to hear you). Either way, he doesn't sound like such a great guy.

The most you can do is stop answering his IM's and texting all together to discourage such behavior...he might flip out...wonder why you're not contacting him back and if he really is into you..he will PHONE you to see what's up. From there, you can say " Well, I just told you that I don't like communicating text/IM...it seems so impersonal to me like you don't care...so I lost interest". If he truly cares for you, he will realize that he has to change his ways...and if he doesn't ( which I have a feeling he won't....hell, even if he flips out and wants to get a hold of you..he might just do it via email!)....then you will be glad that you didn't continue to waste your time on him.
 whatitdoyo
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 20
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:17:37 AM
Something smells fishy. I myself, like to text more, kinda gives a 5 min convo an extention and give you something to look forward to. Being you have to pay for texts, I think that it is thoughtless on his behalf, and he dosen't care about your position. I would tell him bounce.
 Browngreeneyes
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 21
why will he only IM and text me and not call me?
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:25:13 AM
Hmm... Instant messenger and text messages can be done silently.

Perhaps he doesn't want someone to hear his voice whilst talking to you?

Just a thought... but not a nice one, sorry.
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