| | Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I have a few questions I'd like to pose. I'd love to hear some opinions on the mattter. Do you think a couple that is dating should explore the Swinger lifestyle, or do you think the Swinger lifestyle is more beneficial for a couple that is married? What do you think? Do you think age plays a big factor when it comes to that lifestyle and relationships? When are you ever old enough or secure enough in a relationship to allow your mate to be intimate with someone else? I'd like to know. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:01:08 PM | | Thanks for your opinion toyoux. I appreciate it. Maybe I should clarify a few things. I've experienced the lifestyle in a past dating relationship and I had no issues with it. During my experiences, I realized that I may not be able to accept that lifestyle with my spouse if I were married, whereas, I could accept it with a guy that I was dating/in a committed relationship with. However, I've discussed this issue with married couples in the lifestyle, and they all agree that the lifestyle actually enhances their relationship. In my perspective, I feel the opposite. That is why I posed the question. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:05:01 PM |
When are you ever old enough or secure enough in a relationship to allow your mate to be intimate with someone else? I'd like to know.
It isn't about age, nor about "secure enough in a relationship." Being "able" to take on that lifestyle has to do with your ability to reconcile it in your own head. You either can, or you can't. It's that simple. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:06:59 PM | From what Ive heard about the swinging lifestyle , I think only 1% population can handle it, married or not, for me I couldnt handle it because im a Capitalist bast*ard, I dont like to share my girl, Im not into a communist girl sharing her with the community
I dont think its a matter of age, insecurity blah blah , I just dont like to share, IM GREEDY, I Want her for my self. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:19:35 PM | | Most of us can't handle it for sure. There was a guy I knew who was into the swinger lifestyle. He was everything I could want in a guy but it just wasn't my thing so I didn't pursue him. His relationship with his ex girlfriend lasted 6 years. That's a pretty long time considering they were swingers. It can work if both partners are okay with it. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:40:44 PM | If you're dating, I'm thinking you're getting to know one another. It doesn't seem the right time to introduce others into the mix.
I may be wrong, but I though swinger's parties were for married people who were trying to liven up their sex lives which had become hum-drum. Sounds like it's not so anymore.
For ME, no. It's hard enough to find people I like and want to spend time with, let alone find them PLUS other people to have sex with. Nah. No. Ix-nay. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:48:10 PM | Thanks for the opinion Ursulamajor. Swinging is definitely not only for married couples. In fact, you find alot of couples in the lifestyle that are dating. I've been told by dating and married couples that the swing lifestyle prevents the mates from otherwise cheating becasue the spouses and girlfriend/boyfriend know about everything and they don't have to sneak. (ridiculous)  | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:49:25 PM | Personally, I would never be able to be a swinger..I'm fairly open minded but swinging is over my limits.
I believe swinging can be defined as "a committed couple agreeing to and participating in sexual activities with partners outside of their commited relationship".
Therefore.... do you have to be married to be a swinger? No. Do you have to be dating someone to be a swinger? Only if it's a committed relationship.
I saw a special on cable a few weeks back regarding swinging couples. Now from what I've read and what I was viewing on the show, the "swinging" couples were VERY much committed to each other. They shared a life together, had a family together, house together, etc. The only "swinging" part of the relationship was purely sexual and that was it. They didn't invite the "outsiders" to move in or share their life w/ them....
I think it takes a VERY VERY secure couple to partake in such a relationship as well as being COMPLETELY open and honest. No games, no hiding anything whatsover. Also some ground rules as to what is expected and what is a big NO NO. Provided both partners are willing and able to adhere to the limits and fall in all above mentioned categories, (and also understand the risks they are taking both emotionally, physically, and possibly, financially) - then go for it. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:49:44 PM | This is not the forum to seek advice on open relationships or swinging. Every time a thread like this is started, it just opens the flood gates for people to express how "they could never do it/share etc" followed by their judgment and, if we're really lucky, psychological assessment of those that do choose an alternative lifestyle.
No one can really answer your question anyway. Each couple manages their relationship individually. Personally, those of us that choose alternative lifestyles don't subscribe to societies' version of marriage anyway so I don't see how having a piece of paper that legally binds you together would have any impact on the decision to try swinging. If you're going to choose not to be monogamous, why live that way until you're married? | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:52:03 PM | Every time a thread like this is started, it just opens the flood gates for people to express how "they could never do it/share etc"
To be fair, the OP did ask "do YOU think" in front of all her questions, opening the floodgate for people to post...you know...what they think.
I've been told by dating and married couples that the swing lifestyle prevents the mates from otherwise cheating becasue the spouses and girlfriend/boyfriend know about everything and they don't have to sneak.
You know, that actually kind of makes sense. I hadn't ever thought of it like that. Thanks! | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:59:39 PM |
However, I've discussed this issue with married couples in the lifestyle, and they all agree that the lifestyle actually enhances their relationship. In my perspective, I feel the opposite.
While they are still in the lifestyle of course they're going to say it enhances things... Otherwise they'd be out of it already... plus, people tend to not admit they've made mistakes...
I've known several people who were in the lifestyle including my G/F... All of them ended up with problems... either trust, jealousy, cheating, STD's .... social and family stigma....
Not one of these couples, that were swinging are still together.... one person is dying from AIDs.... | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:02:16 PM | [I think it takes a VERY VERY secure couple to partake in such a relationship as well as being COMPLETELY open and honest. No games, no hiding anything whatsover. Also some ground rules as to what is expected and what is a big NO NO. Provided both partners are willing and able to adhere to the limits and fall in all above mentioned categories, (and also understand the risks they are taking both emotionally, physically, and possibly, financially) - then go for it.
Sidewinder.....I don't know if I agree with you there...Most swingers swing to prevent the other from cheating...this to me is a sign of insecurities... | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:03:23 PM |
I've been told by dating and married couples that the swing lifestyle prevents the mates from otherwise cheating becasue the spouses and girlfriend/boyfriend know about everything and they don't have to sneak.
Cheating is more likely the greater the opportunities...
If people think sex is casual, then it takes less effort to cheat... It's just not that big of a deal to have sex with someone else...
My G/F's ex husband dumped her for a woman he met swinging, the other woman was also married... so much for not cheating...
If your guy doesn't respect you, do think he will have any qualms about cheating on you...? | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:15:14 PM | | In reply to arabianangel, just to clarify, I said the swing lifestyle prevents couples from cheating on each other. I'm not speaking of an individual swinging to prevent the other from cheating.( that would be a sign of security issues) It's the lifestyle itself. And that was told to me by couples that have been in the lifestyle for a very | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:21:50 PM | OP...Thanks for the clarification. However I know of many swinging couples who will swear blind that swinging is the best form of prevention when it comes to cheating.
It could very well be a prevention, I don't know. But what I do know is this: Sex is NOT the only reason why people cheat. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:04:09 AM | Hi OP,the simple answer is No and No.
I just cant see how a swinger lifestyle is better any which way.
If anyone wants to follow this lifestyle fair enough but i just dont understand the need for many partners for you and your SO.It always surprises me that so many people are willing to engage in these activities,i just dont see how you can love someone and then go and have sex with someone else,it really is beyond me but each to their own.
TI | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:20:04 AM | I've never been able to share a man I love or look at sex as merely an itch that needs scratching.
But if you are both very open minded, do not have a jealous bone in your body and enjoy the lifestyle then it sounds like it will work for you. Just be safe and do not expect your neighbors or friends to accept it 100%. Most people regard it as very risky behavior.
If there are ever children in the relationship you would be wise to keep the lifestyle off your property. There was a couple in the last town I lived in that threw parties every other weekend, the children were always sent to visit her mother in another town so they were never present. But our entire small town knew what was going on because of their listings on Craigs List, their website and the amount of cars parked outside every weekend and the rumors did trickle down to the bus stop and middle school. Pretty sickening for the kids to have to deal with it. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/7/2009 5:31:06 AM | When are you ever old enough or secure enough in a relationship to allow your mate to be intimate with someone else? I'd like to know.
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Answer is never...... to me a swinger lifestyle is degrading and I consider myself pretty open minded, but could never be a part of such arrangement.
To tell you the honest truth, I rather cheat behind my partner's back or him cheat behind my back than openly be switching partners.....
Swingers or cheaters both need others to make them happier than they are with their SO's.
Accepting it openly its accepting you stay in the deal for other reasons than love and emotional connnection. | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:30:54 AM | | Its not appropriate for ANYONE considering that we are all taught from birth we are to pair up. which is why we are born 50/50 male and female. Its wrong as far as I can tell because it seems like that if you put THAT MUCH STOCK into the sexuality of the relationship, then are you really concerned about the person you are with emotionally? | |
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| Is the Swinger lifestyle appropriate for a couple that is not married?
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:05:24 AM |
If there are ever children in the relationship you would be wise to keep the lifestyle off your property.
Yeah, when my G/F was married her and her husband swung...they also were in a poly relationship with another couple... they thought the kids didn't know.... Well, Gee, surprise.... The kids didn't understand when they were young... but when they got older they put 2 and 2 together and figured it all out... Also because of the peculiar living arrangements, the kids were bullied a lot by schoolmates....things like having "2 mommies...." etc...
Now the kids have no respect for their parents... | |
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