| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:32:40 PM | No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
I would like to share my experiences as my photo's are older
and can never find the time or a person to take new pic's. My
camera sucks.
I know women who receive shirtless or tank top pic's from guys
find it cheesy. Yet if the guy happens to look unfit in what he's
wearing, you don't give him the time of day.
The past 10 months I've gone through a total body transformation
losing 60lbs and over 17" from my entire body. This was caused
by a now stable thyroid condition. I am around 5'11", I was about
240lbs with a 42" waist, now I am 185lbs pretty much all muscle and
a 32.5" waist.
Because of this and how I could see things changing, I also went
for therap for 5 months. I'm very greatful as I'm a much better
person over all now.
Last May was when my thyroid was stablized and finally started
to lose weight. I always had a large amount of muscle and strength
as I always played contact sports growing up, just started to gain
a lot of fat and water due to my thyroid problem.
I haven't really had a girlfriend for 3 years.
Prior to May, the women I liked would not even give me the
time of day. Or when they'd meet me, I'd see the look of
disappointment in their face and would never hear from them
again, or "you're not my type", "I'm just not feeling it with you",
"I need to feel physical attraction with someone", "I'm busy"
and blah blah blah.
The type of woman I'm attracted but not limited to include
fit and athletic, even a bit muscular but still feminine, some one
with a bit of meat on them and well proportioned, even a bit chubby
(to the point by today's standards considered fat).
I am turned off by too skinny, today's run way models and too heavy.
Beyond that, they have to have a good personality i.e. fun, humorous,
easy going, open minded, spontaneous, sexual, playful, caring, affectionate
etc....
So in the long run that's what I look for and the outside becomes
secondary.
My point is, if that personality type belongs to any of the above body
types, that's what will seal the deal for me.
Prior to losing weight, not even chubby girls (i.e. needing to lose a
good 20-30lbs) who I found very cute and nice personality would
give me the time of day. They said I was not fit enough for them.
Yet they had confided in me that guys would reject them for being
too heavy.
In my eyes, they were just fine.
Now that I'm fit, I've met a lot more women even 6' tall women
who would not have given me the time of day last year now want
me along with gay men.
The funny thing is, people still judge online very quickly as when
people meet me in person, I see the "I want you up and down look"
I have to ask you ladies, why the guy always has to be perfect and
for the ladies, it's ok for you to be some what over weight???
I'm not trying to offend anyone here.
I've done a lot of soul searching and found who I am, I'm comfortable
in my own skin and do love myself. The therapy has really helped
me a lot and I only see her once a month if that now.
I simply would like to hear your point of view?
I do understand that every body is allowed to have a physical
preference, but why so picky? If people are getting rejected
for not being someone's type? Shouldn't they either get in
shape as I have, or be less choosy?
I am very open in regards to physical appearance to the people I meet,
half of the women I've dated since the fall did not work out at the gym.
So they would be considered average, but in my eyes they were beautiful along
with the person who they were inside.
I ask that no one insults me as you don't know me or what I've
been through and experienced over the past several months
now that my transformation is almost complete.
I thank you ladies for your time and opinions | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:49:14 PM | | Well you certainly win the award for the longest winded rant for the week. When you were playing all those contact sports, I'll bet you werent running around looking for a plump one. You my friend have had the rare ablity to change roles, and look through the eyes of someone who maybe be on the rather large side. What you do with that knowledge will define if it was worth it. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:52:04 PM | I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who couldn't get a date when they were heavier yet lost weight and had guys beating on their doors. But there are plenty of women and men out there who don't have perfect body types who can get dates and don't have any hang ups about dating. It's all in their attitude and their confidence.
I personally could care less about a guy's body. It's not the first thing I notice...I'm a face person. As long as he's not morbidly obese or anorexic, If I find him attractive and there is chemistry, I don't care. A great body is icing on the cake...but the smile is what i go for first | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:55:25 PM | OMG seriously.. I mean that's like saying "why should I have to shower to get a woman who takes showers"
HELLO!?!?!! Guys want women who take care of themselves and that they are attracted to both physically and emotionally, why would women want anything less? Ever hear of the golden rule?? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Sound familiar?
And that's BESIDE the point because you dont have to be Mr. Olympian to get a woman who you think looks attractive (if that's all you base your attraction on) because women are possibly much less dependent on physical persona then men in long term relationships, ITS A FACT!
Lastly what are you complaining about? You improved yourself and are now getting attention :cry: poor you, getting fit and receiving all the attention you've ever wanted, proved to women all around you that you actually do care about your appearance on some level and now they are attracted to you :cry: :cry: :cry:
Don't like your body? work out more.
Don't want to work out more? Make more money.
Dont know how to make more money? Go back to school.
Don't wanna go back to school? Stop complaining on internet dating sites cuz you've dug your own grave, bucko.
You still have no reason to rant, you took initiative and got what you wanted and now you are making yourself look like a moron for complaining about the result. Feel free to wear one of those "pregnant" vests to remember what it was like to have your weight back and be ignored by those women again, maybe you crave rejection or something.
P.S. - Fooked Off Amy's post made me laugh so hard  thanks for the smile, it made my day 
Toodles  | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:00:16 PM | same thing happened to me man.I was 250 and droped down to 185 and the wimen just flocked to me after that.Its best not to try and figure it out but just to go with it.After a while tho you'll start to see past their beauty and see them for who they really are and thats where you'll have to make a choise cause the hotties can be a freak show under all that beauty too.
But still,go out and get yourself a couple of hotties along the way.The high you get from being with a beautiful women should be experianced to the fullest.Dont let it pass you by. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:01:33 PM | Aside from the glaring generlization you make.. people are visual creatures.
Why should we be less choosy? You aren't... you're not finding the person you are looking for, why not be less choosy? Why should I?
I have a preference, but I'm not limited by it. I tend to look to the inside of the person instead of being limited only by the outside. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:02:42 PM | OP, I'm sure you didn't intend to, but you come across as more than a bit of an a$$. If all these women you like(d) were rejecting you and you had/have no success you need to take a look at the common denominator - you. What kind of woman are you really attracted to?
I can tell you that when I was much, much younger how the man looked was important to me. Why? Because I felt that having a good looking man proved my value. Talk about warped thinking. Since then I have learned to accept myself. Now my tastes have changed. What I look for in a man is that he is someone I can respect, is intelligent, has a good smile and nice eyes. I even tend to prefer them on the pudgy side. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:40:03 PM | Perhaps the women you have approached in the past are more superficial? I don't know.
While I'll admitt that a nice body is nice to look at....duh! I certianly don't care if someone I date has a rock hard body lol its kind of hard to require that in a man when my body is no where near that level myself. Personally all I want in some one physically is a great smile and kind sexy eyes...and someone who doesn't spend all their life on the couch. I beer gut is a nice pillow lol. I know I have a long way to go myself towards a good body but I'm working on it and I don't want a guy in my life who'll sabotage that.
Anyway both genders have people that are shallow....(I truely think men are pickier than women but I don't think that matters)....just get over it and enjoy your good health and find someone who makes you happy. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:40:49 PM | Okay its no secret that women like confident men. Did you ever consider the therapy and your self esteem from loosing weight probable effects your out look on things. I think as men one of biggest problems is our terrible belief systems that rule over us. There is a lot to self fulfilling proficiency especially with women. As humans we have this system of processing things and making it a model to refer to. The problem is the model is connected to emotions and we blindly consider this to be true. If you got turned down, somewhere in your head you need to make a reason for it. So you blame it on being overweight because its easier then saying well maybe I'm just a boring person who wasn't interesting to her. When you have future interactions with women, because you have this model of the past event that you jumped to a conclusion about. This triggers your negative emotions which is going to connect to how you view a situation so every time its I'm heavy so that's why women don't like me.
I also think as men we are extremely visual. While women are also I don't believe its even comparable. I think if you had a guy that was a 10 visually but had about a 5 interacting with women, vs a average guy 5 who was a 10 with interacting with women, the average looking guy would blow him out of the water. I have two friend that I often go out with to meet women. One goes to the gym, but he grew up as a fat kid, so in a lot of ways he has that same block you do. My other friend is just a big guy in every way, and he does 100% better dating wise then my friend who's jacked. I'm sure there are women who want a totally jacked guy and someone who they are extremely attracted to right off the bat. But I really think most would give a guy a average guy a shot, and visually his attraction would increase by his personality. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 2:41:05 PM | I knew this would probably stir up some tension.
I see many defensive reactions which could hold some
truth to my point of view.
Fooked Off Amy
Is it cheese time yet?? Whine already here, so where's the cheese???
Way to generalise all women BTW
However, I do apologize if I came across as "generalizing all
women". I'm stating what I experienced, that I have NOT
met one person who was interested in me because of my face,
or personality during the time that I was fat.
They simply said "I was nice".
So I am not generalizing, I'm speaking from my own personal
experience. Had I met someone who liked me because of my
face and personality, I would have shared that experience with
you. Since I had not experienced that during my fat time, I cannot
speak from the point of view that I have expressed here.
Pretty logical.
Until I meet the woman who I'm attracted to who doesn't
judge soley on the body, but the face and personality, I can
only "assume" that many women are like this.
You ladies have no idea how hard it is or was being a fat guy.
I've seen many fit men with BBW's because that's what
they like. Heck I had been turned down by a couple of
BBW's as I wasn't fit.
How can you say my thinking is warped?
I'm living it all as time goes on. I see what I see,
I feel what I feel it's simply reality I've come to grips with.
My therapist agrees that most women want a fit guy. She
even warned me about what would happen as got in much
better shape.
Sure enough, she was right. My thinking is right on the ball.
silentsteel
Well you certainly win the award for the longest winded rant for the week. When you were playing all those contact sports, I'll bet you werent running around looking for a plump one. You my friend have had the rare ablity to change roles, and look through the eyes of someone who maybe be on the rather large side. What you do with that knowledge will define if it was worth it.
You don't know me, or the type of people I'm attracted to. So you are
quick to judge me.
Most of the girls I dated when I was in shape were actually considered
quite chubby but in my eyes they were beautiful.
As for what I will do with the ability of seeing things from both sides,
I've been using it to become a better person and a personal trainer to
help people.
I care about people and that's why I finally left computers to become
a personal trainer and take a degree in Exersice Science on the side.
I know what it's like for people, that's why I want to help them, be there
for them more than just a trainer. I will be their mentor and some what
of a therapist. I have experienced what they have so I can be there
for them.
This is what drives me in life now.
So some of you are pretty harsh to judge someone you don't even
know face to face.
Big and Rich
same thing happened to me man.I was 250 and droped down to 185 and the wimen just flocked to me after that.Its best not to try and figure it out but just to go with it.After a while tho you'll start to see past their beauty and see them for who they really are and thats where you'll have to make a choise cause the hotties can be a freak show under all that beauty too.
But still,go out and get yourself a couple of hotties along the way.The high you get from being with a beautiful women should be experianced to the fullest.Dont let it pass you by.
The same thing is happening to me that happened to you. So
it is clearly reality. I don't see any warped way of thinking
here.
I ask that no one insults me again until you know me as a person
and know's what I've been through the last year especially.
As for my therapy and transformation not being completed, none of
you I'm sure are trained professionals.
My therapist is quite happy with how I've come along and who I am
now.
thebugisback
OP, I'm sure you didn't intend to, but you come across as more than a bit of an a$$. If all these women you like(d) were rejecting you and you had/have no success you need to take a look at the common denominator - you. What kind of woman are you really attracted to?
I can tell you that when I was much, much younger how the man looked was important to me. Why? Because I felt that having a good looking man proved my value. Talk about warped thinking. Since then I have learned to accept myself. Now my tastes have changed. What I look for in a man is that he is someone I can respect, is intelligent, has a good smile and nice eyes. I even tend to prefer them on the pudgy side.
This is one of the most intelligent and real replies I've seen
yet.
I can see how I come across as an a$$ totally, but if the shoes were
reversed to anyone here, you'd be feeling the same way I have
been.
You are right in regards to me being the common denomitator.
This is something that therapy has allowed me to clearly see.
Sure I've changed a lot inside since I was fat as well as on the outside.
Maybe I'm meeting the people I want to now because of who I am
now? More confident, easy going, fun etc.... I totally agree as I
feel much better on the inside and the outside.
Like you, my tastes have changed.
I am not very choosy as no 1 bby said that women should be.
As mentioned in my original posting, if I meet the person who's
athletic/fit, or a little bit on the chubbier side but portray's all
the personality traits I seek, that's what I look for. | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 3:02:21 PM |
No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Your words OP. So in those alone, you say that women only like fit muscular men.
Until I meet the woman who I'm attracted to who doesn't
judge soley on the body, but the face and personality, I can
only "assume" that many women are like this.
Ah, so you assumewomen are like that??
You ladies have no idea how hard it is or was being a fat guy.
You know what it's like, yet say you are turned off by "chubby"
Double standards galore
Bored with it now... still wanting my cheese  | |
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| No matter what the woman looks like, why does the guy always have to be fit/muscle bound?
Posted: 2/1/2009 3:06:31 PM |
I've done a lot of soul searching and found who I am, I'm comfortable in my own skin and do love myself. The therapy has really helped me a lot...
We all want someone who is happy in his own skin. I would even go so far as to say that a decent self-image is essential before you can be involved in a healthy relationship. Did you ever stop to think that women are more interested in you now because you are a confident, happy man instead of the insecure, self-conscious person you were before you transformed your body? I am attracted to a very wide range of body types (although "muscle bound" is in fact not one of them,) but if a guy hates his body, it is human nature to agree with him.
chubby girls (i.e. needing to lose a good 20-30lbs)
Now look who's a hypocrite. You, as a man who was 60 pounds overweight, were willing to "look past" 1/3 of that amount of extra poundage on a woman. You weren't even looking at women who were 60 pounds overweight like you were. And guess what? That's fine! We all have our preferences, you included. | |
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