| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 2:40:19 AM | | i am a 26yr old single mum. i am so over meeting these guuys who either think i am an easy target or else date me a few times than just disappear, where do u go to meet a decent man who will accept u and ur child the way we are. I have no outside help and findin a babysitter is very hard for me as i live a long way fromm family and friends. I therefore have to take my daughter with me on dates. it is quite disheartning to have to face that as i dont want my child to be subjected to men in and out of her life but i would like to extend my family and possibly oneday get married. how hard is it... i have never recieved a bunch of flowers nor been on a date, what is wrong with the men of today. please any insight into this issue would be great.... | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 3:00:18 AM | Swap baby sitting nights with another single mum from her school/nursery church.
Unless your child has a serious disability you can bet there's another Mum in your community who would leap at an alternate Friday night babysitter. Trust me there'll be a lady out there exactly the same dillema who will bite your hand off if you suggest it.
Right now you have every other Friday night free to date, you can up your ante and strut out with a positive attitude that says to the world you have your shit together 
OR you put dating on hold a few years until your kid is old enough to be left alone for a few hours (late teens). | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 3:06:39 AM | | thankyou thats a great idea but unfortunatley my daughter has aspergus/adhd and odd so a babysitter is out. i guess i will just have to wait it out til she leaves home lol. but thankyou | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 3:24:29 AM | | my son has asperger syndrome too! he was diagnosed a year ago. It's very difficult to find a sitter who can handle these kinds of children. I am fortunate to have found one. I know how lonely it can be. I have been a single mom for 15 years and have been alone for 10 of them. My son is 9 now and it's been a long hard lonely road but, there is light at the end of the tunnel trust me when I tell you it does get better. Hang in there. I just signed up recently to POF and so far no luck. Only losers and crazy people. It's scary! How bout you? Any bites? Where u from? Well, I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the man of your dreams. I'm sure he's out there somewhere. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 4:02:14 AM | "My daughter has aspergus/adhd " "I therefore have to take my daughter with me on dates" "what is wrong with the men of today".
Sorry, but there is nothing wrong with men they just do not want you or your problems. Just being a single parent can impact dating, but a single parent of a special needs child will have a much larger impact. Fact is most people do not want a ride on that train and most don't want a special need kid tagging along on dates. Good luck in your fishing, but don't blame men for looking for something easier to deal with. Most people dream of more. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 5:07:19 AM | Your child is in school, you don't need a babysitter. Get to know the other moms and speak to them about your situation and if you can combine the kids having fun with you being able to get out and be a grown-up also making sure they are aware that you intend to reciprocate and have their child at your house so they can catch a break or even hang out with you while the kids are playing.
I don't think it is a problem for a child to meet someone you date fairly early on as in hell, good-bye, but you should wait a while to have someone spend more than a short time with your child until you know they are going to be around for a while.
One of the best ways to ensure that people are there for you is to be there for them. If you haven't concentrated much on your friends then get to know the other parents at school and have your daughter invite her friends to your house to play. Even before my X was asked to leave, I would have been toast without my girlfriends. If one of us was hung up and wouldn't be back to school in time for the afternoon pick-up, we always had at least one or two people we could count on to get our kids.
When you don't live near blood relations, friends become family and it doesn't seem like you have many friends where you currently live so I suggest you work on that first so that you and your daughter are not just drifting alone. Just read your repost, and it is another reason to become friends with other parents. I assume your child is in school, there may be some type of support group in your area. If someone is accustomed to being around your child when you are there, it is not a daunting thought to be there without you around. Sounds like building an extendd family period is something you need to try to figure out how to do. Google aspergers because there are a few threads about the condition here that might be helpful and also I would look online for forums or other support tools. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 5:23:14 AM | You haven't said how old your daughter is?
I persnally have waited till my son was older enough he is at school now in yr2.
I dont think it is very practical for you to be taking your daughter out on dates. If you cant find a sitter then wait til she is older as it is not safe firstly and i could list more reasons why you shouldn't take your daughter with you.
There are some genuine men out there who have no problems dating single parents but i think that it is very off putting getting them involved wth your child when they have come out on a date with you. If i was a bloke i would want to spend time getting to know you first just to see if the date would progress which you cant do with a child in toe.
The idea of meeting other single parents and sharing babysitting duties is the best way to go for I think i know thats what i do. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 5:54:45 AM | | I have to say I can disagree with cat i know i myself would love to go on a date with a woman and her child. True it may not be romantic but as a single father of three and not having them all the time i would like to see how mom interacts with her little ones and how they interact with me because i would never dream of inserting myself into a situation where the child thinks im taking his/her mommy away from them. I also adore children anyways so to me taking mommy and kid to a restraunt or other facility where fun may be induced allows the little one play time and gives me and the other parent a little time to talk about some adult stuff. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 7:36:07 AM | | apparently what is wrong with men is that they do not want what you want them to want...the right guy will.you didnt think the one guy for you was going to be easy to find did you?in the mean time,enjoy what the good lord gave you and be happy with the world right in front of your eyes.if you are putting all your life chips in on finding a man you are digging a hole you might not be able to clinb out of. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 7:45:17 AM | | Depending on where you live, you might try Parents Without Partners. After my ex took off in the late 70s, I joined, mostly for the kids. Everybody there is in the same (single) boat, and everybody has issues with raising their kids. It is not match.com and there is no pressure to date, but a chance to interact with other single adults who are in the same situation you are. I met a great lady (ironically at a Sadie Hawkins dance) and we combined an Irish-Catholic, Russian-Jewish family. She died last year, and I rejoined - now as one of the senior citizens. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:36:52 AM | Your 26 yrs old, with a 6 yr old child, with special needs, And your blaming “MEN” for not wanting to get involved with your situation, shakes head …
My perfect first date would be a nice casual encounter at the beach under the stars eating whatever it is we felt like at that time. Opps this isn't a dreamers first date na a barcardi and some good music(to help brake the ice) a game of pool maybe oh hell why dont we just go skinny dipping i am sure that would brake the ice nicely...lol na a few drinks at a quiet pub and see where it goes from there
And the above is your idea of a perfect first date, oops, you forgot to add that you have to bring the 6 yr old along for all the above fun … 
While I’m sure there is someone out there for everyone and every situation, it may take you a while to find the one for you. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:01:53 AM | OP. When family is far away and when friends have their own family things going on, it is hard to find someone to "watch" your child/ren. But, don't give up on ideas of a social life. I think you need the adult outlet of dates (and other social activities ) to recharge your battery. You need some quality "me time". Parents without Parenters is a great resource since they have both "parents only" and "family activities". A local support group is another good idea. Both could lead to a social network of co-operative parenting. (sitting exchanges etc)
The teachers at my girls' daycare center also "moonlight" by babysitting. (Alot of them are local college kids earning their degrees in education). They are great babysitters because they've already been through background checks, they're enthusiastic, and my girls are comfortable with them.
In your case, perhaps you can find a local college that has students earning their degrees in "special needs" education. It gives the student great experience and they are likely to be looking for some extra cash by sitting. Or perhaps, if you have your child in a day program, one of the teachers or assistants would be willing to sit so you can get a break. If your child knows the person and you know them, it might also be easier to be apart.
Best of luck! | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:14:05 AM | but unfortunatley my daughter has aspergus/adhd and odd so a babysitter is out.
I havn't read all the posts but maybe there is a support group in your area with others in the same situation that could help. If I were you though I would let potentials know right up front about her condition.
Hope this helps, Me
Edit; Ogreeneyes, great suggestion on the college students!!!! JMAM gives big thumbs up | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:27:29 AM |
i would like to see how mom interacts with her little ones and how they interact with me because i would never dream of inserting myself into a situation where the child thinks im taking his/her mommy away from them.
I think you have a good idea here but as a parent I don't think it's a good idea to introduce children right away when you hardly know the other person. There are alot of crazy people out there and you never really know who is on the other end of the key board. I'm all for seeing how their kids are and seeing how they interact with the kids (mine and her's) but all in due time. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 10:01:38 AM | This is a huge cliche, but it tends to be true, sometimes your love comes when you are NOT looking. There will always be men who are looking for sex or disapear, that is not unique to being a single parent.
Have confidence in yourself as a woman, men are attracted to a woman who is sure iof herself like bees to honey.
Now as far as babysitting, you will need a paid sitter, maybe out up an ad at your local colleges.
A college student studying child development, or pursuing an education career, would probably see babysitting an Aspergers child as a wonderful learning experience.
And you are onkly 26 do not give up yet.
Love DOES pop up in weird ways.
The night my late husband asked me on a date, I was coming out of Walgreens, just out of the ER with a high fever, hair a mess, sweats, no make-up, kid in tow, just wanted to get my crap and get on home, him and his partner had just come up to arrest a shoplifter, my daughter asked him to turn his siren and lights on for her, which he obliged, then we locked eyes and WOW, it was that chemistry that turns you to melted butter. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 12:52:01 PM | My advise may be different from others. Men like to feel special. Establish a good communication with him via phone/e-mail. Try time to see him for lunch or cofee during a work break or when a kid is in school.
You will have to include him in your life and physical time together is priceless. In case baby sitters in not an option you will have somwhow to allow this man to be around the kid relatively soon. Most are not sexual predators.
You can invite him in your house and make a nice meal and after a kid is in bed have some private time. If he is interested he would be o.k. with that and serious relationship will go from there.
Sure, in an ideal world you do not introduce him to kids for a while, you spend time together one-on-one with no kids for months. But this is not a situation.
I do not feel if a guy is interested he will turn out a deal after good solid communication and a couple of lunches for nice home cooked meal and some private time even when in the beginning of the date the kid is around. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 12:53:56 PM |
where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Don't even think of trying to find anyone here on POF. Like the rest of those perfect, unattainable ladies said above, we are all just creeps and loosers out looking for sex......
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 12:59:07 PM | | I think the genuine nice guy will find mum!! Mum needs to enjoy what is put before her. Because I seek the same thing as you, mum, but the more I try the more confused I get. I believe when I can stop ackeing (sp)?for a woman, only then will I find my true love. The grass is green right in front of us. I think this reply is for me? Sorry, I'm struggling too. Good luck to you | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 1:50:44 PM | | ^^^^^Not all people are dealing with a special needs child and with no relatives to help out, dating is more difficult because the child cannot be left with someone that is incapable of dealing with the child's special issues. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:20:01 PM | Beccie26 I feel for you. That is a double whammy--being a single mom and having a special needs 6 year old daughter. Both men and women are all about what is in their best interest; not the best interest of someone else. What you must do is bring as much or more to the table than the guy you hope to marry. That can be youth (the guy is older), the guy also has children and perhaps drama with an ex, or because you put more into the relationship than you expect in return.
Your profile mail setting imply you are willing to do the first so, if you are willing to accept a guy that also has children or if you are willing to go the extra mile to put a little more into the relationship, I believe you can find nice guys that will recognize a 'good deal' when they see one. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:03:10 AM | She may want to read this thread. Also I would recommend pbs.org/ frontline
To see if maybe she may have coerced into medicating the child.
I find it way too easy to use frugs as a way of parenting when a good majority of those misdiagnosed just need a little structure and discipline instead.
You can better results from a change in diet and staying away from fast food.
On a more personal side I wouldn't recommend this site as a place to find a nice guy. She would be better off signing on with a christian dating site. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:59:54 PM | LOL OP, I found a genuine nice guy right here on POF and when we discussed meeting, we tried to pick a place that was conveniently located for both us. When we said what direction we were coming from, lo and behold I could see his apartment from mine. We laughed ourselves silly how it took the internet to bring us together when all that really had to happen was I needed to be walking my dogs at the same time he was leaving for work.
He brings me flowers for no reason at all or just to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. I'm lucky to have him and I'm trying to learn to trust in my own feelings. Hang in there OP, your genuine nice guy could be right under your nose. | |
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| where does a single mum find a genuine nice guy
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:33:24 PM | dear beccie26. i know where your coming from. i am a single mom of 2 young kids. my parents live over an hour away. I have just started getting back in the dating and meeting new people scene. My suggestion to you if you have any good friend, or neighbors that you have know for a long while that you trust. See if they would be willing to watch your kids just for acouple of hours while you go out on a date. I have also found a wonderful church family that has really been there for me and my kids. They understande that it is hard being a single full time mom to meet people. but please be careful.
take care kearbear2008 | |
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