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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee      Home login  
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 vanucks_97
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 1
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Well pretty much i met this girl at the bookstore while she was looking at the book sale clearance section. i approached her and said hello and talked. pretty much a random approach-sheabout an average looking girl. i did at one point gave her my number and email addy out, and she without me asking wrote down her email addy out on a piece of papaer and gave it to me. we parted since i didn;t have much to talk anymore and said i had to go. see ya

well i emailed her a few days ago, but haven\t heard from her yet. i emailed her again and she replied back today.


i wrote at the top and she replied at the bottom. what i didn't like about her was her 4th line in the email shown below "|Will you buy me dinner". i did previously when i met her at the bookstore say "hey we can meet again and go for coffee" and she agreed. its just weird , but dinner and paying for it for a person i just met and now for 8 minutes. huh
do you think this girl is a freeloader and looking for a free meal or not. i do believe she is from overseas korean.
i'm not making a lot of money in my job,and saving up for things. so its not like a have money to blow either.
i was thinking about meeting again for ice cream, coffee, and check out some scenarious in vancouver area since she is from out of town. imean if i like her then dinner would be a thing.
i'm not even sure how long shes planning on staying in vancouver. i believe she said till sept

i just don't like the idea of her expecting a dinner from me. why dinner, isn;t coffee, ice cream and walk in the park or around good enough . and we don;lt even now each other at all, but for 8 minutes we chatted
what would u guys do in this sittuation-what would u do-

Hi Jenny
How are you doing today.we met at chapters a few days ago
when are you free? want to meet for coffee? i can show you around vancouver
theres this nice ice cream place near main st.

HER RESPONSE

Yes.. I remember you^^ How are you? I was a little bit busy because of my homework. I am free after school on thursday. Tomorrow and wednedsday i have an appointment.
If you are also free on thursday, we can meet together.^^ Will you buy me a dinner?^^
Let me know if you are available or not^^
Take care~ See you
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 2
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:07:14 PM
If it were me, I'd respond with something like this:
i was thinking about meeting again for ice cream, coffee, and check out some scenarious in vancouver area since (you're) from out of town
 trailgirl
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 3
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:55:13 PM
Every woman is different, so I'd only be speculating on what she's thinking.

I prefer something simple on a 1st meet, but you've already had that as you met in person. On a 1st date, I wouldn't mind doing something active, as that's more important to me than how much you can spend.

Another girlfriend of mine strongly thinks if a man doesn't ask her out to dinner then he's cheap.

So you can see how widely it varies.

You mentioned she might be from out of the country? Is it possible her language skills might not enable her to phrase her question the way she meant it?

In the end, communication is key, so I agree with the above poster, replying with what you're comfortable offering and perhaps how she responds will give you a pretty good idea of the sort of person she is and what she's after .
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 4
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:00:21 AM
Breakdown...

i did at one point gave her my number and email addy out, and she without me asking wrote down her email addy out on a piece of papaer and gave it to me.

FYI: That's not bad, but not impressive, either. Why? Well, the guy's expected to ask for theirs first... and when he does, he, without asking gives his to her. You went the reverse route (which happens), and her accepting it would have begged the question that'd you ask for hers anyway. It just meant that things went smoothly with the # exchange; not necessarily that she was geeked about it.

well i emailed her a few days ago, but haven\t heard from her yet. i emailed her again and she replied back today.

Okay, problem. You emailed once, no response after a few days. That means she's not really interested. Your 2nd email has nothing to lose, and no loss of time when you value practicing winning over girls who aren't reasonably interested. So she responded (politeness, like her giving out her info in return quickly when ya met?).

her 4th line in the email shown below "|Will you buy me dinner".

Okay, at this point, you KNOW she's not that interested in you. You've been an option B or C in her book. NOW, she says literally, "Will you buy me dinner"? Just like that? LOL Eject. Abort Mission. Run. Especially if you only consider her so-so to begin with. She only responded to your 2nd email attempt because the notion of you buying her dinner seemed appealing.

Yes, she's a freeloader, you can clearly tell by the context. They come in different flavors. Some switch into freeloader-mode when they aren't really interested in a guy, but can get free dinner, drinks, and maybe some decent attention when he's one who is going out of his way to flag her down (no loss for them, right?).

Stay away! :)
 MermaidMafia
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 5
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:27:48 AM
Maybe she meant it in a flirty way? The way she writes makes me think English might not be her first language, maybe it's a translation thing.

In any case, I wouldn't write her off because of one line in an email. I'd tell her you are free Thursday and suggest coffee and ice cream again.
 mamoru
Joined: 12/17/2008
Msg: 6
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:15:20 AM
Just tell her you'd like prefer to meet for coffee, be upfront and honest. Make sure you meet in the early afternoon and it won't be a problem. She can't exactly expect dinner when you meet at Starbucks!

Her email sounds like she likes you, and with the ^^ thing I think she's just being flirty or silly about going for dinner.
 J_in_SD*
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 7
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:22:20 AM
Why not buy her dinner? Aren't there any McDonalds in Vancouver?
 Aurora772
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 8
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:34:44 AM
OP, as you can see, there's no definitive unriddling of this situation. About the best thing I can think of would be to combine approaches. Write her something flirty back suggesting a coffee at first and if she's good, then a dinner on the second date. :)
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 9
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:41:08 AM
Maybe this girl doesn't drink coffee.........
Ask if she is a coffe drinker..
Communication is the key to any and ALL relationships...
Save your judgements about her till after you get to know her.
Then decide if she is a player or not.
Simple HUH ????
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 10
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:59:09 AM
someone being leary of another inviting herself out to dinner on another person's buck is not the same as a guy being 'too cheap' to pay to take someone out for a meal, imo - it's the whole entitlement/respect thing

if a person whose first language was english wrote that, i'd say that she was being way too presumptive

however, the way it's phrased does sound as though she may have meant, 'would you like for us to go out to dinner" instead... "will you buy me *a* dinner?" - just doesn't read correctly

i agree with the others, perhaps suggest desert and coffee instead and see how she responds...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:30:26 PM
^^^^^^ yarimelma,
With reference to what the lady above you said... To try and invite yourself to dinner specifically on the guy's dime, after brushing off him off initially -- is not the same as a guy being cheap and wanting to go dutch. It's a completely different issue.

If you're at a bar, and a girl isn't paying attention to you, but after a 2nd attempt you start to strike conversation, and she says "Will you buy me a drink?", when it's not a response but a command-question... even then, you know you're not interesting enough to her, and a free drink may literally BUY you some time. Not worth it, and a guy would be a chump to fall for that.

The question is -- is she a freeloader? Maybe not in her life as a whole, but in his case, that seems clearly to be the case! A better term may be "use a guy for freebies". lol
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:41:01 PM
Maybe she saw the Mercedes and figured you were loaded?
 maxheadroom27
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 13
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:45:43 PM
Dude, just take her out to dinner and stop over analyzing this. If you have a good time.. great. If not, then you haven't really lost anything.
 newsintown
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 14
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:04:14 PM
You can respond:

"Yeah, sure, I'll buy you dinner. Will you give me a BJ?"

I think because she is from korea, there might be a cultural difference. The rules might be different in Korea. I wouldn't assume that she is a freeloader just because of that. Buy her a dinner at an inexpensive place. What do you have to lose besides a few dollars?
 ryansmsk
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 15
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:46:23 PM
well you have to remember you don't really know much about this girl , you don't know what her needs are or level of dating experience . maybe she is used to be treatedfor dinner by dates or maybe she just has the idea in her head as something a person dating should do . as forher emails its good she at least replied that is a good sign considering the fact you meet her randomly and she could of choose to disappear .
 ExLessAndSexLess
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 16
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:42:53 PM
I wonder why many think that buying dinner on a first date shows the most appreciation, because to me, it is something that is a little overrated?. If I was in your situation, I would do it nice and slow... go out with a girl, maybe go for a walk along a nice place, strike up a great conversation, and THEN if things start to be REALLY good, and you think she is perfect for you, then you might want to take her out to a juice bar or something. You don't want to throw all your money away to a stranger, who in the end, will turn out to be very incompatible with you.
 OpieDopey
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 17
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:01:28 PM
normally I would say,,she is flakey looking for a free meal..

but hell, sell the car on your profile, ( which I doubt is yours, just bait here) and go for it!
 Eleutherius
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 18
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:05:31 PM
Thats what he's saving up for, LOL
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 19
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:13:57 PM
I agree w/message 6
 twister239
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 20
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:19:26 PM
Its hard for anyone to really know what to say here. You met her and should have been able to get some sort of feel for whom she was ?.
Could it be that her english isnt that good ?
Would this really be bothering you if you had the money to spend for a dinner ?

I would spend a little more time talking to her online and on the phone where there is no pressure from either of you.
Take your time and dont rush , she will still be there in a couple weeks if it was meant to be.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 21
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/3/2009 10:16:40 PM
The whole problem with today's culture is women have been trained to expect less and put up with more. Thus, are satisfied with a few drinks then short cut to the sack which one or both may regret later. When a date costs much up front, guys will be more serious about it and not just serial date with coffee and a margarita. Women who expect to be treated right do have the right to have a decent dinner. What, you want to have a coffee date and ice cream at NIGHT? What then? You and her each go back home hungry or pass by a drive through for a burger?

Asian culture expects dinner.
It's respectable and it shows you can support her and more importantly, that you are serious.
I'd buy her dinner. Any Applebees at your area? I mean, Starbucks ($4)and then Brindles ice cream ($4-5) ain't exactly cheap unless you want to meet at gas station and buy her trucker coffee and a popsickle stick. Combine both and you may as well go to dinner at a decent place... Just order water if you're keeping costs down. You can have a decent dinner for $10.




 leslie321
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 22
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met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/4/2009 5:01:58 AM
i wouldn't have asked for dinner and would have gone (or not) on the date that you invited her on. she isn't american, and isn't necessarily an experienced POFer and doesn't understand the usual dating protocol. or she's just a little bold and feels free to express her wishes

on the other hand, i, too, am unwilling to go to my own trouble and expense of dating if the fellow can't afford to date, or is unwilling to go to his own trouble and expense. for a date, i might do the mani/pedi, buy a new outfit, and clean my entire house. if it's dinner at my house, i do the same plus spend extra time food shopping and cooking.

remember, you're past the meet and you're talking about a date. you can try your offer again - and a previous poster made an excellent suggestion about how to phrase it. if she declines, you can opt for dinner (or not). dinner certainly doesn't HAVE to be an expensive adventure

best wishes!

leslie
 sexyfunguy
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 23
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:11:35 AM
OP: if she really wanted to spend time with you, she would be happy whether or not it was over coffee or over dinner. Just as long as it was with you. Considering that she turned down the coffee, and insisted that you go for dinner speaks volumes. You're just a meal ticket!

Additionally, I should add that it might be a test of hers to show that you have some financial security and that you're not a bum. But that line of thinking is SO old fashioned - that I don't think anyone would want to date someone that archaic.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 24
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:40:42 AM

do you think this girl is a freeloader and looking for a free meal or not. i do believe she is from overseas korean.

How can we possible know anymore about the situation than you? She’s from another country, so perhaps she does not have a good command of the English language to realize her request would be considered presumptuous or rude. It’s all just speculation and assumption at this point. If you like her and want to get to know her better, take her out. You needn’t break your coffers to buy her a meal. Pick up some Subway sammiches and take her out for a picnic in the park. That’d probably be cheaper than paying the highway robbery prices for an Orange Mocha Frappucino at some pricey coffeehouse, anyway.
 twister239
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 25
met a girl at bookstore-she suggest we dinner, i said coffee
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:22:18 AM
another suggestion might be to invite her over for dinner and cook something together..that could be fun.
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