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 jetmech54
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 1
Do men always have to pay and why?Page 1 of 1    
Do all men have to pay for dinner and everthing else on the date what happened to going dutch? I do like treating women right but it doesn't have to be with money I wwould like to think that in this day and age that some women are willing to at least split the bill.
 cb994266
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 2
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:21:10 PM
It is proper etiquette that whomever makes the invitation is the person who pays. So when you ask a woman out, be prepared to foot the bill. If she asks you out, you can expect that it will be her treat (if she has any manners, that is.) Of course, the rules change if it reaches the level of an established relationship. If you are going out regularly, it is a good idea to trade off and have each person pay every other time.
 bodypro8
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 3
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:39:34 PM
I'll take her to a nice place, an expensive place. I'll pay. No problem, but when it's time for me to order "I'll have some ice water...and bring me some more of those rolls!"
 jetmech54
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 4
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:47:37 PM
when you mea expensive is that Ruth's Chris/The Keg, or red Lobster Tony Roma's
 night501
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 5
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Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:48:31 PM
Because datting is legal prostitution. The only diffrence is you pay with dinner and sex isnt guaranteed.
 bodypro8
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 6
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:54:42 PM
msg 4 Gee, I never been anywhere nice before.
 OSGF
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 7
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Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:13:31 AM
Well, it IS proper etiquette for the guy to pay. Also, in some of the relationship self-help books for women, it also advises women to not pay. The reasoning behind it is it keeps the masculine and feminine roles in their proper places. I personally will offer to pay, and have paid for drinks, etc. After you have been in an established relationship, I don't see why you can't share the bill. AND, I think the rule is whoever asks is the one that pays???
 cheeeeky77
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 8
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:23:50 AM
My opinion is on the first date the man usually pays, but at the same time I'm not the kind of woman that abuses that privilege and then orders the most expensive thing on the menu. Dates after that: you split it. Depending on the person though and what you are actually doing I'm happy to go halves, say if you go to the movies I'll get the tix and he gets the pocorn/drink or whatever. To be honest I actually don't like a guy paying for everything on the first date, it leaves me feeling 'obligated' to return the favour somehow or that I then owe him 'something'. I always offer to go halves though.
 Racy Girl
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 9
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:50:19 AM
I get SO annoyed when men say dating is prostitution. For gods sake, being with a woman isnt all about sex. If thats your attitude damn well hire a pro and forget the dinner and date
 silentsteel
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 10
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:50:22 AM
People who keep trying to apply all these "dating etiquette" rules to the first meeting, is why there are some many disappearing acts after said meeting. In real life, you usually meet someone, find there is an attraction, then you ask that person out, which is then a date. Online, you dont know if the physical attraction is there until you meet. There would be more success if people went into the first meeting with that mindset.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 11
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 12:56:48 AM
I prefer direct deposit. Just put your whole check into my account.

Saves me from having to go to the bank.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 12
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:22:08 AM
If you ask a women out on a first date for dinner, it is customary even today for a gentleman to pay.
However, I never assume he will, so I am always prepared to do dishes or peel potatoes if he's "forgotten" his wallet. He is expected to don rubber gloves and assist.
Failing that, I'll pay for both of us, but there won't be a second date.
If I ask a man out, or preferably cook him dinner myself, I will take care of the financing. I will tell my date what kind of wine to bring, because they normally ask.
When the relationship is established, we take turns paying.
Some guys are really offended with a women paying, but this can be overcome by the promise of wild sex after the date.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 13
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:37:56 AM
Umm...here we go. (AFL is thankful this thread will be limited to 22 responses)

No they don't have to and to make YOUR life easier when you first start dating, do simple things. People whine about an initial meeting being for coffee or the like but do you know why that's a good one? Cash outlay. I don't expect my date to LAY out a lot of cash so therefore they shouldn't expect me to put OUT. It makes life simple to just have a $5 cup of coffee OP.

And after dating for a bit, if you can't talk to the woman in question about how expenses should be split, you probably shouldn't be dating anyway--the communication portion of dating seems to be in short supply these days.

You will hear the "it keeps male/female stuff in it's right place" or that "women are money grabber hoes so yes you have to pay" and all that other crap. You need to do what's right for your situation. But if you come off as a guy who's constantly saying "you're paying too much or all of the time", the woman you're seeing will think that you're cheap or broke. If you're honest and say something about money being short, I can assure you that a real woman will not only understand but either suggest something less expensive, offer to pay or figure out how to make it work. ASSuming that men should always pay is a bad idea for many women--they then get their feelings hurt when a guy says they're breaking his bank or think they're a gold digger.

Just don't do like an ex of mine did--put a freaking $20 in his wallet and tell me if we spent all of that that was it. If you start putting a price on every date you have, you won't have many.
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 14
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:05:30 AM
If a man is doing the inviting.. he can pay.
I'm a good cook, better than most restaurant chefs.
I don't on the norm go out dining.
I have a teachers salary.
I rarely take my kids out to dinner or order take out.
We make our own healthy meals.
I don't need to be wined and dined.
I'll stay home and have a freaking peanut butter sandwich.
If a man is to cheap to pay for a dinner he invites the lady out to....
He shouldn't be inviting her out.
besides that..
If she has a kid, she is already paying about 12 dollars and hour just to get out of the house to meet your sorry ass.
If you don't want to pay for the freaking dinner suggest something else.
Doesn't every other woman here want to go for a walk on the beach? anyway?
I always traded off going out once in awhile with many more home cooked meals than they could count... Pay for God sakes. Where is your man card?
 Smart Lass
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 15
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:42:24 AM
Who ever invites pays.

That said, even when I am invited I always offer to either pay, split or leave the tip.

While I know that there is a belief among some men that women go out to dinner, cause a girl has got to eat, the truth of the matter is this, there are woman like myself who would never share their time or a meal with a man I wasn't interested in some way. Regardless of how hungry I am.
 Kelley-1989
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 16
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:03:11 AM
My experience is the guys ask and pay. However, if asked, I would pay my share, but I may not accept another date. If asked, I will suggest less expensive places and, if taken to an expensive restaurant, I will order something less expensive and water to drink.
 noirofblack
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 17
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Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:26:09 AM
Chivalry isnt dead, just lost in the translation over the decades
Chivalry isnt simply a courtship ideal laid out to make women want to lay with you.
Chivalry is doing things out of respect and kindness of your heart without asking anything in return, doing things to make women smile and not hoping for anything .
Opening a door,pulling out a seat,etc for ANY woman simply by that rule alone ishow a true man should roll.

Paying for a womans meal is not only an investment of interest, but is applying to that code as well.

I will admit, I will say to women who ABUSE true chivalry, shame on you! But for those who actually find it charming and appreciate that selfless effort, god bless your hearts.

Now if the girl your dating wants to pitch in for dessert, or go 50/50, thats cool with me, but i have to put in my part or else i feel like a tool..
 bubblyblueeyes
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 18
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:28:05 AM
I always insist on paying half, it's only fair. I don't think it matters who asks who out - I think everything should always be halved.....unless you wanted to get something else just for you obv.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 19
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:31:53 AM
Whatever you like to do, just discuss it all ahead of time so there are no surprises.

I like to ask how he feel about going dutch, that usually steers the conversation towards how we will handle our dinner date.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 20
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Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:55:46 AM
Have to pay? No
Expected to pay? Yes.

Based on numerous other threads here. Otherwise you'll be called "cheap" or other not so nice words.

Now, I don'y mind paying for a date, but a first meet? I think dutch is in order.
 jetmech54
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 21
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:49:56 AM
so what if I ask to make dinner would the date feel uncomfortable because they are eating at his place and not on neutral ground with no quick way out if things are not working out.?
 silentsteel
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 22
Do men always have to pay and why?
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:54:49 AM
op...avoid dinner on a first meeting....ask her to meet for a happy hour.
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