| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:10:33 PM | Ok folks...I'm going to take sex altogether out of the equation...say for instance your SO begins to spend a lot of time on things like video games on the computer instead of helping you out with kids, laundry, going out on a date, taking a walk, shopping together, etc....
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
This is inquiries for both male and females.....enjoy!!! | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:14:25 PM | | Neither really guys will be guys if they are playing computer games I might try and join in. I mean there s always some diversion be it football or the gym. Its not so bad at least they are where you can see them, they're not cheating or leaving you. | |
|
| |
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:17:52 PM | I would consider it abandonment or neglect.
I however, do not agree that sex alone is cheating...cheating in my eyes is any romantic or sexual behavior or action directed at someone besides the person you are with. This therefore takes into consideration acts that include: conducting online relationships, web cam sex, phone sex, cyber sex, going on dates and spending time romantically with another person etc. Sex alone can't be the qualifier. As emotions do play a role and if my husband for example came home everyday and stayed on the computer night and day talking to another woman romantically or was always on the phone for hours speaking romantically to another woman...although he is not having sex...he is emotionally invested in this and he is acting out romantically towards them and giving up some of my time with him to that person.
Abandonment is included in cheating usually but abandonment by itself is not cheating as he has no romantic intentions towards the video game | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:18:22 PM | | It's plain inattention, and it needs to be dealt with. Otherwise, who's getting ANY satisfaction? | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:20:35 PM | No, it is neither cheating nor abandonment.
It is your responsibility to communicate if you are feeling neglected. It is his responsibility to work with you to make sure that you no longer feel neglected (this doesn't have to be by giving into your demands, BTW, just to find some solution that works for both of you).
It takes two to make a relationship work. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:22:53 PM | | I consider it priority problem. I accused my ex many times of having an affair with his car collection - if you can have an emotional affair with a human, why not with a hobby or inanimate object? Sometimes the whore ruining your relationship is the thing you thought was cute or innocuous in the beginning... | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:27:52 PM |
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Neither. Its called neglect. He's neglecting you, your relationship and the responsibilities you should both be sharing.
Time to sit him down and very nicely tell him that he needs to get his head out of his a$$ and wake up.. | |
|
| |
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:14:54 PM | PFFTTTTT...
Be better at him at those video games and you'll find he's not so keen to play them anymore.... "Oh honey, Gran Turismo 3! can i play?" (Insert sound of the controller flying across the room). | |
|
| |
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:16:51 PM | Its definitely not cheating. That is a bit dramatic to think of it that way. Its almost just as dramatic to think of it as abandonment. Its not that either.
How many hours a day is he playing video games? I think a growing number of men (and women) are forming addiction problems to video games, there is no question about that. That problem is HIS problem, not yours. Don't make this about you. Its not about you. Personally I think its a waste of life to spend so much time playing video games, but to each their own, if that is what he really likes doing then so be it.
Now all of that being said, if you need more attention than he is giving you, then you need to find a way to communicate that or consider finding a new partner that will satisfy your needs.
Everyone is different. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:19:38 PM |
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Neither actually, I think it sounds more like he's shrugging responsibility. Just as flowing water seeks the path of least resistance, he probably finds it easier not to do those things.
My guess is, the romance has also gone out with the tide.
 | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:23:33 PM | If it's willful, meaning you've spoken to him and he hasn't altered his behavior, it's emotional abandonment.
If not, then at the most I'd just say he's neglectful. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:25:30 PM |
It's plain stupidity and boredom. Video games before sex?
As long as it's not video games during sex!
I like the suggestion of getting involved with him. If two people are moving apart it is time to get reengaged with each other. Putting pressure on the other person to stop doing something they are enjoying causes them to move away. We always move away from pressure. So, join in, rekindle and move the relationship forward. Ask yourself if you're being a 'no fun slug' in the relationship lately.
If you genuinely think it's not you... they are getting 'lost' in an activity rather than filling in a void they feel from you. Be positive, say you want to do xyz activity together, that you miss the time you spent together... all of this is 'positive enrollment' rather than negative pressure.
Either way, strike "you always" and "you never" from your lexicon!
If it IS taking on addiction proportions... time for an intervention. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:31:43 PM | If he is on the computer instead of doing chores, it isn't going to change.
If he is on the computer instead of going out with you, it isn't going to change.
He is filling in the void that you can't, unless you are willing to sit there and let him press YOUR buttons.
It is a form of abandonment, but not necessarily intentional. You'll either have to accept it or find a new man. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:32:53 PM |
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Excessive time spent with interests and hobbies to the detriment of time spent with the SO would constitute abandonment. Exactly how much time is "excessive" is going to vary widely between couples. That's why good communication is important. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:48:27 PM | Cheating and abandonment are pretty heavy words to toss around like this. Yes, he needs to find a way to get his responsibilities taken care of before he gets into whatever game he's playing. That's part of being a grown up.
But to lump this situation in with those who screw around, exposing their partners to infections and possible early death-- or someone who just up and walks away from their dependents, leaving them desperate and penniless. . . it's a little much.
All things considered, if your significant other's worse habit is playing video games more than you'd like him to, things could be so much worse. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:05:26 PM | are all those things he never did before makin it a change from the normal? if so i think he is prolly bored or lazy an knows you will do all those things even if he does not help. maybe you need to speak up!
also, you took sex out of it but that makes a big difference whether or not your sex life has also changed. how often, same intensity etc. ??
I however, do not agree that sex alone is cheating...cheating in my eyes is any romantic or sexual behavior or action directed at someone besides the person you are with. This therefore takes into consideration acts that include: conducting online relationships, web cam sex, phone sex, cyber sex, going on dates and spending time romantically with another person etc. Sex alone can't be the qualifier. As emotions do play a role and if my husband for example came home everyday and stayed on the computer night and day talking to another woman romantically or was always on the phone for hours speaking romantically to another woman...although he is not having sex...he is emotionally invested in this and he is acting out romantically towards them and giving up some of my time with him to that person. so true an very well put.  of course to me this does not include friendships with others specially when their romantic interest is not always available. it is perfectly normal an healthy to have friends.
It is your responsibility to communicate if you are feeling neglected. It is his responsibility to work with you to make sure that you no longer feel neglected (this doesn't have to be by giving into your demands, BTW, just to find some solution that works for both of you).
It takes two to make a relationship work. sumtimes it is hard to talk for fear of hurtin the other person when sumthin is wrong but i agree totally that communication is the only way to work it out IF they both want to. 
My guess is, the romance has also gone out with the tide. so sad but prolly true an rather than hurt her he just lets it go hopin eventually she will say sumthin bout his new behavior or break it up. kinda like long distance relationships when one is not happy an calls it a relationship "of sorts" an will confide in other people that they are not happy but will not tell the person for fear of either hurtn them or fear of then bein alone. 
maybe she needs to spark it up a bit to draw his attention back to workin with her before he ignites a flame elsewhere.  | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 6:18:25 PM | I like video games. They are very fun, but I still take care of my responsiblities and I play them occassionally. In most cases where I saw a person play games and neglect their significant other.
It was a case of not wanting to socialize or to create emotional space from that person. Usually, it does lead to cheating or even ending the relationship.  | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:44:25 PM | Abandonment.
It's ok for people to have some hobbies or play games, but these shouldn't get in the way of responsibilities or maintaining a relationship. While we all usually earn our free time for fun stuff, it really shouldn't dominate every free moment we have. | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 6:57:14 AM | | I agree with Margo and would like to add that when we are in relationships we sometimes need to do things we normally wouldn't like to do to please our partners. I know I have been places that I really didn't care to go but I did it for my SO and made the best of it. If you don't particularly like video games, just make the best of it and tease and have fun. It will help deepen the connection you have and make the relationship better. | |
|
| GO AWAY!!!!
Posted: 2/4/2009 7:23:38 AM | You have been dogging this same man on how many posts today??? GET OVER IT!!!
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11744080.aspx
He's your ex according to the previous post!! You stated you guys are done so what do you care what video game he plays? It is none of your damn business!!! MOVE ON!! | |
|
| GO AWAY!!!!
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:04:21 AM | | Img0405: this is very common - usually the poster is fishing for the right answer to use as ammunition in a fight. The most I've seen is a woman posting 4 separate threads on the very same topic but in different forums. Blah! | |
|
| Cheating vs. Abandonment
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:13:42 AM |
Ok folks...I'm going to take sex altogether out of the equation...say for instance your SO begins to spend a lot of time on things like video games on the computer instead of helping you out with kids, laundry, going out on a date, taking a walk, shopping together, etc....
Now...would you consider this cheating or abandonment?
Neither; I would consider it being a selfish asshat. | |
|
Home
login 
