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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:40:11 PM | | So many guys ask: what are you looking for...and I answer: something simple, respect, compassion, understanding and integrity. They never speak to me again. Why is that? Are these horrible characteristics? | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:41:36 PM | | No. They are not horrible characteristics. They just don't match what THEY are looking for which is probably sex. Most guys who message asking what you are looking for are either looking for a romp in the hay or some cyber fun. That's it. Welcome to the online world. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:45:31 PM | There is nothing wrong with your “list” OP.
There are tons of one contact and pOOfs going on - every single day.
It makes no difference what you would have should have said.
If the guy is some kind of horndog ...... good he is gone. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:52:50 PM | | Nope there is nothing wrong with what you looking for but with your name they may had thought you had something else in mine maybe. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:53:23 PM | | Lets say they are a normal Joe, just looking to meet someone new. Putting yourself in their place how would you respond to I am looking for something simple, respect, compassion, understanding and integrity. Now, you are a woman but answer the question as a guy. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 7:55:25 PM | | Nothing wrong with your list. They disappear because they know that they can't meet it. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Better you find out now than invest any time in someone who can't live up to the basics of what a decent person going into a relationship should have. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:30:02 PM | ^^^^ Got that right, Jewlsey... 
As a matter of fact, OP.... I built my answers to questions such as "What are you looking for in a man... relationship.. etc. into my profile essay. At the end of it I even ask, "Too tall an order for ya?" 
It works beautifully as a self-weeding out tool.
** Whew!  ** | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:30:42 PM | | OP..I've read your profile thought it sounded rather normal...My guess is these men could be equating the whole BLONDE thing for fun (u know what i mean) perhaps it's your user name that you are getting these absent responses...just a thought and i could be wrong..but one would need to question if its happening constantly...i've had a few myself but not enough to get me to worry about it. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:45:05 PM | Dear OP,
No..nothing wrong with your list...it's just everything you listed they don't have...
in other words..you're too good for them and they know it..
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:50:28 PM | So many guys ask: what are you looking for...and I answer: something simple, respect, compassion, understanding and integrity. They never speak to me again. Why is that? Are these horrible characteristics?
Well, I would figure that you had no idea what you wanted. I also might think you're incredibly naive, since I can't imagine anyone telling you, ``Sorry, I won't respect you, I'm insenstive, I won't care about your problems and I'm a pathological liar. Nope - you aren't my type.'' I'm surprised you've had the good fortune to have guys disappear rather than tell you they qualify on all counts to get in your pants. None of those things would preclude someone from being interested in you for a hook-up.
Why don't you try telling someone what kind of relationship you want? You know, like casual sex, casual dating, dating leading to something else, whatever it is you're looking for. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 8:57:26 PM |
It works beautifully as a self-weeding out tool.
I hate to tell you this, but your ``weeding out tool'' consists of six words:
In short: My life's mate. Finally.
Anyone looking for something else will know he's in the wrong place. And:
At the end of it I even ask, "Too tall an order for ya?"
Would weed me out even if I was looking for my life's mate. There is something about someone who dares me to her a favor that is off-putting. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 9:01:49 PM | Dear OP,
Let me apologize for my friend Abelian's behavior...he's on his period..don't worry..he'll come around and be himself again soon
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Posted: 2/4/2009 9:05:36 PM | Weellll....There's nothing really wrong with your answers OP....except, well, there not really answers. The things you list are kinda vague, and shouldn't really be bonuses, they should be givens in any relationship.
If I asked a girl that question and got those answers, I don't think I would dissapear, but it certainly would make me sleepy. | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 9:58:01 PM | abelian:
Would weed me out ... Exactly!
See, OP?... it works beautifully!...  | |
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Posted: 2/4/2009 10:13:09 PM | OP: Your list consists of "characteristics" not what type of relationship you'd like to find.. to many men "friends" means different things.. they are trying to figure out what it means to you.
When ever I would get an introductory email asking "what are you looking for" I usually answered: "My reading glasses .. as usual, i've misplaced them" :0) | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 2:32:34 AM | | They're fine characteristics. They just might contain more syllables than most of your audience can read! | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 2:40:28 AM | | My list of "requirements" in a potential relationship is very short and includes those traits mentioned in the OP. I was proud of the fact that my list was so short compared to some I've seen. But pride goeth before a fall. My ship was blasted out of the water by a very dear friend who is extremely wise. He told me that those particular traits, although so important in any human relationship, are also the most difficult to find in people and the most difficult for people to consistently maintain within themselves. How sad for all of us. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 3:25:35 AM |
Nothing wrong with your list. They disappear because they know that they can't meet it. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Better you find out now than invest any time in someone who can't live up to the basics of what a decent person going into a relationship should have.
I would have to say this response is spot on. The self proclaimed "good men" of this world are anything but good men, because when it comes down to it, they can talk the talk, but have no idea how to walk the walk. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 3:35:47 AM | Because what you just said, in Spastic Women Lawyer-isms, and is usually equatable to hearing not only nails on a chalkboard, but 50 babies crying non-stop, and a slow-motion train wreck in action.
In other words, you said: "I want you to be a fantasy man that doesn't exist, and therefore, I will not treat you with respect, because in this thing, only I am allowed to get what I want. You are secondary, and No Jimmy, I don't care what you think. I am more interested in what I want, than what WE want, so step lively, and fill in a gap that my 2 ex-husbands left, and that dude I had the fling with, but that I won't repeat again with a man like you, you need to work at it MUCH harder with no actual physical return in investment. That said, please form a line to the LEFT of what I want, right next to the line of What I Actually Need, and ignore the 83 guys I turned down that were nice, because I actually don't want what I say I want, I actually do not know what in the hell I want, so I will use these words because I saw them on another profile somewhere............".
-Or-
"I want." and "Do what I say".
Which is enough for me to run away. I got a hard enough time serving up to my own Narcissism rather than spending time serving yours as well.
They are not horrible characteristics, they are simply cliche'd Hollywood & Harlequin Romance/Feminism's to the point that some guys want to see if you are actually live bait, and after you speak, realize that you are NOT what they are looking for.
Instead of using a sledgehammer to catch your fish, try some Bait next time. You don't offer what the buyer isn't interested in, offer them what they want, and here the lemmings come upriver. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 6:24:36 AM | | I love your list of characteristics. It illustrates your desire for a long term relationship with a respectable guy. They likely never message you again due to the fact that they were seeking some form of an intimate encounter or they do not match the characteristics you listed. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 8:08:53 AM | Hypothetically, say they have those qualities - maybe some would then leave because the answer doesn't provide them with details they want Expound on each a little bit - Respect - You want it - What is respect to you? How do you expect a man to show you respect? Compassion? What acts do you consider compassionate? Where do you draw the line between a man being compassionate or smothering? Understanding - Understand what? Your job? Finances? PMS? Kids? Work? School? What part of you do you want men do you want men to understand about you? Integrity? What does that word mean to you? What is your definition of it?
You see, people aren't mind readers so what they might perceive as a good deed, you might despise. Your repsonse was vague and instead of deciphering the Da Vinci Code, maybe men just left to keep "THEIR" world simple!! Find a better communicator with less guess work. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 8:47:19 AM | | I give the same answer. I want something simple, respect, compassion, understanding and integrity. I also tell them I want someone who can make me scream in three octaves. They don't run away so fast after that. If you are going to be honest about what you want, Be honest about what you want. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 9:11:52 AM | Nothing wrong with those qualities you're seeking. There is something that -I- as a rule, simply avoid as a guy, in a profile with no pictures or pictures of the person who created it. I'm sure I'm not alone on this one either. I mean, I put mine up, I see other men and women who do too. I don't understand why some people seem to purposely NOT put a pic of themselves up.
YES, looks are ALWAYS going to be important in deciding whether I'm even interested enough to contact someone. I'm aware that that's "just" my own "superficial" - also - instinctual, genetic and NATURAL male "1st level of attraction". That's just the way that is and I can't change it, nor do I need to, want to or intend to even try to.
Otherwise, your profile reads you very well.
Mike | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 9:28:10 AM | HAH! I'm surprised that sooo many women say that the men don't talk to OP anymore because they can't live up to her list. We are hearing ONE side of the story!
OP is separated - a lot of guys see that as either "still married" or "desperate" and may be feeling her out to see where her head is at. Also, per her profile rant, she refuses to send pictures. Now, there's nothing wrong with not posting one on your profile, but when you start communicating, most women gladly forward their picture (unless they have something to hide). Seriously, there aren't many guys that would continue communicating with a woman, not having any idea what she looks like. Especially since under Body Type, she puts "Prefer Not To Say". Further, she could just really have nothing interesting to say, completely lack any social skills, or be an ignorant b!tch (just playing devils advocate here).
Basically, there could be any number of different reasons why OP is having these issues. Any of which could be the fault of either party involved. However, to proclaim that it's the loser guys fault, based on just 4 sentences from a forum newbie is ludicrous, IMO.
I would have to say this response is spot on. The self proclaimed "good men" of this world are anything but good men, because when it comes down to it, they can talk the talk, but have no idea how to walk the walk.
Oh please. What do you base that on? Hell, I'm a self proclaimed good man and am fluent in walking the walk. So, that blows your statement completely out of the water.
Seems like there are a lot of bitter women out there who feel that it's easier to bash/blame the men for their problems. If all you keep running into are losers, perhaps you need to reevaluate your own attitudes and/or qualifying process. | |
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Posted: 2/5/2009 10:03:14 AM | Oh, you're just looking for friends? Why on earth are you being so picky about the qualities your male friends must have then? It seems like you're looking for something more out of a friend then accepting a person the way they are, faults and all with no selfish motives or hidden agendas (what friendship really is).
That would be true, if you really were just looking for a friend. Now you're suggesting I take a place in line with all the other guys trying to prove something to you. You're looking for the female equivalent of a "friend with benefits!!" No, not sexual benefits, you're looking for a bunch of guys to do everything for you, pay your bills, take you on expensive vacations with no sex, buy you stuff, etc., etc. Yeah, I got you pegged.
See, now you're upping the anti like I'm going to waste my time not even knowing what you even look like on something that may not even go anywhere. Believe me, if I have no idea where it's going or what you even look like so why should I bother?
Some of us learned the hard way that "friends first" just doesn't work. Sure it's a nice fairy tale ideal, but it's not practical. Since there is no intent. There is no real goal to work towards. Just a "possibility", just a "maybe". The only beneficiary in this kind of a "hopeful male"/"sexually detached female" situation is ALWAYS the female. The guy just keeps jumping through the hoops in hopes he's going to get somewhere. Sooner or later stupid hurts!
Some guys are naive enough to stick around and keep enabling this female. Some wise-up and give her an ultimatum (like I did when I got myself into this kind of mess for first and last time) She'll then get offended by the ultimatum and end all communication while trying to actually make YOU feel guilty and ashamed. All that time the guy has developed feelings for her due to his own constant giving, effort and sacrifice, so there's an emotional attachment being SEVERED. Now she's seriously hurt his feelings very, very badly. He's feeling used, taken advantage of, angry at himself which turns into anger at her when he realizes he fell for her game. Some guys will definitely take that pain and seek revenge or pay-back. I almost did, but no woman is worth going to jail over. One of her next victims will do that for me. It's called Kharma.
Why don't you just avoid using and taking advantage of another CHUMP (remember someday, one of them may try to seriously hurt you back if you hurt him enough) and just stick with female friends; if that's what you want?
If you're looking for a friend, then it shouldn't matter if it's a woman, you're just looking for a friend and leave it at that. The qualities you seek suggest otherwise. It shouldn't even need to be a guy, otherwise there's something else in it for you and you're just stringing us guys along.
MAKE-UP YOUR MIND!! Decide what you want instead of "using-up" a bunch of guys like "things" you just consume and then toss away in the garbage. They will just end-up really hating you before you finally find this "so-called" ideal man of yours.
Otherwise decide NOW you're looking for a romantic and sexual relationship.
I'm staying far away from this one.
Mike | |
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