| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:26:44 AM | I have been fortunate to meet more than one , what I would call , "good men".
Intelligent, quite attractive, solid fiancially, not much "baggage"., both very sweet, loving men who have expressed to me that they think I may be "the one" for them.
I have seen both "A"and " B" 3 times each.
I like them both, have enjoyed their company, but can't say I've left with wondering excitedly "when will I get to see him again"
After the 1st date with each I thought- " well here's a real posibility" but after the second doubts crept in.
"A" and "B" are both not very fit at all- one overweight, one underweight
, A"doesnt seem to have anything much new to talk about , mostly talks about something to do with money or his late wife, seems to have only 1 or 2 friends, only hobby poker,reminds me a bit of Tony Soprano
"B" a little more sociable but seems to get "tired" easily, hobby is woodworking, reminds me a bit of Mr. Rogers(Neighbourhood)
Question- once a woman is over 45 is it too much to think that the "fireworks" feeling will happen like it did before? or should I be lookingmore at mutual comfort and see if something develops?
I feel like the Oklahoma Girl " I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" !!
I dont want to hurt their feelings
I dont want to string them along, but what if I am giving up on something possibly with a really good future? and would I know that by now if that possibly was him?
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:30:21 AM | | Neither, you need to find Mr. C, you are describing zero chemistry with either of these fellows. And you've already found what sounds like a 'fatal flaw' or two with each - put them in the friend zone and keep fishing. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:32:16 AM | | You don't appear to be attracted to either one of them. It doesn't matter which one I would chose (neither) but what matters is that they are not making you excited. Why not date both A and B casually while you look for someone who does it for you? | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:36:51 AM | | In my humble opinion, sparks fly at any age and perhaps A and B are meant to be friends instead of partners for you. I would suggest you keep looking and wait for the sparks to fly girl! Settling for second best will always just be that, but first is where the sparks and life partners are. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:39:14 AM | Cut them both lose so they can find a woman who feels fireworks for them. Neither are your security blankets against future loneliness.
After 3 dates each, which equals what-- maybe 15-20 total hours together?-- I'd be concerned about men expressing I'm "the one" .
Not wanting to hurt feelings is a selfish reason to keep dating someone. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:58:51 AM | You can't find here answer.
We don't know them.
You are beautiful woman...and I think smart too.
The answer is in your heart. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:07:36 PM | From landra:
Not wanting to hurt feelings is a selfish reason to keep dating someone.
So true!! Telling them the truth will be uncomfortable for you but helpful for them. You are obviously bored by them both and will stop seeing them eventually. Prolonging it will only be more hurtful and confusing. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:13:32 PM | It is funny how you compare the men as Tony Soprano and Mr. Rodgers.... If neither "does it" for you, why are you stringing them along? I would end it now, before they run to the engagement ring counter in the local mall banging into eachother at the register! | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:06:00 PM | | I agree that you should cut both loose, to give them (and yourself) the opportunity to meet someone who does do it for you all. Neither sounds like it is going to work out whether you try to make it work out or not. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:09:07 PM | We all know that that "fireworks feeling" can be very deceptive and highly transitory. Being 45 has nothing to do with it. It's wonderful to have it but for many of us, there has to be more than a sizzle that fizzles because there's no solid compatibility to keep building from.
I think that we each have our own journeys here and it would be impossible for any other forum member to know what it is you need from where you've been or where you are destined to go. Only you know that...
I do totally agree with Landra... Pity dating is pretty harsh stuff! Letting someone invest his time, money and hopes in you when you already know these aren't "the ones" would be extremely selfish. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:41:54 PM | No matter how Old a woman is, she can see fireworks with someone
she meets. Over 45 or over 55. 
You should focus on just One man not two men.
If that One does nothing for you then tell that man he can be just a friend
but you don't have any romantic feelings for him.
We are all adults over 45 and should be able to take a disappointment.
Let him move on if he chooses to pursue romance. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:45:38 PM | Dump them, sweetie! If neitherof them knocks your sox off, why bother? Just because they are into you does not a relationship make- go w/ a guy you are into & he is into you | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:47:06 PM | I agree with cutting them both loose.....
Neither one needs the type woman who needs to come onto a forum to get a 'consensus' as to whom she should pick for HER life. It displays a weak spine. It also assures that she's the type woman who will come on a forum to solve every other dilemna she ever experiences, good or bad, in the future....  | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:52:50 PM | You sure can have fireworks! Don't settle for less. I don't know why people think they have to settle for something less than being happy. I stopped dating and agreed to meet my current bf. I just wasn't into any of the guys I was meeting, I hadn't given up, just was tired of it. The guy I dated before my current bf, I didn't want him to touch me. When he went to hold my hand, I really felt uncomfortable with it. Tall, blond, body builder, good job, etc. etc., but it just wasn't there. Yeah, I could have kept going out with him, but why? I had more fun going out with my kids. So I stopped accepting dates, but continued to email different guys and this isn't my post so point is I do have fireworks and it is great.
Don't give up, but taking breaks doesn't hurt anything. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:57:16 PM | Neither! First of all “First dates” shouldn’t even be thought of as “well here’s a possibility”! I would change that thinking right away! First dates are only to see if there is compatibility there, but not to look at them as part of your future one to be. That takes time and many dates to follow before making that decision. The overweight, underweight issue doesn’t seem to bother you either way. It’s their “personality” you seem to be looking for and judging them by. How they make you feel
Fireworks can still happen after 45. You just haven’t met the right man yet. Believe me, when you do, you get all the same feelings you did when you were sweet 16. Best song to describe that is by Brian Adams. “When you love someone”... and yes!!! Fireworks still fly even after 45.
Take your time, enjoy each one for what they have to offer you and you them. Don’t be in such a rush to settle for A or B. When you find him? You’ll know and there will be no doubts in your mind he’s the one!
Best of luck
Wild | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:15:50 PM |
Question- once a woman is over 45 is it too much to think that the "fireworks" feeling will happen like it did before? I think no matter what age we are that we can expect "fireworks". I know I do.
As for the ...
" I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" !! As long as you're not experiencing fire works and they're not putting you under any pressure to say "Yes", why not just continue to go out with them and enjoy their company? Do you have to turn them loose? | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:34:26 PM | Landra said it best (post #5)
OP...is that a current pic of you? Looks like a grad pic. If so, you have it going on for your age...for any age!
Go for the fireworks! | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:43:34 PM | I agree with whomever said you need to find Mr. C, and possibly, Mr. D and F.
If you want to continue dating these men, make sure they know that you are not looking for longterm with them. Some guys, like some women, just want to date and don't expect a picket fence in the near future.
If you have only dated Mr. A and B--ESPECIALLY if you have ONLY dated them--don't lock yourself in to a semi-permanent relationship. If you do, Mr. R(ight) might come along and you might miss him.
Someone coined the word "ambivadate" in these forums and it accurately describes the dates you have had. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:48:31 PM | Obviously you should take the advice of whoever has been here the longest. After all, they must have heard it all by now and should be able to tell you about people they've never met.
The difficult thing might be trying to figure out who's actually been here the longest because they get booted or leave and come back with a new start date.
If you decide to dump them, you will never have to figure out why you might get dumped, so in order to display self esteem do it before you begin to have any feelings for them.
Just think of how much you save in the cost of fireworks, after all that short lived excitement, the fireworks are charred bits of trash anyway and if they explode in your fingers it hurts.
There is no such thing as a loving caring relationship that you grow into (except for me). And there is no such thing as feeling lonely when you can boast about being happy alone.
Why should you care about hurting someone's feelings? After all, they both should be treated as objects with a shelf life.
The more you dump them, the easer it gets to dump them and you'll be able to tell lots of stories about not finding the fireworks or chemistry and provide lots of wishful thinking about meeting the right ONE. There is only ONE guy that will match your needs so don't ever settle and you will appear so strong at sticking to your guns no one will ever want to ask you for a date except the ONE.
And when you do spot the ONE, just ignore that he is already taken or has dozens of women he strings along because they think he is the ONE for them. YOU will know that you won't be strung along too while he is waiting for his ONE and only.
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On the other hand, you could just talk with these guys honestly about how you feel and make decisions on how you interact with them instead of seeking advise from a bunch of women that have trouble dating. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:36:01 PM | Neither. Your doing them a favor by telling them early that friends is OK, but you would be looking elsewhere for romance.
I had a woman tell me that a few years ago... I felt much, much stronger about her then she did about me romantically, and in retrospect, it was the right thing, even though it hurt at the time. The upswing on that was that we have become very good friends, to the point we can talk about our various relationships we have gone through or are going through. We just don't have sex any more. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:54:20 PM | NO company is better than boring company.
A and B obviously don't make the cut. Cut them lose.... | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:10:27 PM | DON'T SETTLE!
...and yes, I know I was yelling. I just wanted to be sure I was heard. | |
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| Date A or B or neither???
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:27:12 PM | | Your age makes no difference. Be true to your heart. You KNOW the answer! | |
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