| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:49:22 PM | For a long time I thought I could never date or get serious with someone who has been married before. My reasoning being my personal feelings about marraige and it being a permanant vow. I've never taken the VOW and wanted to find someone who hadn't either.
Does anyone else feel the same way? I decided to be more open-minded and to date a guy who was divorced. It didn't work out, but if it had and we wanted to get married, I honestly think in my heart, it would have bothered me that he had made the vows before.
Should I stick to my gut instincts or seriously lighten up and not worry about it if I guy has been married before? Honestly, I would think a guy would want a girl who hasn't been married too, if he had the same beliefs as me. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:59:11 PM | Hi there, i have never been married, lived common law for 14 yrs. but never had the urge to get married. People who do end their marriages don't usually do it lightly, it took me about 4 yrs. before i left my common law relationship, especially because there are children involved.
It wouldn't matter to me if the person was married before, we can't all be forever when people do get married and there are various reasons why it doesn't last, some people marry far too young and yes people can fall out of love, it happened to me.
You have to give men a chance and see how well they are suited to you and don't hold a divorce against them, to me as long as if they have kids they are still being a parent then all the power to them.
We all need to be happy and sometimes we need to end a relationship that is not in our best interests or those of our children. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:01:05 PM | How would you feel if potential suitors judged you for being noncommittal to the man who fathered your children? People can throw in the towel on a relationship whether or not they were monogrammed “Mr & Mrs”.
Just sayin’ | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:10:03 PM | | You could split the difference and date never-marrieds and those who were married and divorced, but didn't have a wedding ceremony that involved religious-style "till death do us part" vows. Civil ceremonies usually just involve agreeing to be married to one another, without those other types of vows. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:12:44 PM |
How would you feel if potential suitors judged you for being noncommittal to the man who fathered your children?
Excellent point, and I deal with that question a lot. I was actually engaged for years and things were bad and I stuck it out for a long long time, but when it came down to it, one day I knew, if this man brings me to an alter, I wouldn't be able to make that commitment to him knowing what I knew by then. Guess I was lucky, because had I married him, I'd probly still be with him.
I dont want to get religous in here, but thanks for pointing that out, you are 100% right. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:15:05 PM | | I have never been married and I would want a woman who has never been married before. Because it says until death do you part not until you no longer feel like having sex with the guy or what ever. So yes I think in some ways it does matter. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:17:02 PM | | You should stick to your values, no matter what others think. I mean there are men on here who wouldn't date you because you have children but never been married, since to them the vows mean never married or children out of wedlock...or no premarital sex, etc. It's your choice, no one else's, by the same token, don't get upset by those who don't think you fit their values/goals/preferences. It's all relative. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:38:06 PM | | I don't see much point in excluding someone automatically because of the vow issue. If someone lists themselves as divorced, for example, you have no way of knowing if they broke their vow or not. In a world where no-fault divorces are the norm they could have been hit with a divorce and not wanted it. They'd still end up divorced anyway. For that matter, you don't know what vows they took. (When I got married there was none of that "In sickness and in health, 'till death do us part" stuff involved...) | |
|
| |
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:47:28 PM | | interesting you feel that way.....I am 47 single mum of 2 never been married was engaged 3 x by 26 and decided after that not to pursue engagements anymore I have lived with partners.......there is not one past relationship that I think would have made a successful marriage....and there has been a few........I treat the matter with quite a serious attitude and greatly respect the concept of marriage and I think it foolish to enter such a thing......I love my life I don't think because I am single there is something wrong...all around me are friends with such bad relationships that I would rather be the way I am...definitly different dating guys who have been married to ones that havn't..... | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:52:24 PM | let me get this straight, -a single woman with two kids (never been married)
and she's afraid to get serious with anyone who has been previously married?
-i wish you luck on your search
-fyi: everyone who has taken the vows had planned for it to last for a lifetime | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:53:14 PM | OP, I'm curious as to whom you think you would be MAKING the vow? Are marriage vows made from one spouse to the other, or are the vows to a higher power?
Given the phrase "exchange vows," can someone be released from his or her vow by the original recipient? That is, if a husband and wife agree mutually that the marriage should end, do you believe they can release each other from their vows? If not, why not?
Marriages end for a bunch of reasons, including mutual consent. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:56:03 PM | I am having a difficult time believing that someone who had children out of wedlock has issues with others who have divorced.
I'm not a saint, I'll admit it. I had my kids at a young age (very young), but here's the thing. I didn't make a vow that I wouldn't have pre-marital sex and then break the vow. I want to emphasize that I understand your point though.
As far as the people that have talked about the non-religous vows, thanks for the information, I had no idea such marriages exsisted.
| |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:56:27 PM | I am having a difficult time believing that someone who had children out of wedlock has issues with others who have divorced.
Don't most religions factor in divorce as an ugly necessity?
And doesn't yours frown on fornication?
Whatever....
your still young so I guess you got a shot at finding a guy who hasn't committed this terrible crime. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:05:45 PM | | interesting you feel that way.....I am 47 single mum of 2 never been married was engaged 3 x by 26 and decided after that not to pursue engagements anymore I have lived with partners.......there is not one past relationship that I think would have made a successful marriage....and there has been a few........I treat the matter with quite a serious attitude and greatly respect the concept of marriage and I think it foolish to enter such a thing......I love my life I don't think because I am single there is something wrong...all around me are friends with such bad relationships that I would rather be the way I am...definitly different dating guys who have been married to ones that havn't..... | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:23:45 PM | It might bother him that you've already had kids. Would that be fair?
I think if you are over 30 and already have children then looking for only a single man will really limit your dating pool. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:25:00 PM |
I think if you are over 30 and already have children then looking for only a single man will really limit your dating pool.
Yes, I think you are right. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:34:04 PM | I heard someone explain it as the divorce rate was 54% at that time...he said imagine standing at a street and needing to go to the other side...54 % chance you are going to run over...lol.
Do people still get married these days ? | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:43:45 PM |
As far as the people that have talked about the non-religous vows, thanks for the information, I had no idea such marriages exsisted. I just double checked your age. Most marriages are done by a JP, not performed by ministers, clergy, or other faith related person. I don't have the stats and didn't look them up, but most people I have met haven't had church weddings. They said I do to each other in front of someone that works for the government not God.
Don't judge a divorced person. You don't want to be judged. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:51:24 PM | I also believe that just because someone is divorced doesn't make them a failure , some people are not meant to stay together for whatever reason and don't think that people should stay together just for the kids as that is doing them no good seeing people together who are not happy and also there are people like alcoholics, abusers, drug attics,that make it impossible to live with.
Im quite happy being single and am glad that i never married, otherwise i would also be a divorced person who some people would look down on. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:05:32 PM | ~OP~ I had a rigid rule about previous marriage(s) and children for a very LONG period of time. I've had three serious/semi-serious "relationships" since my divorce. All three were never married/no child(ren). All three were different in nature/personality/etc. but all three shared some traits that changed my rule. All three were unaware how to commit selflessly. All three were quite self-absorbed. All three had NO clue about longevity and what it takes to be in a long term committed relationship and all three left me lonely. I'm no longer willing to deal with that silliness. (I'm certain there are exceptions to my experiences, but I'm not taking that chance again.) You do what's in your heart ~ if that's what you are looking for and it's being true to yourself, there really shouldn't be any need for public discussion. JMO  | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:06:55 PM | As a never-married guy, I have to say I wouldn't decide based on previous marital status.
I have met women who finally gained some maturity and independence after their divorce. They're more than ready to love someone, but also recognize that they don't have to put up with the crap any more.
I have met never-married women who are seemingly clueless to what a solid relationship involves. They're all but living the lyrics of those 60s songs like "I Will Follow Him" or "Johnny Angel"... I had a co-worker some years back who thought her bf was the man of all men despite the fact he more than occasionally treated her like something he stepped in on the sidewalk - that would result in a loud screaming match, but the next day, who was dropping her off at work?
Even with the expansion of the fish pond (thanks to the internet), the odds of finding one's ideal/dream mate are still really low. The ability to accept and compromise are just as important to a successful relationship as sticking to your standards and beliefs. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:15:20 PM |
You do what's in your heart ~ if that's what you are looking for and it's being true to yourself, there really shouldn't be any need for public discussion.
Yes, you are right. But, I was just wondering if I was alone in feeling this way. I can relate to what people are saying about the ones that have been in a long term relationship/marriage are more likely to "get it" vs. the ones that have been running free without commitment their whole lives. That's why I think I would be best suited with a guy who has married and who does have kids already.
Happy Fishing to all, who knew dating could be so tough. Seems like when I was younger, we had our guards down and just jumped into relationships. Now there are all sorts of unwritten rules, variables, exceptions, attractions, wants, demands, etc etc, whew it's almost exhausting lol! | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:21:25 PM | You're asking if anyone else feels the same way. There's at least one response to your post agreeing with you. Contact them, otherwise it may be a very long time before you find someone sharing that belief who has lived it.
Re your question if you should stick to your gut instincts or seriously lighten up. I'd answer with "seriously lighten up".
What I don't get is your strong belief in this "till death do us part" ideal but don't, obviously, believe in the no children out of wedlock. The two seem to be diametrically opposed if your reason is based on vows for religious reasons. What you're saying in effect is that you don't like the thought that a man at one time loved or thought he loved someone else enough to marry them and that you, what?...loved someone enough to have children with them but not enough to marry them???...and then expect someone to be fine with that, as long as you weren't married to the fathers. Only you can figure out this bit of a twist in your rationale. | |
|
| Seeking someone who has never been married?
Posted: 2/8/2009 3:26:46 PM |
Seems like when I was younger, we had our guards down and just jumped into relationships. Now there are all sorts of unwritten rules, variables, exceptions, attractions, wants, demands, etc etc, whew it's almost exhausting lol!
We grew up and found out a good life takes work..sucks dont it ..lol | |
|
Home
login 
