| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 11:07:21 AM | Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
I am curious how it reads to you ladies. is it too over the top?
I got the idea when someone told me you have to sell yourself when trying to find love. | |
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Nyxie
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Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 3 | |
| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 11:15:56 AM | I actually really like that profile. At worst it can seem egotistical but then that person has no sense of humour and im thinking they wouldnt match well with you then.
Nice one! Made me smile. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 11:18:47 AM | I personally am not fond of it. I don't want someone to sell me who they are, I'd rather you tell me in normal form. If that makes sense. You do sound too much like a telemarketer, and we all know we ignore them and they all lie! LOL!
Good Luck! | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 11:26:39 AM |
I personally am not fond of it. I don't want someone to sell me who they are, I'd rather you tell me in normal form. If that makes sense. You do sound too much like a telemarketer, and we all know we ignore them and they all lie! LOL!
Ouch, I was going more for the infomercial vibe, that was women looking at my profile at 4AM would respond lol.
Seriously I kinda wanted to stand out. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 12:55:05 PM |
I actually really like that profile. At worst it can seem egotistical but then that person has no sense of humour and im thinking they wouldnt match well with you then.
Nice one! Made me smile.
You seem to be the only lady that liked it, to bad you live access the pond. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 2:30:09 PM | I actually liked it. A few errors here and there but the gist of it still comes across. Truth be told you had me at
The MORTALEZ-1.0 has been programed in the ways of love by 1980's john hughes films and music from the cure, the smiths and many other bands with "The" in their name.
I would change the first date. A first meeting should always be in a public place. It is for her safety and yours ( I know you are big and strong... but still).
I think I will listen to some Femmes and watch John Hughes clips on youtube now. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:48:29 PM | Love it! It's fun!
Go back through for spelling/grammar errors and typos.
Your photos and answer to Profession probably aren't doing you any favors, though. I always pay too much attention to what's in the background of the photos. Did you? And, although your job does not and should not define you as a person, the question was simply to list what your profession is. You can be as vague or specific as you like, you know. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:52:03 PM | I did not expect that at all. That is a friggin' great write up. Completely blew me away.
Thanks for the read.
It does almost ... almost get away from you ... almost over the top, but the spirit of the thing carries it through, so I wouldn't worry about it. Honestly, too good.
You might want someone to go through it for grammar. The one I noticed was "do" in a couple places, I think. (Due to this or that ... as opposed to do to this or that.)
Since it comes off as brash, you don't want grammatical mistakes, cause you want to come off as in control, while you swing away for the fences (friggin' funny .. did I mention that?)
Hey, just me, but you have great pictures, but delete the one of you at age 22. It doesn't do you any favors ...
Thanks again.
(All that said, I've noticed some ladies ain't so thrilled. That's a good point, obviously. You do want to listen to them, after all. But, it isn't because it isn't funny or whatever; I think they're saying they would like to get to know you, as well.
You might then add at some point ... something like, "all joking aside, I'm a big teddy bear with a soft side who likes xxx kind of music, keeps myself in shape, doesn't put my elbows on the table ... or whatever is more of who you are. ) | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 4:27:58 PM | Love it! It's fun!
Go back through for spelling/grammar errors and typos.
Your photos and answer to Profession probably aren't doing you any favors, though. I always pay too much attention to what's in the background of the photos. Did you? And, although your job does not and should not define you as a person, the question was simply to list what your profession is. You can be as vague or specific as you like, you know.
well I drug it through 2 spell checkers and now it does not show any mistakes.
and as far as photos when I look at a womans photo all I see is them, so I don't know what you mean. and as far as profession I put that statement there because I do not want to be judged positively or negatively based on what i do to pay my bill's because for us men we tend to get unfairly judged based on our jobs ( lawyers are shady, stock brokers greedy, comic book store clerk 30 year old loser who lives over his moms garage etc etc......) so in this regard I choose to be judged on my personality IE does he make me laugh, do I like his company, do I find him attractive you know ?...... the important stuff.
As a woman you enjoy the luxury of the fact that MOST (not all) men don't factor your job into their choice in a very big way, all we tend to see is. are we attracted or not, if a doctor finds you attractive he does care if you hold up a "EAT AT JOE"S" sign on the corner for a living. If we find you attractive that will get us, if your are a good person that will keep us. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 4:48:34 PM | Love the profile, its very entertaining 2 read and also offers plenty little hooks to lock into in an initial mail contacting the OP.
However, agree with with one previous post about the profession.
And also maybe cosider removing the one grainy black&white pic. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:16:10 PM | The basic concept is hilarious. Well conceived. Execution is less than stellar. Simply running things through a spell check is not going to work. E.g. 'drug it through spell checkers....', you mean 'dragged', yet 'drug' is a word as well and spell checkers won't find those errors. You need to use an actual dictionary. Go through every single word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph and double check. People make negative judgements of others who don't spell well; surely you don't need to suffer from that discrimination.
Also, the photos make you look intimidating, stern, ferocious. I recommend smiling or laughing and posing in relaxed positions. Be strong, yet gentle, I'd say.
Generally, you've got very nearly every man here beat.
Good luck | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 5:53:50 PM | ok ric-
i just saw the new re-write in your about me section...much much better....a bit of humor which is GREAT!!......keep up the good work and hopefully you'll get the desired results...and Hey...if you have to take it very slow one lady at a time...then so be it....wouldn't SHE be worth the wait!!
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:18:14 PM | | so far the thing that caught most ladies eyes is the line" and never again will that dress make you look fat" its the line that gets the most positive response from the ladies. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/13/2009 10:25:44 PM |
I would change the first date. A first meeting should always be in a public place. It is for her safety and yours ( I know you are big and strong... but still).
I like the blockbuster night idea because you can get to know each other better when just the 2 of you. | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:53:20 PM | Hi,
I think your profile is great. What I would change or may add is a picture that shows your cuddly side. All your pictures look scary. You are already big and beautiful...I think is you smiled and softened your eyes, women would be all over you...honestly. I know I would be if you weren't so far away lol.
Just an opinion from...Lucie (in Canada) wink: | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/19/2009 1:56:04 PM | OK I've never done this but I was bored and found your profile amusing, so I rewrote it very slightly and fixed most of the grammatical errors. Copy Paste away into your profile.
By the way, the reason behind the first date being in a public place is something that has been discussed many times before. Women and men will feel safer if they first meet in a public place. You can still find lots of places where it is private or quiet enough to get to know each other. It is after that time that you may suggest something more private and not-so-public. But that's just the common consensus. Oh, maybe you can add, something like "For the first meeting we can choose some place public, but for our first real date ...." Just an idea. You are free to do as you wish, of course.
*snip*
Ladies, are you tired of men who don't, return phone calls, kill spiders, or spend time with you?
Are you tired of short men that cant reach things of the top of your cabinet?
Have wondered if there are any men that actually know the difference between commitment and involvement? Have you been waiting on a man who will love you completely? WELL WAIT NO LONGER!!!!
Due to the wonders of genetic engineering and a vending machine condom, the miracles of science have produced the "MORTALEZ-1.0."
No longer do you have to spend weekends alone. Gone are the days of killing your own spiders, and getting things off the top shelf has never been easier.
The MORTALEZ-1.0 is guaranteed to call you, respect your feelings, keep you warm at night, tell you your cooking is good, give neck rubs AND THATS NOT ALL!!!!!
The MORTALEZ-1.0 is also a good protector due to a ten year period employeed as a bouncer at various drinking establishments.
The MORTALEZ-1.0 is guaranteed to protect you from:
Spiders, mice, stray dogs, ex-boyfriends, and if you call now we will throw in a free smile, thats right, ABSOLUTELY FREE!?!
The MORTALEZ-1.0 has been programmed in the ways of love by 1980's John Hughes films, and music from The Cure, The Smiths and many other bands with "The" in their name.
The MORTALEZ-1.0 comes in a sturdy 6ft5 package and comes equipped with his own place, his own car and his love comes with a lifetime guarantee! AND THATS NOT ALL!!!!!
The MORTALEZ-1.0 also cleans up nicely so you can accompany him to the malls, "all you can eat" buffets and Sci-fi conventions.
The lifetime guarantee includes:
Faithfulness, caring, cuddling and that dress will never again make you look fat.
And all this comes at the low low price of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! THATS RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
And all you need to qualify is:
Time to invest in a relationship.
A the heart to give and receive love.
Respond now, operators are standing by!
Legal note:
Lifetime guarantee is contingent upon successfully completing to the duration of your lifespan the adherence of the following terms:
Faithfulness
Love
Respect
Offer only extends to those living in the DFW and Tarrant County areas.
And while the offer is open to all women regardless of ethic origin, those of Central/South American, Latin/Caribbean, and/or Asian/Pacific Island genetic origin have been found to be most compatible with the MORTALEZ-1.0.
*Snip*
** Do not copy the words "*Snip*" | |
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| Ok I have changed my profile give me input.
Posted: 2/19/2009 4:06:57 PM | Your profile is hilarious! If I were your age and in Texas.... but that's not the point :P
This line : "Lifetime guarantee is contingent on successfully completing to the completion of your life span the adherence of said terms" doesn't quite make sense, I know what your trying to get at but I would recommend re-wording that..
good luck fishing!  | |
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