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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does he really mean when he says "I'm scared"??      Home login  
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 eastsunrsng
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 1
What does he really mean when he says "I'm scared"??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My "guy" has said on two different occasions that he is scared; what does that really mean? When I asked him what that meant he said something like; that area between dating moving into a commited relationship, something about feeling nervous and vulnerable. Note: he offcially left a 4 year relationship 6 months ago, although the relationship ended months before they moved out. He was very hurt and betrayed by her infidelity...
 foobie
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 2
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:02:54 PM
He is scared of getting hurt or his heart broken.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 3
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:03:09 PM
Bust-ups are not that much fun for guys.

Gals often get the new dew - put the “I am woman watch me roar” CD on - shake it off like it never happened and ........ have another guy sniffing around on her all the the next 3 hours.

My "dump" (17 years with her) came right out of left field ....... nope - not much fun.
 WhiteWaterRogue
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 4
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:16:03 PM
6 months is not long enough for that situation, pursue at the risk to your own heart.
 FineLikeWine09
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 5
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:40:02 PM
He's obviously dreading a "deja vu." Thus, you should move forward with caution, one step at a time, with no strings attached, or that fright will quickly put him in FLIGHT!
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:52:10 PM
Been there, done that, and from both sides of the equation. Plain and simple, what that means is he hasn't sufficiently recovered from his previous heartache to be involved seriously with someone else, and is projecting his trust issues onto you. He needs to heal emotionally before trying to be with you or anyone else, and it doesn't sound like he has done that yet. Its not really about any set time limits, but what he feels, and when he is fairly certain he has put the past behind him to try again. I'm not trying to be cold-hearted, but my advice would be to take him at his word, cut him loose and ask him to look you up again when he is no longer scared.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/13/2009 9:55:16 PM
He means he's not ready and probably shouldn't be dating you at all but since he is, he wants you to not make plans past the next date. Don't make this into more than it is, he likes you enough to date you, he's not thinking any further ahead than that. Don't over play your hand or he may run for the hills. Six months is awfully soon to be seriously dating again, be careful of ending up as the rebound girl.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 8
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:03:31 AM
It sounds as though you want more and he's not ready. Are you patient enough to hang in there with him? Can you keep your expectations to zero? Daynadaze suggested that you not play your hand or he may run for the hills. He may run for the hills anyway.
 fruitnut
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 9
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:07:56 AM
If he is scared then he needs to deal with that before getting involved with another comitted relationship. But, some people use being scared as an excuse so they can use you and nothing more
 Mountain Geek
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 10
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:12:26 AM
Sorry to say but I think you are the bounce back girl -- while he figures out what he wants.

I'd let this fish swim alone for a while and see how things go -- don't get your heart into something that you want to see but isn't there.
 DM1063
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 11
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:50:23 AM
just that, he is scared. I had been talking to someone for 3 months and finally he admitted 3 weeks ago that he met me, saw a future and started acting stupid because it was no longer him but us. he went back and forth with me all that time because he said he questioned us every step he took so he'd disappear to analyze "us". I understand but he wants to remain friends but it's painful because my heart got tangled in it. he is a sweetheart so this is very hard for me to accept but neither is it my problem to deal with. if he knows he's notready then he never should have gotten involved but on the other hand i agree that sometimes it's an excuse to keep looking elsewhere.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 12
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:13:02 AM
Pretty much everyone has said what needs to be said. He's fearful because past experiences have hurt him badly.

Two things I'd like to add:

Despite his fears, this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't trust *you*. It's just an automatic reaction and fear to the situation.

I also don't agree with the idea that because of these fears that he's not in the right place to date you or be in a relationship with you, as soon seem to be saying. People have their flaws, and their fears, and it's usually the support of others that help us overcome them.

My advice? Sit down and ask *him* these questions, ask him what his fears are, and be reassuring to him. Communication goes a long way.

If those fears are still there in a year's time and are still stopping the relationship from going further, *then* you should start worrying.
 cupatea2010
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 13
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 7:05:03 AM
Scared......most guys get settled into a relatonship and they don't appreciate what they have. Sometimes one or the other or both neglect the relationship and it causes a breakdown in the bond.

Her infidelity was created by a cold fish in the sea...there are various reasons why it occured....but it takes both parties to create mayhem in a relationship..you can hear ONE side but you have to hear BOTH sides to get the real deal.

Scared mean that he is just not going to commit to anyone at the moment.

Nearly 4 years into one and it just was not meant ot be...he needs to reflect and learn on what pc's in the puzzle is needed to understand how to find and keep a relationship thriving...
 firemansledge77
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 14
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 7:11:07 AM
are you seriously asking this? He doesnt want to get hurt again. And he is not ready.
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 15
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 7:15:45 AM
........................................................................................................................................

He's still hurting over his ex. People Need time to heal those old wounds Before they get into another "committed" relationship. Maybe he's scared that You are falling, he isn't and he doesn't want to hurt you .. Poor guy has enough baggage right now .. I'd step back (if you can) and try to be more of a friend. Maybe he needs a fwb - if you 'can' without falling .. Most times when people 'get involved' soon after a (serious relationship) break up, it is because they are Hurting and feel the need for company more than anything.

There's nothing wrong with time to heal or just not being ready for another relationship. I'd cut him some slack, be a friend or back off. He needs to heal, get out there and have FUN!

Good luck to you both!!

 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 16
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 7:25:04 AM
what it really means is...

he's scared of emotionally investing energy into something that may lead to another break up...

he needs time to heal, recover and emotionally as well as physically move on...
he's fear suggests he's only moved on physically
 ShaneNSA
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 17
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/14/2009 8:08:28 AM

My "guy" has said on two different occasions that he is scared; what does that really mean?
-- Phobias ... you say he got burned by an ex -- well, "There you go!" -- he's having reservations about either his feelings for you, or your sincerity in your (expressed) feelings for him. You refer to him as "My Guy", but does he refer to you as "his girl"? How long have the 2 of you been dating? Have you ever enjoyed watching a deer eating in your back yard? As much as you would like to approach it and try to get it to eat out-of-your-hand, it's best to just let it come to you in it's own time -- now, if you have some time-limit, then you can take the chance that it's familiar with human-contact, and got for it, but you run the risk of never seeing that particular deer again -- look inside and ask yourself, "Am I in a hurry?"

HTH
 the mutt
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 18
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:36:19 AM
Jason is swiftly approaching from your blindside.The economy is about to collapse and plunge the world into the deepest depression ever;pulling hundreds of millions from their homes and throwing them into the crumb sparse streets.THE bulb in the night light burned.He is turning queer.The last guy you cheated with has given terrible sores on his wee wee.
 wannashakeyourtree
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 19
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:50:45 AM
I have a question...why do so many women seem to always ask things like "what does he really mean???"...why is it always necessary to read between the lines???

While I admit a two word statement like "I'm scared" is a bit vague...it's pretty powerful... I would also wonder if he really only said those 2 words...
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 20
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:04:05 AM
Hey Posters,

Holy guacamole...dnd...support...be still my beating heart...you go girl..I like this side of you...


he wants you to not make plans past the next date. Don't make this into more than it is, he likes you enough to date you, he's not thinking any further ahead than that. Don't over play your hand or he may run for the hills.


Hey guys/girls get hurt after break-ups..they feel vulnerable...now not all of them do..
But, your guy seems to be feeling vulnerable...it's natural and normal....and I think....after dating some not-so-normal people that ...natural and normal..who I choose to hang with...would be a plus..

So, stick in there. His fears will subside.

Irish
 sally bentley
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 21
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:07:53 AM
Give him a lot of space and continue with your life.
 pinciperro
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 22
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:14:19 AM
Wow, what an easy question for me. He is obviously afraid of having his heart broken, letting himself open to the devastation that his last relationship caused, and maybe moving too fast.
Calm yourself down,OP and let him breathe...

He hasn't been out of the previous one long enough to go jumping into another.
I would suggest that both of you get to know the other WELL before the talk of commitment comes into play.
To me it sounds as if he is reevaluating how he enters into a commitment, and this is a good thing.
 zapped
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 23
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:15:43 AM
Give him time..he was honest to tell you what he feels.It seems he was hurt badly that he scared to fall inlove and who knows scared to be betrayed again.
At this time he needs his trust back.
Just go out and date him nothing more.Let him find his way to fall in love again.
I think he needs someone that he could trust on.
 LakeCountyGal
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 24
What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:34:27 PM
It could be that he just needs more time to heal. Six months is not a lot of time, if his ex cheated on him. It could be that he's wary of getting emotionally involved with someone right now too deeply. There's really nothing you can do about that. Just give him some time and occasional space. Once he's reached a point of feeling like he can trust someone again, his actions, will speak louder then his words.

But don't wait forever. If years go by, and you're still waiting for more of an emotional commitment, then it's time to move on. It's not really a good idea to start dating someone only six months after they've ended something with someone who cheated on them anyway. He's not ready for anything with anyone yet honestly. You might even want to cut your losses and move on now, instead of waiting around. Maybe a year from now, he'll be ready. Don't short yourself on what you need emotionally in a relationship, if he's not capable of that yet. He needs more time to heal.

Also, its NOT your job to heal him. That's only something he can do over time. You can be supportive but its NOT your job to enable him or be his caregiver. Remember that.
 nielo
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 25
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What does he really mean when he says I'm scared??
Posted: 2/21/2009 1:01:23 PM
He means that he is being followed by agents from out of space. and Tom cruise does not approve of his love life.
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