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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!      Home login  
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 sum1reel
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 1
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!Page 1 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
some "never married" people ,especially women, often see people who have been divorced as "damaged goods"........i don't really let it bother me because i know it isn't true, but some have raised the same concern regarding those people in their 40's who for one reason or another have never been married at all!

any thoughts?
 dreamline01
Joined: 5/8/2005
Msg: 2
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:54:19 AM
Well i don't have any thoughts about that since i'm over my mid thirties and haven't been married once yet.. Hope to do that once in a life time though... :)
 jedbushel
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 3
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:16:24 AM
It is a red flag, but I don't do red flags so I don't care. I think it's a red flag when women talk about red flags, but again, I don't care. I never did a lot of things, marriage is one of them. I had all the relationship experiences but never made it legal. I was an outlaw, a scoff-law, but never an in-law. I fought the law and ... I won.

I would get married now under these conditions:

- if it was for having a baby
- if I felt like it

Before my reason was I didn't want to get divorced. If you're not married, you can't get divorced. That's just common sense. So I can also say I am 45 and haven't ever been divorced. Put a red flag on that!
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 4
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 2:14:45 PM
I don't know about a red flag or not. I know that some woman have told me that they think that there must be something wrong with a guy that is that old and never married.

I did read a study recently that said if a man is 40 or more years old and has never married, there was a 15% chance of him getting married.
 Ruby Lips
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 5
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 3:24:12 PM
Well let me tell you. My Uncle Allan was 41 when he got married. He just died at age 84. He had 2 kids with Aunt Rose and it was just fine. He had numerous grand children as well. So don't never say freakin never. It don't mean a thing. A guy is just a guy and needs to be accepted as just that! I am awfully glad he did get married and do all he did.
 Fiddlenotes
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 6
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 3:33:55 PM
On the other hand, I have a friend and co-worker who is 50 and never married, and quite content with his life. He has to put up with stupid remarks about something being wrong with him, or people asking when was HE going to get married; like there's something wrong with him. A lot of these people seem to be married and miserable - guess they want company.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 7
view profile
History
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 7:31:30 PM
geez... i guess i'm doomed....
 trvlingman
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 8
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:31:27 PM
your supposed to be picky about marriage


it should only happen once.
 cuterguy
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 9
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:50:23 PM
I don't know why people get married--tax reasons, SS, health insurance may be, or because our religious society dictates that it is the right thing to do---but that is another subject.

Come on you goofy woman with your red flags about a guy in his 40's and never married. That is stupid, and I will prove it right now. Personally, I knew I was not ready for that kind of commitment until I was about ummmmmm--39 (I am 41 now). I was honest with myself, and to her (whoever the girl with Walt Disney dreams was at the time) about that fact. Now lets look at the divorce rate, and I want the "red flag women" to tell me that those people were ready and there is nothing wrong with them--just us unmarried guys.

I got two words for that mentality

Stu Pid

I say, get with a guy 40 or over that has never been married, and you may have the best boyfriend you ever had with no baggage or thousands of dollars of credit card debt (probably because the red flag women loved to shop).
 cudahudson
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 10
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/26/2005 8:58:01 PM
Red flag my 50 year old butt, IT'S A 75 FOOT BANNER BEING TOWED BEHIND A SLOW FLYING PLANE.
 cuterguy
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 11
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 10:24:43 AM
Why do you say that cudahudson? I personally like some substance behind the comments.
 cudahudson
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 12
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 12:18:14 PM
Substance*** I am an avid reader. Non-fiction. My office at home contains over 800 books, In any and all books I have read concerning relationships/marriage/personalitys/self help/ or anything to do with marriage all pretty much agree on what is said about a large majority of those that are over 40 and never have been married. It doesn't say it's a red flag or anything harsh. But does say that a person over 40 and never married usually is because of the way they were raised, mostly because of the homelife and enviroment they experienced as a child. Most from broken homes, an abusive parent and such. Fear of commitment also tops the list. Next is personality disorders.
Then there are some that reach that age and never married because of their choice, jobs, being more of an introvert and then not finding the "perfect" mate.
I also personally know several that are 40 and older that are not married. My two closest friends for instance never have been married. Both are females, over 40 and one was a model for about 10 years and is still beautiful. But she is a total **** and she knows it.I tell her this too. The other is nice looking and a great person, not a **** but her atttitude sucks. She worked so hard on her career to get where she is and now seldom dates anyone. Has this deal If a man makes less than her, which sucks too.
Hope this helped..
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 13
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 10:31:57 PM
Nah. Maybe you should read more fiction. I thunk it's screwing your head up.LOL
 Adonna
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 14
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 11:33:25 PM
BBbBoth are females, over 40 and one was a model for about 10 years and is still beautiful. But she is a total **** and she knows it.I tell her this too. The other is nice looking and a great person, not a **** but her atttitude sucks. She worked so hard on her career to get where she is and now seldom dates anyone. Has this deal If a man makes less than her, which sucks too.
______________________________________________

Gee.. I'm over 40 and Never married.& SURPRISE so is my SIS.... and just cause we're selective in whom our future mate should be.. I don't think it classifies us as ****ES.. or STUCK UP.. or some attitude issue... I came close to marriage 4 times... but heeded for certain reasons.. and NO.. i don't we don't "all" come from an abusive or broken homes.. some of us are well off...

It is primarly on "OUR" behalf not to ERROR as we've seen MANY MANY Relatives/Friends etc.. ppl in society making that mistake... GEE.. why did so & so.. dump HIM or HER.. and How could so & so.. just leave HIM/HER w/ KIDDS and such..

So pls don't Generalize here... Cause some "women" and I believe MEN.. reconize the Errors others make and are taking their TIME.... and YEP.. we DATE if THAT HELPS!!!! We were both RAISED THAT MARRIAGE SHOULD BE A FOREVER BOND... like our MOM & DAD stayed together inwhich couples SELDOM do today... through thick & THIN ............. NEED A RED FLAG THERE?

ps... REASONS I' NEVER MARRIED... HMMM.. let's see..

first one... I was too young ...

2nd... He lived abroad..

3rd... HE WAS TOO YOUNG.. (seperated) and perhaps had COLD FEET..

4th... Was a Mom's BOY....

sooooooooo... if those factors didn't open my eyes... nothn will... a MAN should also be prepared for committment and not just use a woman as a ......(fill in your on word here)... in relations & MARRIAGE......

ARGHHHHHHHh... this Thread SUX...
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 15
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 11:44:57 PM
Well this just proves that people who read a bunch of books and thinks it's the be all end all, just needs to read another book.

My parents have been together for 56 years.
 Adonna
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 16
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/27/2005 11:51:08 PM
:)) .. I agree... they make their lifes a FAIRY TALE... (fiction that is)...

Some still walk on a cloud w/ the literature directing their EVERY MOVE...

Written Vows but not PROMISES.. HUH!! Good one EVANISM ... I applaud you...
 cuterguy
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 17
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 12:38:38 AM
OK cudahudson--Thanks for the insults, we all like them very much.-So you believe everything you read--good for you. That may make you knowledgable from some writers personal thoughts and very possibley skewed stats from the 1940's, but I don't think it makes you wise, so I am wondering if you ever had an origional thought in your life?? How many times have you been married? tell us about the skelletons in your closets, and don't lie to yourself or us.

By the way--my parents married at 35 and 38---still together after 45 years. Take those writes and shove them. getting married today under the age of 30 or 35 is just stupid, and I think you might be able find some stats to support my claim, or are you a selective reader?---jerk

sorry everybody and POF---the guy pissed me off, and I don't stay quiet when that happens---delete if you must.
 mickiesthe1
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 18
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 1:57:07 AM
i think that if those of us who are over 40 and have never been married should be treated just like anyone else, whats up with that, are we damaged goods, no just needing the right man/woman to make us over 40 and finally married,lol
 cudahudson
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 19
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 2:27:44 AM
I did state that some haven't married because they have not found who they wanted. No where did I say ALL haven't married because they are screwed up. Didn't mean to offend any one.
 mickiesthe1
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 20
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 2:35:33 AM
how much truer can you get, marriage is until death do us part, so be picky, it can be worth the wait, i hope?
 cudahudson
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 21
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 3:07:34 AM
Any time someone post a forum about any subject the replies that are given are OPINIONS, I gave mine. You do know what an opinion is don't you? Then you ask for substance. Substance is INFORMATION based on FACT. Excuse me for being able to read more than Sports magazines or newspapers. And yes I do selective reading. I do not read fiction, romance novels, comic books or any book authored by a famous person about their life. What I wrote was based on fact not fiction. And these books are not from the 40's, they are current books. And I also said that some people over 40 haven't married because they have not found their perfect mate yet, did that piss you off too? Or did you ignore that and focus on what leading Doctors had to offer? You made the comment " You believe everything you read" If one person makes a statement in his or her book that is not backed by others Or proof I don't take it solely as truth. However, If several books by different people agree on an issue and have proof because of studies why would I or anyone ignore it? After all: all the knowledge we have today is because of books, is it not? Nor did I say that anyone that waits until they are in their 40's is doomed.
I am divorced, have been for 5 years now. Only married once. The divorce was my fault.
It seems that if an opinion is different than yours it pisses you off. I commend your parents for their long marriage. My parents married at 16 and 18. They were married up until My father passed away, were my parents stupid? You implied they were. You also accused me of insulting everybody, seems like you may have insulted not only me but almost every one else on this site. Now take that and shove it!
 xoxox
Joined: 6/27/2005
Msg: 22
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 6:48:50 AM
feel the love

smell the glove

I love Spinal Tap


OT: why do people keep prefacing sections of their posts with the abbreviation for Old Testament?

If you are communist and have never been married and are over 40 then of course it's a red flag. Statistics aside, I wonder how many people actually fit into this category?
 womanofsubstance
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 23
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 7:56:28 AM
If you can see yourself honestly loving and caring for your partner through sickness that may include impotence, dribbling after a stroke and shitting their bed and your 99.9% sure they feel the same love for you then that is marriage material otherwise its a waste of time.
Im a real red flag, 45 never married with a 12 yr old son a 21 yo daugter and a 28 yr old daughter, and now a 2 yr old grandson. the only one planned was my son and i wouldnt change it for the world. People are so quick to catogerise and judge, without knowing all the reasons. If i ever married it will be once and i prefer it to be someone who has never been married allready unless its a widow. A promise is very serious to me and would never be broken. Apart from the fact that i can count the happy couples i know on one hand and the divorced or unhappy and unfaithful lost count when i was a kid as married men have been trying to get me into bed since i was a 11 and .
people get married for the wrong reasons all the time and the worst thing is the kids suffering and bing used as weaspons sad .
If you get married before 35 the chances are your partner or you will end up cheating,
and we know where that leads.
Some guys are so small minded they think im a child collector or that i have kids for welfare
Its a 24" 7 job and very bad pay so i dont think the accusers are very smart.
Im 45 and had sex with three different men naughty girl i am. I dont believe in abortion when the fathers who i loved at the time were happy with the news. And im not stupid i just have no luck with any contraception at all apart from becoming a nun or tubal liagation which i now have.Dont do it unless you can do the dribble and pooo and still love them
 womanofsubstance
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 24
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 8:23:32 AM
sorry for hogging this post im passionate on this subject as people can be so anoying with their ridicuouls red flags.
One thing i find with outstanding confusion is men who think they are doing you a favor by marrying you,make and honest woman of her, do the right thing, make her happy shut her up You get a live in housemaid,Cook, nanny to your children and sex on tap. Even more anoying are the stupid sensless women who bribe their lover with ultimatums.. A SURE recipie for divorce. My job sometimes involved photographing very young newly weds and fiances and there are times im saying romantic or sexy things to get the natrual smiles and the same time im thinking how many poor kids are going to be produced from this dissaster. Ps never ever say yes under the influence
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 25
over 40 and never married...is this a RED FLAG!
Posted: 6/28/2005 11:04:37 AM
Don't get married unless you can do the dribble and pooo and still love them. LMAO!!!!

You are sooo right womanofsubstance. Not only is it a promise but it IS a vow. I think most people that get married at a young age now days gets divorced for one reason. Lack of commitment. One or the other will get tired, or cheat, or can't deal with changes of circumstance, etc.

What I see with a person thats over 40 and never been married is a person who has taken the time to make a knowledgeable decision not become another marriage or should I say divorce statistic. If more people really, and I mean really took the time to realize the magnitude of the decision of getting married, I think many more would wait until they are older.

cudahudson made a comment that all the knowledge we have today is because of books, is it not? Well to a point. Maybe in subjects such as math, science or history. But nothing any book says will replace good old fashioned experience one gets with living a full and productive life. For example. You can read every book ever written about sailing but a sailor it does not make. Until you actualy get out there on the water and face mother nature with all her wrath and glory will you understand what sailing is all about. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with reading alot of books and one can gain knowledge in reading them. But sometimes you have to poke your head up to make sure you don't miss it. It is life!!
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