| | Parental RelationshipsPage 1 of 1 | How important is it to you that your significant other has a good relationship with their parents?
Furthermore, if you found out that the person you're dating actually hates one of their parents - or both - would that make you respect them less? What if they were merely indifferent to a parent rather than hating them?
TDA | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 10:46:00 AM | Honor thy mother and father is a commandment. It is a deeply engrained mores of our society. However I think there are certain transgressions that parents can make against their children that take years and sometimes never are resolved. If this were the case I would help the man to become aware of the freedom of forgiveness. On the other hand....
If he was just behaving like a spoiled brat I'd dump him. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 10:46:46 AM | ^^^^^^^**oh please chill lets not turn this into some religious bullshiit thread of commandments *sigh* I don't think she was asking to be a born again Christian!**
I think family relations are : Very important.
Otherwise, they may envy the relationship their partner has with their parents and subconsciously maliciously seek to destroy it.
Mind you I have seen cases where the guy adopts the girls parents and the story has a happy ending, but all too often I see it fall the other way.
The girl is pulled away from her family due to her blind faith in her new love.
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Posted: 2/16/2009 10:51:37 AM | With all honesty, I don't have the best relationship with my parents. That doesn't mean that I should get judged for it. I don't necessarily expect it to have an effect on future relationships.
I applaud those who have good relationships with their parents. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 11:06:59 AM | I think how someone feels about their family (parents included) says a lot about who they are as a person. Chances are, if your potential love interest 'hates' anyone, that person probably has a hard time forgiving and forgetting. In the end, being in a relationship with someone who cannot forgive and forget will make the relationship just that much harder.
I think that not getting along with one's parents is a choice that we make. I think taking it to the extremes of 'hating' is very self destructive.
Good luck to you. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 11:15:12 AM | i do look at how someone conducts their other relationships. parents (and kids) are obviously big ones. if she doesn't get along with one of her parents, i'm willing to look at reasons for it if she's willing to talk about it. obviously if there was abuse involved, i'd take her side and understand that she wouldn't want to stay in contact with someone who was an abusive parent as she was growing up.
if she has a really strained relationship with one or more of her kids that goes beyond the usual teenage stuff then that's a *huge* red flag..and if she says there's one of her kids who she hasn't talked with or even contacted in several years and is still living, then i'm already out the door. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 11:18:55 AM |
How important is it to you that your significant other has a good relationship with their parents?
Definitely less important than whether she has a good relationship with me. Call it selfishness but my primary relationship is with my significant other, not our parents. Besides, who am I to judge her history with whomever? If our relationship is good and she's healthy, why should it matter? | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 11:23:41 AM |
Definitely less important than whether she has a good relationship with me.
Who are you trying to date? Him or his parents? | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 11:26:36 AM | Parental Relationships
Posted: 2/16/2009 10 46 AM
"""" ^^^^^^**oh please chill lets not turn this into some religious bullshiit thread of commandments *sigh* I don't think she was asking to be a born again Christian ""
Strait up don't get your undies in a twist I know you have a grudge against me I don't GAF over it.
Every body here knows I am NO Bible thumper so CAN it Strait.
Look I'm not here to heal your sexual frustrations so why don't you just leave me alone.
Go chase someone elses post today. You look pathetic when you follow me around like people see you do.
I was making a point. It is just a very real fact that people are conficted with anger against their parents because of what a vast majority of people dictate through this commandment.
They get real backed up with guilt feelings even when anger could be justified because the thought is you should always Honor your parent.
The reality is that parents are human too and fallible and make mistakes. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:36:10 PM | Honor thy mother and father is a commandment
Well if that isn't bible thumping than I don't know what is.
Chill you give yourself far too much credit. I don't have a grudge against you ...you like to run off at the mouth quite a bit ....I am just someone that will call a spade a spade.
*laughs*
case of you dishing it out but not being able to take it | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:39:16 PM | ^^^^ I think your someone that doesn't know how to back off.. Now I'm asking you the nicest way I know possible to F*CK OFF.
It is not tea toddling.
It is a statement of fact.
which I think culturally applies to OP"s topic. Now stay on topic and get off of me. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:42:23 PM |
Furthermore, if you found out that the person you're dating actually hates one of their parents - or both - would that make you respect them less? What if they were merely indifferent to a parent rather than hating them?
In a single word; no. I actually have a hard time taking someone seriously who is "too" close to their family. You've gotta grow up and leave the nest at some point. Those who are too tight with their family are more inclined to have them influence them and their personal lives. I don't need that type of nonsense, no thanks. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:47:13 PM | It's important, but it's not a dealbreaker either way.
If someone has a great relationship with their parents, I think that's a bonus. It speaks well of them as a person in general. And I think it tells a lot about their personality, what they care about in life, how caring they are to other people.
However, I have met parents who didn't deserve love and respect. There are legitimate reasons why some parents don't deserve it.
If a person does not have a good relationship with their parents, then there's a huge breakdown somewhere. Even if it's solely the parents fault, the "child" still feels the ramifications of the parents actions. If this were the case, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker as long as the person has resolved whatever issues that may be plaguing them as a result of a broken parental relationship. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:49:37 PM | No, I would not make a snap judgement on this. Find out the reasons why, if they will even tell you. Not everybody grows up in a "Leave it to Beaver" household. Some of us grew up with parents who abandoned us, or whose parents where druggies and alcoholics. Its not easy to forgive and forget 18 years of violence. And the damage that kind of childhood causes lasts a life time. So ask. If he/she was raised in an abusive home, they might not want to talk about it until the relationship is further along. And if they were raised in an abusive household, expect lots of strong emotions when they do open up about it.
So find out why. Remember, not all parents deserve our love and respect. That which is freely given when we are very little must be earned as we grow up. And sometimes, it just isn't. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 1:54:01 PM |
It's important, but it's not a dealbreaker either way.
If someone has a great relationship with their parents, I think that's a bonus. It speaks well of them as a person in general. And I think it tells a lot about their personality, what they care about in life, how caring they are to other people.
However, I have met parents who didn't deserve love and respect. There are legitimate reasons why some parents don't deserve it.
What she said. There are a lot of people who shouldn't have been parents in the first place and sometimes people have to sever ties with dysfunctional family members in order to heal and lead a healthy life. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 2:00:32 PM | Everyone has a different story, so its kind of asinine to make flat judgments on someone based on circumstances you know nothing about. I'm very close to my mother, but haven't spoken to my father in years, nor will I ever speak to him again, not for anything he may have done to me but for what he did to my family, especially mom. I also have little or nothing to do with my brother or sister, and I'm estranged from my adult son. With the exception of my father, the lack of closeness with my family, particularly my son, bothers me more than I could ever tell. I have made several efforts in the past to try and repair all of these relationships, but if there is no response from the other party, what can I do, other than go on about my life and hope things change eventually? None of that makes me a bad person though, and I wouldn't presume to stand in judgment of someone in similar circumstances without knowing anything about their backstory.
if you found out that the person you're dating actually hates one of their parents - or both - would that make you respect them less? What if they were merely indifferent to a parent rather than hating them?
You're making a mistake on that one OP, thinking which one is worse. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 2:59:52 PM | Strait ups edit : " case of you dishing it out but not being able to take it"
No it's NOT. I didn't dish out anything but an appropriate opinion here.
If I thought you were right I would own it. If I want to bump the bible I will. I'm not
wearing it because it doesn't apply.
This topic touches home for me. My father threw his life away for alcohol. My mother died when I was 10.
My father drank from that day on with a vengence.
He lost his soul to alcohol. He beat me more time than I can remember.
I was conflicted by the commandments.
He died from alcohol when I was 22.
I had to first forgive myself for being angry with him and for not "honoring" him.
Then I had to forgive him.
IT took me years and yes, it interefered with my relatioinships with men.
I had to forgive a dead man.
THere was no closure when he was alive . Never a chance for a Sober conversation .
So... I'm not posting what I post because it's awhim.
I post what I know becasue I lived it.
I made my point.. about commandments because it hurt me to not honor my father even though his life was robbed of all honor from alcohol. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 3:08:50 PM | I agree with takeachillpill. You must honot your mother and father.
It's just the way it is. Doesn't mean you're religeous.
We don't always have a say as to if we can have a "good" relationship with our parents. They play a role in that too.
Where I draw the line is when someone has bad feelings or can't forgive a parent. Ever, even after they are dead. That's just wrong.
It says something about a person who can harbor such ill will.
There's some things that are sacred. That's one of them. Take it or leave it. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 3:15:33 PM | Don't care. Not even remotely. Rates somewhere with "what was her fave colour in the third grade." If she hates MY parents, that could be problematic, but I could work around that one, too.
On the other hand, if she were being smothered by her family and had no real autonomy, individuality, or willpower of her own...THEN there'd be a problem!
Oh, and you can honour your mother and father without liking them. Just sayin'. | |
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Posted: 2/16/2009 3:18:36 PM | Now I'm asking you the nicest way I know possible to F*CK OFF.
hehehe, Sick 'em, Girl!
Ahhh, that's what I love about her. She just has a way with words. 
if you found out that the person you're dating actually hates one of their parents - or both - would that make you respect them less?
That depends on her reasoning and how her hatred affects her life... and me.
What if they were merely indifferent to a parent rather than hating them?
Again, it would depend on her reason/s.
For the most part, I'm dating HER, not her parents. So, unless the situation had a negative impact on her ability to have healthy relationships, it probably wouldn't be a big deal. That being said, I think that hatred in general has no real productive value in a person's life. To me, it indicates either unresolved issues and/or the inability and/or unwillingness to let go of things which you can't control. IMO, it's a waste of time & energy. | |
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