| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:26:58 AM | I see a lot of folks my age with reference in their profiles about what good manners they have. They list that they do, or they want someone to open doors, say please and thank you etc. My question is is it acceptable not to have manners?
I know I wouldn't date or be friends with someone who didn't treat others with respect and show good manners. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:31:50 AM | Of course its acceptable not to have good manners. The question is why would you want to deal with a rude person? | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:37:59 AM | | I have seen many profiles in which the men do stress that they enjoy treating women like ladies by opening doors, holding chairs and helping with their coats. This is NOT an automatic given with all men. There are quite a few men who do NOT do these things. I, personally, love it when a man is so considerate and I appreciate him stating that he behaves in such a manner. As for saying please and thank you... I've never seen that mentioned in a profile, but I wouldn't be surprised to read it. That, I would think, should be standard behavior with everyone, as well as eating with your mouth closed, not spitting in public, not sticking your chewing gum under the table, etc. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:40:49 AM | One thing ms filly about the old opening doors routine. I personally like to do it but have been yelled at in the past for being "sexist" for doing what I though was common courtesey. Course I would open doors and such like for anyone, male or female. now that to me is courteous. However common courtesey, like common sense, is not all that common!  | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:50:35 AM | I'm with parrothead. If I'm in a position to make it slightly easier for anyone, I'll do it. It's common courtesy.
As to common courtesy and common sense being not that common, I saw a quote last week about common wisdom: very common, and not that wise. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:59:36 AM | One thing ms filly about the old opening doors routine. I personally like to do it but have been yelled at in the past for being "sexist" for doing what I though was common courtesey. Course I would open doors and such like for anyone, male or female. now that to me is courteous. However common courtesey, like common sense, is not all that common
Do what feels good for you, regardless. Personally, I like the fact that a man will open the door for me, or pull out a chair. Although I see that sort of thing happening less and less, it's has been my experience that men my age and older still extend that type of courtesy.
Msg 4 & 5...you're both right on.
...maeflowers | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:05:05 PM | To me, having good manners is just basic" Living on a Populated Planet 101". They should not have to be strenously thought about, practiced, rehearsed, or listed as something that makes one extra special. They should be applied equally to all other human beings unless that other human being displays intentional bad behavior or hostility first. (Ladies do not START fights,but they may FINISH them!)
I'm not talking about "which fork to use"( which is actually dirt easy, work your way from the outside of the place setting towards the plate) or sticking your pinkie finger in the air while drinking tea.( an idiotic affectaion)
It's simply a dedication to making life as pleasant as possible under whatever circumstances you happen to be in, for those coming in contact with you.
Knowing how the hell to act should not be something that you list in your profile as some kind of special skill or gift!
Cindy O | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:33:04 PM | "have been yelled at in the past for being "sexist""
That logic I don't get. I hold doors open for others and will hurry to do so for anyone struggling with packages/children etc. What does that make me? From where I am standing I think it makes me a normal well mannored and considerate person. I sure am not going to post that in my profile though.
I can't understand anyone who would date someone who didn't have respect for others, and the character to demonstrate good manners. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:34:51 PM | I think it is a sad state of affairs when we have to ask if it acceptable not to have manners?
Of course it is not acceptable. The last man I met didn't open doors, didn't flush the toliet, had a crude mouth and I believe I introduced him to silverware. This experience made me realize just how important good manners are to me. I had never experienced something like this before.
For the most part, the men that I have been with all have very nice manners as do my friends and after this experience I appreciate their good manners more than ever. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:59:33 PM |
The last man I met didn't open doors, didn't flush the toliet, had a crude mouth and I believe I introduced him to silverware WOW..where did you get him I bet it would be very challenging for everyone | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:06:59 PM | Yep, everyone likes well-mannered people.
Pity more of it isn't shown here. I'd hate to argue with many of you in real life. The b1tchyness and crowing is disgusting.
Now can we go back to "debating" how fat is beautiful or whether we'd have sex with poor people or ugly people?
In other words...this topic is more  than usual. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:11:19 PM | Lol! Once, long ago, while I was still in college, I was going into a bookstore. A man was trapped there holding the door for a woman, long since gone, as a stream of other women used the open door to exit. I tapped him on the arm, said let me get this door, he left with evident relief, and I let the door go on the next woman. . . .
Manners work both ways, or should. Kind of nice for both sides to know the rules (I wait in my side of the car for him to walk around and open the door -- unless it's raining, grin). It can end up being a lovely pavane for both if handled well and with good grace.
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:21:34 PM |
Yep, everyone likes well-mannered people.
Pity more of it isn't shown here. I'd hate to argue with many of you in real life. The b1tchinness and crowing is disgusting.
I have to agree that there is a lot of bad manners shown in these forums. At least a couple of the threads which were deleted over this past weekend were prime examples of how truly bad mannered and cruel people can be. I often wonder if these same people are as rude and crass in real life or if they just feel safe in exhibiting deplorable behaviour because they perceive themselves to be talking to a computer screen.
Yes, manners and courtesy toward others are very big on my list of things that I want in those who make my aquaintance. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:24:11 PM | Parrothead says that women have yelled at him in the past for opening a door. And I've heard it quite a few times here in the forums from men over time. I mean really... this is 2009, has anyone actually done this since maybe .... 1966  ?????
Now I'm an ol'hippy gal myself and have never.... in my whole life ever given anyone any grief about being courteous! Is this some sort of Urban Myth created as a backlash to another time and space? Just how long are we going to milk that tit anyway, has it just become another excuse to be rude  ? I don't know anyone who doesn't appreciate being considered or being considerate these days.  | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:43:57 PM | "I don't know anyone who doesn't appreciate being considered or being considerate these days. "
I agree, and every time I see it in a profile as a brag that the person has manners, I wonder why they think that it is a choice.
I believe in being respectful, until I am shown disrespect. Then I explain why I find something disrespectful, and if the disrespect continues, I am gone. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 2:03:12 PM | I agree fully with you.
I am new to these forums but I would not brag about what should be "common Courtesy". Showing my age!!
I don't know anyone that would not want and expect good manners. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 2:07:54 PM | | Personally, I wanna date a guy who was raised by a pack of wolves and eats with a shovel ... and maybe keeps a few specks in his beard for later ... | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 2:58:16 PM |
I personally like to do it but have been yelled at in the past for being "sexist" for doing what I though was common courtesey.
Is that really true? I queried some of my males friends, ranging in age from late 20s to late 50s. Only ONE ever had a woman say anything to him, and he said it was in the 1970s, and he ignored it.
Besides which, if only ONE oerson EVER gave you bad feedback on , say, a restaurant and 100 others said it was wonderful, would you stop going to that restaurant? Guys seem to want to be stubbornly poutful about this particlaur act. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:06:31 PM |
Besides which, if only ONE oerson EVER gave you bad feedback on , say, a restaurant and 100 others said it was wonderful, would you stop going to that restaurant? Guys seem to want to be stubbornly poutful about this particlaur act.
OMG, there is so much resentment of feminism among men. I see it as all a part of an anti-feminist backlash. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:10:08 PM | I don't think it's bragging that they have manners. I see it as kind of sad that so many people don't have manners that someone feels they should make a point of saying that they do. I help out people all the time, with doors, packages, etc. We are all connected and in this together, it should be natural to everyone to help each other. Unfortunately, it's not.
I tapped him on the arm, said let me get this door, he left with evident relief, and I let the door go on the next woman. . . .
I'm sorry, the bad in me laughed when I read this.
There are manners and then there are the people who feel entitled to walk all over someone.
Entitlement is another issue having to do with manners. Today, I was in a sandwich/coffee shop. It was crowded because of school being off for President's Day. The line was long but the big problem was that people would send their friends off to save a table while one of them waited in line. Meanwhile others, me included were standing there with food in hand waiting for a table to open up.
While I was waiting, I mentioned to a women still waiting in line to order that I thought it wasn't right for people to save tables. If they would just wait until they got their food, there would be an open table. She looked at me, spoke to her daughter and then rushed off to find a table! I saw one open up and I headed for it and she rushed over to get it ahead of me. I politely said, "excuse me, I'm sorry but I'm standing here with my food and I would really like to start eating." She just looked at me and walked away. So, at least I got to sit and eat. But, I could not understand!!! She was going to have to wait at least 10-15 minutes before getting her food and I was standing there with food in hand!!!! ARGH!
I could NOT believe it! | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:15:41 PM | Oh my.... my SO is so well mannered it is almost unbelievable. He opens my car door, waits until I walk in a door, says please and thank you for the itty bitty things.
I would so like to send his parents a thank you for they did a wonderful job instilling manners in him. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:23:16 PM | | I think typically people of our age are more mannered in public. It infuriates me to hear the f* bomb and other colorful language being dropped all over the Wal Mart or even in restaurants with little or no regard for who else is around. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:29:04 PM | pinciperro--you go girl! Lucky you-I'm jealous! I had an ex who was an extremely gallant gentleman like that and I loved every minute of it.
As far as the need to mention having manners in their profiles....it makes me think of the idiotic tags companies have to place on their products nowadays due to some of the idiots in the world:
*on a hairdryer: do not use in water
*coffee: warning, very hot!
It's unfortunate that they would need to mention it, but it is still appreciated. | |
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| Mannors among the over 45 yr. old
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:38:00 PM | For men, manners toward women are something that we learn
from our fathers as we are growing up.
Most of the women that I have dated have had exceptional
manners...except for my most recent experience.
I think she thought "manners" were palatial estates in
the deep south. | |
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