| | What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I'd like to know how many men on this site actually go out with a woman on a second date. And if so, is it a sexual conquest? This requires absolute honesty, if you care to answer these questions.
I have met about eight men. All but two have not wanted a second date, and the ones who did wanted a sexual relationship and were planning on remaining on the site to meet more women. (I have been on this site previously.)
It would be great if men were honest about wanting Intimate Encounters. Instead, they claim they want Long Term relationships, and their profiles describe all sorts of family oriented things. Also, they always seem to mention a wide variety of favorite activities. In fact, they are impatient with women who actually want the things they boast about in their profiles, it seems!
Guys, when you make a date to meet a woman that you're hoping will turn your porn site to reality, you are harming women who believe you want to meet, get to know them and have a loving relationship. Your quick judgment, impatience with their values and inability to be honest about your tastes leaves women filled with self-doubt and feelings of rejection.
I have met men elsewhere, through politics, work, family, friends and none have been quite so abrupt, obvious, entitled or humorless! Dating is not a porn movie waiting to happen! But is this site changing that definition? | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 4:03:20 AM | Both men and women on dating sites will try to use all sorts of 'bait' to attract someone. They may have ulterior motives that you only discover later on. Shady yes, common, yes unfortunately. I think for those who actually want a IE are loathe to put that on their profiles because they fear being stigmatized for it. The thing is, that that goal does come out some time and if the person they met up with are not in for that, they feel cheated, the IE person doesn't get what they want either and the cycle goes on.
I feel that honesty is always the best policy, but the internet is a house of mirrors - you never know what is real and what isn't. Good luck. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 4:27:12 AM | Do what my friend did...she posted a fake profile on an adult sex site, just to see which men who were here and on match looking for LTR were on there looking for IE. She found out the majority were.
A lot of men tell me they want to be friends first. They say well you have to be friends to have a good relationship. I said that's fine, but once u are my friend that is all you will be. AND I don't have sex with my friends. Suddenly they dont even want to be friends anymore.
I'd say majority here are just looking for sex. My ex bro in law is here, and getting laid more than he did when he was younger. And his computer is filled with nude photos he has tried to show off to other family members. Sick if you ask me, but the women dont' seem to mind, so what can you do? | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 4:38:10 AM | To answer the question "Why can't a sexual relationship be a Long Term.."
It's pretty obvious when a person wants sex, but no intimacy. They keep you at arms length, tend to say that you want too much from them, go on about the business of finding others at the same time. There are many more signs, subtle but telling. Like not complimenting you, not being affectionate, because you will think they like you! In other words, you are getting together for sexual needs only. Anything more is a patronizing action on their part. And they think you surely enjoy this sort of arrangement, much like the scenarios porn movies depict. It can go on for a Long Time, but not if you can separate your thinking from your emotions and stay in reality.
Long Term relationships involve sex, but have more depth, consideration, acceptance, patience and the need for emotional connection. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 4:43:05 AM |
All but two have not wanted a second date, and the ones who did wanted a sexual relationship and were planning on remaining on the site to meet more women. (I have been on this site previously.)
So they TOLD you they only wanted a sexual relationship and were planning on staying here??
Yeah...um...just because they wanted a second date does not mean they are commited to you. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 5:15:20 AM | Of course I did not expect a commitment from someone on the second date. I should have said when I wrote this, I got involved with one, whom I thought was a clean cut guy with an interest in me and possibly a LT. I then noticed he was on the site every day. He proved he was going to meet others when he answered a friends e-mail with "I like meeting new people..." and went on to elaborate and chat about meeting her after work. I don't expect much from a new relationship, except some respect for my feelings and values. He pretty much knew from my general conversation I'm not into casual. Plus he told me when I didn't want to see him anymore that he's NOT seeing anyone (just diligently searching..!).
OK, alright already, I want a relationship! And I'm awkward about it! And I don't like being disregarded when I'm vulnerable at the beginning! So shoot me. lol | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 5:55:36 AM | I've never 'expected sex' on the first date, or second, or 3rd... but then, I'm not really looking to date on here anymore, and you're 1000+miles away 
Welcome to POF... you'll find a lot of that, but we're not all like that. I've had the same in reverse, so don't fret it... maybe you'll meet 'mr. right' and maybe you won't... thats life. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 6:22:34 AM |
I have met men elsewhere, through politics, work, family, friends and none have been quite so abrupt, obvious, entitled or humorless!
To be fair, these are social function you're meeting these men at- It's quite different when you meet a man from a dating site. They go into it thinking they'll probably never see you again, so they 'have nothing to lose' by acting the way they do. Family, friends, work etc provides pressure to be respectful b/c they will see you again and will face consequences for being jackasses.
Go into a date thinking the worst,hoping for the best. Shouldn't be that way, I know. Maybe you should date men from your social circles-the politicians, friends, etc.....
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 6:33:21 AM | | Sorry to hear about your troubles finding a guy miss. But it's just the reality of meeting people online. You're better off to shake it off and keep searching for a genuine person rather than question why in the forums :) There certainly ARE good men and women out there looking for the same thing you are. Best of luck. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 6:49:33 AM | | i think you need to understand somethings about this site or being on the net. understand the old fashioned way. meet people out and about. which means not too many. now fast forward to the present, the net. multiply how many people you can meet on the net. so that being said. think how many jerks you met out in public,verses nice guys. and again multiply the net. meaning more bad guys then good guys many times over. they are out there. trust me im going through the same thing with woman on this site. but you have to kiss your share of toads. good luck. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 6:55:42 AM | | After a successful first meeting, it typically takes me from one to three dates to decide if there's long term relationship potential in someone I meet on line. Sex in this period is a mistake (for me). If I think there's long term potential, I stop meeting other people and would not date anyone else (this would include hiding my profile, changing status, etc.). However, until I make that decision (on my own), I will meet others and might go out with someone else. I would expect the women I'm meeting to do the same. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 7:26:06 AM | These questions always boggle my mind.
OP, I guess my question for you is, "What are YOU looking for when you date?" If not a sexual relationship, then, what? Sex actually IS part of an adult relationship, so I don't think it's out of line for men to be sexually attracted to a woman they agreed to date.
I gots friends, and lots of 'em. And I don't sleep with hardly any of them! I'm not on here looking for another friend. I am, essentially, looking for a long-term sex partner with friendship benefits. | |
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Mxchic
| | Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:14:22 AM | [I'm not on here looking for another friend. I am, essentially, looking for a long-term sex partner with friendship benefits. ]
Well put CassaGo!
It seems pretty tough to keep a "fish on" without giving up the bait regardless of what kind of "relationship" they say they want. I'm getting more familiar with the signs though and finding it much easier to keep myself from becoming attached in any way since most fish disappear quickly at the first sign that "no bait cometh" as quickly as they expect...?
I didn't get to move into my house until I committed to the mortgage! And I didn't get to drive my car home until I signed the loan papers. So me lovely fishys, there will be no bait until the hook is firmly set and you crave the net rather than fear it! don't worry, we're not talking about the frying pan.........yet! | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:31:07 AM | OP you need to read the Testimonials. There are people leaving here every day that have found more than just sex. Of course some people stay when they have found good relationships too.
I know that I am human and when I met my bf the attraction was really strong. I hope that we will be lt, but sex is very much a part of any relationship I would have. I think if you meet someone where you have a major physical attraction, it is hard not to get involved sexually early on.
I also don't think there is any time of magical time you need to wait until you feel something for someone else. I don't believe in love at first site, but don't discount falling in love with someone that you have emailed, spoken to on the phone, and met. You don't have to physically spend tons of time with someone to click. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:31:13 AM |
there will be no bait until the hook is firmly set and you crave the net rather than fear it!
That's gonna be one sick little fishy you nab with that approach. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 10:41:03 AM | Many first dates ( especially on the internet ) don't lead to second dates. There are plenty of reasons of it. Lack of attraction or compatbility. Some people are extremely picky. Some people may have met someone that they liked better. Some people may have decided to remain single. Some people could be married or got back together with an ex-significant other.
I'd like to know how many men on this site actually go out with a woman on a second date. And if so, is it a sexual conquest?
Provided that there were no obvious dealbreakers, I would usually have 2-3 dates with a woman before determining if I'm interested in continuing to see her. I'm not only looking for sex either. BTW I hope the OP or any woman doesn't think that most men are ONLY looking for sex based on some bad experiences. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:34:26 AM | raiderfan18, you wrote, "Do what my friend did...she posted a fake profile on an adult sex site, just to see which men who were here and on match looking for LTR were on there looking for IE. She found out the majority were. "
There's no practical way your friend could have done enough matching of profile to profile to get enough valid results to convince me that her sampling could lead her to the conclusion that "the majority were". I can believe that she checked on the men she was interested in and found that the majority of those men were. But do you see how that skews the test? That just might be the kind of man that she is presently attracting/attracted to. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:35:07 AM | | It would be nice if people, men or women period would just simply say what it is they really want from the beginning. I have met quite a few (men) on here, and not ONE has been the same from before the meeting, to after! Some forgot to mention wives, girlfriends, recent photos, or just plain out "all of a sudden do not know what they want". And these are men older than me, which is even scarier!!! I have decided to keep it for the forums only now, it is too time consuming and emotionally draining, trying to get to know someone, trust them, just to have them come up with some bullshit excuse to attempt a relationship. I am starting my own site called "Jekyl & Hyde.Com...that would be more appropriate. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:44:08 AM | | quite right ive had the same thing happen to me,its a bit like a pick me,but in my experiance i seem to get the rotten apple,some women and men have no moral standing at all and will stoop to any level to get what they want and not spare others feelings except when its there own please be warned honest people dont grow on trees but they are out there somewhere(any clues)happy searcing | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:49:47 AM | You can't control others..... the only you can control is yourself....
I think the majority of men will try to get into every woman's pants but will want you more if you don't let him but at the same time still show interest and attraction so long as he is into you as a person. If not then he will just go onto the next one whether you put out or not. | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 11:50:57 AM | Not all, just enough to give the honest , well intentioned few alot more crap to crawl through. Those of us looking for a relationship are at a disadvantage. Sorry bout your bad experiences. But your just picking the wrong people to go out with...
Mike | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:01:36 PM | Funny thing on another paying site recently I had encountered a man who just relentlessly pursued me. I ended up paying a month so that I could respond back.. nothing I ever do... my profile states very plainly that I am not casual girl date that I am looking for long term... so we start dating.. and low and behold he tells me that he wants a sexual relationship with me but nothing else... that he is only good for a one night stand at the moment.... but of course he wants ME to be that stand on a weekly basis.... I tell him honestly that I cannot do that... I want a "boyfriend".. (can you see my virtual head bouncing from shoulder to shoulder)???
I suggest he sign up for one of those "adult" sites... that there were plenty of women who would ablige... but he says no, he doesn't want it with strangers.. sigh....
My point is please leave me alone... I let it be known where I stand.... why mess with me??? UGGGG....
I get it... I to believe most guys here are looking for the goodbar experience.... | |
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| What Kind Of Dates Are happening Here?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:13:44 PM | Well on-line there are no consequences for being deceitful. There is no connection back to the persons "real" life. Friends, work or family. So the lack of honesty is going to be a little higher. These people are running on the "no one will ever know" so it doesn't matter platform.
God help us all when the concept of a sexual relationship with the benefit of a friendship becomes the standard of a long term relationships!
Love me for my heart, soul and mind, and enjoy me for my physical abilities! | |
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