| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:58:31 AM | not really sure where i should post this at, but heres the deal. ive been dating this guy for 2 wks and we talked every day and went on a few really good dates. i had the best valentines day of my life with him. every thing was going really good. i talked to him thursday night and he couldnt wait for friday so we could see each other. he worked out of town thurs. night and was supposed to be back early fri. morning. i called him and left a message assuming he was still sleeping. fri. night rolles around and i still havent heard from him. this is a guy who only needs 5hrs of sleep. so its saturday and i called once more and voicemail. im really sick to my stomach b/c i really like this guy and i dont understand why hes avoiding my calls. hes the type that always answers when i call. (for the record we have not done anything except kiss) so now im thinking he met someone else, maybe he was in a car wreck, he has 2 phones so unless he lost both of them?? i seriously need to know what other people think. sorry if this sounds lame but my stomach really is in knots over this. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:00:35 AM | 2 weeks and you're like this???
No offense but slow the heck down lady!!! It could be something legit but seriously...dudes HATE this type of thing. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:06:00 AM | | He stood you up and I would be pissed but definitely chill out. Forget the accident thing. You will hear if there was an accident. It has only been 2 weeks. I agree with wannashake, it is not good form. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:06:43 AM | | I agree with wannashake.....dudes hate this type of thing....tons of women hate this type of thing too. I felt claustrophobic just reading it. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:08:10 AM | Maybe he's still out of town or maybe he's just thinking things over, don't call him anymore.
He still has your number, he will call you if he cares. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:11:32 AM | It's only 2 weeks and that's too soon to be making predictions on his behaviour. There are LOTS of possible explanations. Maybe the out-of-town job went on longer than expected. Maybe his phone isn't ringing at his end. Maybe he met someone else and is staying at their place. Maybe his mum had an emergency and he went to stay with her. Maybe he's actually married and his wife was just away for a couple of weeks. Maybe he has a migraine and isn't up to answering the phone.
You can't drive yourself crazy over this stuff: the most likely explanation is probably very boring. You also are kidding yourself if you think you know him at all after 2 weeks: you don't and the emotions you're displaying are crossing all kinds of logical boundaries to the extent where you appear to be a fruit loop. Don't do this to yourself. He's probably a moron who scrubbed up well and was able to act civilised for a short time. Maybe not -- but at this stage you can't know that he's not and you're acting like you do.
Hold your thumbs and do some deep breathing. Then go and do something constructive or spend time with a friend and forget about him until he calls you. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:13:22 AM | Baby who knows why he didnt call. We certainly dont. All your gonna get are guesses here. And if you have read these forums very long you better take advise here with a grain of salt. At times the advise here is crazier then the questions posted. Hard to believe but true.
Now the best advise is QUIT CALLING. He will get a hold of you when ready. He was excited to see ya. Who knows if he is boinking another gal or just had business come up or what?
We dont know. You were not exclusive yet either right?
Just stop calling him and wait for him to call you. He knows you want to speak to him. Hopefully your not calling sobbing saying your going to start calling the hospitals and jails to find him as your going crazy not hearing from him.
Just chill out. Go grab a beer and get out of the house for a while and quit worrying.
Best of Luck
Cowboy | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:13:55 AM | OP, from your posting history it sounds to me like maybe you’re not emotionally in the position to be dating. In December you posted about moving in with a guy after a month and being “sick to your stomach” when that ended. That was barely two months ago. It’s been two weeks with this guy and you’re sick to your stomach again because you haven’t heard from him?
I was going to say slow down, too, but I get the feeling that moving fast in relationships is what you’re accustomed to. IMO, I think you need to get a better grip on your emotions and take some time for yourself instead of jumping into one relationship after another. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:15:37 AM | If this is enough to make you sick, I'll bet I know why he's ditching your phone calls 
seriously, you have too much invested in someone you've only known for 2 weeks. you expect him to create too much in your life that you could create yourself, that's why you are so in the wringer about this. There's probably a good explanation, and if you don't leave 100 messages, he may tell you what it is.
Its not like he's used you for sex, according to what you wrote, so breathe deep, relax, find something else to do. either he'll call, or he won't...and if he doesn't call, then what did you lose? absolutely nothing, b/c he never got a chance to use you. You didn't lend him money, didn't sleep w/ him, so you have no investment in this guy, you just had some nice times together. You can always find someone to have nice times together with, that's not irreplaceable. so, don't invest so much in the hope this guy is going to be the answer to your dreams, and invest instead in creating those dreams yourself. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:21:44 AM | | thanks everone for your opinions. i still dont feel like i was smothering him for calling twice over a 15hr period. but either way i needed to know what you guys thought. and passthemuster you are right, i did meet this guy soon after my ex but i wasnt "looking" for anything when i met him. it was by accident. either way i value your opinion. in all honesty im not the one who tries to move fast. the last 3 guys i dated all said they were in love with me or they wanted to marry me within the first week and that scared the crap out of me. they were the ones pushing. it does toy with my emotions when i hear stuff like that. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:29:09 AM |
i still dont feel like i was smothering him for calling twice over a 15hr period.
...and here in lies your problem. Everyone tells you it's too much...and you don't agree. What were you really looking for here??? | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:34:01 AM |
it does toy with my emotions when i hear stuff like that
It can only toy with your emotions if you’re in a vulnerable place…emotionally. That’s why I suggested that it might be a good idea to take some time away from the dating scene until you can get yourself to a more emotionally healthy state of mind.
I don’t say this to be hurtful, but I get the impression that you place the responsibility of your happiness on whoever happens to be the man in your life, and when they let you down in some way, your world is crushed.
Back to this particular guy, yeah, I would say that chances are he stood you up . That sucks, I know. To feel disappointed is natural, but to be feeling so devastated by it after only two weeks says that you had far too much emotion invested in him. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:47:29 AM | and thats the funny thing b/c i tried to keep a wall up over myheart so i wouldnt get hurt. i guess im upset b/c it just doesnt make sense. im not trying to argue w/anyone here. and no i havent left any sobbing messages about anything. the only one i left was short and simple just telling me to give me a cal when he woke up. and i only called him friday b/c he told me thursday night to call him when i got up, of course it was hours later.
i guess the reason im so hurt is b/c ive dated a lot of jerks who hurt me over the years. its hard for me to trust people b/c of being cheated on and lied to and even my ex stole money f/me. so to me its like i should have known i would get hurt. yea i should brush it off and move on w/my life but i dont understand b/c he told me we were exclusive (yea even after 2wks) b/c he only wanted to be with me. he told me up front 1-i will never lie to you and 2- i will never cheat on you. he said that b/c he wanted me to know how serious he was. and one day at dinner he said to the waitress "were getting married" and i was like whaaaaaat???? i told the waitres he was just joking. but see this is the kind of stuff that baffles me. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:50:29 AM | First of all, nobody needs only 5 hrs of sleep. That might be how much he sleeps, but it's not healthy. I'm not *right* unless I get my 8 hrs. Do that long enough and I have been known to get all screwed-up. It always catches-up to me. That's when I start taking naps and performing poorly on the job, etc., etc. That's when I get cranky and *b_tchy*.
Like others have said, you need to slow down quite a bit. I mean, you're acting like he's *god almighty*. There is only one *god* and it sure as hell isn't me, you, or him.
Do yourself a favor - Stop worshiping people and / or putting others up on a pedestal, you'll only ever be disappointed when you learn that he's not *perfect*. Whenever we go into something full of high hopes and great expectations we usually end up leaving full of disappointments and pain.
Don't do it.
Mike | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:56:47 AM | I agree with passthemuster.. two weeks and a couple of dates shouldn't get you all worked up.. disappointed yes, fear of abandonment.. no. Take a break from meeting new men until you know yourself and what your relationship goals are. Then you'll feel more secure within and will be able to just enjoy things when/if they happen. It takes a while to get to that stage.. particularily if you think you're ready for a full-fledged relationship but sub-conciously you aren't (your thought-process is still whacky ~ like getting sick to your stomach after only 2 weeks of knowing someone and or moving in with them before you really know who they are.)
Good luck.. hope it was just a screw-up in his schedule.. in the meanime, breathe and just let it go.. carry on with life and your normal day-to-day stuff. Harder said than done.. but gets easier as you learn yourself and your authentic wants and needs.
but see this is the kind of stuff that baffles me NEVER let them baffle you with bullshit... they don't have to know that you know it's bullshit... Your job is just don't believe it is.. Until they prove it with loving actions on a steady, continuous, trustworth basis.. it's all just bullshit. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 11:57:26 AM | You sound a little too needy. You need to chill out. Don't ever call a guy early on. Let him, do the calling. If he's interested, he will keep calling. If he's lost interest, he won't. You've only been seeing him two weeks. If he wants to see you badly enough, he'll make the time to call. But if the weeks go by and you hear nothing, that means he's lost interest. But do NOT call him. Not right now anyway. If he's still interested, he'll call.
Find other things to do with yourself. Don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call. That screams "needy". | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:04:09 PM | | I really don’t think you were out of line for calling once on Friday morning and then again on Saturday. First of all, you had plans to see each other on Friday. Secondly, you talked every day, so a precedent for daily communication had been set; you were just doing “the usual” based upon your pattern of interaction thus far. That being said, it has only been two weeks, so you’re basically dating a stranger. IMO, his recent behavior indicates that his “best foot forward” façade is starting to crumble, so proceed with caution, lest you get hit with falling rocks (i.e., he is not measuring up to the be the man you perceived him to be; be prepared for B.S. if and when he calls again). | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:12:08 PM | | love and want to Marry after the 1st week lol? ..where is that magic potion ..give me the eBay link. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:31:47 PM | ^^ don't forget this portion of Frau's sage advice:
IMO, his recent behavior indicates that his “best foot forward” façade is starting to crumble, so proceed with caution, lest you get hit with falling rocks (i.e., he is not measuring up to the be the man you perceived him to be; be prepared for B.S. if and when he calls again). | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:44:38 PM | Wow sorry but talk about smothering much.
There is only two weeks invested in this "relationship", there could be a million reasons why he hasn't called or the very simple one he doesn't to.
I wouldn't not call him anymore he knows your number.
No where do you speak of exclusivity!!!. Even it you did have it well he has only been missing a week and well he was out of town.
Again you have a choice you can sit back, take a chill pill and wait it out or you can recast your hook and go fishing again. | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 12:50:02 PM | She is going to wish she had posted this one in "ask a guy" where it cuts off after 20 replies I have a feeling.
Now wait sassy ^^^^^ said he has been missing a week? I thought the date was friday and this is saturday the next day?? How long has he not called for ?? A week or one day? If its a week I blew it on my answer.
Cowboy | |
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| sick 2 my stomach - need advise
Posted: 2/21/2009 1:03:15 PM | Oh good God, i'm seriously getting too old for this
Women if he likes you he will chase you!! I can't understand why we need to complicate things. | |
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