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 fredabita
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 1
Why do guys leave without saying goodbyePage 1 of 1    
OK... Here I go
All of you Flight 86ers...
Why, why, why do you disappear without saying goodbye? I'm not talking a one night stand, I'm talking a relationship. This has not happened just to me, but a very good friend of mine.

I know it could be "He's just not that into me"... but something like "I won't be able to see you before I go, bye bye or something would be nice"

Maybe you guys can give me some insight!!


 Sumo_sumo
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 2
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 6:40:57 PM
Women do the same thing. Why do women do it? If you can answer that, you've answered your own question.
 zenarcade
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 3
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 6:41:27 PM
In a nutshell, because it is easier on the man, and because the man thinks there are fewer repercussions.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 4
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:00:51 PM
Why? Because some people, men and women, are cruel and don't give a crap about hurting someone.
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 5
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:02:32 PM
Why you gotta tear a brutha down instead of propping him up?
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 6
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:07:14 PM
Please don't say it's just men. A friend of mine got a phone call from the woman he was living with. She told him she'd been having an affair and was leaving him. She came to their home when he was gone, packed her things and left. I think he would rather have not gotten that "goodbye." I'm not trying to be mean to you OP. My point is that both men and women hurt each other sometimes. A rotten person is rotten person, no matter what sex.
 Concerto de Tucson
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 7
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:10:10 PM
It's the tears.

Bill Cosby shares his secret for conflicts with his wife. He cries first. I think he's on to something.
 TxSixStringS
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 8
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:23:51 PM
I think both men and women simply disappear without a "goodbye" simply because they don't want to answer the "Why?" question.
"Why are you leaving? Why don't you want to see me again?"
They simply don't want to hurt the other person involved more than just leaving the scene.
Would it really be better if they were to give the real reasons?
" You drink too much. You're too skinny. You're too fat. You are a very jealous person. You are too vain. I don't like your family. ...ect."
Sometimes it's just easier to make a clean and quiet break.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 9
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:34:38 PM
The main reasons are:(for both genders)
1. Insecure
2. Afraid of confrontation
3. Immature (never outgrew the school method of break up)
4. Too self-centered to care about the other person
5. Believe the grass is greener and don't want to admit it
6. They don't really have a good reason so take the easy way out
7. They cheated but don't want to admit it

I am sure there are more but these are my observations.
 fredabita
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 10
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 7:43:15 PM
I try to be nice and say goodbye... you know how that saying goes... treat people the way you want to be treated.
 untheup
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 11
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 8:40:39 PM
In most cases its when the woman breaks down and crys, it just gets to you.. Im guilty of that also, i was in my early 20's and was living with someone who I didnt love as much as she loved me.. So rather then having to deal with drama and remorse, i told her early in the mornin i was running for a pack of smokes,,, never went back. Till this day i still feel guilty..
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 12
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 9:05:01 PM
When I was a kid only men did hit and runs. Almost never women because it was socially unacceptable. Now women are doing it too. Hey call it what you like but it is a form of social equality.

I'm concerned it's going to get to the point where hardly anyone cares anymore if we are not there already.

All I hear from guys these days is...she just used me for sex....women are distant and guarded....I couldn't get close to her....it was all about sex...she didn't need anything else from me...she wouldn't trust me, she was only after my money etc etc

i hear this all the time

well now you guys know why we are getting like this - being lied to and ****ed and dumped over and over and to top it off being blamed...changes people ...HELLO!!!

How do you think we are going to react? All smiles and a fresh coat of lipstick??? No, with hurt at first and then deep resentment that turns to contempt and then a change in tactics and attitude that men don't like and won't like as it gets worse. That's what I see amongst women if they are being honest. I'm not saying it's right but I'm not surprised and I feel sorry for the good guys getting caught up in it. It's a pity.

I don't date women so I can't speak for the horrible things women do to guys but I'm hearing it is getting nastier by the day and I'm not surprised. Go figure.

If I were a guy I would try to promote better behavior amongst men (and yes I absolutely tell off women that use men for money so don't even go there) because the **stards are making it difficult for everyone - so quit high fiving them or standing by saying nothing when they proudly brag about the latest stupid slut (their terms - their blame game) they boinked and dumped and see if anything gets better eh?

And ****ing someone for a few weeks and then dumping them is a perfect example of why women are becoming angry, vindictive and some are simply opting out.

Is that what you really want???
 Thunderer1973
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 13
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 9:10:13 PM
Because saying goodbye or breaking up usually ends with an argument, I suppose. It's never fun.
 MrPlatonic
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 14
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 9:10:24 PM
A few possibilities:

1) It is easier to escape the clutches of a clingy person by fleeing at night. Observe the way prisoners break out of jail.
2) It is less emotional to 'negligently forget' to inform those who care about you that you will no longer be around to field their baggage. This is especially common in people who aim to please others and allow tension to mount.
3) Sometimes the person is truly too busy to inform their entire network of the move.
4) Sometimes the person is dealing with a larger, more important problem and is under duress.
5) Drugs and addiction have a solid track record for making people disappear.
6) And then there are the seriously horrible options.
7) The person is incapable of a long term commitment.


If all was well in your friends relationship when the guy disappeared, then why didn't she contact the authorities when he vanished? Otherwise, if she had been driving him out the door for months on end, then does she deserve a formal goodbye? It is certainly an inconsiderate thing to do, but so is stripping a few years from a partner's life by causing stress.


This does indeed happen to both genders. Worse yet, it sometimes happens to good people who did nothing to deserve it other than to get involved with an irresponsible partner.



 jimtash71
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 15
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 9:29:34 PM
Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye

There, I should be good to go for the foreseeable future.

Only he knows the reason as to why OP. And there's always two sides to every story.
 Wylie_Coyote
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 16
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/24/2009 10:06:28 PM
OP:

Even the best of communicators can fail with a non receptive audience. What is missing in your post is your obvious answer.

Your relationships end and he leaves without saying good bye. What about the reasons that make him leave? If you didn't know the answer to that it would be a much bigger issue and that would be the topic of the post.

As you know why he's leaving what is left to say? I'd go for a hug or a good bye peck if I didn't think I was going to get hit or have a knife thrown at me.

J Mac
 776877
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 17
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:16:02 AM
Having just watched the Oscars I know that silence is more dramatic than a goodbye. He is leaving in the swirl of the desert wind with his robe being whipped around him as he disappears into the blinding dust of the storm...this is way better an exit than..See yah honey!



At his re-appearance he will be wearing an eye patch from a brush with a masochistic Turkish General of whom he ran afoul...he will walk up to you the same man ...yet strangely different, fall to on knees while grabbing you round the waist and bury his head in your lap begging for forgiveness. You will brush his hair with your perfectly french manicured nails and make up and let out a sigh and say softly ...its alright love, the cottage pie is warm in the oven.


You'll kiss and make up and yet one more heart has been repaired by the power and majesty that makes love the most alluring and addictive substance that has yet to be made illegal.
 ~vhdc~
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 18
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:20:01 AM
This is not meant to be gender specific just some life lessons learned. Get yourself out of that dreaded spin cycle.

If someone has done the "quietly into the night" act on you it hurts. It goes more to their character then what you may, or may not have done to deserve this. For those of you turds (men and women) who practice this behavior, shame on you. Let me be clear if your body parts have *fallen* into each other then someone is going to be hurt or disappointed when it's over, for whatever reason. No matter the reason, give one. You don't have to be unkind, but you do need to allow the other person to regroup and move on. I don't know how this whole business started with "if I just ignore them they will go away" but I do know these people tend to be serial cowards. Deal with people honestly. Be respectful, and by all means take 100% responsibility for your 50% of the fallout.

For those of you suffering the fallout of a serial turd, you will not get that stupid little thing some refer to as *closure* so stop asking for it. Stop torturing yourself, and others with the "why me?" Why not you? You've managed to step into a big pile of excrement and eventually the stink goes away. The key is to watch where you are walking next time. Many of us may have the dreaded door mat syndrome or, even worse the inability to separate the act of sex from love. Ask questions before you let someones' d*ck fall into you. If you listen to people they will tell you exactly who they are. Was it always something someone else did? Do they claim the last dozen gf/bf would not let go? That should be a big red flag that they tend to leave people twisting. People chase after answers, it's in our nature. When you don't get them do your grieving and move on/ You will shine for someone else. Just my $.02.
 curlyboop
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 19
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:29:19 AM
^^^
Beautiful! Everyone needs to read this .... I always chuckle when I read how scared people are of the confrontation. Either a) you have a raging ego and believe the other person will be devastated at the thought of life without you or b) you are attracted to drama kings/queens and eventually get tired of it. Next time why don't you shop more carefully?
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 20
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Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:39:21 AM
Its not just men who do it, I was living with a woman who disappeared, I filed a missing person report and was informed later on that she was living several hundred miles away with someone else. She called me to get her stuff but I had already sold it.

You should ask why do "PEOPLE" do that. And its a question I couldn't answer, ask my ex.
 fredabita
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 21
Why do guys leave without saying goodbye
Posted: 2/25/2009 5:51:35 AM
First of all, I apologize by just saying why do men leave... I realize that women do it too
2nd of all it wasn't a booty call in the middle of the night where the person took off.

This was a person who I was seeing for almost a year. I knew he was leaving and this was the last week we were to be together... It was far from perfect, but we were friends. He just did the slip and dip our final weekend we were supposed to share together and boarded flight 86 to nowhere last night.

No tears, after reading and taking in your posts I believe it was just... he didn't want drama, fights anything... so that's what I will take with me. And... he just wasn't that into me.. LOL

And for those of you which this has happened to- I am sorry because it truly sucks. Especially now when you are dating on the internet, we will avoid people, not take their calls etc, because you don't want to hurt their feelings. I think everyone has done that at one time or another......

Thanks!
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