| Is love hard "work"?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:22:01 PM | | I've heard so many times, particularly here in the forums, that love is hard work and it has me wondering if it's really love if you have to work so darned hard at it or on it? I can understand where "some" may consider it work to be conscious of what it takes to get along with another human being, particuarly one of the opposite sex because of all the ill-founded and archiac preconceptions and misconceptions about what role each should play, but I also believe if you're truly compatible, it shouldn't be the hard work that so many think it is. Your thoughts? | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:30:16 PM | | Once it becomes work, then wouldn't you really start to question why your with that person? Maybe thats just me.... | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:31:21 PM | | I think that if it feels like hard work, there's something wrong. It's not always easy but nothing worthwhile is, is it? It's like baking a cake -- it's work in a sense that it involves you getting off your butt and doing stuff, but it's also fun, creative and ultimately rewarding (so long as you pay attention). | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:33:28 PM | Good question. Op....I know there are varying opinions on this, as there should be, but YES I do believe love requires work, maybe not the love itself, but keeping the love alive does. When you first meet someone things usually seem so easy as it is exciting and new, but when two people start merging towards a union of one (but still two separate indivduals) there are bound to be obstacle's to over come and that takes work. Give and take is not always fun, but its part of a mature, true, and lasting love.
Some people are willing to work through whatever issues may arise (within reason, lol)and the love grows, others are lazy and want everything handed to them, including love and it dies.
Remember the old saying...anything worth having is worth working for? I agree. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:34:03 PM | love is never hard work
i have had every kind of relationship a person can have
from gut-wrenchingly terrible to completely blissful
and the good ones are never hard
because love has implicit in it
communication and respect
and from there all things blossom | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:37:22 PM | | Love should not be hard work in my opinion. If is seems to be, then there are unresolved issues, or you are just not suited. Traditional relationships, (marriage) seems hard work to me though, too many weird expectations. Hence avoiding it like the plague. JMO | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:41:53 PM | No I don't think it should be either. Even the *work* should be pleasant. I think the *hard work* part is in respecting each others limits and boundaries. Sometimes we aren't clear from the start and we get off track. Without knowing it, we may cross over some sensitive boundary our S.O. has. I don't believe it should *feel* like work.
That's why it's important to teach others the way we want to be treated. I'm a *huge* believer in this now, something I really didn't *do* previously and always suffered the consequences. Being clear from the start is very important to me now. I try to lay down my do's and don'ts - my wants and needs and be clear about the things I won't tolerate and don't want from the start. I'm fairly simple. I try not to be complicated or go and complicate a good thing.
I believe it's not as hard when we love ourselves first also. Meaning we are self sufficient and not *needy* of our S.O. We can already stand on our own two feet. Then we can come together for the *right* reasons, and it's very simple and beautiful. We want to be together because the other person enhances our already good life. If that person brings some qualities and talents we do not possess, provided it's not neediness, and we also bring the same into their life - then all the better.
Mike | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:44:34 PM | Life can be hard work sometimes, so if you are 'doing life' with someone, there will be hard times...and therfor, hard work.
The attitude that love should not require work is the main reason divorce rates are so high...instead of actually putting in some work, people just bail now and seek happier, greener pastures...only to face the same ussue 3-5 years later, just with someone new.
I love my son unconditionally...but some days it takes work to get along! We are compatible, but not always in the same mood, or want to do the same things at the same time, so we need to compromise. Sometimes it is hard, and that is with a child whom I would die for. It only stands to reason that a romantic love would be even a bit harder to always accomodate for, it would require a bit more effort...not come as natrally as it does with my own flesh and blood.
I am leary to date men who claim love should not require hard work. It seems unrealistic to me. The most succesful marriages I have seen, both partners will tell you, sometimes it is hard work.
Now....if everything is always a fight, and the couple does not get along for the most part...yeah, evaluation time. But thinking a life long partnership will not require hard work now and then is just crazy to me. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:45:15 PM | | Have you ever heard of loving your work? How about.....you get out of life what you put into it? And it's relationships that are 'work', not love [love is a feeling or emotion] .... not necessarily hard work, but at times it can be. Basically means you have to put thought, time and care into something to make it good. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 12:50:17 PM | I think it depends how perfect you are. If you have flaws that need battling, then you need to work at keeping up the battle. If, for instance, you are impatient and tend to snap unreasonably, that's not an attractive trait to begin with and not something you want to foist on your beloved - so you need to work at your impatience and control your trap. Or if you don't take good enough care of yourself and might not eat as well as you ought, you need to work on being better at taking care of yourself.
And sometimes your SO will be cranky or tired or less-than-perfect and then you need to be understanding and empathic, which can be work for some people.
In short, it's not the other person that requires the 'hard work', but it could very well be you. I don't happen to agree with the 'love me as I am' mentality; I am not (yet  ) perfect. I think some people use that phrase to mean 'love me with all of my flaws; which I have no plans to repair'. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:29:55 PM | Damn skippy it is!
The back, leg and foot cramps are bad enough, but then you have to tune out all the yelling and focus on getting the job done...
"You call that f*cking? It's pathetic! Are you trying to get me off, or rock me to sleep? Did you ever take the trash out? No. jesus Christ you are worthless. Why, oh why didn't I marry that oilman, at least he knew how to drill. Wake me up when you're done ok?"
 | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:34:19 PM | Well, let's try an exercise --
I want you to go to the store and buy a plant / dog / cat. Doesn't matter which one you buy or get all three.
Bring everything home and don't feed or water it for a week.
Plant will die, dog will eat the cat and then leave -- always believe the dog is smarter then the cat -- they are also great escape artists.
Now you have a foundation for love -- Gee, that was really easy. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:42:14 PM | OP -- there's a broad line between "work" and "effort", and as you mentioned (and seem to be stuck on the concept yourself) the posters here seem to think the two are interchangeable.
They are certainly not.
When we "work", it implies that we are doing something because we HAVE to. When we put out "effort", it implies that we WANT to. Therein lies the broad difference that people can't wrap their heads around. They toss around the word "work" so much that they fail to see that when a relationship is like a second job (see: work)...you have already failed. Relationships should never involve "work", just a whole lotta "effort".
The sooner posters universally get their heads wrapped around the two distinct meanings, the better off they'd all be.
Work is work.
Effort is effort.
Neither is interchangeable. Learn the differences and live a happier life.
JMO. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:42:16 PM | I do think love takes hard work. In fact I've discovered that love and work are weird synergistic synonyms.
An example... someone who loves music. What do they do? They do music all the time. They play. They practice. They listen. They study. They dream about it. They hum on the bus. The work is the love and the love is the work.
It's the same for a relationship. If you live for your partner as you might music or art or computers or real estate or money? The love will be made as real as it is in any of those other circumstances. The relationship is the melody, the painting, the program, the house, the investment. Love doesn't take work. It is work. They're the same thing.
Do what you love and you'll be successful. If you love your partner and you love your relationship, hum it on the bus. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:42:39 PM | I think that many people associate hard work with negativity.
But, taking the neutral ground when looking at the meaning of hard work. Love is a hard work, in a sense that you gotta work to keep the love alive, to always keep it interesting, communication is work too. But, it's hard work that you enjoy doing because you love that person.
Now, if you say that you're doing hard work and not enjoying it, maybe you should re-think whether what you feel for that person is really love? Or maybe it's just something to make him/her feel good and so you'd feel a sense of achievement.
Any work is work, and any hard work is hard work, whether you enjoy it or not. When you say, "oh it's not hard work, she/he does all those because he/she loves that person, it's not hard work at all..." Well, thinking about it, that person still works to keep that love alive right? :)
So, I guess love is hard work, but it is hard work that you enjoy doing that you don't feel it as being hard work. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:45:07 PM | Nah, love is the least complicated thing in the world.
Relationships, however, can be some of the most complicated things in the world.
Love is what it takes to strive to overcome the complications. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:47:05 PM | | I never used to think it was but it seems to me if you dont work at it all the time it will break . | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 1:58:27 PM | I don't remember love being hard work. And I don't think I'm romanticising the past and choosing to remember only the good and forget the bad.
Honestly, our love, both as a couple and as a family, is something that came easy and that felt natural from the start.
But...like another poster said, life is hard and sometimes life knocks the wind out of you...
Anyway, no, love isn't hard...life is.
IMHO | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 2:06:52 PM | | If two people truly love each other then love is not 'hard work'. The only time I can visualize love being 'hard work' is when the love is not equally given between the couple and one of them tries 'very hard' to get the other to love them as much as they love that person. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 2:14:25 PM | | Very profound answer Cherish.....food for thought, that's for sure. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 2:44:33 PM | OK...so to change the wording then. Make it "Is love a lot of effort?" I still don't believe it should be if you are with a compatible individual in the first place. If it is deemed to be such an effort, something is clearly not right. Communication (and a relationship IS about interpersonal communications) only becomes hard work or an effort if it's not being done effectively (fighting and arguing is not effective communication). Constant compromise on one of two individual's part can also seem like a lot of effort in order to "keep the peace and harmony". Perhaps the hard work or the effort should be made on one's self prior to entering any relationship to unerstand the benefits of effective communication so that being in a relationship isn't viewed as such hard work or such an effort.
A definition of effort: An exertion of strength or power, whether physical or mental, in performing an act or aiming at an object; more or less strenuous endeavor; struggle directed to the accomplishment of an object; as, an effort to scale a wall.
Given the above, "effort" is a strenuous endeavor/struggle - sounds like work to me.
A definition of work: Something that has been produced or accomplished through the effort, activity, or agency of a person or thing
Seems to me the words are, in fact, interchangeable. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 3:23:14 PM | | I agree it shouldn't be hard work....when a relationship becomes something you need to work at then there is a problem. An ideal relationship is only ideal when the people in that relationship are their ideal selves perhaps? | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 3:27:42 PM | No -- RELATIONSHIPS are hard work, the love isn't.
That's why it' so sad sometimes when you actually DO love someone, but you just cannot live with him.
Being "truly compatible" doesn't just happen--THAT's the work part: the constant/daily compromise, and ignoring of faults, and not mentioning of foibles, and conscious decision to get up the next morning and do it all over again.
You can hedge your bets by picking a man who has a similar outlook in life, one who has the same level of commitment to success, etc. But there are no guarantees and no shortcuts. | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 3:28:19 PM | | Yes, but, if you both have mutual goals and feelings in mind, then it's worth it, and can also be fun work and fulfilling work-! | |
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| Is love hard work?
Posted: 2/25/2009 3:37:19 PM | Love itself isn't hard work, it happens or it doesn't. Relationships on the other hand, well the quote I heard a while back sums it up the best for me:
"Relationships take work but they should never be an ordeal."
In any relationship you have to work to compromise, be considerate, and make time for the other person, whether not it's a "love" relationship. | |
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