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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women question a man over 50 and not been married?      Home login  
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 enginebuilder55
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 1
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?Page 1 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
I have come to this questions through my dating. Many women question a man over 50 been never married and come to a quick judgement of not even given a chance. Tell me ladies what is so bad about not being married over 50. Many times these men just haven't found the Miss right to live everlasting with. Why is this a turn off?
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 2
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:10:19 PM
What do you mean you're not getting a chance? How are they getting the question to you? On dates they say this? That IS the chance, dude!

It's not always a turn-off, but if you have no idea how to treat a woman, a woman of 50 ain't gonna be the one to teach ya. I'm too old for that chit, I did my time when I was 25!!
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 3
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:47:37 PM
have come to this questions through my dating. Many women question a man over 50 been never married and come to a quick judgement of not even given a chance. Tell me ladies what is so bad about not being married over 50. Many times these men just haven't found the Miss right to live everlasting with. Why is this a turn off?


OP: There are many people who do not want to date or get involved with someone who has reached middle age without having been married. I don't exactly understand their thinking. However, what I have read in forum posts is that they believe someone who has never married is unable to make a commitment to a relationship, is too selfish, and maybe they think it is just plain wierd. Sometimes, those having these judgements have been married one, two, three times and more. And, they would prefer to date and hook up with others who have been divorced one or more times.

One of my thoughts about those of us who have reached middle age without marrying is that our current baby boomer generation is truly the first generation in history for which there was little to no pressure to get married. Attitudes changed after the 1950's, and many couples chose to live together w/o marriage (which was accepted by society), and there was simply no pressure to marry. This attitude has continued. I regularly meet people who are 40 or over and have yet to marry. There are probably more unmarried middle aged people now than ever before.

The reasons why an individual may have reached middle age these days without getting married are many, but I do think they have to do with the individual and cannot be easily generalized. I also think that most men and women who have reached middle age without marrying, when they do decide they want to marry, are probably some of the best prospects for marriage because they have no anger and bitterness about past marriages and they would probably understand how to appreciate having a marriage partner as much or more than others....having waited so long to have one.

OP, those who dismiss you because you have not been married will be many: there isn't much you can do about it. There will be those women who won't dismiss you right off, but you may need to go a ways to convince them to really accept you. ... go the extra mile that a twice divorced man won't have to. Makes no sense to me, but life isn't fair.

Cassa: he may mean that he isn't given a chance to even get to the date, because on here, POF, women won't even deal with him because he has not yet been married.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 4
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/25/2009 10:42:44 PM
Many people believe that a man (or woman) who has never been married, or in a long-term relationship, by the age of 45 or 50, will be so set in their ways that they would not be inclined to accept the quirks and idiosyncrasies that a partner would undoubtedly bring to the relationship. And I'm sure in some cases this is true, but to blatantly paint all middle aged singles with the same brush is unfair and biased.

I am getting to know a man who is 55 and was first married at 50. It only lasted a couple of years and they divorced. Many of the problems they encountered were due to his wife's daughters from a previous marriage. I could be skeptical and wonder about his relationship skills and whether or not, since it was a fairly short marriage, his age played a part in it's demise. I choose not to think that way. I am getting to know him as a person, not as a statistic or stereotype.

Hopefully, you will find a woman who will give you a chance to show her what you have to offer also. Good luck.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 5
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 4:29:18 AM
it's completely stupid to make assumptions about somebody who is fifty-ish and has never been married. there is not a better word for it: STUPID. if somebody comes off with concerns like that to you, well then they have just self-eliminated as far as i would be concerned. next.

if anything, i would tend to take the opposite view.... like maybe they are a little bit smarter than i am. hell i was married once, and look what that got me. nah you don't want to know.
 Ear to hear
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 6
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 4:57:37 AM
Some might be judgemental...the usuall.....Ive seen others...either sex not committ because of what theyve seen.....as a child with their parents or others having bad marriages....it IS an individual choice...but as for the normal dating thing everyone deserves a chance....which gets denied all the time....
 HSV kitty
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 7
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 5:43:30 AM
A man over 50 who has never been married has his reasons. I would recommend asking what those reasons might be. The first questions should be, have you had any long term relationships (and live with) and what do you think ended them. (lack commitment issues?) If he has had long ones, good sign, as then at least he learned how to get along and sleep in a bed with another human. Ask about their employment, enjoyment, what they like about women, do not like. Really get to know as they are going to be set in their ways. (also be careful revealing too much about you at first ...see mirroring below)

If there have been no long term relationships then look for signs they are very selfish. Has he surrounded himself with toys and quirky things you dislike? If so, run run run, as you cannot change another human let alone a bachelor who has made his bed and will attempt to have you share his idiosyncrasies. *goes back in time to take own advice*

A man like that might ensconce himself into your life, literally try to change you to suit his life style but be unable to share life with you and that means you will still be married to a bachelor anyway. They get a cook and maid and you get to live upstairs while he surrounds himself with his 'stuff' in the basement.

Be especially aware of the ones who say they do not want any baggage, as theirs is in a closet bursting to the seams and you may not get to peek in there until they are sure they have mirrored you enough to win you over.

Please keep in mind that I was married to such a bachelor, so have a very different perspective, but I would not paint everyone with the same brush and always give someone with potential a chance.

Well, he asked!!
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 8
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 5:55:21 AM
OP your profile is short and sweet but doesn't give any hint of a social life. I would ask do you have guy friends who you go out for a drink with? Assuming you have a regular place to go dancing, are you friends with the other people who go there such that you all go out for coffee together afterwards? Do you have old friends from school or work that you still see from time to time? Do you have cookouts with your neighbors? Do you have preferences as to looks or personality etc. based on your previous experience with women? Are you still in touch with any old girlfriends? Do you have any old girlfriends?

Like kitty purrr, I would like to go back in time to take my own advice, but if a man doesn't have a social network and relationship history, then he's been living in his own head for too long to make sharing life with another person a pleasant experience. For him or the other person.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 9
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:27:34 AM
If the man is over 45, say, never been married or in any kind of long term relationship, and has no male buddies or friends, and is a loner, THERE IS A REASON (OR MORE), and it is probably not a good one.

But assuming he has lived an otherwise "normal" life (job, friends, interests, no paranoia), I don't see what the problem would be.
 army_mom53
Joined: 1/29/2009
Msg: 10
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:43:00 AM
If you haven't found "Miss Right" in 50 years, chances are you're just too picky -- hence, the turn-off for most women. They might feel the bar is set too high ...
 enginebuilder55
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 11
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:53:34 AM
The women are more picky then me. I give all the women a chance they seem to be more picky then me. I never turn down a date. Always willing to give every women a chance for one date.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 12
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:08:51 AM
For myself it would be cuz I'm instantly reminded of my ex's brothers, ALL of whom are over 50 and have never married. That family is so far up each others' a**es they have no social life outside family... and church. Boring as a bucket of rocks.
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 13
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:39:39 AM
A man over 50 who has never been married has his reasons. I would recommend asking what those reasons might be.

--The first questions should be, have you had any long term relationships (and live with) and what do you think ended them. (lack commitment issues?)
-- Ask about their employment, enjoyment, what they like about women, do not like. ----Really get to know as they are going to be set in their ways. (also be careful revealing too much about you at first ...see mirroring below)

Yes, and that makes so much sense. As well, if you go out with a man who has been married a couple of times, ask: why did he get married and why didn't the marriage work out. And, of course, grill him about his employment, enjoyment, and what he likes about women, and of course, just how bitter he is about his previous wife/wives and how he expects you to be different/better. And, of course, find out if he is set in his ways...ways which are dependent on you meeting his expectations or else you will be the ex-wife number 3, or 4, or whatever.
--And of course, ask all of these questions on the first or second date, taking great care not to reveal too much about yourself, as he, unlike a man who has been married, because it is, of course, something only people who have never been married do, will want to know just what things to tell you that fit your expectations, so you will like him


If there have been no long term relationships then look for signs they are very selfish.
Yes, indeed. Such a good idea, because 'normal' people are never selfish.

Has he surrounded himself with toys and quirky things you dislike? If so, run run run, as you cannot change another human let alone a bachelor who has made his bed and will attempt to have you share his idiosyncrasies. *goes back in time to take own advice*

Yes, of course, for men who have been married have no 'toys' or 'quirks' and definitely have no plans for you to share in their interests.


--A man like that might ensconce himself into your life, literally try to change you to suit his life style but be unable to share life with you and that means you will still be married to a bachelor anyway. They get a cook and maid and you get to live upstairs while he surrounds himself with his 'stuff' in the basement.
Absolutely, a man who has been married does not ever want the woman he is interested in to change her life at all; in fact,he is the one who is going to adjust himself to her life. And he DEFINITELY is not looking for a a cook and maid. Never.


Be especially aware of the ones who say they do not want any baggage, as theirs is in a closet bursting to the seams and you may not get to peek in there until they are sure they have mirrored you enough to win you over.
Sounds like maybe your husband was a bit of a problem guy, with maybe a lot of baggage. Doesn't mean every man who has not been married is like that.


I would not paint everyone with the same brush ...


Hopefully not, but it kind of seems like you are. The rest of your post is fairly laughable...come on: everything you say could be applied to anyone.

 just sayin...
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 14
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 10:28:59 AM
tons of reasons why guys aren't married and it's not such a big deal in the bigger picture, and women who hold it against you without consideration of reasons probably assume the worst. perhaps you are holding out for "miss right" which might translate to "miss perfect" and we who have been married know that perfection in humans does not exist.
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 15
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 11:08:55 AM
Does that mean you've never had a long term relationship?
I have a friend who was with the same woman for 28 years before they ended it-never married. There's a big difference between a man who can't maintain a relationship and a man who's simply chosen not to marry.
 enginebuilder55
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 16
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 11:11:31 AM
I never look for miss right or miss perfect. We all are not perfect and if we were we wouldn't be human! Many time a man like me never got the opportunity to get married. I never question the ladies when they are divorsed. That never in the plan when dating. But the women love to grill me about never married?. I do believe your ideas don't hold water for me . I love people input but none of the reasons as I look at myself was not the problems are are pointing out.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 17
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 12:10:02 PM
Sodturner, this is not just a male thing. I'm a female who has chosen not to marry just for the sake of marrying. I've been too busy establishing myself and my identity in this world, buying and maintaining my own home, enjoying getting to know myself and who I am, travelling, being self-reliant for many of my needs and so on.

Very early on, I chose not to have children just as I chose not to pursue marriage or a relationship. It was a conscience decision and not one borne out of pickiness, selfishness or a myriad of other reasons or excuses that people want to place on those of us that chose a different path than they did.

I look at those that have had failed marriage(s) and/or relationships and ask why they seem to think they are so much better than those of us who seem to know ourselves and consciously take the path we want or know will work best for our lives.
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 18
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 1:04:42 PM
There is no specific reason - each person is different. I have a friend, she's 49 and never been married. She's very quiet and shy...however she might been a good wife and mom if life turn out different

Not like I discriminate men who never been in LTR at least living with someone 24/7, but I do give it more carefull consideration. Because of expreince - it should match.

If you go and looking for a new job in new area for you w/o any experience, what's your chances to get it when you are 50+? They will hire 20+ and will teach him but not you. You can't teach old dog new trick

Same with everyday life: it's compromising...24/7. Even if people love each other and want to make each other happy - it's still work. And the more difference is in your experiences - the more work. Anyone is ready for hard work for few years when they were comfortable before? doubt it

BTW, it's not only about single/never married people...somewhat it's true about widow/ers (as much as I read about the subject). I think the mismatch of experinces might be very serious problem in relationship
 GreenEyesBlondeHair
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 19
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:00:03 PM
If you haven't found a person to commit to by age 50, most likely you are not gonna ever, period...

I was married,I knew how to love, commit & share & I want the same in a partner. Every man I ever met at your age who was never married had something MAJORLY WRONG w/ him....
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:05:41 PM
Women question a man over 50 who has never been married because if the women want to get married, he is not a good candidate. I suppose this is primarily of interest to women who want to get married.

If a man is not married by then, the odds are that he never will marry.

There are other considerations, though--did he live with anyone in a longterm relationship?
 1Georgia2
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 21
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:09:10 PM
OP,
I'd be concerned if a man had reached 50 and had never been attracted to a woman, but just becuase he's never been married doesn't mean he's any less attractive to me. There are a lot of reasons that some men don't marry (never found the right woman or been hurt too many times by some of the vultures that call themselves women just to name a couple). I'd be a whole lot more concerned over a man that was 50 and had gone through a multitude of "serious long term relationships".
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 22
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:17:24 PM
I have no concern if he lived with anyone or had a longterm relationship. I have not lived with anyone, nor had a relationship that lasted several years, as the men either wanted to marry me and I did not want to marry them, or I wanted to marry them and they did not want to marry me, so we both saw that we did not want the same thing and ended the relationships. If a man has lived with several women in longterm relationships I would be very skeptical to become involved with him, as I wonder why he did not marry any of the women. For me, a divorced man is not a better candidate for marriage than a man who has never been married. Everyone has baggage, issues, and a man who had been married several times and has children might possibly have the kind of issues that would not blend with my issues very well. Each person is unique, and I try to get to know each man, as he has his own life story. It just gets so dang annoying that people judge me as worthless and not being able to commit when they learn that I have not been married.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 23
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:41:18 PM
I'm begining to think women of this site would reject a guy for tying his left shoe first...fckn rediculous...
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 24
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:51:19 PM
We get rejected for not looking like a supermodel, I think men do their share or more of rejecting women for rediculous things.....
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 25
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Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:31:27 PM

I'm begining to think women of this site would reject a guy for tying his left shoe first...fckn rediculous...


^^^*sigh*. Alas, you are right my good man. I think it has something to do with the angle that his arse goes when bent over!! The male butt looks much more provocative when tying the right shoe first!!!
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