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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > 4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?      Home login  
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 nick93809
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 1
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm going on a 4th date with a girl this weekend I met a few weeks ago. We had two quick dates when we first met, and I really thought we hit it off on the first two, and she was certainly giving me the idea that we did. She then said she wasn't sure about going out again, and there was a lull of a couple weeks in between our 3rd date. I've kissed her on the cheek a few times but that's about it because I'm not sure how she feels. We share many interests, great work ethic, values, etc.

So my question is, our 4th date this weekend - is it pretty much make or break time? I mean, I know I want to pursue things with her and see where they go, but she just seems to be unsure. If she seems to send mixed signals or I am still unsure at the end of the evening, should I just come right out and ask her for an honest answer about where she sees things going with 'us'? It's hard to continue having dates when you're not sure what's going on. I can say with about 95% certainity that there isn't another man, it's a long story...

Any input would be great!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 2
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:47:48 PM
Come right out and ask if you are her type . That way it is not personal for either one of you and some people like purple and some like orange that is just the way it is. If she is still hesitating by the fourth date she is probably not that into you. Just say would you like to continue this ?
 sally bentley
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 3
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:52:01 PM
If she said she wasn't sure about going out again - that doesn't sound real good. I wouldn't push the envelop to far on the date and just relax and enjoy it. The 4th date is still a little early for a big talk.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 4
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4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:53:25 PM
Nah, just give her a proper kiss. You'll get all your questions answered.
 GMCAcadia
Joined: 5/6/2004
Msg: 5
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4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:54:07 PM
Dude, she is going on a 4th date with you... Make it or Break it was the 2nd date... First Impressions are everything, but sometimes people will go on a 2nd date if they feel they didn't get a full feel for the situation on the 1st, but you are on your 4th...

You've kissed her on the cheek, you didn't try for a regular kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date??? She is going to start thinking you aren't interested or that your gay... Like I said, this is the 4th date and she is still returning your calls and going out with you... You can't really engrave it in the stone much better...
 shaneOgreen26
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 6
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 8:56:38 PM
Its possible that she is just treading lightly. Maybe she doesnt want to make a mistake with you. If fools rush in, she's being wise. She might be holding out to see if your the same man time and time again. She may really like, and would'nt want to ruin things between the two of you. Give it time!
 Shadow67733
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 7
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 9:08:46 PM
She said she was not sure about going out again and ur worried about her other "mixed signals". Hmm. Sorry bud, but with women any mixed signals are bad news, belief it or not they are consistent... but only when they like you. The fact that she had to think about seeing you again is not good. Don't be a wimp and ask if she likes you either, it really doesn't show much confidence in yourself which is a no-no. I say go for a real kiss and when she if brushes you off you'll know for sure. Next time if ur unsure again on any date try kissing the girl at the end of a date to force her hand. If you get cheek or head turn then its simply no more wasted money on dates who think ur just "okay" and are using you as refuge from boredom or someone else better comes along. If you get a good kiss back no problems you just underrated her interest in you.
 tziganka
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 8
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 9:26:07 PM
Nick,

Back off a little bit. Don't be the eager beaver that you are kinda showing that you are in this post... YOU ARE THE MAN... be calm, cool, and collected. Everyone wants what is OUT OF REACH...

Be aloof without being a goof..... and you will see a change of heart.


Good luck
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 9
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 10:18:06 PM
what is the hurry?
what is with the number thing?

easier to enjoy time with a friend first.

and then again what do I know?


~~~
smartass1970 below as got some voice eh? funny, good and direct thoughts...
cheers

 SmartAss1970
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 10
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/26/2009 10:20:08 PM
Oh lord... I hate these situations...

Not to sound too cruel but I have to tell you one thing.. STOP BEING A WUSS!

Women don't like insecure men, if you and standing the pondering if you should kiss her, if she's interested, if she likes you, etc etc etc.. I can tell you now.. she probably doesn't.

Relax... go with the evening, have a good time, don't fuss over her, don't fall all over yourself and be an idiot. She is probably quite ok with taking care of herself and would appreciate a man who doesn't need a new mother figure in his life.

At the end of the evening, or maybe at some point during the evening, the situation may present itself where you can kiss the girl.. PROPERLY, not like some 17 year old highschool virgin with a boner in his pocket.

If you leave her laughing, smiling, and relaxed then you will see her again, not to worry, kissing her is NOT A REQUIREMENT, just let it happen. If you try to rush things, get clingy, start calling 100 times a day and professing you love from the rooftops she will run like a cat on fire...

Hope this helps.. oh.. print this off and stick it to the ceiling over your bed, if you screw it up and she runs then you can read this over again and note it for next time...

SA1970
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 11
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 6:14:44 AM
I'm assuming this is someone you met at POF. If so, what did/does her profile say she is looking for? Friends, dating or LTR? Maybe you two aren't looking for the same thing?
I think two things you're doing wrong or 'thinking' wrong are:
1. Putting time limits on things. Let nature take its course and progress naturally. There are no guideline and certainly none which says by date # X this or that should occur.
2. Expecting some kind of declaration of "where she sees it going." If some guy asked me that on a 4th date it would freak me out to say the very least.
 sexyfunguy
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 12
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 6:45:58 AM
Buddy,

1) lull between the dates
2) AND she says she's not sure if she wanted to go on another date with you
3) A kiss on the cheek?

Do you really need me to spell this out for you? Be a man and drop the deadweight! You're friends, not lovers. You're young, why are you tying yourself down to somebody who obviously does not have the same intensity of feelings as you do?
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 13
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 6:53:43 AM
Smartass your hilarious I agree kiss the girl You are the one that is giving mixed signals!!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:10:39 AM
In my opinion, you should write her off. If she isn't indicating a lot of interest, then either (1) she isn't interested; or (2) she's playing a game. Either way, you lose.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 15
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:26:58 AM
Hey buddy,

If you have to ask, YOU are not doing something right. YOU need to amplify attraction. You need to establish this things through actions not words. But you are so hesitant, so in a rush, and so cumbersome that you are creating a situation in which you put her on the spot and she will flat out tell you that she is not into you. Your lost.
 Sunshine33066
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 16
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:12:20 AM
By the 4th date, you should KNOW...if you dont...then yes, you need to speak up or go in for the REAL kiss. If she talks around what ever question you throw at her, or if she dodges the kiss...then you will KNOW. Politely bow out and move on...

She must be some what interested..4 dates in kind of alot for this site, no? Well, it is for me anyways...

She may be waiting for you to step it up or express that you are REALLY interested...its sometimes hard for a girl to STEP UP and do anything, for fear of rejection...I guess it goes guys too....
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 17
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4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:24:37 AM
Dayum, there's some very astute PoFers responding here OP.

I couldn't add anything to their already stellar advice......By the third date, I'd expect the guy to be acting like a guy. If he was still kissing me on the cheek I'd be inclined to dismiss the whole thing. ACT like you want to be with her, she'll let you know her feelings...

Take it easy! Be cool.......be natural.........

And good luck!
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 18
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:06:46 PM
wow amazing. You've known someone a few weeks.
You've had 3 dates with a person, which equals about what, 15 hours or so?
Let's be generous and assume 5 hours each date.
And you expect some kind of decision on her part?
You're already wanting to push to know if there's an "us"??
The reason you continue to date is to decide what's going on.
What's the big rush?
If you like her and enjoy her company, continue to ask her on dates.
If there's some ghost in her past that you've alluded to and you feel she's somehow emotionally unable to form a relationship, then stop seeing her.
My advice is to stop expecting an "insta-girlfriend" and just date.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 19
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4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:21:26 PM
Dude the three date rule. If you don't know what is happening by the end of the third date there should never be a forth.
 nick93809
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 20
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:13:12 PM
"wow amazing. You've known someone a few weeks.
You've had 3 dates with a person, which equals about what, 15 hours or so?
Let's be generous and assume 5 hours each date.
And you expect some kind of decision on her part?
You're already wanting to push to know if there's an "us"??
The reason you continue to date is to decide what's going on.
What's the big rush?
If you like her and enjoy her company, continue to ask her on dates."


In the 3 dates we've probably only spent a total of about 6 hours together, due to conflicting schedules. So I do understand it may be a little too soon to expect some kind of 'answer' but it has also been a month since we first met on here. She did have looking for 'dating' on her profile. I also can understand and agree with everyone's opinions - stop acting like a wuss, just go for it before she becomes bored, give her time/space, etc. But I guess the reason I feel like I want some kind of answer, whether verbally or physically is because she's a very busy person, and has a lot going on in the next month. If I haven't been able to see her much so far, and the next month might be even worse, I don't wanna be hanging in the meantime and not know what's going on...does that make sense? So this is why I feel I must find something out on this date, because I don't want the next month to be more uncertainty.

I definitely plan to go for a real kiss at some point, but what I'm wondering is how should I greet her - with a kiss on the cheek or a quick smooch on the lips? If she does enjoy a full out kiss, should I escalate a little and do some provocative touching too?

Is it possible she is interested in getting to know me still, but not sure how she feels in regards to kissing/touching? Or has enough time passed where she HAS to know by now, and must obviously be interested to some degree to be going out for a 4th time?
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 21
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:25:20 PM
So you've spent 6 hours with someone. That's it.
Text, email, chat-- that doesn't count as actual dating.
Her schedule is busy and she's looking for dating (as opposed to LTR)
You might feel like you need an answer, but after only 6 hours together in total, you probably won't get one.
Option 1: Be cool, accept it for what it is, enjoy her company and let go of any expectations.
Option 2: Stop seeing her and find someone with more time.

As for kissing... you'll know when it feels right. If you have to plot and plan, it's not the right time.
 kdkutie1
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 22
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:05:07 PM
This is the problem with dating. Men think there is a timeline like where things should be by the 3rd date or 4th date. What about just spending time with this girl, really getting to know her and letting her get to know you. Then worrying about "where it is going" after that. You cannot possibly really know this girl in 3 dates. This is not the movies.

If you really like her, you'd want to know her, not just be worried about why you haven't been kissed yet.
 reverb-deluxe
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 23
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:56:36 PM
Have you heard that a woman knows in five minutes whether she’d have sex with you? That’s not quite the whole truth.
She may know within five seconds that she’ll never sleep with you. But she may need another five dates or five weeks to decide that she will.
Have patience. Or move on. Or do both.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 24
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4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:48:08 PM

Nah, just give her a proper kiss. You'll get all your questions answered.

And perhaps a slap on the face I'd wager?

If she's umming and ahhing and lukewarm about the third and fourth date, and you've only given her a peck on the cheek so far, then I don't like your chances of going any further.

I would like to think you would know if there's chemistry by the end of the second date.
 zapped
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 25
4th date - is it make or break? Do I ask her?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:59:06 PM
Op just tell her that you like her,should she pursue to go out with you again...tell her to call you.After the 4th date ..just cool off a bit.
Let her decide if she still wants to see you or not.The dating game is now on her hands.
It seems to me that shes not that really into you or she probably bored thats why she go out with you... by 4th date..you would feel if there's sparks between you and her.
But you feel uncertainties so that means..something is not right.
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