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 AUTHOR
 peachgirl2010
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 1
How fast is Too Fast?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well here is the situation in a nutshell:
I met a guy on here, I really like him, but he is wanting to introduce me to everyone as his girlfriend, and we have only known each other for a week. Yes, we connected, and have much in common, but how fast is too fast?
He has me worried, esp as he is talking about moving in together soon. And taking me to meet his family and all....he wants me to spend all free time with him. He is sweet, and is very considerate of me, but things are moving so very fast. How do I slow things down?
Advice?
 one tall chick
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 2
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:16:37 PM
Talk to him. If you like him and want to have a relationship with him, you'll have to learn how to talk to him eventually..... If you guys want different things, its best to find out now.

good luck
 canoist
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 3
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:17:23 PM
Communicate.

Just like you are doing here. Tell him what you want. Let him know. But if he's all starry-eyed over you, you may have to tell him over and over again.

Good luck

Canoist
 Wandaful
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 4
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:23:06 PM
Run! Run like the wind!!!

Nah... just kidding... is all different for everyone. Personally I have found that things that happen fast generally end as quickly... a week is not enough time to 'know' each other let alone to be talking about moving in... just this girls opinion.
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 5
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:31:04 PM
Talk to him about slowing things down and that you want to see him but take things slow
 peachgirl2010
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 6
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:35:57 PM
Yeah, the love words have been exchanged, and he is very very enthusiastic about us. That he wants me there all the time, and desires me so strongly. That is the concern. The words, he is addicted to me, were used. He asked me if i was ok with that...........i was flattered yet worried......
 Shadow67733
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 7
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:38:45 PM
Sounds like this poor guy has zero self control. Yeah, ur in for a interesting trip with him. Try telling him to slow down although I doubt that will work. Honestly, I belief the more you talk about the future with your potential partner the less of a chance you will be in it, lol. You should be enjoying the moment and getting to know each other. At this rate maybe he'll propose within another week. I'm sure this guy may be very well intentioned but its not helping his case when its clear he has no idea how to maintain a relationship due to his control issues. Date and enjoy him if you think its worth it and g/l, but be aware of the flags.
 Rydethere
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 8
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:00:37 PM
PeachGirl

Does he still view your page? Cause if he does, then perhaps he has already SEEN this forum.

When is the wedding again?

Communication is everything........ Speed is not bad....... and it's kinda nice he is so taken by you...huh?!



~Ryder
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 9
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:29:20 PM
Broken record here .....

My relationships have lasted much longer than average.

Every single one was INSTANT - on both sides.

That includes both marriages (16 years - 17 years).

--------

OP .... it is not a REAL two way match. You are trying to figure out of you want to settle for the guy.

If it really was a two way match ...... all the questions get answered FAST (or later) and both people toss their baggage in the closet and thank their lucky starts ... they crossed paths with a real match.
 Rydethere
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 10
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:03:56 PM
Ron9



That includes both marriages (16 years - 17 years)

You seem quite proud.......Next?!


Could.be.all.yours (BTW...You're Pretty )

Good for you, for asking the tough questions. IT takes time to know someone. Best advice is to take some time & space and see what HE does. Might be that he moves on to another. Best to know this upfront!!!


~Ryder
 gent49
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 11
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:13:10 PM
Gut check here. to begin with sit down and ask yourself if this guy is everything you have been looking for too. I'm sorry but I am reading alot of "your not ready for such seriousness" at this point in your life. Check the signals you are giving him to be sure he isnt misinterpreting them. Then follow the "gut" on your true feelings. The term "gut" sounds vulgar and simple I know but knowbody can tell me that their gut feelings about anything werent pretty darned accurate. This may not be a too fast situation and then again it might be way too much to handle. Either way just the rushing you can and will cause stress in the relationship as it is now. Believe me, rushing is not a good idea period! Sit down and have the talk with him. Make him understand you both must have time to see the realtionship clearly. Everybody knows two people meet, two people date and everything is hot for the most part. Its only when time passes in any relationship that we discover who our partner really is and how deeply we feel about them. Time is proven and essential when thinking about any relationship and its destiny. The worlds divorce rate would be cut in half or more if folks just took time before they jumped off the deep end. Your friend has already jumped off the ledge so there might not be any return for him. Face it hun, your charm has him twitterpainted. :))
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:48:54 PM
How fast is Too Fast?


130 rmp while in doggy style....pu$$y might catch fire, especially if the "grass" hasn't been "cleared" .... lube recommended

Oh wait...dirty me!

Seriously OP, I don't get why even bother asking the question. It's not like you are going listen to what we say, so what's the point?

If, by some miracle, we all agree on "You ought to date 4 weeks and then have sex", but it doesn't feel right for you, are you going to do what we say?

If you don't what is right for you, why do think I or anyone else does? You think we know something about you that you don't?
 rulkn4me
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 13
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 10:07:51 PM
Ok first moving in together while appealing is never a good idea. Studies have been done showing that couples who move in together and do marry end up with a higher divorce rate than couples who choose not to live together prior . After just a week i think thats way too soon to introduce someone as your girlfriend . Sounds like to me you feel a great deal of pressure and obligation almost . You should tell him things are going way way too fast and you havent had the time to really get to know each other well enough to make that committment. Any relationship at first is filled with this great feeling of happiness love if you want to call it that ya know like they can do no wrong and everything is perfect lol. But I think this is what your guy friend is caught up in and your not quite there yet. If you were you wouldnt be on here having doubts and so on. So If he cares for you he will respect you when you say its too fast lets hang out get to know each other develope a solid friendship first then see if there is really something more to it ok. Good luck to you :)
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 14
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 10:18:55 PM

He is sweet, and is very considerate of me, but things are moving so very fast. How do I slow things down?
Tell him, "I'm uncomfortable with how fast you're trying to move things." See how considerate he is when what you want doesn't suit him.

PS search online for the signs of an abuser and familiarise yourself. It's too soon to say, but the pressure and speed and not giving you space to think together with the implication that you feel guilty about not wanting to move so fast as he does are possible signals of that.
 BullMan54
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 15
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/27/2009 10:57:42 PM
RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG

There is something wrong with this guy. No one with any self esteem would do something like this.

He is trying to lock you in. He has some serious personality defects and it sounds like he wants to tie you up into a fantasy that he is living.

Run away as fast as you can.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 16
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 2:46:35 AM
I'm with BullMan on this. He's either incredibly immature or is trying to get you hooked for some reason. Either way, I can't imagine this is a healthy situation. Personally, I'd probably end it, but at the very least, I'd recommend slowing things WAY down.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 17
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:08:16 AM
Ohhhhhhhhhhh WAY TOO FAST!
He's desperate to be "in a relationship"
Back off.
Back off,
WAY off!!!!!!!
 Cherished Diva
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 18
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:21:06 AM
That is way too fast..
You'll have to set things straight now especially if you're scared and if he is a great guy then he should understand and accept this and if not then you'll really know..
Good luck..
 elizabethnotliz
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 19
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:21:43 AM
PEACHGIRL2010
The love words have been exchanged and you've only known each other a week?

Two wack jobs deserve each other. Co-dependent ANYONE? How can anyone take this seriously? Don't you know the difference between attention and infatuation and what real love is? You probably don't care as long as you get your feel goods. That is your problem, thankfully not mine. Whatever happens in this relationship is CLEARLY because of what you allow.
YOU DON'T EVEN REAAAAAALLLY KNOW EACH OTHER YET.

Christ on a bike! GET REAL. You'll have a much healthier life. These types of people (both of you) are so dangerous to people who live in the real world. Hopefully you'll only be a danger to yourselves.

Now about my smackdown, that was to get your attention. Do you in your right mind think how he is being is healthy? Probably not or you wouldn't have written this post asking. GOTTA ASK for clarification here: Did you REALLY say "i love you' to him in exchange or did you mean to say he said it to you only. Either way...i still say...this is a very unhealthy start and screams mindscrew and or unstable person. Sorry for all you love at first site romantics. It isn't LOVE in the true sense but attraction when that happens. HUGE difference.

I sooooo agree with the poster who asked questions about why he is talking about living together as to his own status currently. He sounds like the makings of a possessive time bomb too already wanting to jump into the 'girlfriend' tag and wanting you to meet his friends. He is defining himself by what he can have on his arm. There is a HUGE difference between wanting someone you care about to EVENTUALLY meet your friends and family and one who is wanting a girlfriend so bad he doesn't even take time to get to know you ...ya know...the dating part....first.
slow the eff down indeed. You may lose him over wanting to do that because his EGO (which is showing huge here) which lacks a natural intelligence...won't GET that it is healthier and realistic to take this more slowly and not declare things for the sake of playing the game but rather really mean them. Love is a verb not a noun.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 20
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:33:26 AM
Liz: Do you think you're being at all helpful by insulting someone who got infatuated too quickly?

OP: You're infatuated with each other. You made a great first impression on one another, and you don't actually know each other yet. If there's one thing I'm an absolute expert on, it's thinking someone is amazing after a week and rethinking it after a month. Youth

Slow it dowwwwn. If it's too fast for you, it's too fast. Simply put.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 21
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:34:24 AM
If you've known him for just over a week and told him that you love him and vice versa...that's too fast on both your parts - it's not just this guy who's moving at the speed of light. You can't even possibly know each other at this point to know love...that quick brain chemistry cocktail has got you drunk but he sounds like he's at the fall down stupid drunk stage. You at least have some of your faculties left to question all those things you have questioned. Wait until you both sober up to decide anything and just continue going on dates and get to actually know each other before you do any of those things you've said he wants to do, like being called his g/f, visiting parents and moving in together.
 elizabethnotliz
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 22
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:44:01 AM
Cyrus,
I deleted (trying to at least..at last look it is still on here) my original post because you are right...it is insulting because she probably won't really get what I meant.

She needs to head dangers though or she will be on her way to co-dependent town right along with him especially if she wasn't completely scared away by all this.

"youth"...28 is hardly wet behind your ears youth when it comes to seriousness of relationships and telling people you love them within a week.

 PassTheMuster
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 23
How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:44:02 AM
First off, as others have said…one week? And you’ve BOTH said the ‘love’ word?

Sweetie, love is a helluva lot more than “I want to spend every waking moment with you because you light my hormones on fire.”

A more appropriate exchange would be “I’m crazy about you”…crazy being the operative word.

And I don’t believe he’s being “considerate” if he wants/expects you to spend all of your free time with him. That’s not considerate, that’s selfish, needy and reeks of desperation. I also agree with whomever said it’s the behavior of a potentially controlling type person.

Ask yourself: Why the rush? Really, what will rushing into things accomplish? Because generally when a “relationship” begins at this level of intensity, it usually has one way to go, and that’s down. I can almost guarantee that in another couple weeks, you’ll be posting a thread similar to this one:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11854690.aspx

Might be worth a few minutes of your time to read it.
 mrcyrus
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 24
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:51:53 AM
Liz,

You are not 'screaming reality' like you think, you are being unnecessarily insulting. There's a very big difference between presenting your point and straight-up spitting in somebody's face over the internet.

All of these quotes are senseless and insulting for no purpose and the OP's done nothing to deserve the flaming. What your opinion is isn't what I'm arguing with you about. It's clear you've been through some stuff in the past that you aren't happy about, but situations differ. Please don't insult somebody who's asking for advice if they really don't deserve the insult - life's hard enough as it is.

Edit: I edited the quotes out of this post. Hopefully they're disappear altogether. :angel:

The 'youth' comment about me and the previous comment on how I used to move a bit too fast, not the op.
 elizabethnotliz
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 25
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How fast is Too Fast?
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:59:32 AM
I tried to delete my post..what you quoted was more about what she might become if she doesn't question this here and now and not go forward with this guy. You are very correct that I didn't word it in the manner of it intention...thus I deleted and apologize if offended anyone most importantly not wanting to attack but was incredulous.

Hell yeah I know of which i speak...and sometimes I am passionate about it.

YUP!
my apologies to you and yours.
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