| | Tattoos and ParentsPage 1 of 1 | The generation right now that are in their twenties are more into tattoos than ever before i believe when it comes to girls. I have 15 tattoos all visible in normal attire.
I am talking to this guy who asked me to take out my piercings when i meet his mother and I asked how she is going to feel about my tattoos .. He said she would just tell me to make sure they aren't visible around the kids of the family...
Should I be ashamed of who I am and cover them or is it that i have to "respect" a generation that is not familiar with this type of lifestyle?
I feel like I'm hiding apart of my life when I hide my tattoos on purpose | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:00:53 PM | | If he is telling you to "hide" your tattoos around his family, think about what else down the road he may ask you to "hide" around his family. Not saying it will automatically go that route, but it doesn't sound like a good precedent. If he's not willing to proudly introduce you to his family as you are, I'd rethink this one a bit. | |
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Rush™
| | Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 3 | |
| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:06:03 PM | | I agree with message #2. If this is someone who is not too comfortable to the point where he/she has to get you to hide something in order to please others, then I would look at that as a negative sign. | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:30:12 PM | Find a guy who has lost his parents to age or disease, now you have no worries... 
Seriously, if he is asking you to cover up and hide who and what you are, then he isn't the guy for you, move on before you waste anymore time... | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:43:47 PM | No he is not the guy for you. But honestly OP this is going to be a reoccurring theme in your life. When you have 15 tattoos visible in normal clothes that's going to impact the men that date you and the jobs you can get all your life.
This isn't like wearing wild clothes to make a statement about your lifestyle where you can dress normal in normal situations.
You have facial piercings and your covered in tattoo's. The size of the pond you fish in for men will always be the size of a puddle not a lake.
Some guys will consider you really hot. But then think about what their family will say. Or how they are gonna feel bringing you to the company picnic if they are a professional or other social gatherings. Like it or not what you have done is really set yourself up to be judged all your life by people that disagree with your life choices.
I do NOT want you to change. You are being you and that's fine. Be happy. But realize that what you have done to yourself is going to effect your life forever. Long past when being covered in tattoo's is really neat anymore.
I wish you only the best of Luck Always
Cowboy | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:57:41 PM | Have to agree with Cowboy.
It's a fairly typical reaction when someone has a lot of tattoos that the people around them (societally speaking) are going to be judgmental - especially if they're from an older generation. You will be barred from many elite positions due to the assumed recklessness or "punk attitude" your tattoos will represent in the eyes of those who hold the keys.
Ergo, yes, the guy isn't for you (and no, you definitely shouldn't change who you are just because many guys will react the same way this one did), and many males won't be because of this societal attitude. I'd just advise to not hold it against them; we all are, after all, products of our socialization.
I mean, I have three large tattoos myself (all well hidden when I wear clothing), but knowing the way society sees them, I hide them when I'm going to job interviews and meeting parents for the first time because I don't want to be perceived the way tattoos make traditional people perceive me. And that works for me. So just do what works for you, and congrats on your strength in facing all those preconceptions.
TDA | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:59:03 PM | ask yourself if a guy who doesn't have the balls to tell his parents that it's his choice on who he dates and that they can either accept it or not meet her is the kind of guy you wanna date.
or if a guy who comes from such a non-progressive family is really a good match for someone as contemporary as yourself.
tell him to man up! and tell his mom to cool it. tattoos don't bite. most kids love mine. i usually make up a fun story about them for the little ones. | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 4:06:52 PM | In boot camp at Paris Island, 1970. they showed us a film and it implied tattoos were a sign of homosexual tendencies. I have never forgotten this !! Could this be partially true . I don't know !, but I have noticed that tattooed ladies seem more prone to be bi-sexual . I've never observed men enough to make any conclusions. To me a tattoo seems to say "f--k you, your opinion of me doesn't matter.
Why are plastic surgeons making billions $$$ to remove them??
Remember I am from the old school, but
I strive to follow this----"Judge not lest, you be judged" It is hard, but stereotipical, and predjudicial teachings are hard to overcome.
This i am sure of God loves us all the same---sinner or any person who "thinks" they are a non-sinner !! | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 4:19:15 PM | | You shouldn't be ashamed of your tattos, but you should be willing to live with results of getting them, which may include not dating people who don't like tattoos or accomodating the wishes of your dates when meeting family members. Like it or not, people will judge you. For a long time, I had very long hair and a number of earrings and my nose was pierced, but I knew when it was best for me to take out the loops and studs and tie my hair back to make an impression. You do have to deal with the predjudices of others and getting those people to accept you may have to come in stages, but if you succeed, you will succeed in opening their minds as well. | |
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Posted: 3/1/2009 4:22:21 PM | I have 8 tattoos very large tattoos including an entire back piece from base of my neck to bottom of my spine... I am 38 and my grandmother died not knowing I had a single tattoo. She was against them and I respected her far to much to offend her in any manner. It does not mean I dont like them or am not proud of who I am, it just means I know what is appropriate and I didnt want her to ever think ill of me.
Most people who get tattoos know there is a time and place for them to be displayed and other times that they should be hidden. If you feel you cannot hide them or do not want to then you should find another person to be with just remember the warmer the weather is the harder it is to hide them as clothing gets smaller and smaller
As far as a person asking you to remove the piercings - that is the larger issue then what the mother thinks and requests. He for some reason is embarrassed by them or he would not ask - this is an issue and you should move on .... | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 4:26:55 PM | hmmm tattoos, just for a moment I am going on the guys side. he might be trying to avoid all the hassle of family prejudgment. he may not be in the set of you never showing them. he might be just wanting to ease his parents into liking you first before they make a judgment. to some family is very important so you come second until they can ease you into there family. So this may not be the case of it getting worse down the road but he may feel like he likes you allot and he want his family to feel the same with out the prejudgments of an old fashion family. it a risk that you take when you make this choice.
I personally don't think and judgments on body art. but in the real world it is judged quite severely in some places. Especially when looking for a professional business type job.
take the time to think about it before you make a decision This is not as simple as people may think. but the answer to whether you should be ashamed absolutely not, wear your tattoos with pride.
cheers
Joe | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 4:46:23 PM | | You've limited yourself on who will date you because of your tatts. I don't mind them, have one myself. But they can be a hindrance sometimes, re: job, dating. | |
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Posted: 3/1/2009 4:54:42 PM | I appreciate all the feedback it really is what I needed to open my eyes more.
I guess I'm just struck because I work for a very edgy company where my lifestyle is accepted and living in California makes it even more accepting I am just suprised I guess on the judgement of people.
I grew up in a family that would accept a gay homeless guy who likes to masterbate to rose petals falling (haha) to now in the dating scene again and having to see not all families are like that.
I would never say I regret my tattoos and I know when they are appropriate to show and not (IE court, interviews Etc.) but when meeting a family I really think it's important to be me! | |
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Posted: 3/1/2009 5:04:52 PM | | Well I have have 9 tattoo's and that is more accepted by "our" generation. But I think that when you are around his parents that you should try to cover them because it is out of respect for his parents/mother that he asks you. Our tattoo's do not define us, they are for us. He is not asking you to change, he is simply requesting you do this out of respect. Respect is also something people of our generation have no idea about. I cover my tattoo's a lot of times, when I meet a girl's parents for the 1st time, when my band plays a gig (bluegrass, haha), when I go to staff meetings and so on. I do this because I know how some people would form their opinions. That is fine, because whether we like it or not...that's just the way it is. So my advice is to take out your piercings and try to cover the tattoo's that you can the first couple of times you are around his parents, then have a talk with him and let him know that eventually he has to tell his parents, or break up with him if you feel that it will be to big of an issue. I understand how a lot of people feel, all the ones who will shout "if someone can't accept you the way you are.....don't change for anyone and yada yada ya" but the truth is, let the mother (although she would be wrong to form opinions about you based on your tat's) form her opinion of you based on your character, then I can almost promise that she will be accepting of you, as opposed to your tat's. It's worked for me! Have a good one and good luck. | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:05:32 PM | Unless your tattoo's are obscene/vulgar...ya know, curse words, naked people, etc...I see no reason to hide them. My mom hates my tats, but she's learned to accept them.
Don't be ashamed and I don't know how covering them up is a sign of respect.
Find a new guy to talk to | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:08:33 PM | This is a frequent forum topic. That's the power or a tattoo. THEY ARE PERMANENT. They change your life. They can affect your life.
Yeah, I'm covered pretty heavily. I was careful. In half sleeves and long pants nothing shows. My mom hated them. Of course.
It is against my religion. If I go to Israel and walk around in the Orthodox section in a tank top and shorts I'm gonna get static.
Jobs? I wasn't headed for the board room anyway. The tattoos are in keeping with my life and the social milieu I occupied.
Okay. OP. You got em. You chose where to place them. You can't cover easily. You made that choice. Live with it. | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:32:19 PM | | Sorry, I know plenty about respect. Having a visible tattoo or piercing is not disrespectful. What is disrespectful is the fact that there are still people around that think it is ok to judge someone based on their appearance. | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:53:36 PM |
Sorry, I know plenty about respect. Having a visible tattoo or piercing is not disrespectful. What is disrespectful is the fact that there are still people around that think it is ok to judge someone based on their appearance.
If you were on trial for murder, would you want your attorney to show up in flip flops, shorts and t-shirt with tatoos showing or would you prefer that he wear a suit and otherwise look very conservative? | |
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| Tattoos and Parents
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:56:58 PM | Whether its okay to judge someone on tattoos or not, it's going to happen. As important as it is to NOT judge someone until you know them, a person who is against tattoos is going to form a stereotypical opinion from the moment they see that person's ink.
Call it life, call it what you will... unfortunately prejudgice exists and always will to some extent. People just can't be that open minded when you're talking about them dismissing values and mindsets that they were raised with.
Perfect example: I happen to think lower back tattoos are sexy on women, if they are of some class, but many people think the "Tramp Stamp" is a suitable name for them. | |
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