| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:57:03 PM | | What should I do? I have a friend that I have developed stronger than friend feelings for and I have told him. He still keeps telling me that he wants only friendship. I really love our relationship we have now but I still want more. What should I do? He talks to me about other girls and I end up crying at home later on because I want to be that girl. Help I think I am losing my mind. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:59:56 PM | OP .... you are doing it to yourself.
I tell guys all the time ....
DO NOT hang around a gal (as a friend) that you want to touch.
Kill the friendship
Kill the pain
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I would never ever - EVER hang around a gal as a friend ...... EVER - if I wanted more. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:29:07 PM | He is spelling it LOUD AND CLEAR, he likes you as a friend, and a confidant, but nothing else.
You have to reach a different level, meaning not attracted to him romantically to be around him... Some times that never happens, and you have to decide whether you want to feel the torment of unrequited love, just to be friends with him. The other option is to walk away, and allow yourself to find someone that feels the same about you..
YES it hurts, but for your own sanity and relief from shed tears, you may want to bow out gracefully. I he asks why, tell him, no need to beat around the bush... | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:57:01 PM | | It is refreshing to hear this from a woman ,I didnt think it was an issue of being friends with women .I always thought it was easy for a woman to remain friends after developing feelings, For myself it was always the after the relationship friendship issuses .After being in love and trying to remain friends ,is torture.To fall in love or develope feelings before friendship , makes it hard to remain friends when you only know love. If you were friends before you developed feelings you should be able to stay friends ,you were lucky not to have entered a relationship with him and not have it work ,then no friendship .you still have his friendship its up to you to want it.Its not easy ,but you ll find someone to be with you. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:13:18 PM | Bubba, we are humans too... Some women make friends with guys that the guy had the romantic interest, and learned to move past that. Of course others don't and they too lament the pain of unrequited love, however it happens to women as well.
Perhaps you don't hear a lot about it from women, because when the love is not returned, they move on to find someone who does want them, or bow out from the friendship, slowly but as graceful as possible. However there are those that wait around silently offering themselves up to the man when ever the chance arises...
Mind you this is NOT scientific, but I have read many more threads from men about "I have fallen for her, but she has a bf, what do I do", then women.
I agree there is a lot of after the romance, lets be friends, this happens to women as well. However it has been my experience that women usually end up as a back burner option (NOT ALWAYS) and for those who take that option, will also take the scraps of sex tossed their way in the name of HOPE the man will realize what he had.
I have to say that whether she has been romantically involved or not, does not mean the pain is any less, because she is wanting to be with this guy romantically, and this guy is not interested in that type of a relationship with her. It is still a feeling of rejection to the ego, and can be as painful... | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:29:35 PM | Some of us guys are pretty clueless when someone is interested, even if they are masking it fairly badly.. If you think he is the one and he makes your heart flutter a beat you should ask/tell him.
So take a deep breath and good luck.
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:34:38 PM | If he's told you in clear terms that he wants to just stay friends...you have to accept that my dear...you can't FORCE someone to love you just because you wish it. You have to decide if you can just be happy with friendship, or if you just have to say goodbye altogether. (You don't want to be pining away for someone who doesn't feel the same way for you...it's not good)
Good luck! | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/4/2009 8:28:45 PM | | You're a friend but HE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU OR DOESN'T THINK OF YOU AS A LOVER. Get over it. You're only hurting yourself. Love yourself, then love someone who reciprocates that love. One-sided love is not love and causes the lover only pain and torment. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:57:33 AM | Hi ...I have travelled your road of just friends and bestest gal pal.
I embrace and enjoy the friendship and hey it's okay to love a friend, but don't obsess.
The best way to make an enemy is to try and change a friend.
Do yourself a favor, put yourself out there, start dating, and you just never know who is just around the corner.
Wm Shakepeare said "Love sought is good, but given unsought is better." Twelfth Night | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:16:05 AM | | I'm in the opposite situation. I have a friend who I've recently realized probably wants more and I have no interest in that with him. I don't want to lose the friendship but it is getting really uncomfortable to be around him. From my perspective, I'd say back off. I don't know how you know him so apply the advice as appropriate to your daily routine. Don't avoid him if it is normal for you to be around him; if you work together, or go to the same club, or group, or church, or whatever; but do NOT make efforts, until you get your feelings under control, to see him more often or call him just to see what's he's up to, or drop him little emails. It will begin to get more and more uncomfortable for him and HE will begin avoiding YOU to rid himself of the discomfort. You don't want it to come to that so ease off. Hopefully, as time wears on, and maybe you find someone else, the feelings will change again to a more appropriate friendship level. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:32:43 AM | | Well I think you friend is not really your friend. If he knows you are interested, he knows is hurting you. I guess you should think about it .Is he selfish??? Or he really likes to be the center of attention and for him is a male ego to feel girls like him. Do you ever think about that? My advice is move on. There is always someone for you, and when you never imagine the love will come to your life. So dont cry. Chin up and be fortunatelly to feel, eventhough are sad feelings. There are people out there that never feel or never really express their feelings or they never know what they want. At least you know what do you want. That the guy is not for you, well happens all the time. Good luck | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:57:37 AM | | ^^^he's selfish because he doesn't feel the same? No. Just as you are allowed to have your feelings, so is he. She must respect that and do what is best for her and her well-being. He didn't string her along, so I don't understand how you think this is an 'ego-trip'. I think you're projecting your feelings onto this situation. Cheers! | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:08:20 AM | | When I state friendship I mean friendship...just because your feelings are deeper then that doesn't mean he needs to change. He has been honest and you are misleading yourself. Should his feelings change I am sure he will be honest about that too. Either be a friend and if not possible then move along to someone seeking a relationship. At the present time your frustrating yourself and him. Best wishes to you both. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/6/2009 11:48:57 AM | Why, why, why do people persist in trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't want a relationship with them? You are creating your own pain. He's just not that into you, honey. Accept it. If he cared squat about you he wouldn't be crying to you about his problems with other women.
Hate to be harsh, and I'm really not that unsympathetic, but you really need a reality check ...  | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/6/2009 8:05:38 PM | I think the clue here is that 'he repeatedly told you that he just wants to be/stay friends'.
If I really felt more for a 'friend' over time, I couldn't restist to at least take 'one chance' by telling him... But, hey - if he told me over and over again that he doesn't feel the same way about me? Let's not humiliate ourselves and the poor guy more than absolutely necessary!
Keep on looking for your 'soul mate'. ..hanging around waiting for that 'unavailable' guy to fall in love with you doesn't make you look attractive to anyone (including him!). | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:55:48 AM | You have to get over it, otherwise you might just ruin the friendship side of this relationship. He talks about other girls around you, because he wants you to realize he's not in to you like that.
You may want more, but he doesnt. If you make it uncomfortable for him..where he feels pressure from you, he may not hang out with you any more...then you dont have a boyfriend and you've lost a friend. Lose, Lose.
Just shake it out of your head, stop thinking about him like that. It can be done. | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/24/2009 1:39:59 PM | We started out just chatting as friends but i have feelings for him more then just friendship..But he doesn't feel the same i'v want to tell him just how deep my feelings are but i know he will get scared..I don't like it when he told me about another girl and i know that he is still looking..I want to be the girl who he talks about and i wound up crying because i know this is not going to lead to anything serious.. Should i let him go i really don't want to but he is not ready for a relationship but i am..i think i'm going to lose it..  | |
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| I have developed feelings for someone that only wants friendship
Posted: 3/24/2009 2:15:29 PM | | I am so sorry that you are hurting over this hun. If it hurts you to hear him talk of other women then I am sorry to tell you that this pain you feel will not get any easier and he also will in all likelihood never think of you as anything more then a friend. Please don't put yourself through this anymore. You deserve to be with a man who wants,loves and is as attracted to you as you are to him. | |
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