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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:46:22 PM | | There seems to be a constant theme on the forums. It's hard to meet a decent person, people lie, people are too hung up on looks, people are too hung up on money, people have been on this site for years and they can't get a date.....I was thinking about how millions of people can be on a dating site......many of them claiming they are looking for a long term relationship....and yet hardly any one is finding a mate (especially in the over 50 crowd). It seems to me the only reason a person would be looking for a long term relationship is to make their life happier, fuller, or to enhance it in some way. So don't we have to look at what we bring to the table in a more realistic way?? I don't understand how so many men (yes I know this is not gender specific but I am a woman) can say things like "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy" but they just don't understand why they can't find anyone. What exactly are these men "people" planning to do in this late in life, long term relationship?? I'm not saying there is not a possibility that there is someone out there that will be happy to just sit at home, watch TV everynight, go for walks in the park and have sex but I think most women (especially the over 50 crowd) want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert.......after all how many healthy, active years do we have left???? I think to find a long term relationship we need to bring more to the table than good looks and a smooth line. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:51:58 PM | Have to agree with that...to a point.
Many guys got wiped out though. Lost everything to the ex, and left to start over. So...having nothing (for guys) is becoming a way of life rather than a disaster waiting to happen. Some have become resigned to being taken time after time, and the courts do little or nothing to help. Being a meal-ticket is their lot in life.
Also, with the economy the way it is going, people lose a lot. Couldn't believe that Stelco (in Hamilton) is going belly up and laying off 1500 people! These guys often lived paycheque to paycheque because of force of circumstance, and now...well....nothing.
Sure...a bit more than good looks (and beauty depends on the eye of the beholder) and a smooth line should be brought to the table. But, perhaps guys need to be a bit more selfish when it comes to their own possessions and welfare. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:00:09 PM | This is what I bring to the table in a relationship:
Financial stablitliy
Employed
I like Sex (actually I love it with the right guy!!!)
Can mow my own lawn...if you've seen my yard you know that is a chore
I like sports
I'm NOT a former drug user or alcoholic
No criminal history......well, maybe a few speeding tickets
I can hold my own in a conversation
have a house
have a car
I can fix a toliet
Not afraid to get dirty
I like to tickle and be tickled
Affectionate
Playful
Mischievous
Drama is strictly in my professional life (no I'm not a hooker, madam or drug dealer)
Adventurous
I can cook
Can clean.......don't like to but will do it
Oh, I shower daily and use deoderant
Yep, that is pretty much all I bring to the table. You would think that any guy would love to have me in their life. I guess the problem is that I'm picky about my long term potentials. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:00:16 PM | | Many guys with no job, no car, no home, no ambition are quite happily mated, often times to someone one welfare, but none the less, being one of this nice guys/gals may have limits, they are certainly out there coupling up and even reproducing to the added burden of taxpayers. Everything is relative to what you want or to what you are willing to accept. I don't care who you are or what you downside might be, there are people out there looking to be with you. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:04:35 PM |
There seems to be a constant theme on the forums. It's hard to meet a decent person, people lie, people are too hung up on looks, people are too hung up on money, people have been on this site for years and they can't get a date.....I was thinking about how millions of people can be on a dating site......many of them claiming they are looking for a long term relationship....and yet hardly any one is finding a mate (especially in the over 50 crowd). It seems to me the only reason a person would be looking for a long term relationship is to make their life happier, fuller, or to enhance it in some way. So don't we have to look at what we bring to the table in a more realistic way??
I think this is a gross generalization. There is a small (albeit vocal) minority that falls into this. And if you follow many of those people's posts you'll find that a large portion of them are out dating anyway.
I don't understand how so many men (yes I know this is not gender specific but I am a woman) can say things like "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy" but they just don't understand why they can't find anyone. What exactly are these men "people" planning to do in this late in life, long term relationship?? I'm not saying there is not a possibility that there is someone out there that will be happy to just sit at home, watch TV everynight, go for walks in the park and have sex but I think most women (especially the over 50 crowd) want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert.......after all how many healthy, active years do we have left????
I think you are hitting on two ends of the spectrum here. While I'd agree that there are women that want to go out to the movies, go to dinner, etc... and there are guys that want to sit home and watch TV I doubt there are many that want to do one or the other every single night. By the time most couples get through the first few dates there is a bit of both - you go out one or two nights a week and stay home and watch TV or do something at home the other nights.
There are just as many women saying "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice girl" and adding that they want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert, etc... To many guy's that says "high maintenance" and/or "gold digger". | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:12:40 PM |
I'm not saying there is not a possibility that there is someone out there that will be happy to just sit at home, watch TV everynight, go for walks in the park and have sex but I think most women (especially the over 50 crowd) want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert.......after all how many healthy, active years do we have left
You know, sitting at home every night, snuggling in front of the TV together; walking hand in hand through the park; and making love sounds pretty damn good to me. This is why I always bring Funyuns, a Frisbee, and French Ticklers to the table.  | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:14:02 PM | | Tell ya what I bring honey, I will ALWAYS put the toilet seat down....not to make you happy, but so the cats don't die! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:19:01 PM | | Actually I'm not talking about dating. Dating is the easy part. I'm talking about finding someone for a long term relationship.....possibly growing old together. Also, of course most people wanted a balanced lifestyle but if someone is so broke they can't pay their rent or drive a car that is a whole other "kettle of fish". As the last lady mentioned she has everything to offer and is a great catch!! I'm sure she's had many similar experiences to me. Lots of men telling me "I've never met anyone like you", even marriage proposals. Funny how it always turns out they don't have quite as much to "bring to the table". | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:35:40 PM | I'm so realistic about what I have to offer, I'm preemptively realistic. I can't remember how often (but it's a lot) that a woman has written to me with interest and, after reading her profile, I've had to be honest and respond with: "I'm sorry. It wouldn't work in the long run. You can do better."
No joke. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:37:43 PM | Girly -
The point made about guys who have been divorced is a valid one. I had a fairly drama-free divorce, and still lost my house and quite a bit of money to the ex. I am very finacially responsible, and did not have to move in with my mom, I still have my car, bills are paid, etc. But, it could have been a lot worse for me.
But there's a lot more to life than money. Do you want to be with a well-off jerk, or someone with more modest means that loves animals, takes care of themselves physically, enjoys travel, learning, art..........you know, compatible? | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:06:30 PM |
Do you want to be with a well-off jerk, or someone with more modest means that loves animals, takes care of themselves physically, enjoys travel, learning, art..........you know, compatible?
Why does it have to be a choice? I don't remember it being written down anywhere that men (or women) who have a few extra bucks in their pockets are required to be jerks, nor have I seen it either proven or disproven that poverty makes for a more noble character.
Of course there's more to life than money, but just because someone has a little bit of money doesn't make them all bad. And being broke doesn't mean that a person is somehow a kinder and gentler person. I've seen rat **stards in Lexuses, and in rustbucket Toyotas. I've seen princes in Cadillacs and in 20 yr old Chevy station wagons.
I've seen men with huge incomes who were one jump ahead of the bill collectors/repo men, and men with modest incomes who could make one dollar do the work of ten ,and do it gracefully.
I do not think any adult should be looking for a relationship as a means of survival. You don't profess to love someone while you drain their resources.
Cindy O | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:14:26 PM | My own place setting, including plate, utensils, and glass.
Fill 'er up!
Oh, and I'll even bring a table cloth if you like!
Is this where you ask, "paper or plastic?"
Sequoyah | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:18:41 PM |
There are just as many women saying "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice girl" and adding that they want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert, etc... To many guy's that says "high maintenance" and/or "gold digger".
And more often than not, they come as a family package w/ 1-4 kids. Not a complaint, but a factual response. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:19:02 PM | Jesus Christ woman ... get a life.
That last part betrays you. If you care about somebody what difference does it make if they can't take you to Paris but they can take walks with you or go hiking or some other activity. If you are looking for a rich dude to take care of you ... which it sounds like, I think YOU are the one who needs to think about what they bring to the table. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:15:18 PM | lol, Are you giving out grades for the best response?
Sorry guys - if you lost everything in a divorce, you had a bad attorney, crappy judge, and most likely your financial situation wasn't so "swell" either.
The good news is, if the ex-wife still owns the house, chances are she's "screwed" - just a little Love from the Karma Queen for the lady that won't actually sell the house and split the equity because they "only want you to move out"...lol
You guys know the line - You can have your share of the equity when "I decide to take the kids and move"... Yep Yep, gotta love divorce.
Relative to you girly, you seem to be painting with a broad stroke. Yes, people don't tell the truth; typically because they are ashamed and not because they want to manipulate you. People like me that are confident, well, you ladys tend to brand us as arrogant.
Where a lie is concerned, I am sure the thought process is goes pretty much like this - If she gets to know me, then she'll understand where I am at and love me anyway.
It's up to you decide which reason applies, but based upon what you're saying, it's probably a pretty accurate statement. They don't have house, car or job and lost them in the reverse order.
My saying on life: "It's not about where you've been, it's all about where you're going." Life is complicated and brings a fair share of difficulties to each of us. Some of us are more blessed than others. The real thing you need to be looking at with any potential mate, is what they are doing now to make their life better. I am not condoning coddling a habitually irresponsible person, what I am saying is have compassion and understanding and don't be so judgmental. (Yes, I'm a proud republican!)
Honey, attraction is important. Attraction varies by person. Some are all about physical attraction, some want inner attraction, most of us want both. What I like will be far different from some other guy.
Lets face it. Money represents security. No one likes living pay check to pay check to meet the basics of life. The problem with many people in this situation is they fail to live within their means. Credit card payments, loan payment, car loans, student loans, Amscot check loans, I mean, jesus.... My feelings on this are pretty straight forward. If you don't have the cash in the bank to pay for it, you probably don't need it and if you do need it (i.e. a vehicle) chances are you could have saved for it but you didn't.
Instead, "we" pull out a credit card or fill out a loan application and the next thing you know 24 months go by and you've got 40K in debt and no cash.
So don't we have to look at what we bring to the table in a more realistic way??
No.
There is nothing materially we have today that we can't replace some other tomorrow.
If material things are so important to you, then be specific in your profile and outline exactly what it is you expect the guy to have. Then, you can follow it up with anyone that responds by having them email you documentation supporting that they actually have the specific assets you outlined in your profile.
"I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy"
Listen, here in the states we're losing 6% plus of our economy every quarter and heading for double-digit unemployment rates. Guess what, people are going to be unemployed, people are going to lose their home, lose a car, and people are going to find themselves in financial ruin. This adjustment was long coming and a wonderful life lesson for millions of Americans. They may not look at it that way today, but when the dust settles, many will learn from this and not put themselves in the same position again.
I don't own a home and have no interest in owning one. I am what I lovingly call transient, so does that make me "unworthy"? Please. Looking at today’s homeowner economics and I'm starting to look pretty darn smart..lol
Example: (Real Numbers girly)
The typical FL homeowner who financed $200,000.00 at 6% for 30 years fixed will pay:
$200,000.00 in principle
$230,000.00 in Interest
$3500.00 typically a year in property taxes totaling $105,000.00
Homeowner insurance (god forbid you're in a flood zone becuase it will tripple) totaling $36,000
Figuring you want to live in a nice sub-division don't forget your HOA's (lets say the Golf Club Community I rented in a couple years ago - god that was sweet - damn the county for changing school lines) 367.00 a Month for a lovely 30 year total of $131,000
And don't forget you are responsible for maintaining the property, pest control and other misc costs.
Total for 30 years of saying "I own my own home" (well, financed it right?) $702,000.00
So yeah, we could base it on a smaller home, but you get the idea. At one point you couldn't buy a 1500 square foot home in Valrico for less than 179K to start and town homes of the same square footage were selling at $225K to start.
To top it off, if you purchased your home for 200K 24 months ago, it's probably worth about 150K right about now.
Rent? Lets say $900.00 times 30 years = 324,000 - Add into the difference the lower utilities and the no maintenance costs, factor the interest to the good (since I'm not paying interest) and who's the smart one?
I don't need to say I own a home to impress anyone. ;)
btw, I like to sit home and watch movies, love watching Fox and Bravo, hate the park but sure would love to have bloody sex...lol.
Try having some compassion; really, it's a turn on to guys. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:37:35 PM | | In reply to the excuse that men have nothing to show for themselves because an ex "wiped them out" sorry, not buying it. My 2 exs wiped me out and I was still able to come back from it both times and am doing better then ever. I raised 2 children alone, no child support or help what so ever and started a business. So why do some men use this excuse? Perhaps because they never had anything to start with? Sounds like my 2 exs, they had nothing to bring to the table either. This is why I would never give another man who didnt have something to show for his life a second thought. Women who expect the man to have what they have is not being a gold digger but being smart and not letting some bum put them in debt again. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:45:57 PM |
It seems to me the only reason a person would be looking for a long term relationship is to make their life happier, fuller, or to enhance it in some way. So don't we have to look at what we bring to the table in a more realistic way?? don't understand how so many men (yes I know this is not gender specific but I am a woman) can say things like "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy" but they just don't understand why they can't find anyone. What exactly are these men "people" planning to do in this late in life, long term relationship??
If you are looking for a man based on his worth, what does that say about you? I don’t think most here looks for a long term relationship based on your assumptions above.
Many here are looking to share a life with one person why they are interested in committed relationships. Material means accumulate dust. Happiness is the pinnacle of love. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:02:35 PM | wow, i have to agree parially with mrwebwooh. I got divorced in 1988 and lost a house, a car, a motorcycle, 300,000 and the furniture. I ended up having to pay 1/2 of all the cash advances she made on joint credit cards to the tune of $40,000. I lived part of a winter sleeping in my pickup, brushing my teeth in service stations, and asking so called friends to shower at their house.
My 15 year old daughter came to live with me after I settled down and I paid child support until she was 18.
I realized at that point that I needed to curtail borrowing again. It wasn't a problem because my credit was trashed because of her anyway
I worked my way out of it and have two homes and a nice truck paid for now with a good amount of other assets. I retired at 60 oppulent because I worked for it. I can tell you I am not "bringing it" to the table again. I can't start over again. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:16:58 PM |
I don't understand how so many men (yes I know this is not gender specific but I am a woman) can say things like "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy" but they just don't understand why they can't find anyone.
When I first saw the subject line I thought it might be an interesting subject. Perhaps somebody who complains a lot about finding someone but does not offer much themselves. But when you started to applying it to mostly men my opinion just went downhill from there.
When comparing this type of man with millions out there is probably a small minority. You can find many, many women who this applies to as well.
In fact I read a reply from another thread from a woman who stated she expects a man to be financially secure who owns his own house, 401K, savings in the bank, ect. But when I looked at her job in her profile stated "Waitress"
So what does this type of women bring to the table? A job that is dependant on someone's tips to make a living.
Talking about a big contradiction. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:20:39 PM | | WOW RocketScience101 you didn't get me at all. I do have a life....if fact I own my own home, drive a very nice car, make over $60,000 a year, and have a very sizeable nest egg. I care about lots of people, have some wonderful male friends and an amazing boyfriend. I'm not looking for anyone to take care of me. I enjoy the forums and was talking about establishing a long term relationship. Even if you care about somebody OTHER THINGS DO MATTER!!! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:44:27 PM | | OP, you'd be surprised just how many of us guys out there bring a lot to the table, but can't get dates worth jack. Now of course I include myself, but look at many of the other regular male posters, and we're all in the same boat. We are financially stable, interesting, intelligent, articulate, fairly cultured; most of us own our own vehicles and/or houses. And I'm not stating that having all these things should guarantee us a date. I'm saying that for many women, that's not even bottom floor. They want more, more, and more. I personally think there's an abyss of difference between what men bring to the table and what most women bring to the table, with women generally not bringing much. (And that is because the women who do bring a lot to the table are spending all their time fighting off men who don't stand a chance with them.) | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:46:18 PM | | True. Been asking myself the same question. The answer is, at the moment, "not much". Therefore, I can't really expect to get much if I'm not able to GIVE much. I do have passion but it comes and goes. I'm in a business that has its peaks and valleys, hardly suitable for making grand plans like raising a family (working on finding a steady job to fill in the cracks). I'm willing to work hard, but take time for pleasure, relaxation and laughter too. I suppose, at this point, I need a veg buddy, hardly what many women would consider "long-term" material, but perhaps many a career-oriented woman needs to relax, be pampered and feel beautiful after a hard day's work...well, I'm the man for her lol. | |
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