| | Need Guy AdvicePage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I need help from fellow POF members. I meet a great guy last year on this site. And I let him go. I wasn't ready to give up my job for marriage and kids. Now a year has gone by. And I just ran into him. I have thought about him alot with all my regrets. We sat down the other day and had coffee. After talking for 45 minutes. I had to pry out of him that he was engaged. They have nothing in common just similarties. He wont tell me a wedding date. Is he calling my bluff or is he really getting married. I care a great deal about this man. Some say i should call his bluff, and others say walk away. I'm curious to see what other woman would do. And how then think. Thanks guys... | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:30:16 PM | | So what's the deal? Are you now ready to give up your job for marriage and kids or just looking to fvck up this guy's life? Apparently, starting a family is very important to him. So much so he would marry a completely incompatible person just to do so. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:40:22 PM | | To be honest, I was very affraid to make that jump.. and was not nice or allowed him to get close to me. After a few months and a few men in my life. I realized he was the one for me. And I drove off the wrong guy. He comes across as if he is settling and not happy.. Not sure what to do.. I'm sitting on my hands pondering. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:44:03 PM | Might I point out two things:
The word "bluff" used repeatedly. Why do you and your friends think he is bluffing when you had to "pry" that information from him? If you think that's a bluff, don't get into any poker games soon!
Alternate theory:
He was (as the pop term today) really into you. You were not so into him. You hurt him, and set him up for the "rebound specialist" to move in for the kill. And seeing you just brought back memories of "the one that got away." He feels like a failure (again).
And you profess to care a great deal about him...and you're going to show that care by "calling his bluff"?
I'm confused...how is this helping? Or are you intending to wreck his upcoming marriage because you care so much about him?
And we wonder why 50% of all marriages end in divorce....between the rebound specialists and the "back in your face" bluff callers, it's a wonder that anyone's marriage works at all!
LEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE! | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:49:35 PM | | I have no intentions of destroying a future marriage. I've wished him the best. I know I need to cut my losses. I guess the real question is, is would a man stup really low to fake a engagement to see if a woman actually cares... I don't see how he can marry a woman that he has no common interest with, let alone after a month of dating.. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 11:27:48 PM | So let me get this straight. You don't think this guy is really engaged and this whole thing is just some type of ploy to suck you in?
So why exactly are you so attracted to a liar? | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 11:28:31 PM | "You miss 100% of shots you don't take" -Wayne Gretzky
You missed that shot. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/6/2009 11:45:42 PM | You had your chance and you blew it. If he said he was engaged, believe him and wish him well. Did he tell you he doesn't love her? Did he say he still loves and wants to be with you? How do you know they have nothing in common? Why on earth should he tell you when his wedding is taking place? If he is making this all up, it's obviously because he doesn't want to get involved with you again. Respect the man and his decision and wish him a happy life and walk away.
PS - If he's marrying someone he has known only a month, then YOU dodged a bullet. Or maybe you both did. Who knows? Sounds like neither of you know what you want. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:45:21 AM | | How would you go about "calling his bluff"? If you had to pry info out of him, I would guess that you must have hurt him when you let him go... | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 1:08:10 AM | Some times we all make bad choices ,if you had a change of heart that you want to try again then tell it like it is .Let him know how you feel . dont play games . The heart wants what it wants.  | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 3:57:35 AM | People get married for some stupid reasons, but chances are there's more going on than you understand and it's not your place to judge that. I don't see any huge motivating reasons for him to create a bluff like that...and even if it is a bluff, are you the kind of gal that would want to get involved with a guy that's going to play games at that level?
Face it...you gave it up and regret is something we have to live with sometimes. I vote for walk away. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:09:28 AM | | I'd say walk away. Either he really is engaged and therefore in a committed relationship, or if he's bluffing like you believe, he's playing some kind of game, which I don't think is very honest. Just my two cents on it. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 6:39:59 AM | | For whats its worth i am sure we all have regrets about people we have meet. If you love someone sometimes you have to let them go and see if they come back, and if they don't then it was not ment to be. if he is getting married then he was proabably not into you or he would have came back. also sounds like he is not truthfull, who knows you might meet a better guy who won't ask you to give up anything, which by the way is wrong. best of luck | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 8:15:34 AM | I'm thinking where you had to pry it out of him, maybe he's on the level.
It seems like a pretty quick engagement though. Maybe it's a rebound thing. They sometimes don't last ;)
What do you want to do? Get back with him? All you can do is let him know you're still interested. Maybe mail him a note on one of those artsy all-purpose cards. Say it was nice to see him and while you're happy for him about his news, you've been thinking things over yourself and wouldn't mind hearing from him if plans change. Which I wouldn't expect to be soon, but you never know.
I think it's better to have out with it in plain words than to beat around the bush bluffing and calling bluffs.
Give it a while to be sure your feelings aren't just being stoked by him being engaged to someone else, though.
But do I understand correctly that this man has made two marriage proposals in the past year and some? That seems like a lot to me, but everybody's mileage differs ;)
Best,
BG | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:43:45 PM | | sweety, let him go, he's not right for you and playing the monkey game. Why would you wont to stay with a guy that is telling you he is getting married. Let him go, please, and move on and find someone who respects you for who you are! I would dump the shit head! | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:40:47 PM | "sometimes they ain't worth a dime:'less ya lay'em down".
Refers to cards... call & raise him. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:51:13 PM | | Either he really is engaged and getting married, or he is playing a type of mind game with you...ehther way, you would do well to steer clear. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 8:04:55 PM | Forget about the guy, move on, there are better men out there, then him;
Wise advise: if you meet someone else- start as friends first- don't rush nto dating them; get to know them first- to make sure that you are compatible enough before letting emotions get in the way and dating the person.
You have to walk, before you can run.. Meaning.. one step at a time; what's the rush? There shouldn't be..
If any person is worth it in the long run, they will wait till you are ready to have more than a friendship! | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/7/2009 9:51:09 PM | | You gave him up now let him go! If he is engaged then he has no business sitting around with an ex-girlfriend anyway! You wouldn't sacrifice for him before now face it is to late! | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:10:54 AM | | I have to agree, he is either playing games or spoken for, You are a mother so if a man makes you choose between him or your kids there is no choice. If he is engaged you may be able to get him on the rebound if I doesn’t work out, but I’m not suggesting you go out and sabotage the engagement. I had ex girlfriends looking me up years later and I must say that each times it I was flattered that they had gone to so much trouble and I had even started some of them again, You should try and ask yourself without letting your heart get in the way, whether this man is good for you and also try to remember the other original reasons why you decided not to go down that track other than the kids and job ones. | |
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| Need Guy Advice
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:33:11 AM | | I married a girl that I had no common interest with, had nothing to do with rebounding. What if they just were attracted to each other. Woman and men do lots of fake things, is he doing it how do we know.......If he is acting like he is unavailable to you , he probably is emotional unavailable to you. | |
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| My advice to you.
Posted: 3/8/2009 2:56:20 PM | | Tell him once that you love him and made a mistake. A girl has to check the water and see how he is gonna react to certain situations. No one can blame you for being careful, there is nothing that bothers a persons soul and mind more than to loose the one that was right. It is a fact that if it is meant to be yall will reunite. I have something just like that going on right now. The real odd thing is her name is Tiffanie rice, man so close but so far away. | |
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| My advice to you.
Posted: 3/8/2009 3:04:33 PM | | well, you had a chance to be with him and you blew it. whether or not he is engaged and getting married is irrelevant. you had the opportunity and you passed on it. but.....no reason to feel down about it. women make that mistake on a daily basis so you're not alone. maybe there's a women's group in your area made up of people who have made the same mistake. | |
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| Food for thought
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:07:36 AM | | A person would think that he would be proud to tell everyone that he is engaged. Sounds like you cut him pretty deep and he still has feelings for you or he remembers how you treated him and was reluctant to tell you and took the easy route of the situation. The best thing you could probably do is to just honestly and sincerely tell him. Don't beat around the bush, just tell him how you feel, but don't keep hounding him either | |
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| Food for thought
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:33:55 AM | I meet a great guy last year on this site.
Are you sure you met him from here ?! 
Was this day...
And I just ran into him.
the same as this day?
We sat down the other day and had coffee.
Or, was a 'date' set up to meet after you "ran into him"?
I had to pry out of him that he was engaged.
So, are you saying he wasn't willing to communicate with you about his current relationship status and you forced it out of him? Now, you're not happy with the answer?
They have nothing in common just similarties.
Doesn't matter...none of your business. Unless that is, that he decided to describe the woman he is allegedly marrying as someone with whom, he has nothing in common. Or, is that merely 'your' opinion?
Is he calling my bluff or is he really getting married.
What did you 'bluff' about, OP? Or, do you mean your change of heart &/or mind?
Some say i should call his bluff, and others say walk away.
I agree with the 'others' rather than the 'some'. Exactly how many people have you told this to? Sounds a little obsessive.
Time to move on, take a break, get over him, then rebait your hook when you're ready.
~ds~ | |
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