| | Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinnerPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I'm not really sure what to do on this one. We only dated for about a month and I was still going through my divorce at the time. Well now its 5 months later and just out of the blue I get a text asking me how I have been. I texted her back and just left it at that. Well then I get another text the next day wishing me a good day and when I get home (I'm currently working away from home, but will be going back within a day or so) if I would like to maybe go out for dinner sometime? I had a lot of feelings for this one and after getting that just made them come back. I just don't want to get burned again here because to be honest, I thought of her everyday and still do. My divorce has been over for almost 4 months now and my life actually fell back into pretty good shape pretty quick. Just looking for some thoughts here..... | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:33:42 PM | Well... You gotta eat dontcha?
Just go. Keep your distance, don't expect anything and just eat some food.
Similar thing happened with me recently and since I didn't know what his motives were, I went in expecting absolutely nothing. I kept to my own space, enjoyed his company and simply gave him a hug at the end of the evening. After a couple of these visits I realized that he and I are definitely just friends and it's all good -- because I also realized what I thought was there before wasn't and my own attraction to him had waned. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:35:47 PM | | All depends why you two broke up, if it was because you were still going through the divorce or if it was for other reasons. Now you are a free man and maybe mentally in a better place and she found out about that and wants to rekindle things. However don't get your hope up too high, if you go just look at it as having dinner with a old aquaintance. Heck why not pick up the phone and find out why she all the sudden is contacting you again, I mean you don't want to be the backfill for her spare time either. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:38:36 PM | Well, my feeling about is this: - Yes, I may sound redundant, but it is the golden rule of dating that has served me quite well and it goes like this:
Once you walk out the door and say you are through, then you are. This rule applies to BOTH parties and is nontransferrable. I have found out the hard way that once you go back, it can be result to an on/off again drama for years and the latest break up is always worse than the one before that. - Remember, an ex is an ex for a reason now matter what the circumstances and the length of the relationship.
I see red flags all over this one as you were going through your divorce as you were dating her at that time. Something you need to ask yourself: Are you damn sure it was NOT a rebound relationship????? Be honest with yourself as you ponder that. - Me personally, I would just let it be and just tell her that you appreciate the thoughts, but you have moved on and wish her all the best.
You said yourself your life has fallen back into shape pretty quickly. Are you sure you want to screw it up by going backward????
Just some food for thought. Have you honestly healed from the divorce itself?? As in taking some time out to find your true self and really and truly decide what you really and truly want? Did you take some time to calm down and diffuse from the divorce? If the answers are "no" in asking yourself this, then you need to take the time and recover. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:40:08 PM | I'd say do it. Dating during the divorce process is kind of a wall that most people won't choose to break down or even deal with. Now that it's over, there are options out there that didn't exist before.
She's obviously showing interest and based on what you've said, you still have interest too. I would say to explore it, but take things slow and let them develop naturally. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:52:27 PM | The only way you are going to find out where this road goes, is to travel down it.
You can always step away from the path, at any time if you don't like it.
You cannot get burned. You can only burn yourself. Expect less, and you will find less to be disappointed with. Just accept what there is, and flow.
Who knows what will be happening two weeks from now anyway. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:10:46 PM | | You probably wont like my post, I say...dont do it, I am not sure why you broke up in the first place, but I left my bf of 10yrs this past summer, even left the state, when I got back he came to see me, he was mean when I left, said he didnt want any thing to do with me, well I was nice when he came to see me, he was "dropping" some stuff off of mine...well he kept finding stuff to drop off, without calling first, I wanted to be friends but he thought we were going to get back together, but I told him I was seeing someone, so he emailed me a nasty letter, I dont know, Im just saying maybe things should be left as is, it was hard the first time for you, you are now over that, you wanna go through that again?...just think long and hard about it first. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:18:27 PM | | Well the relationship just kinda fizzled out, we didn't really leave on bad terms. We just both had a lot going on in our lives at the time. I did take some time to heal from the divorce. I live in Iowa and took a job north of Los Angeles for 2 months. I am a union pipefitter BTW and this was a nuke plant outage. The relationship wasn't even close to a rebound for me. I still have the same feelings for her and that is kinda why I'm asking for some advice on how to approach this. I admit, I was a little clingy when I first met her and I have apologized to her about that and she said she understood completely. We just seemed to "click" with each other and we have a lot in common. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:23:34 PM |
My divorce has been over for almost 4 months now and my life actually fell back into pretty good shape pretty quick. Just looking for some thoughts here.....
make sure you have unloaded all of your baggage concerning the divorce and don't waste this woman's time. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:36:22 PM | OP
I would wish you best luck and tell you to go have a nice dinner.
Maybe she wanted to give you space and time so you get over the divorce and heal if needed. If this was true, then she must be a pretty smart lady.
Smile and let us know how it went......just take thing real slow so you have a nice opportunity to evaluate your chances of a l/t relationship with her.
G. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:52:30 PM | before you go ... you might want to take a minute and figure out what it is that is holding you back. this seems like something that would be kinda easy and obvious...it's just dinner. most people would just go.
and yet - something is making you hesitate. that "something" is probably worth identifying before you go.
is it fear or is it one of those "too good to be true" things where you might be holding yourself back because you just are not sure something this awesome could be within your reach? sometimes we hold back because we feel like it shouldn't be so easy. don't miss the chance to pursue something wonderful because you are worrying about nothing... ;)
i think it is worth taking a minute to figure out why you are having to think this over before you rsvp.
whatever you do - go s.....l......o.....w.... purposely slow it all down rather than rushing after chemistry - also, make sure you are not just hooking up for the purpose of eliminating of lonliness. love requires a real friendship (not like i know this for sure, but i've read about it ;)) you ARE in a post-divorce place right now where you might need to ensure you are not being attracted to the exact same type of person you just divorced. sometimes the familiar can feel really, really good - but it doesn't necessarily mean it is the best thing for us.
report back to us. ;) i hate it when i don't get to find out how it all turns out... | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 5:56:15 PM | | I suspect she might have felt you needed time to heal.. everyone does after a divorce. she gave you some time and may want to pick up.. go, have fun and keep an open mind. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 6:21:17 PM | | Things seem to move quickly. You dated this woman before your divorce was final. Now you've been divorced only four months. My suggestion would be to slow down, chill out a bit. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 6:29:53 PM | ha...I like what 'Herding Cats' said.....well, You've got to eat, right? good one
a relationship right at breakup time with another is often much needed....and yet, the flame dies quickly, because you are still really not available....with so much swirling around you at the time.
It sounds like this woman is quite perceptive...and just 'knew' that.....has given you a bit of time to sort things out......and would like to get together for dinner, maybe to just catch up...or to see if there is still a vibe there....who knows.
But really, think of just how 'sane' that sounds. Somethin', isn't it?. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to join her for dinner. Betcha you'll even be clearer now on what is...and what isn't.
dinner, and dating....can do no harm...go for it friend.
Kimbo************************************** | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 7:23:04 PM | Go. Have dinner. See if there is any chemistry still there.
You said you dated for about a month while you were going through your divorce... (which is never a good time to be dating anyway). Maybe it wasn't meant to be back then because you had a lot going on anyway.... now that things are much calmer and the divorce is in the past, perhaps you have a much better chance of things working out. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 8:28:27 PM | | Oh just go on and meet up with her and if the sparks fly...they fly. She must have been thinking about you to or she wouldn't have called even after those months have gone by....funny she didn't forget your phone number either. Good Luck | |
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jo5h
| | Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 21 | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:19:03 PM | RareLove:I had a lot of feelings for this one and ...... I thought of her everyday and still do. My divorce has been over for almost 4 months now and my life actually fell back into pretty good shape pretty quick. Just looking for some thoughts here.....
You admit you had feelings for her and that at the time you were going thru a divorce, and now it has been four months since the divorce was final. Time heals.
Now that your life is in pretty good shape, go out to dinner and see how you feel. If you have doubts after the dinner be honest. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/9/2009 3:30:47 AM | There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to matters of the heart. If you still think about her everyday then why not go for dinner with her. What do you have to lose? It is well possible that 5 months ago just wasn´t the right time but thats not to say the right time isn´t now. Perhaps she was scared of becoming a rebound relationship to you and so she tried to walk away but has found herself thinking of you everyday since....
What do you have to lose? | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:21:19 AM | | Well I do plan on going, I just remember how quickly I became attached to her and I guess I am a little skiddish about it. I got married when I was 19 ( I'm now 30) and I didn't have a lot of experience in that department at all. I'll just go with the flow and hope for the best and I plan on leaving the sex part out of it to see which direction it will go. Not every guy thinks only about that and I don't do one-nite stands. | |
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| Ex-girlfriend asked me out for dinner
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:28:44 AM | she initiated the contact = she is thinking of you.
you posted a link on the relationship thread for this = you are pondering about her.
the answer is obvious, isn't it?
your circumstances have changed, time changed, the combination of elements changed = the possibility of the matter will change.
worth a second shot. don't overcomplicated matters, life is complicated enough.
best of luck | |
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