| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:20:14 PM | I only joined POF recently, posted my profile, and waited for the messages to roll in. Right. Then I looked for interesting local profiles, read them and composed a friendly message or two. Hmm.
Now, maybe my messages are less than perfect, but this is a profile review forum, so I thought I'd better start here.
Have you any comments on my profile? Too long? Too short? Too boring?
Please give it to me straight. I can take it. Thanks in advance for any comments... | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:39:59 PM |
I've lived on my own for the last five years
But your profile says "separated". Many women do not want to have anything to do with a separated man. Are you planning to get divorced? If so, when will that happen? | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:58:59 PM | I didn't really think that was much of an issue, just paperwork. I haven't felt married for so long that I hadn't really thought about it. I saw separated on some profiles I perused, and it didn't worry me (but maybe I'm naive then)
Yes I'm trying to get the divorce going, just a matter of finding time to get the forms filled in - the separation agreement's been in place for years. A couple of months ago, I contacted a divorce website who said they'd phone me, but didn't, and I haven't chased it up. If you think some people are likely to think it's an issue, I'd better get my finger out!
Thanks for the insight. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:43:11 PM | My comments:
First, the seperated issue. Yes, it is an issue. Even though it's as good as done, you're still separated and to someone looking at your profile, they will see it as an issue. Silly but true. You may have seen it in profiles but it doesn't mean some people don't like seeing it. So get busy chasing that website. If it's been that long, I fail to see why you don't want to make it official.
Second, while it's a very nice poem, I'd remove it and keep it for someone special. Beef up your profile with something else, like the person you'd like to meet.
As for your date, remove "I would suggest..." that control. Why not just say "let's meet at such and such a place? they have great cakes"
Enjoy POF, it's not for the faint of heart... get used to rejection it happens a lot, yes, even to great guys with lots to offer. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:58:35 PM | Separated NO
Divorced YES
Second picture should be your main picture.
How many "friends" do you soak with? Try "the lady of my dreams" or equivalent. It sounds like you'd jump in the bath with whoever. If I'm soaking with someone, it ain't gonna be just a "friend".
Otherwise, I think your profile has good structure. Good luck fishing.
Pet | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/10/2009 1:03:14 AM | Thanks,
I've updated the profile and removed the poem, which I only posted yesterday - (it's only relevant to someone I haven't yet met). I have a couple of hundred others. Do you think any poem a no-no or do you think that one was a bit over-the-top?
I've also tweaked the first date.
Thanks again for your time and comments | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/10/2009 1:10:00 AM | The reason I had the first picture as my profile is that it's very recent - the first one was taken a while back. I know the first picture doesn't do me justice, but would feel uneasy having an out-of-date picture on my profile. I'll try to get a new picture soonest!
I normally bathe alone - I've amended the profile to indicate I meant a special friend!
Thanks for the comments! | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/12/2009 1:40:23 PM | I've chased up the divorce website three times and am still awaiting a response. It's very frustrating as everything has been agreed for ages - it's uncontested and all the finances are sorted. If I've had no response by tomorrow, I'll go to another company - ironically, the company has 'quickie' in their name. I presume that means they're quick to take the money...
Hopefully the profile is now perfect and emails will soon start flooding in ;-)
I must just get some more pictures up - I know my main one doesn't do me justice (I'd been without sleep for 43 hours - I can never sleep on planes)
Thanks for taking the time to comment - it is appreciated | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/12/2009 1:43:52 PM | Hi there salsamike
Poems are not best placed on profiles - another idea for you to get noticed further (other than your actual profile) is to get into to forums (as you have done here). There IS a forum specifically for Poems/Poetry - anybody can join in...
Right, your profile - although it contains substance it doesn't tell the ladies much about YOU as a person. Work on that, let us see what it looks like again when you have done...
 | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:02:50 PM | Well, I've added this paragraph:
What am I like? On the outside I am an extrovert, always wearing bright shirts, fun and enthusiastic. I like getting things out in the open – it's good to talk. I also enjoy cooking – I'm running a wine tasting in April and cooking for fifteen. I'm an unashamed romantic, and would love to share life and love with someone special – eating in with a good bottle of wine, fun conversation, music or a film sounds great to me. If you think there's something missing from your life – perhaps it's me!
What do you think? Thanks again for taking the time to comment | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:53:58 PM | Greetings,
You are a Website Designer now, period. You would never put that description on a resume, would ya'? What are you always selling in life? Yourself.
Seperated = bad. If you're three quarters through divorce, or it's been five years in the making. . . you're divorced.
Second paragraph has interests that should be moved above.
The power of words is soooo forgotten. The difference in people's perception of the word 'hate' over say, 'I don't care for. . . ' is huge. Defeated or annihilated. . . get my point? Doesn't really matter what the words were associated with. . . the seed is planted in the reader's mind. Try to avoid negative & powerful words like that in your profile, and in your normal daily lexicon.
Happy fishing  | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:42:05 AM |
Seperated = bad. If you're three quarters through divorce, or it's been five years in the making. . . you're divorced. Call me Job... I beg to differ - you are not divorced until you have the bit of paper that states so... Saying somebody is divorced when they aren't legally is misleading... | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:08:28 AM | | Agreed...it's misleading to use the word divorced if it is not true......who wants to start a conversation by sayhing..."By the way divorced really means..." Would make me think twice about continuing with someone who has their own little dictionary....geesh, hard enough to keep the standard one straight. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:39:27 AM |
If you're three quarters through divorce, or it's been five years in the making. . . you're divorced I try to be honest, so since the divorce isn't finalised, my status is staying separated - and I can see other posters agree. For the same reason, I have a recent photo as my main picture, even though it's not flattering.
I'll change my job description, and change the word hate - but commuting can be pretty stressful :-)
Thanks for your comments | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:54:22 AM | Separated = Bad (me bad)
Saying 3/4 separated = divorced = SLEAZY. Might get you a first date. Will guarantee no second. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 12:10:11 PM | Sun and Hot, I agree with both of your points too. . .
Agreed...it's misleading to use the word divorced if it is not true......who wants to start a conversation by sayhing..."By the way divorced really means..." Would make me think twice about continuing with someone who has their own little dictionary....geesh, hard enough to keep the standard one straight.
It's just one of those things, and there's clearly two schools of thought on the subject in these forums. I guess, though it doesn't pertain to me, that I operate under the assumption that at one point or another, I will be divorced in this scenario. In the mean time, I'm free to date and move on with life, and presumably before things get serious between anyone, the divorce will be finalized. Not to say that after a date or two, that this subject wouldn't be discussed anyways. Certainly nothing to hide, but I tend to hold my cards close to my chest. Not all my business needs to be 'out' there so soon. . .
| |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:22:44 PM | I've been told I'm too open, and don't
hold my cards close to my chest , but I try to treat as I would be treated - I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than just surprised, so on my profile, what you see is what you get.
However, so far, nobody has replied to any of my messages, so maybe I'm just a hopeless optimist.
...I'll continue kissing frogs, looking
for turreted maidens and lost
causes. I'll aim for the stars, whilst
remaining resolutely earthbound,
and dream. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:34:26 PM | OK, you contacted this quickie divorce website a while back and never got a reply. So you gave up. Now you're using that as your excuse as to why you are still separated. This translates to "laziness". It gives people the impression that getting a divorce is not a priority for you. If it WAS, you would have called an attorney by now and had it settled once and for all, no matter what the cost. To make matters worse, you're on a dating site trying to meet women while NOT getting a divorce and still legally married. Taking it one step further, if you do meet a woman on POF and take a liking to one another and at some point become intimate, then you're committing adultery. Bottom line: You're putting the cart before the horse. It would be more honest to set your status as "married" on your profile.
As for your profile, in the very first paragraph you have this:
I'd love to soak in a candlelit bath absorbing essential oils whilst drinking champagne with a special friend.
It's one of the oldest lines in the book. As if. After I read that, I was ready to click to the next profile. That kind of a suggestion would be better saved for once you reach the "bathing stage" with a woman (possibly celebrating the final divorce papers).
I'm not going to critique the format or wording of the rest of your profile because it doesn't even belong on here until you're no longer married. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:45:25 PM | With that said xv, I think most of us are of the same consenses.
Perhaps if OP is just lonely and dragging his feet, changing his settings to 'Friends', and rewriting his profile geared accordingly and appropriately would be a compromise? | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:49:14 PM | | Actually, that makes the most sense! *shakes head* "Why didn't I think of that?" Friends or Talk/Email it is, until the divorce is final. XV | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/15/2009 5:06:27 AM | xv, I'm afraid I have to disagree with you on several counts...
I haven't 'given up on the divorce', and as it seems to be an issue for some people, I am now moving that on ASAP. To me, divorce isn't a big deal - I've been living on my own for five years, and don't feel married - it is just bureaucracy. It would obviously be a very different matter if and when I meet someone special. I am legally separated - thus it is the correct status to put on POF.
To think after five years I shouldn't think of going out with anyone seems ridiculous to me - if I was living with my ex and sleeping around behind her back that would be adultery, but that is not the case.
I can't see the objection you have to my bath comment - I love candle-lit baths, am interested in aromatherapy and enjoy champagne and intimacy - what better way to while away a few happy hours with someone I care about? It hasn't happened for more years than I care to think about, but that's what dreams are for...
thanks for your views though... | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 3/23/2009 6:05:08 AM | I'm 50/50 with this thread.
I agree that separated is the correct terminology for your status as I am the same. In the same breath, I can see why some women would be put off by the word, as separated can mean 'not living together and not done the paperwork' or 'we broke up yesterday but are living in the same house'.
I think that you have made it perfectly clear what your status is.
With regard to the bath comment-kill it on paper and keep it in your head to be discussed when you know a lady better.
Think you might have to top up the bath water if you were staying in there for hours-sorry humour moment there!
Good Luck. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 5/24/2009 2:04:15 PM | | Just an update - my divorce is now with the courts. It all seems a little irrelevant though, since nobody I've emailed has yet had the common courtesy to reply. Even a 'not interested thanks' reply is better than silence. Is this the norm? Am I too sensitive, or have I just been unlucky? | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 5/25/2009 7:13:33 AM |
Even a 'not interested thanks' reply is better than silence. Is this the norm? Am I too sensitive, or have I just been unlucky?
That is the norm. Most men with good profiles report about 10% response rate. Just don't worry about the non-responders.
Remember to keep meeting women in the real world and just use the Internet as a supplement. | |
|
| comments on my profile are welcome
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:48:41 AM | OK. Everyone seems to think being separated is such a bad thing.
I have been separated for 12 1/2 years now.
So what does that say?
It only says that neither of us have had a pressing reason to legally finalize the separation yet, which means neither of us have a new partner yet.
A divorce can be killer expensive. Why hurry it if there is no reason???
I realize some people keep themselves emotionally involved with their ex and being "only" separated can be an indicator of this. But being divorced is never a guarantee for being emotionally free of clutter.
Soooooooooo, I personally find the term separated completely ok. | |
|
Home
login 
