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 seaker78
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 1
How often to talk after first date?Page 1 of 1    
I'm new to this internet dating, so I don't know all the rules yet. Once you meet for the first time, how often after that are you supposed to talk to the person? Once a day/week, every few days? What's acceptable, and who's supposed to initiate the phone calls/ texts? Guy, girl or both? Is every few days too much or too little? Would like feedback from both guys and girls, please...
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 2
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:30:01 PM
Depends on the girl.
I call after the first date to say I had a great time.
How that goes determines how often and when I call after.
It's up to the girl to let me know her schedule and how much talking she requires.
I don't think it's a good guy move to call a girl every day after only one date....
unless she asks for that.
Mostly I'll call a few times during the week to chit-chat and set up a second date.
After that it's more automatic.
I really don't think about or stress on it.
Seems to progress naturally.
If it doesn't, and calling and conversations seem forced or flat,
It is usually because we're not compatible or she's not into me.
So I back off abit and let her be.
 Azalea7
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 3
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:35:57 PM
You don't need to dose out the calls by some rule or structure, 'cause your feelings for each other might grow and you'll just naturally feel like talking more often.

But if you're still in kind of a formal dating phase, I think the trick is to end each call in a way that leads to the next one. Finish the call with some mention about the next time you'll call, or what you might want to talk about next time, or when the next time you'll be relaxing at home is, or something.
 Shadow67733
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 4
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 8:51:24 PM
As far as myself. I go slow, very slow, but for a reason. I typically call 5-9 days after the first date to make another if I am interested. I know if the women wants to speed things up she will let me know and I can't be accused of smothering her either. Its mostly up to the men to set up the dates and call for those but as far as pacing goes thats what the female controls and it goes as fast or slow as you are comfortable with. If you want to call every few days thats fine or wait longer thats fine too. Every day is a bit extreme for so early and so is seeing each other every other day. Most of the fun is getting to know people slowly and enjoying the experience. Going to fast is much like wolfing down your favorite ice cream or desert, at first it feels great, but soon after bad indigestion, lol. Trust me, you'll have time to see each other every waking day later on when ur established as a couple. Hope my answer helps you.
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 5
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:06:45 PM
I typically call 5-9 days after the first date to make another if I am interested.

For me, if a week has gone by since our date and you haven't called, I would have already written you off as "not interested" and moved on.

The rules are there are no rules. Everything depends on the person. Following a silly set of guidelines like "don't call before three days does by or you'll look desperate" makes you look desperate.

Don't call every fifteen minutes -- obviously that's a bit much -- but don't wait to follow anyone's rules but your own.
 Smart-Blonde
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 6
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 10:19:19 PM
As Ursula said, there are no rules. Rules are for kids..

I think it depends on how well you connected and each others comfort zone. Just because you met on-line, doesn't mean everything has to be different than if you met in real life. I think a next day follow up is encouraging if they are interested. Every few days is enough to keep the interest but not appear clingy.
 trailgirl
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 7
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/9/2009 11:44:05 PM
I'm with Ursula - if you waited 9 days to call after a first date and it wasn't because you were out of town, I probably wouldn't answer the phone. From my experience, men that are interested, make the effort. Those that have too many irons in the fire, often can't.
 GodfatherOfSoul
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 8
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:41:17 AM
Just go with the flow. I have spoken to people I have dated later that same night on MSN or IM, I usuallty txt after a date to say I hyad a good time (if I did etc.) I don't believe in all these stupid rules of wait 3 days and stuff. If you like someone talk to them just don't listen to all the crap Cosmo and all the other womens mags say cos half that stuff is rubbish.

If a girl doesn't talk to me for a while after a date I move on. If they take a week before they talk to me again I can't be bothered. If you like me talk to me that's the way I think.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/10/2009 5:28:08 AM

I'm new to this internet dating, so I don't know all the rules yet.

~OP~ The ONLY rules of internet dating are the rules you set for your own self. Don't get sucked into the silliness. If you want to wait to answer a post-date email do so. If you want to send a post date email, send it. If you are comfortable calling after a date to say thanks, call. All of these "rules" people spew about will leave you trying to be someone you aren't. JMO
 smilesalot1969
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 10
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/10/2009 10:27:05 AM
i agree with ursula if a week had gone by and id not heard anything id have written you off as not interested. but then im one of those women that likes to know a guy is interested, if you could happily wait so long before contacting me then youre not that into me! but everyone is different some girls might be happy to wait 10 days before hearing from a guy
 just sayin...
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 11
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/10/2009 12:21:25 PM
why worry about a bunch of arbitrary rules, don't you have your own sense of what is healthy in terms of communication? call him, let him call, talk all ya want until he runs off screaming in the woods...how else ya gonna know what works and what doesn't? the rules aren't the same for everyone so just be yourself. relax.
 seaker78
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 12
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 3/10/2009 5:23:31 PM
Thanks everybody! I really appreciate the feedback. I'll just go with the flow and do what I feel comfortable with. Thanks again!!
 areyoumysurething
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 13
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:15:36 PM
I would write Mr5-9 days off as well...should change his name to Mr inconsiderate
 YpsiJoe
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 14
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:02:35 PM
I don't think there is any set rules to schedule things. I don't think that the rules on internet dating should be any different. People seem to think that the internet makes things so complicated. This is a site used to meet new people. Once you decide to talk on the phone and schedule an actual date the use for this site is not longer useful. At that point you do whatever you would do in a real life dating situation. Call her whenever you feel like calling her. If you like her and feel there is chemistry you probably would like to at least keep things going before she finds someone else or looses those feelings she may or may not have for you at that point. The point is maintain contact but do not smoother her. If you are calling leaving a voice mail, then texting her that you called, and then calling her again in a few hours then you should go back to kindergarten. But if you call her the next day or in a few days no longer then five though you should be ok. If the girl likes you enough she may even call you. What I usually do if the date goes well, while on the date plan another date. Then call her in a few days to finalize it. After that you go with what feels right. Just have a raport with her.
 npsecondblue
Joined: 6/6/2010
Msg: 15
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/12/2011 11:32:32 PM
I would write Mr5-9 days off as well...should change his name to Mr inconsiderate


You really had to bring up a 2 - 1/2 year old topic just to say that??? Seriously?
 holliesxo
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 16
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:29:18 AM
I don't think you should be worrying about this just yet anyway, until you've actually been on the date it goes from there! For example the date might not go as well as planned and you might not want to ring the girl.. but I still would if I were you, just to thank her for the date. If however the date does go well, ring her when you get that right feeling, you'll know when it comes because you'll really want to ring her! It should be a joint effort though, and if she happens to call first then that's a bonus because it means she's keen also! I'm a girl and if I were to go on a date I'd want to hear from the guy as soon as possible and have reassurance on how the date was. If you enjoyed yourself then tell her because it will make her more keen and she's more likely to phone/text you! :)
 Truth2882
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 17
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:52:40 AM

You really had to bring up a 2 - 1/2 year old topic just to say that??? Seriously?


But if he made a new thread then all of the forum regulars would be squawking down his throat to do a search.
 LeonSanDiego
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 18
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/18/2011 4:16:34 AM
The day after. But only if the date went well.
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 19
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How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/18/2011 6:10:14 AM
I think a day or two after the date is about the right time frame. It depends on how the friendship progresses.. once its an established "dating" relationship then everyday would be my ideal.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 20
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/19/2011 12:11:46 PM
After one date? Depends on how it goes. I'm generally a loner, so I would probably call once or twice that week. But if I was really into the girl I would annoy her to the point of insanity. I don't believe in constant contact with ANYONE, and absolutely despise talking on the phone. And even more dispise messaging and texting. And don't come over when I don't ask. Hmmm, maybe I'm not boyfriend material.
 Imclassique
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 21
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/22/2011 6:02:12 PM
frankly I would not have had any set view until I was harrassed by 40 phone messages in one day, and hundreds of messages in a week.
Now I have an opinion, - and frankly it was such a nuisence, such a drag, and so annoying,no connection for me , but he wanted a connection.
That sort of thing must stop,- absolutely no more from people who harrass others.
 7THstreet
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 22
How often to talk after first date?
Posted: 12/23/2011 12:26:06 PM
If I had a good time and found the individual interesting . I would call the next day and let them know I enjoyed their company ......but if I sense during the date that she wasn't having a good time then there is no need to call . We just didn't connect , happens .
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