| | We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | If a person manages years with out a relationship, has had their kids, been married ,divorced etc and knows that, needs can be met with out having a partner, even sex, why do we think we still need to have someone close?
Is it that we think it is a normal need to be committed together in pairs?
Or is it that we are still children and need a best friend to spend time with sometimes? Someone we can talk to, hug, protect, adore and someone we can love and cherish.
When we were children we may have wanted best friends, I know I did, now as an adult I think I still need the same sort of thing, do you??? | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:27:54 AM | We are not a solitary species,if we were then we wouldnt be given the option breed and then go onto nurture our young.
We are a dependant species that thrives off emotional stability and security which we seek off others.
People will manage perfectly well on their own and most will say that they are content doing so ,but is it really the truth?...yes until we find someone who can offer us the emotional thrill then stability we crave. | |
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AlmaM
| | Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 3 | |
| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:30:29 AM | I have a friend who is great looking, has 3 kids and a really nice house and a nice job and a nice car and money for holidays and time for herself etc...
I remember years ago when I still was married I asked her why she doesn't find a boyfriend and she said she's got her kids and her house and her job and her nice life.. and what some guy can give to her in this position ???
And there are many ladies in this situation... !
And then after years of being single myself I thought myself it would be great if there is some nice guy living on my street who I can met for I coffee whenever I could and then we go back to our lives and our homes 
This was my idea a year ago when I started going on dating sites and I would dismiss anyone who is not living close by
Now, I think I found that guy but I am not sure the whole thing is a good idea | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 3:46:11 AM | It seem that a relationship of any kind has to have some sort of friendly nature within it to make both people feel contented and secure.
We all have fair weather friends, who we use and get used by.
As children, we had to learn that some friends were not right for us, not our type etc... Even as adults we still are learning, but I feel we know the type we are waiting for and alot do not except anything less than a best friend- lover. It is good that we all can cope well on our own, as this stops us from making so many mistakes. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:21:45 AM | Now girls, if you don't mind me buttin' in. Suppose the nice man who makes himself available for coffee mornings, just happens to be living alone long term too and has his own wants?
I'm just imagining being let out on Thursdays for an hour and taken home protesting. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:29:05 AM | I don't consider myself as being on the shelf for so long. I was just saying to my friend that I would like a part time/full time relationship and she just laughed. Part time in as much as being with each other 3/4 times a week full time as being totally committed to each other. I don't want anyone to move in with me or me move in with them.
It would be nice to have a long term loving relationship but I am truly happy being single and I am complete. Maybe one day I will find a partner but it isn't going to be an issue if I don't. I will just carry on the way I am now. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:39:11 AM |
Part time in as much as being with each other 3/4 times a week full time as being totally committed to each other. I don't want anyone to move in with me or me move in with them.
i quite agree in some ways, but i do think at times how that will pan out when you get to an older age, perhaps a slight disability or unable to get around like you used to, so what then.perhaps you might think then that it is better to be living with someone full time
It would be nice to have a long term loving relationship but I am truly happy being single and I am complete
so by saying that you are complete, are you saying that you dont need a relationship
to make your life any better | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:43:23 AM | ^^^^^^
So Mr Short and simple.... are you looking for a carer?
Yes you can be complete on your own and don't NEED someone. I feel that is a good place to start a relationship, this would mean that it is equal, you don't need them you want to be with them. Far healthier! | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:50:24 AM | If I ever do have a ltr then eventually the option would be to share the same home, but not after a couple of months or a year I want to be sure that we are both going to be happy and make it work together. I did the lets move in together thing 5 years ago my ex partner mover from Bristol and when things weren't as rosey he would often throw at me all the things he had given up for me? I don't want that scenario again.
If I ever get to not being able to look after myself properly I have already told my kids to put me in a home I don't want to be a burden on anyone.
I am complete without a partner, some people never are, they need a relationship to feel whole. Of course a relationship will enhance my life otherwise there would be no point in having one however I don't need one to make me feel anymore complete. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:51:16 AM |
So Mr Short and simple.... are you looking for a carer?
it would be nice to have someone who cares ,also for me to care about someone, thats not to say it would just be anybody though
Yes you can be complete on your own and don't NEED someone. I feel that is a good place to start a relationship, this would mean that it is equal, you don't need them you want to be with them. Far healthier!
i understand the logic of what you are saying, so its i want you i may love you but i dont need you, but dont be sad cos 2 out of 3 aint bad | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:52:03 AM | I think if you feel you are left on the shelf then it can't be nice at all.
Most that have coped well on their own never look at it in this way, I feel that it depends on how popular you are with others, how confident you feel about yourself, a number of things really.
I feel people sit on the shelf waiting for the right person to come along. They don't have to stay on that shelf because no-one wants them. A mistakes is when a person takes on a relationship that is never going to be anything more than a passing , unfulfilled experience.
This sort of experience can cause insecurities, depression, heart ache, and many other things.
I would rather sit on the shelf and watch.
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 6:08:04 AM | I prefer that my "best friend" be my lover or boyfriend(husband) but it cant always be that way, so yes, absolutely have to have that Other Best Friend person in my life. Whether it is a guy or a girl, I need to be able to call or talk to someone about the sad, the bad, the funny and/or insane things that go on in my life....someone that listens and really listens to what I'm saying.
Finding a "Best Friend" is almost as hard as finding a boyfriend/mate......and we all know how hard that can be...and the strength of the relationship must be built on the same basics as if it were a mate...
Good Chemistry-Compatibility, Trust, Reliability, Conversational ability...etc | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:39:40 AM | As we know Hypno Maslow's hierarchy of needs is flawed, what got my mind churning was that from previous threads I noticed a number of posters here have had previous relationships where communication had been a key issue. Is it therefore any wonder that we place friendship as a major factor when searching for a new partner. A best friend is usually someone that we communicate with effectively enabling that friendship to be sustained and continue to grow despite any differences.
Therefore the desire to live seperately, initially, may be our method of ensuring that this new partner will be a "best friend" and has the communication skills and emotional satbility to enable us to trust them before moving on to another level at a later stage, as this can only be ascertained over time.
Another thought provoking thread by Angel.  | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:36:40 AM | Human beings are social animals, and the way the our personalities evolve reflects that. Personality is a process of communication between you and your environment. Your environment for a large part consists of other sapients of the same species as you. And they are all having a similar form of conversation that is shaping their personalities.
Having good friends and good communication is a basic need if you want to stay sane.
Limit someone's communication methods, whether by sensory deprivation, or by them not going outdoors and spending all day surfing the net, and there's almost no limit to the stretchiness of the rubber room that you will need for the lunatics they will become.
Any relationship that doesn't have a meeting of minds is just going to be a collision of bodies. It's fun in it's own way, but it's a different type of conversation than you have with your friends. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:54:56 AM | IMO there should be more to life than coping, we only have one life and it is finite, time is precious and should be well spent.
Experiences, good and bad are often better shared with a friend or a lover, the best things in life don't always need batteries. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 10:22:46 AM | Yes I agree with what you have written, GORDIE COLIN
I can see where you are coming from. But I must say!
Maybe a best friend it our ultimate goal.
Some will put up with a relationship and still have to keep a few friends on the side for emotional and social attachments, which is not how it should be. I still want my best friend to be my man. I want all the package, not part of it. | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 1:59:58 PM | I have a best friend who i see every single day and i suppose even with that you can still be lonely .
But i think the longer you are on your own the more you want to stay on your own .
yes it would be nice to have someone to cuddle up to etc but would any of the posters want that all the time and not be able to do what you want when you want ? | |
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| We cope on our own! but we crave for best friend to share it with us!
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:03:17 PM | as my psychiatrist used to regularly remind me: humans are social creatures!!
Theres a big difference between surviving/coping alone and being happy/non-lonely.
We ALL need time alone in our lives.
Its finding the balance between sharing your life with someone and having the space to think etc.
I enjoy the freedom being single brings of doing what i want when i want, watching what i want on TV, playing with car, boys toys etc etc etc yet id give 99% of it up to not feel lonely. so its a balance i guess. | |
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