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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How to start dating after 30 years of not being available      Home login  
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 suegreeneyes
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 1
How to start dating after 30 years of not being availablePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
After over 30 yesrs with one man, he's gone and I want a new realationship. How do I begin? What should I expect? My last new date was in 1976! How do you date, meet people and stay safe from STDs in todays market? Please help!! :
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 2
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How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:13:20 PM
Baby steps are easiest. I'm not sure that meeting someone via a dating site is the best way to go right at first. It would probably go much smoother if it was a guy that you have met first face to face, and in a setting that it isn't really a date. Maybe just coffee or a soda.

Girlfriends are terrific. You can go out dancing, or for a drink and you have them as a backup. The most important thing is to be open minded about dating. You don't have to fall madly in love, you don't have to have sex, you don't have to be with the most handsome guy and you don't have to be the most beautiful woman. All you have to do is enjoy the person you are with for a few hours.

Good luck.
 suegreeneyes
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 3
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:21:22 PM
So true except I don't have girlfriends to go out with and have relocated so I don't know anyone my age to a small town. I agree about the little steps and am not looking for instant anything. I am a people person so even new friends would be good, th type without benefits. Thanks for your cotribution.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 4
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 9:42:43 PM
OP,

Assuming you'll be dating men around your age, the first thing to do, IMO, is accept that "dating" is not as it was when you left the dating scene 30 years ago.

Everyone has a history now. Some have retained a positive attitude, some haven't.

Screen the "attitudes" carefully.

In gist, it's a whole new world out there now and a mature approach is exceedingly more attractive.

Be yourself and stick to your word.

Good luck!
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 5
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 10:06:11 PM
when you sort this one out, let me know! share!!
 agape56
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 6
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 10:16:08 PM
I hope this post stays up because although it may be old for some- I don't know how to start my life over either. I still feel married in a way even tho I have been by myself for five years.

When I was young I had too much attention and it was overwhelming ...now I'm older and there really isn't the problem with cars honking or the embarassing wolf calls.....

I have no idea how to deal with men in general after years of giving off the I'm married signals -- I think the men in our situation are just as lost as we are .
 azsunshine123
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 7
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/11/2009 10:43:18 PM
I'm 55 was married for 27 years....totally faithful. I have been single since middle of January. I joined Match and have had a blast! I've met some really, really nice guys. I just jumped right in. I've met some nice guys here too but have not made any dates yet. I can honestly say that none of my first dates were bad, except for one guy that talked about himself for an hour and a half.

Many of the guys are in the same situation and are nervous too. Just put your profile out there and if one looks intriguing enough to meet....take a deep breath, walk in with you head high and a big smile and remember you control how long of an encounter you have. Then enjoy!
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 8
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:49:39 AM
After being out of the dating pool for 33 years I took the plunge. Consider each meet as just an opportunity to get to know the person a little better. No expectations other than an hour of good conversation.

I think you will be more comfortable if you plan the meets at places you know. Before the opportunity comes up have a few places in mind. Drive your own vehicle.

Have a great time!

S

 GreenEyesBlondeHair
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 9
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:56:40 AM
It would take a book to educate you on the ins & outs of dating today...go to the bookstore & start reading!!!
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 10
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 3:57:25 AM
Most area's have low key singles groups. I have one in my area that they go places like bowling, have game night, volley ball, and they have a dance night. You can go by yourself and not feel funny. No alcohol mix. But people in my area are friendly happy and make you feel at home. Smile at people in the store, games, anywhere that there is people all you need is a great smile.....and remember dating on the Internet.....you gotta add humor. Especially at yourself. Good luck. Keep us updated. Teach us a few Tricks.........
 just sayin...
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 11
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:40:02 AM
just start doing things you enjoy, go places with friends, develop a social circle, take some time to develop your own interests....and the whole disease thing can be handled by a lab test ....if you plan to do a lot of sampling, use precaution
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 12
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:15:29 AM

So true except I don't have girlfriends to go out with and have relocated so I don't know anyone my age to a small town. I agree about the little steps and am not looking for instant anything. I am a people person so even new friends would be good, th type without benefits.


Go to meetup dot com, enter your zip code, and search the groups in your area (more than 600 groups in Minneapolis!) for something that interests you. It's a great way to meet new people when you've just moved to a new city (me too) and want to make new friends. (And by "friends" I mean the dictionary definition, not the online-dating definition). Good luck!
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 13
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:21:20 AM
Proceed with caution, take it slowly and do not do anything that feels uncomfortable to you.
 mp2314
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 14
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:39:34 AM

msg 4: Be yourself and stick to your word.

Best advice I've read in some time.
Why not just get out and socialize, try new things, go where you would like to see and do things. Joing a Meet-up.com group or something similar and interact with people. The STD stuff is easy to learn about on line, or if you have a public health nurse or a gyn (with time) available to have frank discussion.

It is possible to make friends, to spend time with them, to learn whether you enjoy their company, even to do this stereotypical "date" thing very easily, particularly if one is willing to remove the stereotypical parts of that label. Enjoy activities, seek people, be social; be yourself and stick to your word (great advice that).
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 15
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How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:46:05 AM
Doing the things I enjoyed did not make me a successful dater 30 years ago. I wasn't any taller. I was whole lot poorer and wasn't a jock or doped up bad boy. It's no different now. My kids keep me busy and don't provide for meeting single women any more than my male dominated profession does. In fact, there is a lot less opportunity now. That leaves the internet and it's been disappointing. In the cyber world, it's so much easier for men to create the fantasy that midlife crisis women seem to want that honesty is left in the dust both side the fence. The searches return the same list of those I am not interested in or have already given me the read-delete. On the positive side, I don't have to worry about STDs and my blood doner status is secure.

I will get unonditional love from my dog, pleasure and wonderful sunsets from my boats, wildlife on the ranch, and live vicarioulsy through my kids. My oldest will be an airforce officer and my youngest will be a 14 year old ivy league student this summer. I look forward to restoring a couple of antique boats when I get the time.
 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 16
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 8:03:26 AM
When you find out please let the rest of know too..lol It's definetely different from when I dated 30 yrs ago for sure..Wish you the best OP..
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 17
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:13:12 AM
Get 'out and about' as much as you can. Smile and go ahead and talk to strangers... male/female... might lead to friendships... might lead to a date with someone.

Your restrictions on PoF email make it so only males can email you. Might want to take that off. Never know .. you might make a female friend from your area, through PoF.

You say you live in a small town, I know how that is!
Spring/Summer is coming.. hit all the town activities that will be going on.
Keep eyes open for people to stop and share a few words with.

Meeting someone from online? Don't forget to use safety rules!
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 18
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How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 10:50:55 AM
Just be yourself! You may "get hints " on how to act,dress,or behave here on pof.Being who you are will show the people ... who you are. Even back in the mid-seventies you knew about what others think/acted. The only thing that has changed is time and being more aware of oneself. Talking to others hasn't. As everyone matures(some men never ) we tend to go slower,cautious in actions,and forget to communicate what we feel -feeling that the other person doesn't really want know. You'll be amazed on how everyone isn't differant as you might think.It's now just more open,and a little more honesty is out there. Enjoy the riches of the day!


 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 19
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:20:00 PM

Go to meetup dot com, enter your zip code, and search the groups in your area


This is a great idea.......I just went there and found two groups that I have already joined.......Thanks I just had a friend move away and I am going to give her this web address..........Great Post
 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 20
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:20:57 PM
First of all, be the very best that you can be. Get your hair and nails done, buy some new clothes and shoes so you'll be ready to step out in style. Join a volunteer group to meet new people, take up a new hobby or a course at the college, start jogging or just walking around the neighbourhood, clean your house and toss out all the old junk you'll never use and start fresh. Wash your car and remember, dating isn't the only game in town, yeah it's nice to go out once in a while, but there are a lot of other things you can do that bring happiness into your world. And if you do meet someone and want to go out, tuck a condom in your purse because you just never want to wake up being sorry.

Pink
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 21
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How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:31:59 PM
Open up just like you would a friend, and bring plenty of condoms to the party.
 pinciperro
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 22
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 5:22:35 PM
Hey Sue... I was in almost the same boat as you three years ago.. marriage of 20 years had ended and he was one of my only "dates" before that. I was totally clueless and ,needless to say, a bit apprehensive.
What I would suggest to you is to stay on here. Become comfortable within this fish community and be open to every email that comes in.

Make sure you are at ease with the man/men you decide to meet. Emails, phone calls, etc.,
Do not go into the meet with expectations of finding the love of your life, but rather with the thought that you may be making a friend to go on dates with.

If you keep an open mind and an easy going attitude you will be just fine.
Life is now becoming an adventure for you, so relax and enjoy it!
Good luck, dear.
 discerning heart
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 23
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:11:42 PM
Sue....if it's any consolation you're not alone; been in your exact shoes. It took me 2 years after my separation and divorced, and prodding and encouragement from my friends and children for me to start dating. In these 2 years I learned to relax and like myself all over again. Get in touch with yourself and your femininity and the rest will come naturally. You've made the first move by putting yourself on a dating site. Think of what you really looking want and go for it. Be yourself, communicate with and find out a bit about the gentlemen you come into contact with, meet for a coffee, and take it from there. As far as STD's, when you reach the stage of intimacy, do what we tell our kids to do, use protection!
 redarcangel
Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 24
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How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:15:22 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^..................................................

Breathe!

Now that we've esablished a good breathing habit.. .. let's discuss it a little.

First.. decide what "you" want from a date. For instance.. do you plan to meet at a coffee shop.. or meet men for sex? (Sorry.. I mean no offense.. but.. you did ask about dealing with STD's already.. right?) Ask yourself.. where you'd like to see yourself in five years. That may help you to decide whether you're looking for a LTR.. or just dating.

Second.. take things very slowly.. especially at first. Don't wanna get dating burn out too soon there OP.

Always.. BE YOURSELF.. with men online.. and in person during a "meet".

You're asking a whole lot in just one sentence OP.

Just remember.. we all started out once.. the way you did.. taking those baby steps.

Good luck !
 suegreeneyes
Joined: 1/9/2009
Msg: 25
How to start dating after 30 years of not being available
Posted: 3/13/2009 12:50:55 AM
My goal is to become friends and if we have the chemestry it could grow nto LTR. I am not looking for a quick hookup or intimate encontors. It's just I haven't dated since 1976 and the risks we faced then were a world away from what is out there now.
The man I'm iterested in at 50 is very different then the guy I met at 17. Thanks, Sue
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How to start dating after 30 years of not being available