| | Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issuePage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I have met a guy on line and i know he is a great guy who will treat me fantastic.
Hes a pure gent and hes really nervous about meeting and he keeps saying i hope you are not disapointed etc. (this is something ive never heard before because all the other dates ive had were very confident)
So im like what the hell, i dont fancy this guy, hes very average with a bit of weight on him and hes not my usual mr loves himself type...
Have any of ye gone on dates that ye were not a bit excited about infact you were worried about way the guy or girl looked and they turned out great?? | |
|
| |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:56:16 AM | ive made a point of going out with all shapes and sizes... short ones, tall ones, fat ones, thin ones, poor ones, rich ones..... i wanted to establish what was REALLY my type....
well, i didnt fancy any of them... i like long skinny blokes... and wont be wasting any more time on the short stumpy ones.
but good for you testing out the waters... how are you going to know what floats your boat unless you have a proper look see...?
good luck, this might be the one...!!! | |
|
| |
willow
| | Joined: 12/11/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:14:43 AM | I have gone out with good looking men who thought they were the be all and end all, and were as shallow as fook..
I have gone out with men who were nothing exciting to look at and no confidence and felt very insecure about themselves and I couldnt cope with all that.
I avoided meeting up with a man because he didnt LOOK my type, as I had always based what I was looking for on looks first ( I suppose like quite a few folk do ).
I did eventually meet him by accident at one of the meets over 18 months ago, been together since and he is...I could make a list, but all I will say to me he is everything.
So you go for it if you want to, you never know he may just be the one.. | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:23:18 AM |
Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue ?
For me personally , the point where a dates looks become secondary or unimportant usually coincide with last orders and the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol.
Although they seem to resurface again in the cold light of day. Then it becomes a major issue of how to sneak her out of my flat without anybody noticing her. | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:24:46 AM |
this is something ive never heard before because all the other dates ive had were very confident
I think it's good that he's not overconfident, there's an awful lot of egotistical bullsh1tters out there! | |
|
AlmaM
| | Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 8 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:31:09 AM | I do not have my type, the guy I fancied the most in my life is blond and with blue eyes, but my ex husband was with darker skin, eyes and hair..
There was a pilot guy I used to go out with who was a bit larger, all in one, not a single similar thing my exs had in common.
Someone made a point once on this forum that if you cannot find 'your type' that this is probably the 'wrong type' and maybe you should 'change the type' 
For me the more worrying thing would be the guy not being confident and your date seems not being confident..
Also, when you see the guy do not worry if you do not like his hair style, clothing etc... these things are easily changeable, my sister said when she met her husband first time he was wearing an awful synthetic shirt and had a kind of Elvis hair style, now he is the best dressed guy I know.
Also OP, you seem to be very quick in changing your emotions towards the different guys, it wasn't long ago you were after someone else... I wish you can pass me that power ! | |
|
| |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:45:52 AM |
if you do not like his hair style, clothing etc... these things are easily changeable
Reminds me of the old joke..... What does a Woman think of when she's in Church on the day of the wedding? Aisle, Altar, Hymn.
Well at least I used to think it was a joke, now I've seen it confirmed by a woman I realise it's not.
Guys, you have been warned!!  | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:50:09 AM | Looks very often fade over time, character/personality stays pretty much the same & in the 'big picture' it's understanding, manners, humour etc that are the important attributes.
Imagine yourself in this situation: You're in love with a fantastic looking bloke with all the right character/personality traits. Great. Mr Gorgeous suffers a disfiguring disease/accident/whatever...would you walk away just because he doesnt look the same? There's much more to a relationship than looks... | |
|
AlmaM
| | Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:13:05 PM | I think it is the personality what attracts us..
I would never forget one thing, when I met this one guy he asked me if I was religious and I said this is hard to explain but I believe in nature and how the nature balances everything in its own way.. and he was into Jehovah witnesses and was trying to explain to me why he thinks this is the best religion in the world
Then few days/weeks later one of my friends visited me and she said she met the same guy and they had a deep conversation and he said to her he believed in nature and how the nature balances the world in the right way
Now, this guy was gorgeous looking and clever and had the right appearance but how can anyone fall for a guy who changes his religion overnight | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:19:16 PM | Well you can be sure of this, when you are in your coffin looks won't matter .............
Skin deep and do not last so why worry about what the guy or gal looks like ............... if you like them enough to chat to them and see them ...... all that can be built on ........... good looks with no personality , mmmmmmm not likely to change but the looks will eventually become immaterial. | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:21:57 PM |
a guy who changes his religion overnight
Sounds like someone changing his bullsh*t overnight. Though you never know, you may have converted him...
Looks are only really important for short-term lust. Fun, sure, but not something to build a relationship on.
Looks define whether you want to go to bed with someone. Personality defines whether you'd want to wake up next to them. | |
|
**me
| | Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:25:10 PM | I've been married twice.
My first husband was tall, dark and very handsome when young; however he turned out NOT to be a very nice person. Very shallow.. very deceitful... you name it; I had it piled on me.
Lies, affairs (him not me), beatings... usually after he'd consumed a****ail of drink and drugs.
He's never changed. His basic personality is still the same. He drinks himself into oblivion every weekend, same as he did twenty years ago. What a life huh? Very glad I escaped it. His handsome looks have faded but his personality ... well people don't change do they? not really?
My second husband - bless him, wasn't that much of a good looker, red hair, a few facial scars; but he was the most gorgeous person I've ever met in my entire life. Humerous, strong, and everyone who knew him adored him. Sadly he died...
My belief is. People don't really change their basic personality. If they are mellow, they stay mellow, if they are liars, they usually stay liars. Looks are one thing, but they do fade, that's true for us all; something we cannot escape.
Don't ever rule someone out based on their looks, it's the person that really matters. But, having said that, there has to be something that attracts; and that's something I really cannot explain. I have no idea how it happens, it just does. | |
|
AlmaM
| | Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 16 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 12:43:09 PM | ^^^^^
My dad was tall dark and handsome... a Gregory Peck lookalike.. he was terrible towards my mum, cheated etc .. but I always thought in his profession he was just perfect, people loved him... and my mum did not have that ability to handle his unusual character ... I always thought if they both were with someone else their life would be much easier and nicer..
Mum was also terrible to dad, he needed a typical tidy housewife and she was an intellectual and who always puts 'the people and friends' in front of her family.. while dad hoped she'd be more traditional.
My mum had this 'complex' of my dads looks.. I think she really had a problem with it... and she thought he was the centre of the world... and she handled the life differently due to this..
My dad had a 'complex' of my mums ability.. she was able to always achieve what he could not..
They were fighting about so stupid things one wouldn't believe !
This is why I believe that if two people are not 'mental and psychical match' then nothing in the world can change it.. | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 4:21:09 PM | There is more to attraction than looks. When you buy a car you don't just buy the shell, you buy the engine and the tires, brakes, steering wheel - the whole kit and kaboodle. If there's nothing at all about how someone looks that makes you attracted to them, thier smile, the way they walk, carry themselves, laugh - if there's nothing there then I don't believe it'll work. Having said that, those elements can be there even if overall the person isn't what you would call good looking - there can just be something about them. I think there has to be something deeper than just 'he'll be nice to me'.
H.x | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 5:25:10 PM | aren't we programmed to use our senses in the game of love?.
I've been attracted to some physically odd looking women and it was there unique oddness which floated my boat if you get the drift. One girl was jewish and she had a huge aquiline nose, a bit like Barbara Streisand. I nearly went down on one knee for that girl.
and she was pimple chested too, but I still adored her.
If looks werent a realistic issue surely we'd all have been born looking exactly alike, | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 5:58:12 PM | To the original poster, just a question, if you haven't yet met him, how do you know he is going to treat you well? The fact that you said that you don't fancy him would make me wonder why you are even thinking of dating him. Of course it's possible to be attracted to people we might not normally go for, but if you know you don't fancy someone, where is the relationship going to progress, beyond friends?
| |
|
AlmaM
| | Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:12:38 PM | I wonder how do we know if we fancy someone or do not fancy them if we have never met them?
Is it only the photo, or the things these people say, or is it their background?
I am personally very restrictive about the age, there is no way I'd allow myself to fancy a 26 or similar year old guy, as this would/could bring a terrible trouble into my life and IMO is not normal..
So we are those who allow ourselves to fancy or do not fancy someone, it is all in our hands !
If we say 'we do not fancy someone' this means this person has something about their look, life, achievement which we consider not tempting and do not want around us. | |
|
| Is there a point when looks should no longer be an issue
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:20:48 PM | I think it could be quite difficult not to fancy someone if you find them attractive, you could be attracted to someone who is 26, you might not do anything about it though.
As I said in another thread, I know someone who has a girlfriend who is 15 years older, they are happy, it all depends on the circumstances and maturity of the people involved.
You can't help who you find attractive but you can help what you do about it. I would imagine fancying someone initially means how physically attractive you think they are and perhaps how attractive you find their personality.
I know people can get together with people they didn't initially fancy and it works, chemistry is a strange thing. | |
|
Home
login 
