Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 yoursweetestdream
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I got out of a long relationship six months ago and recently entered the dating scene again. I met this great guy and we have been seeig each other quite often, we have a great connection, he is very attentive and a total gentleman, so I decided I was ready to sleep with him and we talked and planned it very carefully. He told me he was really nervous and so was I. Well, yesterday we finally met and I was really looking forward to some great sex. And OH SURPRISE, he just couldn't get it up!!! He did please me in other ways, he has and amazing tonge ;), but when he tried to enter me he wasn't at all hard.
I'm a little dissapointed, ok, very dissapointed. He apologized and told me it was because he was sooo nervous and was afraid he would not please me. He wants another chance at it. I really like this guy... So I want to ask...
What are the chances that a man can't get it up because he's nervous, could it be an excuse? He says it had never happened to him before.
Should I give him another chance??
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:45:08 AM
If you like him, then go ahead and give him another chance. Couldn't hurt.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 3
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:50:08 AM
Try to think in terms of "we" instead of "he" can't get it up and "i'm" very disappointed.
A wink, and a smile, 'specially the vertical kind, pretty much does the trick for me, so I'm kinda speculating, but if this thread survives, you're gonna get alot of that.
 Brunette Girl 425
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 4
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:51:25 AM

* If you weren't in the mood and shot down his efforts should he give you another chance?
* If you said something "cruel" and did not mean it should he give you another chance?
* If you failed to orgasm with all his effort should he give you another chance?

IMO this is a big deal and perhaps tide to the male ego. I honestly think you're being selfish, self absorbed and making too big of a deal about this "first" time. You say he's attentive and a gentleman...cut him some slack and find out what he likes.

Just my 2-cents.
 yoursweetestdream
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:57:15 AM
Thanks. Like I said, I really like this guy, but I told him my last partner was the "climb on top and get it over with guy" (very selfish, didn't like foreplay) so he told me it was going to be different with him, he'll make me see the stars and would give me the best sex of my life. I am aware that first time sex can be awkward, but I was going into it with great expetactions because of everything he promised me. He says it was not me, he was turned on, but nervous, and the reason I ask is because I really have little experience as I had only been with one man in my life. Thanks anyway! your comments are much appreciated.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:59:02 AM
Yes, nerves can affect a man's performance.
The bigger deal u make of it.....the more chance it will happen again.
Relax......enjoy.......let him know how satisfied you were with your first time.....
Sounds like a great guy......why wouldn't u give him a 2nd chance?
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 7
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:59:41 AM
There can be many reasons why a man can't get it up, from medications to smoking to too much on his mind. That being said, I think you should give him a few more chances. BUT if it happens again and again, then you may have a problem.
And don't let the poster who commented about it being your fault, because it sounds like you are really into this guy and it sounds like it may be a personal problem of HIS.
Good luck.
 yoursweetestdream
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:01:46 AM
In fact I didn't make a big deal. I simply told him it was OK, and I was so happy just with the fact that we had a lot of foreplay, something I never had with my last partner. I never made him feel bad... I felt bad because for a moment I thought the probem was me, but he keeps assuring me that I'm not. Thanks.
 Brunette Girl 425
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 9
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:02:03 AM
That's awesome that you really like him. I wonder how he felt with the info you told him about your last partner...maybe he felt pressure. Clearly you were not happy with your ex partner...now you're on the forum posting about your new partner and your dislikes. Put yourself in his shoes....get to know yourself (likes/dislikes)....build this man up and get to know him more in a non-sexual way.
 hamango
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 10
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:02:10 AM
No, leave him be. You don't have what it takes to please him and it will only get worse, for both of you.
 yoursweetestdream
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:07:29 AM
Well, we know each other very well in other aspects. We had been spending so much time together before we decided to have sex, and we have already said the L-word plenty of times. I guess my main worry is like, some of you have been saying, that I really wasn't what he expected, and that's why he couldn't do it. And that maybe the nervous thing was just an excuse. Years of living with an abusive person do that to your self-esteem.
Thanks
 RegularGuy77
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 12
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:08:02 AM
Yes, give him another opportunity. He was probably just nervous and so excited, but so much so that he had "issues". Ive never had this issue before but I do know it's happened to some friends. Other "first time" issues can be things like a quick orgasm, etc. Just give him some time and let him get into his groove
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 13
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:08:11 AM

Yes, nerves can affect a man's performance.


So can a blowjob, delivered with affection. OP never mentions that she went through any pre-flight checklists. Lol.
F-cking is a team sport, OP, and you tend to get what you give, or something along those lines. Meet my thrusts, show me you want me, and the kindlin' becomes cured oak that'll burn for a looooonngg time.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 14
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:08:56 AM
I like Brunete_girl's answer tons. Someday you won't be 32, you'll be 52, and believe me there are times when the hormones and the huffing and puffing aren't in synch and the chances of finding someone who is compatible around a dinner table -- let alone a bedroom -- are stacked higher against you.

To add to that, I would thoroughly hope you ignore the guy who said it was a "we" problem and not a "he" problem. It's a shared concern, certainly, but it's not your responsibility, per se, to give this guy an erection. Given a few norms, which is to say the proximity of a female, it's really his domain, not yours, to provide the properly inflated organ.

But, like Brunnette Girl said, is it a man's responsibility -- given a normal amount of kinetic enthusiasm -- to guarantee a female orgasm? No. So you should cut him some slack, except I wished I hadn't phrased it that way.

Just because these things are shared concerns, doesn't mean they're shared responsibilities.

I suggest some of your disappointment may be that you feel inadequate because of his issues. Don't go there. Take what you got: A terrific guy with a tongue to match. In later years, that will be worth a parade ... just relax and give both of yourselves a break.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 15
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:16:40 AM

To add to that, I would thoroughly hope you ignore the guy who said it was a "we" problem and not a "he" problem. It's a shared concern, certainly, but it's not your responsibility, per se, to give this guy an erection. Given a few norms, which is to say the proximity of a female, it's really his domain, not yours, to provide the properly inflated organ.

Sorry, you are wrong on that....
Are you saying there should be no foreplay? Each to his/her own so to speak?
The guy gets himself hard and she gets herself wet and ready?

I'd be interested in knowing why after one failed attempt, she is even considering NOT giving the guy another chance... It sounds either that she is self-centered or unfamiliar with the workings of the opposite sex....
I also wonder why she would tell the guy she is with about how sex was with her past lover.... I'm sure thinking about some other guy had a bit of a dampening affect on him, it sure would me, especialy if this was disclosed immediately prior to or during the encounter...
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 16
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:39:50 AM
The fact that he cares enough that he would be that nervous is a good thing. I'm kind of the same way sometimes at first. As time goes on and the comfort zone increases the sex becomes better and better. He could be that way as well. I think it would be stupid and insensitive to dismiss this person. If the roles were reversed most people would say the guy was being an impatient jerk. Just something to think about.
 lazythekid
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 17
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:52:05 AM
by squeezing the blood forward from the base area of the penis a man can get enough of a erection to enter the vagina
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 18
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:56:34 AM

by squeezing the blood forward from the base area of the penis a man can get enough of a erection to enter the vagina


But, then what? Damn, does that work on cadavers?
 Normality served here
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 19
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:27:44 AM
Need you really ask? The man pleased you and for what ever reason he could not get over the finish line. Erections for men are not always so easy. Many factors are involved..maybe he was nervous, maybe he was not feeling well at the time. He was unselfish and pulled out all the stops to please you as much as he could at the time....and now you are being selfish if you consider not to give him several chances. Intercourse is great but not what great sex is ALL about...problem is more common than you think...especially as a man ages. You are lucky that he is willing to try and please you again instead of running a mile and making you think he was just not attracted to you physically. He seems to be a keeper!
 Op Toe Mystic One
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 20
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:38:28 AM
we have already said the L-word plenty of times.


I understand your concern but to consider dumping someone you supposedly love after the first time ?!!

If I love someone and we don't know how to push all the right buttons or whatever the first few times we do it I think I'd be a BIT more patient and understanding than that !

Then again, I know some people just like to say " I love you " and have it said back to them for the IDEA of it alone.
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 21
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:52:13 AM
If you are both saying the I luv you and he took the time to please you really good then why not give him a second chance ...

Men who cant get a hard on tend to be the best luvers ... They will take the time to make you very happy ...

AnglFlyn
 Tessie101
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 22
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:03:49 AM
Does that work on cadavers? Could be fun.
 VinceDaPrince
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 23
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:06:01 AM
I say yes , give him another chance ,,, wear something sexy ,,,,,,,, and during foreplay " talk dirty " tell him what u want him to do ! if u decide to please him orally have him stand ,,, not laying down , why fight gravity !
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 24
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:06:38 AM
I think you should move on, not because its right, but its a good standard answer around here....
 yoursweetestdream
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:07:37 AM
Well, the reason I disclosed that information to him was because he asked. We were friends before becoming romantically involved and talked about everything. He wanted to know how my sex life was with my last partner, so I just told him the truth.
And that was told a long time ago, not right before we had sex, I never meant to tell him that just so he would prove that he could top my exborfriend off.
I never said I would dump him because he couldn't get hard, but I was considering telling him that if he didn't feel right about being intimate with me after all, he can go on with his life and look for someone else who could "inspire him".
Thanks Everyone.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > He couldn't get it UP, should I give him another chance??