| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 12:54:41 PM | The discussion in Ask a Guy was "what top three things does a guy want in a relationship?". I want to change that up a little.
What do you think the differences are in what guys look for and what women look for in a relationship?
My thoughts....and only thoughts. Feel free to share yours!
Guys are looking for ACTIONS.
He wants a sex partner. (obvious)
He wants a woman who will play with him. (share his hobbies and interests.)
And he appreciates what a woman will do for him. (cleaning, cooking, taking care of him)
Ladies are looking for EMOTIONS.
Does he LOVE me? (how many times have we seen that thread?)
Will he be there for me? (will I have his emotional support and protection?)
Can I trust him with my heart? (Is he available and open to love and be loved?)
Now, mind you, these are generalizations. And of course women want things on the man's list and vice versa. I just think these are the PRIMARY things...or the initial things. As the relationship progresses, I really think that both men and women will be looking for the things on the other's list. That's when the relationship either flies or dies!
I know this is only my theory but it does explain why guys heat up so fast at the beginning of a relationship them cool. ("he just disappeared") They realize they need more than just a playmate.
It also explains why women say they have so much trouble finding a relationship. By the time the guy has got to the point of sharing his emotions....she's already decided he doesn't have any and bailed!
Sounds good on paper...but what do I know? I spent Friday night alone!!! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 1:21:28 PM | OP, I'm looking, first of all, at physical attractiveness. It's the first filter. If I'm not physically/sexually attracted, then nothing else matters. No romantic relationship would be possible.
I think, too, that both men and women are looking for "chemistry", mutual attraction that is based on physical attraction, sexual desire, and personalities that just naturally fit.
Where men and women differ, primarily, is that for me, as a man, "feelings" without action are meaningless, whereas many women are focused on "feelings", regardless. For me, I don't care what a woman "feels" for me, unless how she responds to those feelings is consistent with the behaviors I associate as the reasonable expression of them. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 1:53:30 PM |
Guys are looking for ACTIONS.
He wants a sex partner. (obvious)
He wants a woman who will play with him. (share his hobbies and interests.)
And he appreciates what a woman will do for him. (cleaning, cooking, taking care of him)
Are you serious? I am all for the first one, and I can see the merit of the second aspect, but if ALL men want the third thing, no wonder I can't find I guy who suits me.
I'm looking for the stupid bag of Cheetoes I bought Wednesday evening. I know they are around here somewhere!
The Cheetos are underneath the dish cloth, and you should NOT be eating them; not only do they turn your fingers orange and give you Cheeto breath, but they are full of salt and fat and have no redeeming nutritional value. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 1:58:30 PM |
Are you serious? I am all for the first one, and I can see the merit of the second aspect, but if ALL men want the third thing, no wonder I can't find I guy who suits me.
I agree, Gwendolyn. I am definitely not looking for a traditional "homemaker", and the reality is, even in a 20 year marriage with a "stay at home mom", I was always "the cook". I don't think most men put a high priority on "cooking, cleaning, and taking care of him". | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:05:11 PM |
I'm looking for the stupid bag of Cheetoes I bought Wednesday evening. I know they are around here somewhere! The Cheetos are underneath the dish cloth, and you should NOT be eating them; not only do they turn your fingers orange and give you Cheeto breath, but they are full of salt and fat and have no redeeming nutritional value.
*pouts* You've been talking to my doctor, haven't you?
*Runs off to the store to buy more Cheetos*
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:12:56 PM |
*pouts* You've been talking to my doctor, haven't you?
*Runs off to the store to buy more Cheetos*
No one likes a pouter--what if your face freezes in that expression? I'll stick a Cheeto in your mouth and leave you that way.
I agree, Gwendolyn. I am definitely not looking for a traditional "homemaker", and the reality is, even in a 20 year marriage with a "stay at home mom", I was always "the cook". I don't think most men put a high priority on "cooking, cleaning, and taking care of him".
RenMan, at my age (56), most of the men whom I have dated and met are like you. If they have been single for any amount of time, they have to clean, cook and take care of themselves OR hire a housekeeper! Of course, there was the one guy who said if I came to his house, my feet would stick to the kitchen floor--I never went.
As far as "taking care" of a man, men and women should take care of one another, and I don't mean finding the Cheetos; if a relationship isn't a give and take a mutual support system, then something is wrong. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:37:05 PM | I see what you mean, and when I read the first two items on the list of what some men want, it reminded me that there is an option on this site for "activity partner". Truly, when I read the profiles of men who want to scuba dive, rock climb, para-sail, well I am not sure that they really want "love" at all, but someone that can do all that stuff with them, and with whom they can also have sex. I AM interested in activities, but not if they take more than an afternoon or an evening of my time. I have stated in my profile that I don't think two people have to spend every waking moment together anyway. I expect to be able to spend time pursuing my own interests, and so should he.
On the other hand, many would argue that LOVE is a verb. Emotions require action. For example, you ask "will he be there for me?", which could mean many things. For example, if you were to become ill, or disabled in some way, being "there for you" could translate into driving you to doctor appointments, holding your head as you become violently ill, helping to pay your bills, dealing with health care paperwork, etc.
But, yeah, I spent Friday night alone, too....lol. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:54:37 PM | Greetings:
Three filters:
1) Physical: Barring something beyond the woman's control, is she physically fit, height and weight proportional, does she have defined muscle tone, etc. While these may be shallow qualities in some folks minds, I find them to be good predictors of the nature of the woman. By maintaining a healthy weight I have a good idea of the woman's self discipline (or is she just an eating machine; not limited to women, many men are eating machines as well), her committment to fitness and a healthy life style. WE are more likely to have vibrant and healthy older lives by living healthy now. And part of this is that a fit woman is a fun woman; more options are on the table.
2) Mental: is she smart. I'm not looking for mensa, I'm looking for someone who's mind is still engaged, who can carry on a cogent conversation and not just about the daily soaps. Learning is life long and not limited to those early years in our twenty's. Can we discuss politics, world views, religion, the idiot down the street in an itelligent manner without falling back on ad hominem attacks or useless blather.
And finally, and this is where the rubber meets the road for me, 3) what is her faith / world view like. does she live what she believes, walk the talk, practice the preaching. As an evangelical type of guy I'm not going to get "unequally yoked."
Now there are really important issues that need to be discussed that have been mentioned on here (sex, play, who wears the pants  ) but for without the above framework I got nothin'.
TK | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 2:59:07 PM |
I'm looking for the stupid bag of Cheetoes I bought Wednesday evening. I know they are around here somewhere!
Good one! This subject is so redundant...it grows so old. Everyone's tastes are individual and I don't believe in generalization to this extreme. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:05:08 PM | Just came in for a half hour break and salad and checking email and POF found this topic interesting.
So much depends on income, where someone lives, education, and other things. Sure intimacy is on most peoples lists. The idea that a man wants someone who can cook and clean, probably is outdated to many professionals who have in home help.
Men/women in my family and the men/women I have as friends, all want someone who isn't clingy, not foul mouthed, has good manners, is self sufficient, has a great sense of humor, has ones own friends, doesn't need to be entertained, isn't a drama queen. Is supportive and gives respect. As are being physically active healthy living mode. Oh and NO whiners, excuse makers!!!!These are all important to me as well.
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:10:05 PM | Guys are looking for ACTIONS.
He wants a sex partner. (obvious)
He wants a woman who will play with him. (share his hobbies and interests.)
And he appreciates what a woman will do for him. (cleaning, cooking, taking care of him)
No WONDER I'm still single... I want a sex partner, I want someone that will enjoy playing with me... and I would LOVE it if a man would clean the house, because I'm not the best housekeeper in the world... LOL!!!! I'm doing things all wrong for my gender
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:13:37 PM | I found this to be interesting in terms of discussion. I'd like to see more discussion in the forums so we can learn something from them.
And, I would check my trunk for the Cheetos, but AFTER I went to buy more, so I'd have two bags. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:17:56 PM | I don't want a women who cooks and cleans or does "whatever" for me. I can handle things myself.
I don't care how much she makes.......but I do care of what is she "demanding" that's the "deadly" part. Thats where the crap comes from.
If she makes 1 million dollar /second and she want to know me (I doubt it) its all good.
Even if I make just a regular wage she does not need do spend 1 cent for/on me.
I own my home, if she has one or not I care less.....but that does not mean I will marry her on the spot. Also most likely I won't live "together" with her too soon.....not because she does not own a home....NO...because I need time to know her and that can take years..... Sorry...that's the price. (even if she owns a home I won't move in for a "long while") My home is my home and I will never loose it on "marriage" land. Don't ask questions here please.
Also after the menopause women still would have sex. Why ? To keep man around.
What does this tell you? Well I hope it tells you men is pretty much looking for SEX...duuuuuhhhhh kindergatern kids...Hello, wake up the milk man arrived. !!!!
Ladies do you think you can buy all men with "food" and "cleaning" and other crap ?
Really is that what you think ? | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:22:01 PM | I seem to fall into the "man" category too!
I definately want a sexually compatible partner
I definately want someone to do "fun" things with
and I think housekeeping should be a shared duty!
I also think men want the same as women when it comes to
trust and companionship | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:25:44 PM | Thanks for all of you replies. They've been interesting.
My apologies to those who thought it redundant. I just I truly believe that men and women have differences in what they look for INTIALLY in a relationship. Maybe what catches their interest...or brings them back for date number two. The really early on things.
Yes, when you start getting serious, we're all looking for pretty much the same things. But in the beginning, I'm not sure we are. That's what I was wondering about.
And, Jim, was that bag of Cheetos half full ......or half empty??? | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:26:46 PM |
Discrete Contact:Ladies do you think you can buy all men with "food" and "cleaning" and other crap ? Really is that what you think ?
Ok, here is an answer I would give in the form of a question. Why do you say 'all men'? Or assume (from how you worded it) all or most women would think that way?
Really is that what you think ? | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:28:40 PM | I don't know what men and women are looking for in general. Nor would it matter to me. I can only be me and no body else. So even if women wanted something different i'd not be able to provide it.
I know that both me and my partner want the same as each other, and that is why we are together.
I think that is the key to it all at the end of the day. Not worry about the whole world, it just shows how different we are from everyone else. But simply know what we want and be true to ourselves because that is the only way we will attract a like minded companion.
We may be one in a million but we only need one person to share ourselves intimately with so knowing what the other 999,999 people want is irrelevant. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:49:41 PM |
Also after the menopause women still would have sex. Why ? To keep man around.
When YOU are a menopausal or post menopausal woman, then YOU can say speak of what menopausal women want--and even then, you wouldn't be able to speak for all women but only for yourself.
I am post menopausal, and I don't have sex to keep a man around: I have sex because I LIKE sex. And guess what? When I am not in a relationship, I have sex with myself--and I really don't need to do that to keep myself around.
Geez.
Ladies do you think you can buy all men with "food" and "cleaning" and other crap ?
Really is that what you think ?
Man (this man, not all men), do you really think you can impress women with your spewing about stuff you know nothing about and other crap. Really, is that what you think?
Dude, you do NOT have a clue. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 3:56:58 PM | gobbledegook...to whit i just love saying...and is indeed wickeds favourite 2nd word behind muffin...well for this week.
I have explained this a gabillion million times
Most, not all, look at looks and little else...tis how pee brains operate I believe.
guys want barbie
girls want handsome badboy..as long as they can just about control them and dont pose too much a threat to their own ego.
totters of pouty fashion bedecked in splendiferous slippers laden with many muffins to sulk in the naughty corner | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:14:15 PM | [I'm looking for the stupid bag of Cheetoes I bought Wednesday evening. I know they are around here somewhere!]
Jim, does my heart good to see a man with his priorities straight. Rock ON! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:25:33 PM | i happen to like cheetos too..
however being a woman i ALWAYS know where my cheetos are...
its a girl thing..we DONT lose our cheetos..we may give them away..but we dont lose them..we lose keys, lipstick, virginity too soon or to the worst possible guys in our past..but we dont lose our cheetos...heeeeheee....sometimes our kids, our favorite shoes, our best friends red sweater, and our husbands attention and our favorite pearl earrings but NOT THE CHEETOS!
hmmmm...i reckon thats just one of those lil differences between men and women!
see, men are looking for the lost bag of cheetos...women are looking for the man who are looking for something more in life! snicker, snicker... | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:32:34 PM |
TarnishedKnight:1) Physical: Barring something beyond the woman's control, is she physically fit, height and weight proportional, does she have defined muscle tone, etc. While these may be shallow qualities in some folks minds, I find them to be good predictors of the nature of the woman. By maintaining a healthy weight I have a good idea of the woman's self discipline
Yet YOUR profile notes
I will be the first to admit to carrying more weight than I like So you want what you yourself are NOT?????? | |
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