| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:32:43 PM | I have a new respect for the male species. In the world, as I knew it, men have been expected to make the first move. He would have to gather the courage and go ask her to dance. Will she say yes? Nudges friend, "you ask her." He would walk across the room, the other blokes are watching and ask her. She says no, now he has to walk, all the way back. In the world of today, we women, who wanted equal rights, are now expected to make the first move. Especially on dating sites. I personally hate asking guys to dance, no just kills me. How have you guys dealt with all the rejection? I find a profile, that after reading, I think, wow. I send a note and ...nothing, or read deleted, or you just aren't what I am looking for. That is cool, but sometimes it is difficult to not feel a little stung, or think, "How do you know, you didn't even give me a chance?!" Mind you, I have now learned to not take it personally. I now have compassion for you guys who get up the courage to approach us ladies (and I have known some rude woman who make a guy feel like and insect.) I applaud you for keeping on keeping on! You guys have been doing this for many years and most of us girls are just now getting a taste of the rejection pill. Maybe one day we will all land the great catch. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:40:05 PM | I know how you feel. Because I dont like rejection I rarely send an email to a guy first. This is partly because I am attracted to caucasian men and I live in a conservative area so not many men are open to interracial dating. I cant help but be attracted to who I am attracted to, but along with it comes alot of rejection because of my preference. I have dated some nice guys though who are open minded since being in the single world the past 4 months, so I have to stay optimistic that I will meet the right guy one day.
You have to think the same that he may be right around the corner, so dont be discouraged girl! Your day will come too.  | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:50:04 PM | This is embarrassing, but if it is someone I like a lot.....and I decide to make the big attempt....someone like a co-worker....and I get shot down.....I try to put on the brave face and I get home as fast as I can and bury my head in a pillow!
Wow, real manly, huh?
If it is someone on a dating site or someone I talked to once, a few deep breaths suffice.
Feel stupid, move on. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:12:49 PM | We just compare it with the other chores that come with our sex, like going to war, wrestling with alligators, and holding your purse when you try on clothes at the department store. Then it doesn't seem like such a hardship. Also, I think in the back of our minds, way, way back there, underneath something, is the knowledge that if we are ultimately successful it means someday you will be giving birth and wrangling babies. So given that, it is the least we can do in the overall scheme of sex.
Welcome to the chamber of horrors that is rejection. Instead of ever taking it personally, tell yourself that you are sorting men into two groups: The ones with good taste, and the ones who are doomed to end up with lesser women. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:40:12 PM | | Rejection certainly isn't something new for women. Current approaches to meeting someone of interest in may vary, but there are few people of EITHER gender who have NEVER known rejection....(and some who haven't YET are in for their own comeuppance:) It can be a great learning experience....if it's accepted well, it can make you a little more compassionate. Everyone is on their own path and timeline....misses are more plentiful than hits. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:45:43 PM | I usually make a joke about and thank them telling that I am new to dating and real need to get tougher skin. Does it work? Sometimes but gentleman don't tell stories. 
Rejection is really good thing. If you are not a match with someone it is better to find out early before you even care. I figure you should always be polite but who really wants to be something different than yourself just to attract the wrong lady.
One more thought, rejection is good the fear of rejection is the problem! | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:59:43 PM |
One more thought, rejection is good the fear of rejection is the problem!
The thing is, be confident....
First off, if you're confident, rejection is not a biggie... It happens all the time.... so you just smile and keep going.... so what.... not even worth thinking further about...
I can't remember the last time I felt even a smidgen when a woman turned me down.... It's like worrying about the rain.... worry all you like, ain't going to change the weather....
The second part, if you're confident ( which for some fracking reason I can't type "confident" tonight (tried like 8 times before I got it right.... dyslexic fingers... LOL), Anyway.... if you've got it... you seem to get rejected less.... | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:15:27 PM |
Welcome to the chamber of horrors that is rejection. Instead of ever taking it personally, tell yourself that you are sorting men into two groups: The ones with good taste, and the ones who are doomed to end up with lesser women.
Great one humungo! You made me laugh. I will remember that. I hope I got across the point that I am now humbled by what you guys have really dealt with more than I have. Keep up the good posts! | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:20:00 PM | They're simply rejecting the value proposition I put in front of them. In women, attraction is not a choice.
What is a choice is secondary evaluations...that first 30 seconds where they're making the decision that "this a possible"...after 30 seconds, they know when they're not going to sleep with a man, so if we make it past 30 seconds, then the game's afoot.
But rejection...nah, it just teaches me new ways to perceive things before I say hello the next time.
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 9:56:04 PM | Kudos to you Beach...lol...anyway...rejection/smection...if I see a profile that interests me...I'm posting...If they dont reply...oh well...I just move on...I don't feel bad ...because they don't know me....its just not meant to be....granted I don't go up to men in public and make an initial contact...but I agree with you...it takes a lot of guts on the mens' behalf...keep up the good work fellas...lol... | |
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toyoux
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 13 | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:04:56 PM | I don't really take it personal, just put yourself in their shoes. Everyone has had someone really interested in them that, no matter what, you just couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to like that person as much as they like you. It's just life. Same thing with the other thread on here about leagues. Anyone that doesn't think there are leagues is just fooling themselves. Again, that's life.
And don't forget, rejection in real life is much different than rejection on the internet. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:53:56 PM | | The online dating world can definetly make anyone humble. In the real world i do very good when it's comes attracting women but online some women wont even respond back or write you off within seconds. In the real world my confindence, personality, humor, attentivness, and demeanour helps me attract people but online you have only a profile to go by. The main thing that suck about dating online and offline is that so many women love the club and bar scence. In my case i hate the clubs and bars with a passion and when i did meet someone at the clubs and bars they didn't want to leave that life style. I got burned out of the night life when i was 26 and i can't see wanting to go back to that scence at 34. It seem like half the women online and offline in my area are into the bar and club scene which is a major turn off. If someone wanted to go to a bar or club on occasion i would't mind so much but almost daily, that isn't me. I'm looking for a future wife not some frat girl that want to party all the time. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 4:27:25 AM | | All in all, online dating sucks. I definitely agree wIth Awesome 247. You cannot get any type of feel for a person by a small picture or two, followed by some small text describing the person. You cannot look in the persons eyes, catch their body language, their scent (pheromones play a huge role in attraction) and I think that a whole bunch of people have passed up on what could have been the love of their lives, because of a mispelt word, a bad picture, or because the intro email was not perfect.....I also believe some people expect a fairy tale/romance novel encounter online, which sadly is not real life for 99.9999% of the population.. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:58:47 AM | I don't see a no thanks or a read/delete as being rejected - it simply means that they are not interested. How is that a rejection?
How can a note sent to a stranger that's based on a few words they wrote on a profile value OR devalue me as a person whether they choose to respond or not? I'm not being facetious...I'm serious.
Should I then assume that anyone I meet who doesn't care to get to know me on a more personal/intimate level is rejecting me??
That's absurd. I meet tons of people whom I'm not interested to know on a personal level yet I'm not rejecting them as worthy human beings, and the same goes in reverse.
Since when is it healthy (and almost encouraged it seems) that a person's self worth or sense of self should be so tightly wrapped around another person's opinion that it "destroys" them if they're not validated by them?
Argh...this is one of my biggest pet peeve since I've been here. And yes, I do answer 98% of my mail so I'm not trying to excuse my "rudeness" and "lack of manners" that those well bred and polite people like to label those who don't.
It's just that I can't for the life of me see where it's okay to teach children for example that it's healthy to let other people affect you the way I see it on here everyday.
For example, my granddaughter was recently stood up for an afternoon "date" ... her and this boy were supposed to go skating on the canal..it was her first official "date" and I worried that she would take it personally.
But unless she's a really good actress (and she's not), she took it very well...she still thinks she's lovable and a worthy person and she understands that his "rejection" of her as a date or "girlfriend" has nothing to do with her worth as a human being.
So while it's fine to say that men have been dealing with this a long time, it's good to remember that PEOPLE get rejected everyday.
Don't you think that my girlfriend who was severely obese and not what you would call pretty didn't feel rejected when she didn't get asked to dance ONCE and I got asked to dance all night?
Do you not think that she didn't feel rejected or like a complete human reject when those same boys who ignored her all night came asking her to dance at closing time because they couldn't score with the "pretty" girls??
Do you not think she didn't feel rejected everyday when people would openly laugh at her when she walked down the street and say degaratory things to her because of her weight?
People get rejected, not men, not women - people do. We just get "rejected" for different things and in different ways. I'm a woman and I get "rejected" on a daily basis...I'm too old or I'm too weird or I'm too much of this or not enough of that....but so what?
Those "reasons" are only other people's opinions or how they perceive me and whether their opinion/perception of me is correct or not, they're entitled to it. But it doesn't and shouldn't change the way I perceive or feel about myself IMO.
So I will continue to answer most of my mail, not because I have to and it's the right thing to do, but simply because I want to. And for those people who judge me heartless or ignorant and/or who take it personally when I don't, all I have to say is everyone is entitled to their opinions. 
IMHO
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:32:57 AM |
I don't see a no thanks or a read/delete as being rejected - it simply means that they are not interested. How is that a rejection? It's a rejection of the invitation to start up emailing, not a rejection of them as a human being on some cosmic basis. The word can be scaled down to match a smaller event.
I sent out an invitation and it was rejected.
or
I bared my soul before mankind and was rejected as a human being.
He made her an offer
She honored his offer
And all night long
He was on her and off her
I offered to buy the house but my offer was rejected for being too low.
The rejection that troubles me is the puritanical rejection of sex. By rejecting sex, making it evil, you place men and women at odds and set the stage for chronic conflict, since sex is an abiding need. Young women are taught to defend their virtue and not let evil men steal it. Then from there sex is going to be a problem all along in life. That is a wholesale rejection of men as sexual demons. | |
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Rush™
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Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:57:12 AM | | Don't we all deal with rejection, at some point? I was feeling rejected all through high school. After all, I was the ugly duckling that none of the guys didn't want to step three feet in front of. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:15:52 AM | I fell in love once ON SIGHT....after seeing what I thought was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life...he was behind a counter at a local store... he literally ignited my insides on sight...had never experienced anything like that before that day. At the time, I was on my way to a very important appointment...but I made a mental note to "come back for THAT".
Two weeks later, I sauntered into that convenience store and claimed him. Don't even ask me how...it just made sense... and one month later had moved in together. Whenever we'd talk about our first conversation, we both noted the moment that we 'clicked'... it was almost audible.. like a volt door being unlocked... (we both described it the same way).
Our relationship was one of passion, rejection, pain, love, acceptance, and, everything in between.
What neither one of us realized, that beautiful sunny day in April, when I went in to 'get mine', was that our love affair/relationship would be short-lived...because he, within a few short months after moving in together, was diagnosed with cancer and died within 3 years at the ripe old age of 28.
He's been gone now for more than 5 years..but I never regret having made the first move...I will never forget the happiness he brought into my life... Memories that I will take to the grave..and hopefully meet him on the other side.
Seize the day, ladies and gentlemen, overcome your fears of rejection... it's worth it. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:21:43 AM |
I was feeling rejected all through high school. After all, I was the ugly duckling that none of the guys didn't want to step three feet in front of.
I feel you on that, gurl.. I was a hot mess in high school.. omg My beloved Mother had to ask a guy to take me to the prom as a "favor" ..lol.. I'm not kidding .. I was a horror show.. a late bloomers of sorts I suppose..
But it was a good thing in hindsight.. It made me sensitive and more aware of other peoples feelings as far as rejection is concerned.. I could never be rude or meanspirited towards anyone if I am not interested because I know too well how that feels..
Now.... I sit back and reject all those pretty boys at will... with abandon!! lmfao
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:48:26 PM | True PEOPLE deal with rejection-jobs, and I didn't like being a salesman. But feeling a little stung does not mean I feel devalued as a human being. I guess is more just disappointment. Basically my point was that guys traditionally are expected to make the first move. Doesn't mean us girls haven't been doing so for years, just that now I can understand how difficult it is, at times.
And the chemistry thing, how can we tell in this two dimensional environment? Why not meet and see if we hear the "audible click?"
I think I do prefer the read/delete to some of the answers I get. I seem to be a little more philosophical and just shrug the shoulders. Rather than, the latest, "I don't feel the attraction." Yep, read/delete says "not interested" just fine. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/16/2009 2:11:58 PM | | Rejection is real no matter how you think around it. If we make our approach quickly any rejection will hurt the ego much less. Is there not a two second rule about meeting in real life? Maybe approaching is like tennis if you have to think about it to much it is too late. The ball is past you and you missed your chance. LOL | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 3/16/2009 3:04:45 PM | In the complex world of internet dating/hanging out
Never take anything that seriously.
A) Ego booster to help the person feel better about themselves.
B) Loves to play mind games with people messing with their heads (you know who you are)
C) Doing this for fun
D) looking for soulmate
and please dont be D LOL
In all seriousness take a delete read etc with the lightest of worries.
You tried and put it out there. If that person isn't interested. SO be it life goes on.
Clean off the dirt and Have your head held up high and Try again. | |
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