| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/21/2009 4:54:57 AM | I have been single for 7 yrs now...Is that a natural thing to still be a little afraid after so long?
I have my own reasons for not going out, Men scare me its the violence part. Yes I have experienced it. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/21/2009 7:49:05 AM | I think any new social situation can be somewhat scary for people if you're not used to going out?
You can't let the violence thing scare you, I've been there too, and not all men are like that. You can always go out with friends, this way you're not alone and you're with people who you're comfortable with and are still able to get out and mingle. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:24:26 AM | | You bet it's normal!!!!! Just don't let your fear actually get in the way of LIVING LIFE! It's perfectly OK to let a good guy know that you're a bit on the nervous side too. If he understands where you are coming from, he'll understand you need a bit of "getting used to the idea." I was lucky because I was able to stop the violence when the first physical threat was made. I guess I'm the eteranl optimist because I knew then, and still know now, there are a LOT of really good men in this world. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:36:39 AM | | I think once you have experienced it, it is a natural thing for that fear to remain. Call it survival instinct. Hopefully you have done for yourself to recover and learn from the experience, and know now to watch for red flags. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/21/2009 9:02:24 AM | What we as humans rely on to protect us from our fears is to 'stay in' and miss out on a lot that this life has to offer.
Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, there are fears that we all have and most in some acceptable fashion overcome these fears given tme and the meeting of the right people.
Men are also subjected to this phenominea, and we react differently than women, but the effect is the same, we miss out on the joy of living.
So, I would encourage you.......
.......Take a hold of that fear, write it down on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in a sealer, then set it aside. Remember to recognize the warning flags that you feel, and move forward to enjoy your life. Do this with each fear that you are aware of and pretty soon that sealer will be full.
You will be full too, of the joy of living and have friends that you never thought possible!
Good Luck in this journey of life and recovery! | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:14:39 PM | Hey Shiver,
Nervousness and a little scared sound perfectly normal, especially given the past you allude to. A few simple step's you can take, if you go out on the town or whatever, go with a friend. A coffee date at a bookstore can be enjoyed by three as well as two. Make it simple only meet anyone new in a public place, never share your home location(I can't believe how many girl's give out this info readily), keep your home phone number to yourself, call blocking work's here, you can call him with inpunity and he can't call you. Double date, you have friend's either married or not, should be fun to share a night as a group, he should be OK with this as well. Hey if thing's work out you'll all be BBQing together so why not. You and your trusted friend's are the best judge as to how an abusive person can be, there trait's that you or they will see. Alway's good to have a wingman or woman clearup the googles for ya. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:55:01 AM | | I'm in the same situation. Friends say, "go out and have fun". Go out and have fun where? My husband was very controlling and I went where he went. He passed away 3 years ago next month. I feel uncomfortable going to restaurants on my own, its the staring at the woman by herself thing that bothers me. I've found that staying home is my safeguard, if I'm at home then nobody can hurt me. I want to change it but it takes time. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:12:47 PM | ^^^
Well, I would say you have taken at least a baby step in the right direction. You have put yourself on a dating site, and are even getting into the fray of forum banter and communication.
....its the staring at the woman by herself ... I don't think that type of thing will ever cease, hell, I will 'stare' at a woman sitting with other people if she is appealling to my eye  !!
All kidding aside, in some ways it's a compliment to be stared at, and yet at the same instant it can be considered rude!! I have heard many a story of who heads turned when a woman went walking by a group of men and you could hear the drone of the whispers (same for the ladies when viewing some men) emminate along with the sound of the popping necks!! That is what looking good is all about!
Then there are the jaw dropping beauties that you know you don't stand a chance in **** of making any progress with (damn, where did I put my Adonas body!) but we still will stare and fantacize (or I will anyways ).
Getting out to the now more prevelent 'meet and greets' takes a lot of that "one on one" fear out of the picture. I have seen men and women be sitting by themselves, and the next time you go by them, some one is chatting with them, and it isn't always the hostesses, tho they do get around!
Then you get to see jerks like me make a mockery of myself as much as I can, and if you doubt that statement, come on out Sunday, April the 19th, 2009 and watch me!! I enjoy a good time, and make sure I have it!! | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:47:22 PM | Then you get to see jerks like me make a mockery of myself as much as I can, and if you doubt that statement, come on out Sunday, April the 19th, 2009 and watch me!!
I hope the OP is reading this even though she's closed her account. How could she resist that? I know I miss that! LOL Kidding, Duffy. I never noticed any such thing 
OE: I would even feel a little like the OP. The whole group has changed. I would hardly know a soul at the events now :( | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:26:02 PM | There's nothing wrong with being afraid to go out...
My problem is being too bitter to be here...I'm sick of the whole dating scene, I'm sick of the chicken sh*ts too afraid to come and meet you off here and I'm sick of the players!
Can someone tell me why I SHOULD stay on here? | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 4/15/2009 8:52:44 PM | ^^^haha, your profile......
Stay on here to come out to the great events that are hosted and meet some of the awesome fish that swim this pond. It's always a good time.
As for afraid to go out, OMG I MAY BE. Someone just got shot on Macleod Trail like 8 blocks from where I live.
I have pictures of the so many cops cause I was walking home from work.
OMG. SOMEONE GOT SHOT!!! | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/16/2009 12:47:26 AM | | Perhaps one day soon I will come out to one of the meets at O'Sullivans. Winter is over, and it's time for me to come out of hiding and meet the people who are actually participants in fishing on this site! haha | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:13:55 AM | There's nothing wrong with being afraid to go out...
My problem is being too bitter to be here...I'm sick of the whole dating scene, I'm sick of the chicken sh*ts too afraid to come and meet you off here and I'm sick of the players!
Can someone tell me why I SHOULD stay on here?
well you probably shouldnt stay on here,if i felt that way i would leave so i dont know why you havent,obviously your experiment didnt work out in your favour,call it as a completed experiment and start a new one | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:15:46 AM | | I don't have a controlling or abusive spouse in my past & I'm still a little afraid to go out. & was the first time around, when I was young & before all my parts dropped. It's just a scary thing to go on a first date with someone you hardly know. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:17:38 AM | No, it is not NATURAL in the least.
Understandable? Absolutely! Natural? Not at all.
You are a victim of violence. Your fears of going out are not a natural feeling, they are in direct corelation of the trauma you live with because of your past. How do you get over it? I recommend counciling. Until you deal with the past, it will continue to play a part in your feelings. It's not your fault, it's his, but until you get help, he will continue to haunt you. It's been seven years and he is still controlling you. Counciling is not a bad thing, it's a good thing.
It really surprises me how many people have responded to this thread, saying that a fear of going out after 7 years of being single is natural. Thank God it's not or there's be no hope for most people.
PS ... I speak from experience. I didn't date for 5 years after I ended my marriage. It was probably the loneliest 5 years of my life and not at all because I was yearning for my ex... I was afraid to go on a date because of how I was treated in my marriage. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:55:42 AM |
It really surprises me how many people have responded to this thread, saying that a fear of going out after 7 years of being single is natural.
So glad I'm not the only one!
When this was first posted I felt like responding, "Of course it's not natural" but then afraid of someone wanting to get into a scrap about it. lol
I didn't date for 6 years after my divorce. Not because of any abuse but because I needed to focus on my child. So of course you're a little unsure of yourself, but it's not natural to continuously feel afraid of someone being violent. If that's the issue, like RBG says, counciling is what is needed. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 5/21/2009 12:35:23 PM | What a sad thread. Yes it is natural to be afraid after being exposed to violence and abuse, it is hard to get help sometimes, it may not be readily available or a person may be too ashamed or hampered in some way.
It took me many years to get out of such a marriage, friends, family and even my doctor saw the bruises and would not help me. Finally I left and he stalked me for years afterwards. I remarried had a child and he would drive past the daycare. Pretty twisted. And no, the cops would not and they say could not do anything. I had a pit bull that would attack if a hand was raised towards me or my child and I locked my doors. It took about 4 years of planning but I moved over 4000 kms out of ONT just to feel safe. It was the best thing, moving west, I love the village we live in and have made a few good friendships.
Fear is a horrible emotion to live with, but there are good people out there, so you have to use the lessons learned and start living. | |
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| Is It Natural to be a Little afraid to go Out?
Posted: 6/12/2009 12:04:28 AM | | Loquacious, no. No reason at all. Men on here are hoping to find a woman that has some self respect and pride and can offer something good into a relationship, | |
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