| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:32:14 AM | So I am just getting over a guy who really screwed me around.
Besides lying and deciveing, I have found out that he was cheating.
It hurts.
But I really want to move on.
He wants to stay friends, which I am trying to do.
My question is, should I wait and let myself heal or go out with other guys?
I have been talking to a few pretty cool guys, but dont want to lead them on or anyhting.
Advice would be appreciated, thanks guys. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:39:14 AM |
He wants to stay friends, which I am trying to do.
Why? He is deceitful and he cheated on you. Do you believe those are the qualities of a friend? You may as well have continued dating him. Be done with him, first and foremost and only then will you begin the moving on process.
Personally, I don’t think it’s wise to be dating again so soon. You’re vulnerable and will likely open yourself up to the next jerk who will spot that vulnerability a mile away.
You’re very young. Enjoy yourself with your friends (the honest, trustworthy ones). Having a boyfriend in your life is not mandatory. Getting yourself to a healthier emotional state is (or should be) before jumping back into the dating world. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:47:51 AM | the "friends" thing is just for his benefit so he doesn't have to feel bad...or to watch you still cry over his sh** sorry it does hurt and you need to grieve the loss.. but please be good to yourself and leave him totally behind...you are too beautiful to put up with being "friends" | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:00:35 AM | a guy who really screwed me around.
Besides lying and deciveing, I have found out that he was cheating
and these are the qualities that should be avoided in life.... they do not deserve your trust or friendship....
get rid of this crap and move on!!!! | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:49:52 AM |
Besides lying and deceiving, I have found out that he was cheating.
It hurts.
He wants to stay friends, which I am trying to do.
Why in  for? Friends don't do that to each other.
My question is, should I wait and let myself heal or go out with other guys?
That is a healthy thing to do and besides you are young, there are a lot of guys out there for when you are ready.
have been talking to a few pretty cool guys, but dont want to lead them on or anything.
Keep talking to them but be honest with them.
Good luck! | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:06:31 AM | RachelleP, listen to me kiddo.... 1) cut off all contact with this guy, no phone calls, no more emails, texts, snail mail, if a pigeon shows up with the note, barbecue the pigeon if you have to, NO CONTACT, you cannot be friends with someone who lies, cheats that's not a recipe for a friendship
2) Tell the guys up front you're not ready for a relationship, sex or casual, if they want to be chat buddies is one thing, anything physical NO, some might make a beeline to the door, but at least you know.
3) you should heal your self first, good idea there, reevaluate your self, priorities, values etc, dont let anyone else talk you into things you're not ready for or capable for.
you seem to have your head on straight, and go with your gut young grasshopper( you're a little young to remember that show and line) | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:08:10 AM | go our with outher guys even fall in love make love kiss hold even suck face it is good for the the sole   | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:35:53 AM | I cant really just ignore him.
He is helping me out with a school project, and taking me to my prom.
And I just found out that I was pregg with his kid, but lost it. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:04:41 AM | This is DRAMA in the worst form.
You would want to go to the prom with this bum because why??????
You would want to be friends with him because why????????
You said yourself he has lied, deceived, used you and had another girlfriend to boot.
Why in the world would you want to be friends with this a$$hole?? He isn't the only male in the world, trust me. There are many more out here. - some are good and some aren't so good. - You just have to develop your own gut instincts and B.S. detectors to help you determine as such.
As far as a school project goes, well, just work with him on a business-like level and leave it at that. - No personal overtures, etc. - Keep it short and sweet. Do what you need to do and leave it at that.
As far as finding out you were pregnant, well, I am very sorry for your loss, and I know it sounds very, very cliche, but in all reality you probably dodged a bullet big time on that. - Do you honestly and truthfully think he would have been a responsible father???? From what you state about his behavior, I highly doubit it.
Next time use protection and be careful. - Better yet, don't go to bed with these irresponsible little boys. - You will save yourself a lot of heartbreak in the end. Trust me on that.
You are very young. Since you say on your profile you would like to study to be a nurse this coming fall, here is what you need to do: Get your education, get your career off the ground, make some life plans, THEN worry about being with someone and starting a family. - Trust me on this one. I am so very glad I got my education and have the skills to be independent while I was your age. Start looking into the Nurse's/Medical associations out here and go ahead and get involved as a student member. In doing so, you will get a head start to get your professional life off the ground. - Many of these organizations will offer a student membership at a very reduced rate and you will get the newsletters, be able to attend conferences, participate in "roundtable" discussions, and who knows, you may very well find a good mentor to guide you and help you make wise choices. - Not just in your career but in your own life as well. - You may make a very good friend for life in doing so.
- I have learned over time that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. - A hard lesson to learn, but necessary. - When my ex of 14 years decided to leave, I had my education (a Master's Degree, thank you) and a decent job to support myself, so financially, it was pretty seamless for me. For many out here, especially women, it isn't so easy. I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't have to work 2 and 3 different jobs to support myself and run myself ragged like so many I see out here.
Don't waste yourself much less anymore time on this loser. You deserve so, so much better. His wanting to be "friends" is nothing more than to use you as a soft place to land for a booty call, and I somehow don't think you really want that for yourself.
In the meantime, don't date or get involved with anyone out here in datingland. Just make friends and nothing more. Better yet, get a change of scene. Meaning, take on new hobbies and interests. Volunteer somewhere - how about the hospital? You want to be a nurse, well, here is a good place to start. Join a sporting league, a club, etc. In doing so, it will not only keep you busy in a positive way, but you will be getting out of the house 2-3 nights per week and you will make some amazing new friends. - A word of caution: Do NOT go into these new ventures with the ideas of finding someone new. - It won't work. - Especially since you are still hurting with your current situation.
In time, you will heal and move on. But for the meantime, focus on you and what you want and take care of yourself. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:07:36 PM | | If you want to stay friends with someone who treated you like that, then it suggests you aren't over him and maybe want to keep him in your life. Not sure why you'd want to do that but is it because you still hope to work it out with him? If so, going out with anyone else is not really going to work on a romantic level. If you do decide to start seeing others, then I think it would be best to tell them where you are emotionally. They can then decide if they want to risk a relationship with someone still getting over an ex. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:28:23 PM | Start dating as soon a you can. This will let you heal sooner then waiting around forthis guy to realize you are a catch. I knew some one that never married at his age of 54.
He is an influrenical member of the town I am soon to move back to, (on my profile)
However it didn't work so I decided to get back on the band wagon. Some things are working some are not. Such is life......
Get on with love and go out. Your man is out there.
Tracy. | |
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Landra
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:29:33 PM | I was going to say cut off all contact but if he's taking you to the PROM then that's a different story. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:44:23 PM | RachelleP, are you sure you want this hump helping you on your school project, he doesn't sound to bright, have you met his parents? are you sure he's not the byproduct of inbreeding?
Would it of killed you to find someone else to go to the prom with? im going to assume hes a bit older than you, I dont see a great future with this guy, I can see this guy loafing off of you in the future after you graduate and find a good job and I wouldn't back up the chicken truck on that one, actually I back the chicken truck and run him over | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:32:03 AM | IceMan, you never cease to make me laugh!
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:43:43 AM | Rachell, take some time to gather your thoughts.
Sounds like you may have some unresolved issues with this latest disappointment.
When you feel more ready, confident, then move into the sea again.
It helps when one comes along who truly grabs your eye.
Build up your self-esteem, then back in thes wim Matey! | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:40:52 PM | | i know there aren't very many bright 18 year olds out there in the world today but GEEZ!!!!! i think IceMan is on to a good point.......i'd have to say her parents are inbreds as well because she has no brain whatsoever. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 6:58:27 PM | | I'm going to, certainly, have to agree with the above poster. How desperate are you to need him to remain in your life? The relationship ended, you were betrayed, made the fool, were the butt of I wouldn't be suprised, several of his jokes to his other lady. Remaining friends with a guy after he's done this to you goes way beyond the point of madness into a realm that is chronically retarded. Don't let yourself be used like this. Grow a spine, get a new lab partner if needs be and, this is very obvious, get a new prom date! You're beautiful, fun, lively, smart (Or at least working on it) you could find twenty guys to take to a stupid dance with you. Not him. A man should earn the privlige to be a date of yours, even for coffee. He doesn't even deserve a date with the chair if you were pulling the switch. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:30:37 PM | Wow so you guys are saying I am the immature one?
I came here looking for some honest advice, you do not have to put me down.
Why don't YOU grow a spine.
Grow up.
And on the other hand, no I am obviously not over it. He was my first 'love' and I think you should know it takes time to get over something like that.
I am not 'desperate' to have him in my life at all.
Maybe you should have asked for the entire story before you start thowing out insults. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:42:22 PM | the quality of your friends will undoubtedly affect you and even reflect on you.
You said tha he lies decieves and has cheated on you. if he is doing this early on in life I can assure you it won't get any better.
Be firm and while it will be difficult get rid of this deceitful person- you will feel awhole lot better perhaps not now but in the long run.
keeping up any sort of relationship with this low life will only drag you down and the important thing to remember if you cant trust him then hes not worth knowing
as the site says there are plenty more fish in the sea. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:11:38 AM |
the quality of your friends will undoubtedly affect you and even reflect on you.
You said tha he lies decieves and has cheated on you. if he is doing this early on in life I can assure you it won't get any better.........
What Johnconiston said on here is highly true.
OP, I know you are young and this guy you were with is your first true love. But remember, you will have many loves in your life before you are finished.
I don't think anyone is trying to put you down, but we are merely trying to point out that staying friends with this guy who is deceitful is not a very hot idea. - Some of us out here are a little older, wiser, and have some life experiences under our belts and are trying to guide you to learn from our own experiences and not make the same mistakes some of us have made out here. You asked for advice, you got it. Now what you choose to do with that advice is totally up to you.
I know this may be a poor example, but in the business world, or any world for that matter, good people KNOW good people. Shady people KNOW shady people.
In other words it takes one to know one.
As my friend who is recovering from drugs and alcohol learned years and years ago in treatment: If you spend your time in fourth class places, hanging out with fourth class people, you become a fourth class person. If you spend your time in first class places, hanging out with first class people, you become a first class person. How do you want to live your life? First Class or Fourth???
Only you can decide that.
I just don't want to see a young, intelligent, talented person like yourself waste your time on people who don't deserve to be in your company. | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:51:56 AM | The*Iceman : You are a riot !! Whenever I'm reading threads and see that you've posted I have to stop and read what you have to say You are either saying something insightful or just down right hilarious
OP: rachellep /
Wow so you guys are saying I am the immature one?
I came here looking for some honest advice, you do not have to put me down.
Why don't YOU grow a spine
Anytime you put yourself out there and ask for other people's opinions, you may get responses that you do not like or agree with. Some will hurt and insult you. Thats just a part of getting advice. I do not believe that is the intention of my fellow posters. If everyone sugar coats responses to you, then you may not be getting the full benefit of others opinions. (If their opinion really matters) That said, in asking a bunch of strangers their opinion, listen/read the responses, process it and filter thru to the things that you feel works for you. Some are just intented to be thought-provoking and nothing more.
I think everyone that has read your post, realizes you are 18. We've all been 18 ! At 18 we thought differently, we acted differently, we WERE different !!! We are not the same person at 30 or at 40 or at 50
This may be your FIRST heartbreak, but it wont be your last. So...chin up. You WILL get thru it, one way or another | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:54:29 AM | rachellep
i think you need to have a serious chit chat with your mummy... | |
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| Rebound Guy?re-re
Posted: 3/25/2009 10:08:56 AM | hey there,
you definatly could go out with other guys just let them know your situation. I have been in that situation too many times and you end up getting hurt so do the same thing | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/25/2009 12:18:16 PM | Rebound you look like a beautiful young woman, No matter how much it hurts, I would find another source to help you with your school project and go to the Prom yourself, Hold your head up High sweetie you have nothing to be ashamed for and you are not the a-s-s-w-h-o-l-e here... Many years ago, I found myself in the same position, fell in love, got PG, the first time, and he was gone..... I'll never forget it, but I moved on from it...
You owe yourself that "DIGNITY" "SELFRESPECT" He cannot give that to you, nor will he allow you to, because he will do everything in his power to nottake on the responsibility and ownership of being "WRONG" and saying ""I'M SORRY"...
'WALK AWAY HUN, YOU DONT NEED HIM, TALK TO A FRIEND, YOUR MOM, LIVE YOUR LIFE, THERE'S AWHOLE LOT OF LIFE IN FRONT OF YOU, DONT LET (1) LOUSY IRRESPONSIBLE, IGNORANT SELF CENTERED "bast'd" TAKE AWAY YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND RESPECT.
My Sincerest Wishes for you, | |
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| Rebound Guy?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:28:59 PM | First' sorry bout the baby'
second' kick the dog to the corner'
Your at a time in life where every thing is all a jumble with emotion'
not that that doesn't go on down the line'
its just that you haven't had the chance to feel these things repeatedly
and gleen from your own emotional exspierence' how to handle what your heart feels'
first second third fourth ect... loves and there losses are things you grow to know'
and it may feel like this was to be forever' but its not and wasn't going to be'
because he wasn't into it for real or he wouldn't have cheated'
distance it the best thing right now so your heart can heal'
and if you have to be around him for the project'
then put your heart at a distance and shield yourself mentally'
dont allow yourself those thoughts of what ifs and could've been's
make it all buisness' no funny stuff' just workin'
Look to yourself right now' self empowerment and awareness
are the keys to finding what you want from a man and your life'
Education should be your focus right now anyhow'
and building your self includes both mental and emotional education'
so you can find stability within yourself and dont find yourself riliant apon a man
for your own happiness and well being'
this will help make any relationship you have in the future more equal and fullfilling'
Wish ya the best'
;') | |
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