| | Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?Page 1 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | So, question:
I think foreplay is often portrayed as something that is mostly for the woman, since they need more time to "get ready" so to speak. But when you are messing around with someone, thinking sex may be in the cards later on, do you expect an equal amount of time and attention to be spent focused on just the man and his erogenous zones as the woman, or do you think there's usually a little more focus on the woman? | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:31:24 PM | I'm always willing to give my man any time he wants in the form of foreplay. But that's just me. I love to "play" with a man and the longer it takes before we get down to the actual sex ... penetration and such ... the nicer it is for me.
It's been my experience that the men are begging for the sex much sooner than I would be if all that was going on was foreplay.
As for whether or not there is more focus on the woman ... my own ex husband was not one to focus on anyone but himself. In the meantime, I had a LTR with a man (since the divorce) who was more than willing to focus on me as long as I wanted it.
Some men are raised to be selfish and others are raised to be unselfish. I raised my son to be the caring unselfish type. I raised my three daughters in the same way ... but they also know how to let a man know what they want. (I only know that because when I can get the three of them together, I have heard their conversations about it.) | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:35:21 PM | | I don't think I could have sex with someone who was thinking about foreplay equity. Women should stick to thinking about what color to paint the ceiling. | |
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Bluez
| | Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:39:10 PM | There's no percentages when it comes to foreplay, or at least there shouldn't be. I mean really, who says... "ok, I've got a freebie coming cause I've given you 72% more than you've given me, and it's time to even it out"???
Foreplay is about both partners, in whatever amounts make it fulfilling and toe-curling, not necessarily in that order. Foreplay times come and go, some longer, some shorter, but if you're keeping score... you have more serious relationship issues to address.
The only time percentages matter is when partner is generally always on the losing end of the stick... and that's more to do with communication than a desire to please.
Bluez | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:41:56 PM | I think it should be 50/50.
I am pretty sure most men enjoy pleasing a woman
I do enjoy when a man is pleasing me but I think it's so hot to please a man. To see the look on his face and knowing that I put it there...Come on...talk about turn on!!
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:48:54 PM | Foreplay is about US...FROM BEGINNING TO END.
It is never about her ...it is always about us...yes, sometimes, I may want to please my partner and rush off to work, and the focus is not on me...but then I just know it will be about US...another time...it just works. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:49:34 PM | It's not so much that it should be "about" one or the other, or "equal," but foreplay should be for both, not just one.
Maybe what you consider foreplay and what I consider foreplay are different...
Edit: VVVVVVV See, what you're describing to me isn't foreplay, that's "sex." Oral sex or handjobs are all part of the big show, not the warm-up. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:57:23 PM | Well, I don't have tons of experience, but when the focus is on me the sensations are just really overwhelming, and I tend to forget about giving handjobs or whatever might be expected of me... so I was just curious.
Personally, I don't NEED manual or oral, I think my ideal on most days might just be making out for a bit then getting down to it, since I prefer the activities that stimulate us both about equally at the same time. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:02:30 PM |
I think foreplay is often portrayed as something that is mostly for the woman, since they need more time to "get ready"
*coughs*.. we need 'more time to get ready'??.. honey.. some of us are just born ready!..  .. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:10:14 PM |
So, question:
I think foreplay is often portrayed as something that is mostly for the woman, since they need more time to "get ready" so to speak. But when you are messing around with someone, thinking sex may be in the cards later on, do you expect an equal amount of time and attention to be spent focused on just the man and his erogenous zones as the woman, or do you think there's usually a little more focus on the woman?
OP -- It's no secret that women have long explained that they need "more time" to get ready for sexual activity...but it's a bane to me to see so many men allowing their lovers to make it ALL about the woman, while he gets a scant few moments if he's lucky because he's a man so "he's always ready!". Nonsense.
If I'm with someone who thinks foreplay is all about them, or should be because I'm supposed to be "ready all the time" (musta missed that memo...) then I'll take a walk and never look back. I hate selfish lovers. There are some rare occasions where I'd prefer it not to be about me in any way at all, and truly all about her satisfaction...but those are one-offs, and chances are I'm doing it for a reason and being very specific about it. Maybe she had a bad day at work, or lost a friend, or whatever...so I'll indulger her and not even really worry about myself or my wants.
It's the ones that expect that all the time that gets stale quick. Despite contrary beliefs and stereotypes, just 'cause I'm a man doesn't mean I don't want to be spoiled and pampered and "tended to", and this includes a decent amount of foreplay time devoted to ME. What can I say...I enjoy having some TLC to get ME warmed up as well.
If it's all about them, or grossly disproportionate...then she ain't for me at all.  | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:18:56 PM | So what about the argument that men usually come during intercourse, whereas women usually don't, so it makes sense to focus more on women before intercourse?
I've heard that one a few times from men and women. Would be lying if I said I didn't like the reasoning... (selfish person that I am )
And what about if you're sleeping with someone for the first couple of times? If she doesn't spend much time on foreplay just for you, is that a major warning sign to you? | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:20:59 PM | | In my experience, i don't need a lot of foreplay, though it's appreciated. It's mainly for her, and I have zero problems with that. After all, most times, the chase is better than the catch - so to speak. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:27:21 PM |
Women should stick to thinking about what color to paint the ceiling.
Told you I wanted black with those luminescent moon & stars stick on thingies. You wilted. Maybe I should have been focusing on foreplay and not the ceiling?  | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:29:58 PM | It's not 50/50 or 60/40 or anything like that....
You've all got it wrong...
Foreplay is 100% about her.... AND 100% about him..... If neither of you are giving 100% to your lover.... you're both short changing your lover and yourself.... and the moment.... | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:35:00 PM | | I'm not sure most women are aware of the possibility that foreplay might be appreciated by males. I suppose that could explain why women often complain that men are in hurry to get the show on the road. If a guy is receiving nothing, of interest while he's working to get her in the mood, then he doesn't have a lot of incentive to not get the show on the road. Right off the top of my head, I can't recall a woman ever making an attempt to be very creative in the foreplay department. | |
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Mxchic
| | Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:36:01 PM | | Well, he can focus on me and I can focus on him and when we can't stand the foreplay anymore we get down to business. I guess you do what you need to do to prep for the main course right? Then again, every now and then a guy will come along who has my motor running before we've even touched - now there's some foreplay for ya! Mental! | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:36:19 PM | | My****is hard 24/7 so I really don't need it, and tend to focus on the woman with foreplay. I compare it to starting your car on a cold day, do you put the key in and take off, or get it nice and hot before the race? | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:01:01 PM |
what about the argument that men usually come during intercourse, whereas women usually don't, so it makes sense to focus more on women before intercourse?
Just because I can come during intercourse doesn't mean I have to. How about the argument that if I'm not getting anything while I'm focussing on her, I'm going to be in a hurry to get to the main event?
I've heard that one a few times from men and women. Would be lying if I said I didn't like the reasoning... (selfish person that I am )
The best way to get what you want is to ensure the other person has a lot of incentive to keep doing what he's doing. If you're just lying there waiting for him to get you off, you aren't providing much incentive.
And what about if you're sleeping with someone for the first couple of times? If she doesn't spend much time on foreplay just for you, is that a major warning sign to you?
The older I get, the less tolerant I am of women who lack sensuality and if she doesn't naturally get into doing those things, she lacks sensuality. So yes, if she doesn't spend much time on me AND she doesn't really ENJOY doing it, it's a bust. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:10:34 PM |
Foreplay is 100% about her.... AND 100% about him..... If neither of you are giving 100% to your lover.... you're both short changing your lover and yourself.... and the moment.... I so agree! When giving to the person that you love it should not be about getting your quota of foreplay. It should be about what feels right at the moment. For me pleasing the person I care about is pleasing myself. I think that it is very stimilating when I know I have done something right to please my partner.  | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:14:08 PM | Just because I can come during intercourse doesn't mean I have to. How about the argument that if I'm not getting anything while I'm focussing on her, I'm going to be in a hurry to get to the main event?
Well in your scenario only the man gets off. In mine, both get off. So it seems to me yours would be significantly more selfish than mine.
The older I get, the less tolerant I am of women who lack sensuality and if she doesn't naturally get into doing those things, she lacks sensuality. So yes, if she doesn't spend much time on me AND she doesn't really ENJOY doing it, it's a bust.
I don't blame you for wanting someone who likes to focus on you. But attempting to redefine "sensuality" as someone who enjoys pleasuring you is rather funny to me...
Well that's unfortunate, forums_only... I hope you are no longer with this "him"? | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:18:07 PM | Having been married to a great man I may see this a tad different, because foreplay starts long before one gets naked.It can be sending a love note email, calling and saying you are so looking to seeing each other, smiling, kissing, embracing, a pat on the tush,a great meal, great conversation and maybe a bath together, and candles and the whole ambiance. Then to bed, the floor etc, where things become more 'sexual'.
And there were times Ron had had a more stressful day, and this meant he got way more attention, than I, and that was fine. Foreplay isn't just about the end game. It's about caring about the whole person. | |
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| Should foreplay be equal or mostly about her?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:22:21 PM |
Well in your scenario only the man gets off.
Where did I say that?
But attempting to redefine "sensuality" as someone who enjoys pleasuring you is rather funny to me...
Your misinterpretation of what I said is what's funny to you. | |
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