Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 iliveinpg
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey I was hoping to hear the thoughts of others here.

I'm 24 years old, and I'm really interested in this 18 year old girl. I've known her casually for almost a year. (We worked at the same place, and we both go to the same university. )

I'm pretty sure she's interested in me too, at least a bit. But I know that I'd even be breaking the "1/2 your age + 7" rule, which I've heard is pretty standard. And... I even turn 25 before she turns 19! She gave me her phone number, but we had already known eachother for quite a while when I asked for it, so she may be completely oblivious to my intensions, or she may be waiting anxiously for me to call! I don't know how girls think!

When I was 23, I dated a 19 year old, and it went horribly. But I think that was more that she was a low-quality gal and not a matter of maturity. (Though being 19 didn't help I'm sure.)

That begin said, these are my reasons for telling myself to go for it.

1) She's had some relationships, perhaps even as many as me. (I haven't been with too many girls myself.)

2) She seems pretty mature for her age, which is part of why I'm attracted to her. Of course, she's a gorgeous girl too, which always makes it easy!

3) If I ask myself what I'm honestly looking for, it isn't sex, which is usually what people have a problem with. I'd genuinely like to date her. However I do know that after we were dating for a while, I'd definitely have a hard time holding back from going for a physical relationship as well.

This could be a reason for *OR* against:

4) I don't know if I'll be in the same city in 6 months, so I may never know what may have been if I don't go for it now.

So what does everyone else think? I really want to hear both sides. Hell, even some advice would be nice.

Thanks!
 MandaKay
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 2
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:26:22 AM

But I know that I'd even be breaking the "1/2 your age + 7" rule


What is this rule that you speak of? I have never heard it!

I say....go for it. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. You'll never know until you try. You have 6 months to see if it can work out. Don't let the chance pass you by and then wonder years from now...'could it have worked."

y'all are both young so just enjoy life. If she digs ya, she digs ya.
 iliveinpg
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:34:38 AM
Well, thank you for telling me what I wanted to hear!

Any nay-sayers?
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 4
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:40:23 AM

4) I don't know if I'll be in the same city in 6 months, so...
So it's not going to be a long term thing, is it? Make sure she knows you may not be around in 6 months time. I don't think age difference is a big deal.
 iliveinpg
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:49:06 AM
Well, it'd be hard to see it as a long term thing. If she was 23 or 24 and had dated a lot already and we both really clicked, we could probably make a long distance relationship work, or it might even change my mind and make me stay. But given that she's 18, I wouldn't want to be a "ball and chain" for her while I was living in a different city, nor would I risk giving up a job opportunity for a relationship that is "less likely" to work, so we'd probably have to end it.

But I just want to clarify that, while I don't expect each relationship to last forever, if I'm at the stage where I've conceded that it will end eventually, I'll always end it immediately.

Either way you're right -- be up front about it. Thanks for the affirmative answer!
 Arc0n
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 6
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 1:14:24 AM
Age make a helluva lot more difference when you're in your late teens/early twenties. 20 something + teenager won't work - your differences in life experience are far too great. Do what you will - but I doubt it'd work out, sorry to say.
 coldsky
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 7
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 1:25:52 AM
Age difference isn't the real problem in those kind of situations (within reason of course), personally I would think 18 and 24 is somewhat pushing the envelope, but not completely unreasonable.

However, with that said,

I do believe that it has less to do with your age and more to do with what point of your life you're at.

Examples being, if you were both students, she was 18 and first year college and even if you were 26 on your first of your masters at the university, I'd say it would be alright seeing as you can relate to the point in life you're both at and work together from there, learn from each other and grow as people.

On the flipside of that, say a 29 year old woman with car loans, a house mortgage and a career attempting to date a 22 year old student who lives in a dorm and works at the local coffee house would be a struggle, lifestyles and responsibilities are way off and for far too obvious reasons than I care to list.

Sounds like you two are on a similar road. I think you should go for it, even more so if you may not be there soon. Who knows, this might be one of those things that'll change your life forever.
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:40:29 AM
Trying couldn't hurt, much. It shouldn't take long to determine whether or not there are compatibility issues due to the age difference.
 ImJ9
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:10:08 AM
I say nay nay. Unless she is VERY mature for 18. You'll be sorry otherwise.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 10
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:43:10 AM
Maturity matters more than numbers..............just be sure she is really legal first!
 High.Voltage
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 11
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 4:56:32 AM
As long as its short term it doesn't matter. I only date girls 16-20 and its worked out fine. Just be really sure to use protection.
 Forumhobbit
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 12
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 5:43:46 AM
Under 18 is too young. Over 18.... you're call. just remember.. maturity goes along with that!
 cute_asme
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 13
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 9:58:03 AM
DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! IT WILL NEVER WORK NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY...HARD TO HAVE A REALATIONSHIP WHEN U HAVE MATURITY ISSUES
 Celrian22
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 14
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:28:21 AM
I'd be hesitant only cause she's 18 every situation is different but you've got to make sure you upfront/straightforward, being honest about your potential taking off in 6 months and I've never really thought about the 1/2 your age plus 7 thing... all I know is I like to date somewhat older men simply for maturity reasons among a few other things and I tend to have a 5 year rule... but I extended that to 6 for my ex when I found out he was turning 28 just after I turned 22. So well I'm hesitant to say yes at first cause in my opinion i'd see alot of potential reasons why a relationship with that much age difference could potentially not be a meeting of minds... I say keep it low key not too serious and feel it out. If it works out for the best good for you. If it doesn't... well it wasn't meant to be.
 ohio07
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 15
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:29:35 AM
Well I always thought just after they say " it's a girl!" was a tad too ripe for me... (Ha!) I like to let them get into their 20's at least!
 NerdStatus
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 10:58:25 AM
I fall in the "go for it, as long as you disclose your possible intent to leave in a few months". Many many girls that are that young are only interested in dating short term anyway, and you could be the perfect candidate for her.

The 1/2 your age + 7 "Rule", is hog wash. Quit worrying about what society may or may not think is right for you, and learn what IS right for you. Then you'll know what path to take at all times. That kind of self awareness & confidence is uber-liberating.
 EyesWideOpen66
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 17
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:04:37 PM
Go for it honey! My opinion is that age is an attitude. I try to date people who are at the same stage in their life as me, regardless of actual age. My only "rule" is that he be closer to my age than my Dad's... only because that would creep me out a bit. Though, my Dad would probably find it hilarious (he's weird like that).
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 18
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:19:42 PM
I guess I must be more old fashioned than I care to admit at times...........

There is no way on God's green earth I would have just silently stood by and watched my 18 year old Daughter date someone who was 24 - and I don't care HOW mature my Daughter was.

My 'thing' would be, what on earth would a 24 year old man (?) want with someone barely out of school - and possibly continuing their education

Sorry OP - but I can't support you on this one......................from a Mother's POV

B.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 19
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 12:25:52 PM
Well I don't think at my age dating down a few years even 10-12 is that great a difference...12 is a big stretch....but when you're 22...4 years is big...a lot of maturity is still in the growth process at that time...
jmo,
Irish
 iliveinpg
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:26:48 PM
This is the kind of response I am most concerned with. Most of the time people say, dont' worry about what other people think. But I have to ask myself: if I were here dad, would I be OK with it? My answer is 'no'. But, on the other hand, I like to think I'm a good guy with good intentions.

The things that makes this situation unique, is that I became a grad student after I finished my bachelor's degree. So I have been in school for quite some time. In a lot of ways, I don't really feel any older than I did when I was 20. I haven't found a career yet, and I'm not even quite done school myself.

(I expect to be in 6 months, which is where that timeline came from.)

She's just finishing her first year of school, and I'm just finishing my last year of school.

By the way, I don't think it's old fashioned to think the way you do -- like I said, if I were her dad, I'd be very concerned.

But as for what I want with her -- I want to date her, that's all I know.

And I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm just wanting this conversation to continue, since your response is exactly the one I am most concerned with.

If I knew for sure I'd have a shot to date her 5 years from now, as the gap started to get less significant, I think I could wait, but who knows what'll happen?

I hope I hear more from you, bedroomblue63 -- and thanks for your honesty.
 iliveinpg
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:28:55 PM
that last post was meant to directly reply to the response



I guess I must be more old fashioned than I care to admit at times...........

There is no way on God's green earth I would have just silently stood by and watched my 18 year old Daughter date someone who was 24 - and I don't care HOW mature my Daughter was.

My 'thing' would be, what on earth would a 24 year old man (?) want with someone barely out of school - and possibly continuing their education

Sorry OP - but I can't support you on this one......................from a Mother's POV

B.


And I'm not just looking for support, I'm looking for input. So thanks again for all of yours!
 Herding Cats
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:33:05 PM
I do believe that it has less to do with your age and more to do with what point of your life you're at.

Examples being, if you were both students, she was 18 and first year college and even if you were 26 on your first of your masters at the university, I'd say it would be alright seeing as you can relate to the point in life you're both at and work together from there, learn from each other and grow as people.


I agree with this. My daughter is 20, in University studying to become an RN. Her boyfriend is 26 and works in an autobody shop and just bought a house. They are in different places in their lives and it creates conflict because he's concerned that she's going to move on once she's done school. He has no plans to go anywhere anytime soon.

And he may be right. She wants to do volunteer work in other countries at some point when she's finished university.

I think finding someone closer to where you are in your life is more important than the age factor.
 Helen1967
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 23
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:33:58 PM
It's fine, go for it.

When I was 17, I entered into a relationship with a 26-year-old that lasted 3 1/2 years, for most of which we lived together, and left both of us with lovely memories. No regrets, and to this day I feel enriched by all that we learned and felt together, and I'm sure he does too.

Hope you have somewhere remotely near as good an experience!

And, of course, definitely tell her about the uncertainty of your future location. But I'm sure you would do this with a person of any age; you're pretty conscientious or you wouldn't even be asking about the age matter.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:39:31 PM
As a general rule you can use the 10% rule.... that is you should not date outside of 10% of your age... so at the start most people should refrain from even considering a permanent relationship until at least 25... apply 10% so at 30 your range is +/- 3 years at 50 it is +/- 5 years of your age
 elsbethlette
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 25
Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:08:52 PM
People who make asinine rules like this no doubt live exceedingly lonely lives.

My boyfriend is 41. I am 57. We are perfect together.

Its all about whats in your head.

24 and 18 are just fine.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young?