| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 7:43:18 PM | | life was good had the summer of a life time .. Then it all ended so quickly the man I loved left said he would return soon, I havnt heard from him since How canI move forward and get the closure I need.. anyone with some advice please let me know. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:26:43 PM | sleep with me and youll forget allabout whats his name... | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:45:27 PM | Closure...something that we all seek, but rarely obtain. When we do get it, it's often painful, anyway.
Personally, I had to teach myself to stop waiting for closure. I learned that it was one of those "don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to" sort of things, and after enough times of hearing answers I didn't want to hear, I decided that closure really wasn't all that important, anyway.
Make your own closure. The Summer of your lifetime ended, the guy said he'd be back soon, and soon is now long gone. The way to move forward is to make up your mind that this is the way it is and start looking for someone else.
Or you can just wait around a while only to discover that the reason he never came back is because he hooked up with some hot blonde over in California and they now have two kids and a dog.
I say let last Summer go, and go ahead and start working on making sure next Summer is even better! | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:21:51 PM | hi OP
is closure neccessary for a bright future?
as already mentioned by others, closure may not happen and waiting for it to eventuate means putting your life on hold. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:46:17 PM | Hi Op...the only closure you will ever receive is the one you give yourself...please try and move on ...many people are just simply not going to give you closure and even though it's hard to accept, you need to live with it and move past it. Especially if he did something that he feels guilty or bad about, he won't give you that closure...you really have to give this to yourself and don't depend on it from him.
You will get over it, trust me...We all depend on others to help us find some finality to something but it doesn't always happen that way, so try and find a way to accept it's over and don't look back.
good luck | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:50:14 PM | A good friend severed all contact with me recently. She was more than just a good friend though. There was GF potential in her I saw. Anyway, I dunno what happened but she just cut me off completely. I wanted an explanation (for closure's sake) so I called her and we talked for over an hour.
It was my closure, but I still am hurtin' over the fact that people commit far greater offenses in the past and have always been given a 2nd chance. She ended the phone call with a dry "I hope your future is.... rosy and bright" *click*
It was pretty damn disheartening, although I have no regrets on asking for a reason. Better to know IMO than always left wondering WTH happened.
I'm trying to get over losing this close friend (we talked everyday and about any and everything)... heck, part of me is hoping she'll forgive me after a while and at least casually communicate with me again. I won't hold my breath though, and I just need to occupy myself with other matters, otherwise I will go insane.
OP, best to just be productive and make the most of your time. See old friends, get out of the house, do volunteer work, maybe join a class that always fascinated you but you never got around to doing (i.e. a dance class), exercise, rediscover an old hobby, pick up a new one... etc.
Good luck. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:56:27 AM | | It sounds like OP, your break up was sudden and you did not expect it, more so ... there was not closure between both of you. I understand where you are... it seems like logic is telling you that you should move forward but y0u can't. I had similar experience at your age. What has helped me, is writing my journal, how I feel about things and I did not rush the process. It took me at least a year, to come to terms with closure, but it isn't something you can rush. I used to have dreams about him, in those dreams I was doing the 'closure' with him. I suggest to listen to your intuition and learn what were the lessons with him? Simply take your time. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/30/2009 6:34:06 AM | Take a deep breath and let the hope of the guy go! Move on with your life and find happiness within yourself so that you can be happy with others. Enjoy the memories you made with him but know that you will make new memories with someone who actually loves you too. Life is full of beginnings and endings we just have to learn to let the endings go....
It will get better with time. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:22:01 AM | Don't seek closure from another.
Draw closure for yourself. Pull back all control and feel empowered. Don't hand over all control to another for when you do; game over. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:01:50 AM | The only person you need for closure is you. It takes alot of self-honesty, but you were there, you know what happened and all of the answers are inside of you.
When you ready, you will give yourself closure. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:19:14 AM | closure? People who lose a child through kidnapping and need to know twenty years later need closure. You had a fling. Once you clearly define it in your head as that, and not a relationship with a future that ended suddenly, it doesn't need closure, it had pre-closure, it was closed before it even got started. Reframe each day as a fling day, one that made great memories rather than something that is a foundation for the rest of your life. "Summer of a lifetime" makes it sound like this is the last great time you'll ever have.... that'd suck. Think of yourself as a lifetime adventuress, this is one chapter of a lifetime of great stories and you have many chapter left to write about yourself. Seek out a new adventure, not necessarily romantic.
Also, keep in mind that the brain has a nasty habit of getting addicted to the presence of others. You have some chemicals which he excited and your brain is trying to find a way to get you back with him by forcing you through withdrawl symptoms which are pretty miserable to experience. The cure is endorphin creating activities. That means exercise. join a softball team, or bowling league for people interaction that is not work related and take a walk or ride that bike at the times when you used to have sex. Whatever you do, don't turn to food, booze or other consumables, stick with activity and people. And forget about closure, it's not really needed in this case beyond a couple of fun rituals like burning a few mementoes or playing a harmless prank on him or having the sisterhood over for card games, booze and chocolate (perfectly fine in this case, but never alone when heartbroken) and great music. Get rid of the music that makes you cry and embrace dance and laughter and just leave him behind. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/31/2009 12:32:31 PM | be thankful for what you did have. some don't have that.
and maybe he did what he could. not everyone is good at or capable of communicating.
and when a door closes, another one opens. just like that. fish have soooooo many opportunities. you've been hit on practically before you finished writing.
things evolve.... sometimes not where one thinks they're headed or where they'd hoped, but go forward. it's all about attitude. your joy will be your closure. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:52:53 PM | | closure..........go buy a new outfit or a pair of shoes.......go to a club with some of your girlfriends and get drunk.........go home with some random loser and have sex. that will be all the closure you need. lol | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:08:04 PM | | Perhaps an email or phone message asking for what you need................closure, or better yet an explanation. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:12:10 PM | One of the things that always takes us aback when this sort of thing happens is that it seems so out of character for the person we were with to behave like this. One minute that person is the loving, kind, genuine, honest, sincere, etc etc person that we have come to know (we think!) and love. Then, silence, coldness, darkness. They've gone. No communication. So unlike them, we think. But is it? A person can only keep up a pretence of being what they are not for so long. Sooner or later their true character comes out. So when they simply disappear out of your life without any communication or consideration for your feelings, or for that matter, the common courtesy of letting you know, this is their true personality coming through. Had they genuinely been the person you believed them to be, they would not have behaved like this.
Thought of like that, you can have closure by realising that the person you thought you knew never really existed. They were a fiction. And you have had a lucky escape, since you wouldn't want to be with the person they have now revealed themselves to be.
Hope this helps. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:32:26 PM | Closure. Good luck with that. I think that the only way both people in a failed relationship get closure is if it was a mutual decision to end the relationship. The person who chooses to end things (the dumper) has a long time to find closure. Usually, the day of the dumping when he/she finally gets the courage to do "the deed" is when they attain their closure.
The dumpee usually has no choice and always has issues of "why?" and "wtf?" Of course, the dumper usually will not disclose their reason for the dumpage... unless they give the old adage, "it's not you, it's me".
I have many fantasies of attaining closure.... usually they involve an ant hill & honey, a mob hit or (the ultimate) a hunky, younger new boyfriend. The first 2 would probably get me in trouble. Anyone care to assist me with that 3rd issue? | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:51:05 PM | Wow, well said. I keep trying to tell myself that, and someday I hope I'll listen.
I was married to an ***hole for 11years. Met a wonderful man who said the right thing. Touched me the right way and loved me even better. Never thought I would be able to give my heart to someone again; but I did. It all ended abruptly one day, the clues were there; I see that now. Just didn't want to see it then.
If I knew it would end would I have done it. No way!! Am I happy I had what I had..........hell yeah!!!!
Cherish what you had, move on. The best is yet to come. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:54:58 AM | | You unfortunately have gotten your closure .. by him saying he would return soon and you not hearing from him .. he has close the door ..we all look for closure to move on . and usually what we end up hearing we end up not liking anyway...For you it is hard because The act of simply closing the door on something that once created happiness only for a short time.... seems so final and sad ...and by hanging on to the memories it makes it even harder... When one door closes another one opens and thats how you have to deal with it ..you have to let it go and move on ... | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 2:01:05 AM | | Need more info.. where did he go, whats all this about? No offense OP but it sounds more like a plot for a work of fiction than reality. Did he go off to fight in Afghanistan or Iraq? Whats this all about? | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:38:21 AM | you need to close that door yourself. there will always be things you want to say and you can rake over old ground, or put it to rest and move on.
talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words. never make someone a priotrity etc etc.
a great connection does not a relationship make if the effort from both sides isnt there | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 10:36:30 AM | hi xkjoanie
Its three months now,since i underwent heart surgery,my companion for eight years,
dumped me whilst in hospital,did i ever know her,your words have help me thank you. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:15:46 AM | | hi I've been threw similar circumstances with my ex I never did find out why he broke up with me and it ate me up alive he did try phoning me to give me a explanation but by that time I was to mad to hear it and I just told him it was over and done with all you can really do it move on because if they really lover you they would not of walked out on you with out giving you a explanation any real man would of gave you closure. its been 3 months now and I am slowly getting over him time will heal. good luck in the near future I hope this helped. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:22:57 AM | | Some people are great at denying you closure, it's one of those whatcha call'em "mind games"! Don't play that game. Move along, nothing to see here. | |
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 5:22:01 PM | People come into our lives for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. When our needs have been met and/or we've helped someone else and the relationship comes to an end, we must realize that the prayers we sent up have been answered & it is time to move on. As we start the healing process & find closure within ourselves, we need to deal with any baggage before entering into a new relationship. Lifetime relationships teach us lifetime lessons, so what was the lesson your recent relationship was teaching you. You don't know? What would it be like if you did know? Failing to learn the lessons now will set you up in repeating the same mistakes in all future relationships. Successful relationships allow partners to grow individually & as couples & for closure to happen. Good endings mean good beginnings.
Think of another time when you were happy, what was it like then, way before you'd met this person? What was it like 2, 5, 10 years ago? It is said that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends entirely on our dispositions and not on our circumstances and that things are never so bad they can't be made worse. You are in control of your emotions, the "Captain of your ship" so to speak, where are you heading? Are you going to continue to just drift along? If so, why? Remember, we only have a certain amount of moments in which to live, live each day as if it were your last, what would you do differently knowing this? Learn to live in the moment. Let the sad moments run their course, eventually they will be replaced with other emotions, even happiness...
**~Remington55~** 
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| Need closure!!
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:01:54 PM | Hi Lindsay,
So sorry to hear of your sadness. It's hard when you love someone and all of a sudden they leave you and you're left without closure. I had a similar situation happen to me recently. He TRULY was the love of my life, my real soul mate, I know how he felt towards me. We were the best of friends and we were together for 6 years. All of a sudden, he too, was gone, without a clear explanation, and I was like you. Left without closure. It may sound goofy, but if you keep a journal, write about it. Write him a letter, that you'll never send and pour your heart out on paper. I sometimes write poetry re: emotions. It helps me. It may not be for everybody to write about stuff like this, but it helped me, and you asked for advice. I wish you well Lindsay. You may not get over this guy for awhile, but everyday, it gets better. Keep your chin up, and your heart in your possession. Atleast until Mr. Right comes along, and may his first name NOT be Always. God Bless You and good luck!
janeofalltrades37 | |
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