|
|
|
|
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 7:05:48 AM | I'm 23, she's 19...
Michelle got caught sleeping at my house a week ago, and thats not allowed by her parents...i told her i need to fall asleep w/ her in my arms, she said she wont disobey them, so it was mutual breakup...now 2 days ago, after a week, i told her im willing to live w/ it and just see her, not sleep together, and she said she'll think about it. She kissed me and said she loved me.
So yesterday afternoon she says she loves me again. Spring breaks over & she moves back into her dorm room, i go over to suprise her and say hi (cute thing). She refuses to open her door, just keeps saying go away, I said youre breaking my heart please open up. She refused...
Last night after I leave the dorm she removes me from her myspace, puts another guy on top friends list, and shes back "in a relationship" from "single" and he does the same thing and wont respond to my calls/texts now....
I suspect the guy was IN HER DORM when I came, thats why she wouldnt open up
Called a 800-SUICIDE hotline (not suicial, just very depressed) and after a 32 min hold I got pickedup/hung up on....
I want this girl back, she cheated on me 2 weeks into the relationship with her ex-bf, I forgave her and its been good since...dated 5 months. She also cheated on her previous 2 boyfriends...but I think shes changed because she wasnt like this in High school, I thought she could go back to being a good girl like she is.
All my friends are telling me just to give her space and maybe she'll come back...but deep down I want to keep calling, keep texting, and deliver flowers to her work!
Please advise me.... | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 7:27:34 AM | OP, you’re young and I’m guessing (maybe?) this was your first real heartbreak. First ones are painful because it’s a new feeling and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You will get through this but YOU need to take steps in order to make that happen.
Now, why do you want this girl back so badly? She cheated on you, cheated on past boyfriends, and just because you want her to be the “good girl”, doesn’t make it so. Get that fantasy out of your thoughts because she is who she is, and nothing you say or do is going to change that. She’s young and immature and has a lot of growing up to do.
Your attempts to win her back will only make you look desperate and, well to put it bluntly, pathetic. DO NOT call her, or text her, and for the love of God, DO NOT send her flowers! She is not deserving of it and it will only make you feel worse in the end when she does not respond. Gather up your pride and self respect and go have some fun with your friends.
Called a 800-SUICIDE hotline (not suicial, just very depressed) and after a 32 min hold I got pickedup/hung up on....
Good gawwwd…30 minutes on hold with the suicide hotline? I'm relieved to hear that you weren't actually suicidal, but THAT'S really disturbing. Are you sure you didn’t dial the phone company by mistake? Next time you feel like ringing this chick, call up the local chapter for suicide prevention in your area and report this problem to them instead. It will be a much better use of your time and may help some poor soul in the future who really is suicidal and needs immediate assistance. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 7:46:18 AM | No its not my 1st heartbreak, its my 5th. But this 1 is definitely the hardest!
I guess I'll go into work today in 45 minutes...I'll check the post before I leave for work, and when I get home 9:30pm EST | |
|
| |
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:13:21 AM | What is it you're getting out of this relationship? It must be something, otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it.
This young woman's past behaviour will dictate what her future behaviour will be.
I believe in good bye. If someone walks away - let them walk. Appreciate and love them, but don't hold on. They were in your life for a reason, learn from that.
There are no mistakes - only lessons to be learned. | |
|
| |
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:52:53 AM | The only reason you want her back is because your pride is hurt!
You were selfish and expected her to disobey her parents! She wouldnt do that so you break up!
Face it!!
Its over and she can date whom ever she pleases!
I hope she picked a guy who respects her and doesnt make her choose between her parents wishes and his own selfish needs!
You probably couldnt wait to tell her about calling a suicide hotline either! Play that guilt trip card!
Games like that make me so angry!!
| |
|
| |
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 6:16:47 PM | I never told her about the hotline...but my AIM away message is "You know its bad when you call a suicide prevention hotline, are on hold for 32 minutes, then somebody picks up/hangs up on you......message me if ya care, but you wont"
And she messaged me today "you tried to commit suicide??"
but I wasnt there to respond. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:39:13 PM | I responded to her on AIM, while she was on and definitely there, with:
"its apparent that you dont think i deserve an explanation to tell me whats going on, even after you say i always know what right things to say, how we breathe together, and the way you look into my eyes...and yes amanda was right, i did mean compromise on the whole thing when she told you that last week, but i was stubborn and just needed 1 more day to realize it, this would of worked now, we didnt need another 3 years to make it work, so stop saying we should of met in 3 years. so dont act like you care what happens to me now"
and she didnt respond.... :( | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:18:25 PM |
Michelle got caught sleeping at my house a week ago, and thats not allowed by her parents...i told her i need to fall asleep w/ her in my arms, she said she wont disobey them, so it was mutual breakup
I thought she could go back to being a good girl like she is.
So you want her to be a "good girl" but only when it suits you? Oh wait, I get it...you want her to go from being the good girl who obeys her parents to the good girl who obeys you.... I smell a serious control issue.
mutual breakup...now 2 days ago, after a week, i told her im willing to live w/ it and just see her, not sleep together
See what I'm saying? You pushed her to defy her parents, and when she refused, you broke up. (Any possibility that "break up" was your way of making an ultimatum? Were you secretly hoping that she would miss you so much that she would agree to do what you asked?) I'm betting you were expecting her to cave. So when that didn't happen, you feel entitled to make a unilateral decision that the break up is void, and you're unhappy that she's not just sitting around pining for you? You're not a couple anymore...showing up unannounced is just bad manners. People who insist on being let in after they are asked to leave are called stalkers. (I don't think you're being honest about your intentions for going there anyway...the fact that you felt the need to clarify for us that it was a "cute thing" says to me that you're trying to justify why you went there....my money says the true motivation was to check up on her)
Please advise me....
Start to be more honest with yourself and other people.
Start showing more consideration and respect for other people's feelings and needs.
Get a handle on that control issue...it will destroy anything positive that ever finds it's way into your life.
But most of all, if you truly care about Michelle, stop trying to smother and manipulate her. Give her some space, show her that you respect her right to make the decisions she feels are best for her. She's much more likely to find her way back to you if she makes that decision on her own, as opposed to being dragged back.
Best of Luck | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:26:25 PM | One: You're acting like a CHILD! Now, who calls a suicide line and puts it on their AIM message, you obviously wanted her to know, and you obviously wanted to tell her that, and you obviously wanted to guilt trip her into coming back to you. Then, your reply to her was just pushing her into getting back into the relationship that she totally doesn't want, and you pushed her away by saying that she doesn't care, and good for her for not responding. I would've been pretty upset too if a guy pull that kinda thing to me. Very childish, and immature. Good for her.
Two: She cheated on her ex boyfriends, TWO of them. Then, she told you that she loved you and then she went ahead and slept with someone else (or so you suspected), so why do you think she would change? Why do you think she wouldn't cheat on you?
Three: You guys broke up cause she couldn't spend over night at your place. You broke up with her, and you're pestering her to get back together with her. Again, immature. She walked away, respect her decision. She wants to be with someone else, let her be. Remember the reason why you broke up with her. Cause you couldn't stand her not being able to sleep at your place, and what makes you think that you'll be okay the second time around when she's back with you? By the way you're acting now, you'll probably try to guilt trip her into sleeping with you again.
PS: She didn't leave you for another guy. You guys broke up already, so it was her choice if she wanted to be with someone else. Maybe she was done with you for a long time, and that's why she's already in a relationship now. Doesn't mean she left you. She didn't. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:44:52 PM | anonymouslyme,
You're pretty much dead on with everything you said....
I'll give her space and see what happens. How long should I wait before contacting her again? 3 days? a week? 2 weeks? a month??
What if she contacts me in meantime, do I respond? If I respond it'll seem like im desperate and waiting for her though..isnt that a bad thing? So maybe i should ignore her and respond a couple days later?
| |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:40:54 PM | Wow OP, I'm impressed that you are able to admit what was going on. That's a very positive sign. If she has specifically asked you not to contact her again, you should respect her wishes. If not, I would probably write her a letter, apologizing for playing games. Make it clear that you understand that the attempt at manipulation was childish, and wrong. Assure her that you will deal with her in a straightforward manner from now on (and MEAN IT) Let her know that you have an interest in rekindling the relationship, but you will understand and respect her wishes if she isn't interested (again, MEAN IT) Let her know that you would appreciate knowing her thoughts about the letter, when she feels ready to discuss it, and you will wait for her to respond. Then wait and see what happens. Stop checking up on her, stop posting things on IM that are designed to evoke sympathy (btw, girls HATE that....it doesn't make them feel closer to you. It makes them want to get as far away as possible. And it makes it hard for them to respect you as a man)
As far as time frames and whether to respond or ignore any contact from her....throw all that stuff out the window. Stop trying to figure out what to do to "make her think" one thing or another...it's still manipulation. The very best thing you can do right now is BE GENUINE. If she messages you happen to be available, talk to her. But I suggest you try to actually keep yourself busy, as opposed to pretending to be busy. It's much healthier for you. If she messages you and you are busy, get back to her as soon as it's convenient. Isn't that what you would typically do with anyone who's important to you? There's no need to pretend she's insignificant to you....there's no need to pretend anything. Just own the responsibility for having behaved immaturely, and make it a point to stop behaving that way. Offer a genuine apology, keep any interaction straightforward and respectful, and see what happens. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 11:15:42 PM | Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/30/2009 7:05:48 AM
I'm 23, she's 19...
Michelle got caught sleeping at my house a week ago, and thats not allowed by her parents...i told her i need to fall asleep w/ her in my arms, she said she wont disobey them, so it was mutual breakup...now 2 days ago, after a week, i told her im willing to live w/ it and just see her, not sleep together, and she said she'll think about it. She kissed me and said she loved me.
 Consider it divine intervention.  It wasn't ment to be. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:31:51 AM |
I'll give her space and see what happens. How long should I wait before contacting her again? 3 days? a week? 2 weeks? a month??
Try NEVER. Move on with your life, and stop worrying about her.
What if she contacts me in meantime, do I respond? If I respond it'll seem like im desperate and waiting for her though..isnt that a bad thing? So maybe i should ignore her and respond a couple days later?
Worrying about what she might do, and what you should do in response, also points to desperation. Yeah, it sucks being heartbroken but the world doesn't end with one girl who cheated on multiple boyfriends. She's not going to change for you. Move on with your life and stop trying to guilt her into coming back to you ... that's very manipulative and controlling. If she tries to contact you, don't respond. If she's persistent, talk to her briefly after a few months have gone by. Keep it amicable and friendly, but short. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:36:57 AM | | She cheated on you and will no longer answer her door. Move on and PLEASE stop falling hard for every little girl that gives you a bit of attention. 5 heartbreaks by your age, and you call suicide hotlines over some little Bimbo? Toughen up. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:07:45 AM | I talked to her on phone for 50 minutes today. She said shes not dating anyone, and he wasnt there when I went to dorm. She said she was busy studying and scared of how I came up to her room even after she said no she was busy.
She said she put "in a relationship" because shes tired of getting 10 messages a day from guys hitting on her.
I put an away up 2 days ago "You know its bad when you call a suicide prevention hotline, are on hold for 32 minutes, then somebody picks up/hangs up on you......message me if ya care, but you wont"
And she told me she WAS going to give me a 2nd chance...but now because of the away message, and coming up to her dorm room, she is too scared to be with me. She had a friend in 8th grade kill themself, i explained to her I wasnt suicidal just depressed. I lied and said I was drunk when I did that away and I'm never drinking again. She said she can never forget how I scared her by doing those 2 things.
I asked her if she wants time to think, she said no she wants a clean breakup, but we can still be friends she said. She said she'd come over tonight for 2 seconds to give my stuff back, I said no make it in a few days, because I'd rather see her when shes more calm.
She also said today on the phone that she loves me, but again, too scared to be with me now.
I asked if I sound stupid/desperate...she said yes. She ended the call by saying she has to go to class, which is a lie because her classes are all done in the morning...
What do I do now? | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:27:08 AM | The same thing happened to me recently, thought everything was great, was planning on visiting her for spring break (I mean she wanted me to visit baaadly, or so she said). Right before I was about to leave, she started ignoring my calls, wtf? My heart dropped when I saw her status messages on myspace, I knew she'd found somebody else. A week later, she ended out relationship on facebook, didnt say anything to me in person or the phone. Sent her a message asking what was going on, and she just responded that she found somebody. After that she finally answered my one call, it was tough and I should have said a lot of things but didnt/couldnt. I was wrecked after that, and finally sent her a loooong message stating how I felt, and by God did that help me! The next day I also went and visited some college friends and partied it up a bit! That helped even more! I still think about her, but my heart is no longer heavy.
I have a feeling she dumped one guy to be with me, and then left me in an instant to be with somebody else. Some girls are just ****es and heartless like that, even though she's getting older and wants to settle down, she still wants to search for the greener grass.
Tell her how you feel, and tell her to fcuk off, you didnt ask for it and if she's not heartbroken neither should you! | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:32:07 AM |
I asked if I sound stupid/desperate...she said yes. She ended the call by saying she has to go to class, which is a lie because her classes are all done in the morning...
What do I do now?
We've already told you. Stop trying to keep in contact with her, and MOVE ON.
You've scared her through your actions, and you're still trying to manipulate her with lies in an attempt to get her back ... which is NOT going to work. Walk away NOW ... there is nothing you can do to "fix" anything. The harder you try, the worse you are going to make things. The ONLY chance you have at rekindling a romatic relationship with her, IF at all, is by putting a lot of distance and time between you and by working on your own self-destructive behavior.
And, to be brutally honest with you, she's probably lying through her teeth about not being in a relationship, if you know she's lying about other things.
No matter how many times you ask us, the answer is going to be the same ... move on and learn from this. You cannot control the path she takes, and running after her is only going to push her farther away. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 12:35:21 PM | | Sorry Sweetie, but it sounds like she's done here. You guys are both very young, and both made some mistakes in this relationship. We all do, so try not to beat yourself up, or hold onto hostility towards her over it. We screw up, we learn from it. It's part of the growth process. She's asking for a clean break, you have no choice but to accept that. Try to do it as gracefully as possible. She's telling you she wants to remain friends, but I don't think you're in a very good spot for that at this point. There are still too many feelings right on the surface. You need some time and space to get your focus off her and onto something that makes you feel good. (Besides, if she lied about having a class, that's not a very cool way to treat a friend, true?) Let her come get her things and wish her the best. Make it brief and business like and try not to fall apart while she's there. (if you need to later, that's ok....it's extremely hard to let go of something we wanted so badly, and it's a normal reaction.) Make it clear to her that you need some time before you can look towards a friendship with her, and tell her that you'll let her know if/when you get to that place. Then throw yourself into something new. Take a boxing class, learn to play an instrument...you know, something totally new that adds another facet to who you are, and keeps your mind occupied. There will be another girl hon. Just make sure you learn what you need to from this experience so you don't have to repeat the lessons. I know it's hard, but you'll get through it. I wish you the very best. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:35:43 PM | | This girl is not worth your time or love. Get over her! The thing about cheaters, if they've done it before they will most likely do it again. Spare yourself the heartbreak and the STDs that come from her cheating. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:36:51 PM | I just wrote this letter... hows it sound?
"I'm sorry for scaring you, for acting desperate, for making it seem like something is wrong with my head, but this is how serious you are to me. Maybe it's foolish or rash of me to say it, but I want to be by your side until the day I die. I want to give you everything I can give you, do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman alive, and the thought of not being able to be the one to do that, to see someone else do it for me, to not have you near me ever again, to be your friend and have to hold back all the love I feel for you, it drives me crazy, it makes me lose sight of it all. The past months with you have been beautiful, wonderful, more so than I could ever imagine, and I would be honored to spend many more years like those with you. If you want to wait, if you want to think about it, I'm willing to wait, willing to be patient and understanding, but know that no matter what I love you.I never want you to be afraid. The only thing I'm afraid of is not having you in my life, and if I did anything to push you out of it, anything to make you walk away, forgive me, and know that I want to fight to make everything right, to make you feel not just loved, but wanted, respected, honored, cherished, safe, protected, and happy" | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:44:41 PM |
omordako wrote: I just wrote this letter... hows it sound?
It doesn't matter how it sounds, it's not going to convince her to come back to you. The best thing to do is burn the letter. Writing letters and burning them can be very therapeutic. | |
|
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:51:25 PM | | Sounds like a relentless stalker....THIS WILL NOT ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU"RE HOPING FOR. It will only reinforce her feelings of being smothered, and push her further away from you. It sounds more desperate than anything I've ever heard. It DOES NOT i repeat NOT come across like a sweet expression of honest heartfelt love. It's pushy, and WAY over the top. Put it in a drawer and read it again in a week, see what you think. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
