jdmfa5
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Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:41:12 AM | | ok so .. i decided to post this here, maybe have some luck on answers. I was dating a girl for 4 years .. we broke up back in september 08 for reasons unknown at the time. I was heart broken, but decided it was best to try and move on. Her best friend (at the time) was helping me out, but she was also filling me in, saying that she had a boyfriend or was talking to someone and whatnot. I was even more crushed after hearing this, so i decided not to try and contact her for a bit, and go from there. Now dont get me wrong here guys, but 2 years ago, she decided that she wanted to convert to celabacy (sp?) .. so I agreed with no hesitation, an just like that, no more sex .. which I was completely content .. so hearing this from her friend seemed so surreal. Long story short, her friend was telling her I was talking to other girls .. and about 3 months ago, she was caught red handed and now me and my ex are talking again (as friends) We were talking about trying to work things out, but she kept saying that here "feelings" she had were not there anymore. I told her that feelings dont just go away, because i was still and I still am in love with here. Now she told me we werent going to get back together about a month ago, and said she was going to stay away from hanging out with me, and our friends. So i agreed , yet I was dissapointed. What gets me though, is that very same night, she wanted to see me .. and we have been talking and hanging out every single night now, and sometimes, we talk about us(but nothing serious) and she still flirts with me like non other (holding hands and holding my arm etc..) What should I do? I have had plans to buy a house when we settled down, I had an account I didn't tell her about , but she now knows, and that really stuck inside her head because she knew i was serious. Should I continue to keep as friends and hope for "feelings" to come back? I can already see that they are. i know this is a lot of reading, but any info will help. Thanks :) | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 4:51:17 AM | | I wish answers always came from the perspective of a stranger. Often we ask questions that we already know the answer to, and usually the help and advice we seek we already know. The choices and the paths we take we already have set. You know you have to talk to her, you know you need a final answer and you know you have to find the proper time to ask it. You know if you try to force a decision from her she may run. You already know you just have to keep seeing her and let it work its self out... Good Luck. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 5:59:20 AM | first of all, that mutal "friend" should be dropped off a very high cliff!
Riding both sides of the fence like that is NOT kewl!
ok..so you are still in love with this girl and she told you her feelings arent the same for you.
You insist on being friends with her so she will take advantage of that. Use you when she needs you , keep you on the back burner..but she will remain single so she can still play the field.
Then if you do get yourself into a stable situation (buy your house) there is always a possibility of her digging her fingers in, to gain some of that stability only relize that she still needs something else in her life and she leaves again with half your house!
Of course this is only a scenerio, but it is something to think about! | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:51:06 AM | | Personally, who knows what she's doing. I wouldn't buy the celibacy garbage either. Boy girl friendships are difficult to maintain as one of them winds up wanting more. Here's my advice: End the relationship and the friendship. Tell her you're not willing to be just friends and if she's not interested in a "real" relationship that you're moving on and can't be friends because you obviously have feelings. That was easy :) Hmm no more sex huh? That's REAL easy. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:57:11 PM | | what you need to do is grow a set of balls and drop this loser or she will drop you in the sh!t again. for some reason or another you are way too blinded to even be able to see that. take a step back and look at the big picture dude!! | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:20:52 PM | jdmfa5 , come a little closer to the monitor so I can slap you upside the head * smack*
In all seriousness, anyone of us can tell you what to do, why because were not emotionally involved , we might share our experiences but it boils down to, you dont need or want to hear the truth or advice.
You want to hear validation and support that if you stick around things will work out, and you will live happily ever after
Time to wake up bud, you cant force someone to change their feelings, she either has it or she doesnt, whats she's doing is playing games with you, which down the road will f*ck you up even more.
Speaking from experience I can tell you nothing good comes from hanging on to a faint hope, she made up her mind, your relationship is toxic, and she's playing you like a violin in a concert.
What you need is to let her go, and if you cant get professional help in dealing with it, if youre not capable of dealing with this on your own. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:33:34 PM | NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have no cantact with her at all !!
OP.....i'am twice your age so i can say this.....your 22 and a GREAT LOOKING GUY,
spend the money on a sports bike ,like a honda or whatever make of bike you like,
it will give you years of pleasure instead of the misery and confussion this little girl
is trying to force upon you ....THE..MY..RULES..YOU ..MUST..LIVE..BY........
Theres a lot of good advice why you should slam this door on her !
Oh ye....theres always the new...thou shalt not rules............cant forget those.
vince | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:29:36 AM | | move on! if she really wanted to be with you she would be! regardless if she left you for celebacy or another man, you are going to hurt yourself so bad hanging on to someone who does not show the same feeling! find someone who will feel for you like you feel for them! ive been through this, its a waste of time! she is not going to change her mind! let her loose, being friends with her will not help you now! it will just keep your feelings longer! good luck. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:19:07 AM | DANGER WILL ROBINSON ..... DANGER ....
dude take those "feelings " out the back, behind the shed dig a big hole and shoot em .. this woman is only after one thing ... and it aint your dinga ling .. just think mate 2 months down the track when you've bought YOUR house and she has a toothbrush in it .. then she reckons "hang on those feelings i had are gone again " guess who loses half a house ??? what you need to do princess ,is get a can of harden the fo0k up ... oh yeah and nail her mate the chick thats floating between the two of you cause you can bet your bottom dollar bud ,that she aint looking out for your best interests ,, who's best friend is she again ?.... think about it man ... | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:32:37 AM |
she decided that she wanted to convert to celabacy
This was your clue that the relationship was over. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:41:05 PM | | Of course shes hesitating about you when you go chumming with her best friend who was 'spying' on her to give the juicy info back to you as soon as you guys break up. Shes obviously still into you even if it is not as much as before. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:55:11 PM | | You should just forget about her and move on. Don't even try to be friends at this point because you need to heal. Just break all contact with her and focus on bettering yourself. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:13:48 PM | | I can see this is a situation that is confused by the actions of the so-called friend. Still, one has to wonder why she listened to this friend. I can understand you were both young and naive and you didn't know any better, but at least she should have known what kind of person her friend was. I have no idea what your ex-girlfriend's motivation is now. The celibacy thing is odd but it may be her way of coping with what she perceives as pressure from men. If she does get involved with other men in a physical way, then it's clear she wasn't interested in you in that way. She has honestly said she has lost feelings for you so she's not trying to pretend. She now realises you were serious but that may not bring any feelings back. You've already told her how you feel, so I think the best thing would be to distance yourself from her now and let her decide whether to come to you. If there truly is anything there, she will come back in some form, but it might just mean she misses the friendship - it's very difficult, how can you tell? If she wants to spend more and more time with you alone, then it's possible that she might have had a change of heart. If she wants to hang out with you but still doesn't want more than friendship, then you need to decide whether you can bear to keep her in your life. It may just prolong the agony and prevent you from clearing your head and moving on. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:07:42 PM | | If she's playing all these emotional games with you, then she's not ready for stability (you) in her life right now. She doesn't know what she wants. You can't help her figure it out. She has to do this on her own. Otherwise, she'll blame you when things don't go right in her life. You need to stop all contact with her for at least 2 months. Why remain friends? Are you afraid she'll find someone else? GOOD. then she wasn't the one for you. You deserve someone who appreciates you.... and this chick doesn't. i'd say you should remain friends when both have moved on emotionally. | |
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| What should I do?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:55:01 PM | OP,
I posted this in another thread, but it bears repeating:
One of the ways I have at gauging if I'm ready to be friends with an ex is to know that I'm indifferent to them. I still care, and I want them to succeed in life, but the feelings of love / hate / lust / resentment have subsided and I can deal with my ex on a purely platonic level. If my heart still skips a beat when I see them, or I think "that b***h" when they're in view, then clearly I've not healed up enough to deal with a friendship yet. After enough time has passed and I've healed up, I'll see if they want to maintain a friendship.
You were not EVER ready to be friends with her, and you're new emotional vulnerability gives her plenty of leeway to play with you. She's not ready for stability and commitment and I think she's playing with you until the next best thing comes along.
BTW...no contact means no contact. That also means no websites, blogs, and especially reports from the field if you can possibly avoid it. Been there, done that.
Paul ;) | |
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