| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:19:54 PM | In all my other breakups, it was almost always amicable and we went our separate ways. There was occasionally some drama later on, but generally I've stayed on good terms with my other ex's. The last one however, she ripped my heart out without saying a word. Met somebody else, started ignoring my calls (we used to talk 1-2 times day, for hours at a time (long-distance relationship)), and the only way I really found out was when she ended our facebook relationship. I sent her a message asking what was up, and she just replied that she met somebody new and was happy. This was also the time we had talked that I would come down and visit her for spring break!  She did answer my call that day and it was a rough convo, and I pussied out and didnt say what needed to be said and made it even worse for ME. Needless to say, I was crushed like I had never been before. The next week or so was hell on me. I tried to call her twice and try to get some closure, but nothing.
I wound up typing her a long message on facebook since I didnt have her address with me. Told her exactly how I felt about how she treated me (she also did the whole ignore thing last year due to other issues, a few months later apologized and I gave her another chance). I would have never thought it, but putting my thoughts into words helped a lot, and when I clicked Send, a HUGE burden was lifted off my heart.   Fortunately the next day, I was in my old college town and got together with old friends and had a loooong night of partying which gave me plenty of other things to think about! 
She never responded, I'm 99% sure she read it. I wouldnt be surprised if in a few months, she drops the new guy for "greener" pastures, again. I've kinda figured that her "friend" a few months ago was likely more than just a friend, and she dumped him for me. All I can say is I hope this catches up with her in the end, and it wont be nice!
My advice to anybody who gets their heart ripped out, if you get a chance to talk to them in person or on the phone, tell them EXACTLY how you feel! Get it out, if they cheated on you, let them know, if you never want to hear from them again, let them know. They might have broken you down, and you might as well break them down also (I know this may be wrong, but why should you be the only one miserable?). If all else fails, apparently putting your thoughts to words helps a lot too! | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:02:43 PM | Good for you! Sounds very healthy in my opinion. To get the words out in your heart and and then moving on! 
I have found whenever I have gotten my heart broken, getting my feelings out is very beneficial. I write in journals letters to them (which I never ever mail) too.
Once you feel you have passed over the fear of looking bad to them, it is a pretty awesome and liberating feel.
Try replacing the thought of her with something else any time she comes up in your mind. don't rent her space there very long. There is a whole wide world out there and life to live! | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:21:05 PM | I completely agree! I've just gone through a similar thing with a guy I've been dating for a few months. We were supposed to have had plans and he just didn't show up, no call, no email, no nothing. I still don't know why and that definitely hurts. I do know that journalling certainly helped and I wrote and sent him an email as well telling him how I felt about it.
Karma is exact and never mistaken with it's delivery. I do believe what comes around goes around! | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:27:06 PM | elleshootiger,
Good for you. Putting your thoughts into words is an excellent way to dump your emotions. It's very uplifting.
In time the anger will subside, and you will be able to look back and remember the good things. Learn your lessons, and then move on. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:36:55 PM | Elle,
I'm amazed at how similar our situations are. I was talking with a girl long distance too, and we were talking every day, HOURS at a time, chatting online and on the phone, texting each other throughout the day, she became essentially, a sort of "best friend." Of course, I had strong feelings for her beyond "best friend" as well.
But then I kinda messed something up (this is where your situation and mine differs a bit)... but in all honesty, I don't think the miscommunication warranted her actions toward me (ignoring me, blocking me, completely freezing me out).
Finally last week she called after she missed my initial call. We talked for over an hour and she got everything off her chest. Like you (again) I pussied out and didn't really say the things I needed to say (to defend myself)... I was just completely out of whack and I also had a sore throat... not that that's an excuse... but I was just out of it. She ended the call with a "I hope your future is... bright and rosy" *click*
Completely cold and I remember just thinking, DAMN.
Anyway, I wrote her a letter and I'm going to send that along with the gift that I bought for her to give in June (I'm flying over there in June to see family... and I was originally gonna see her too, but now those odds seem unlikely). In the letter I stated that this is not an apology gift, but the one I bought for her in June and that despite our falling, I still want her to have it... and I expect NOTHING IN RETURN.
I ended the letter by telling her if she wishes never to hear from me again, if that is what will make her happy, I will honor her request.
If she truly doesn't want anything to do with me then -- I will be fine I know it. I got a lot off my chest and I will be ready to move on. I'm going to send the package tomorrow. Wait for her to respond, and whatever she says, I will take it in stride. The phone call did not provide me with closure and I feel there's this bit of unfinished business left with her.
I'm hoping she'll overlook the miscommunication and that we can be friends again, but I won't be holding my breath. I just gotta learn from the mistakes I made and move on and make sure I don't repeat them.
Elle, reading your post here (and in the "suicide" thread) I felt like I was staring into a mirror somewhat, lol. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. Every guy at one point or another goes through a similar situation.
It just makes us that little bit stronger and wiser for our next relationship. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:15:12 PM | | Sure, writing an uncensored letter to someone who isn't in your life anymore is a great way to release your own feelings. I don't necessarily agree with sending it, as it doesn't serve any productive purpose and is often water off a ducks back on the recieving end. Burn, bury or flush it when you're done pouring your heart down on paper. The therapy of writing down how you feel someone did you wrong is more for your healthy healing process, and really who gives a rat's azz about someone who's out of your life. It's good they're gone and I personally wouldn't give them the satisfaction of the courtesy of my deepest hurt. They don't deserve to get that much of me. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:31:04 PM | I knew she wouldnt care, but I was hoping she'd at least give me a response one way or another. Guess you never know how closed-minded and cold-hearted somebody really is till the bitter end, and she complained about how her mom is a narcissist and puts everybody down. Well, at least her mom has the courage to tell you how she feels! I didnt bring her mom up in the message though.
My form of final closure would be to delete her entirely from my life, my phone, and our internet friendships, but since there's a likely chance she will one day try to contact me again, I'd like to leave some room open for friendliness, with a lil bit of revenge on my part.  Plus deleting her would make me look like I'm pissed, I'm not anymore, thanks to her I can now have fun again, and she can deal with seeing me happy with other girls and just enjoying life. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:11:47 PM |
My form of final closure would be to delete her entirely from my life, my phone, and our internet friendships, but since there's a likely chance she will one day try to contact me again, I'd like to leave some room open for friendliness, with a lil bit of revenge on my part. Plus deleting her would make me look like I'm pissed, I'm not anymore, thanks to her I can now have fun again, and she can deal with seeing me happy with other girls and just enjoying life.
Not to sound harsh, but please keep trying to convince yourself ... because your claims aren't fooling others. If she truly didn't matter, and you were really having fun with other girls and enjoying life, worrying about her and/or how she feels should be the LAST thing on your mind.
The whole "revenge" mention gives it all away. Confidence and happiness usually don't intermingle with thoughts of revenge. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:32:05 PM | So she met someone new, faded out of your life, (long-distance relationship), told you the truth about it, and you responded by ripping her a new one on facebook?
And now here you are today, wishing her ill-will, advising others to behave as you did and "break them down also" because the other person should be miserable, too.
I think if she did read your diatribe, it just reaffirmed her decision to end it with you, breathing a sigh of relief.
Sending people nasty notes only makes the sendee glad they're no longer involved with you. And all her facebook friends probably agree.
Your behavior will also catch up with you, too. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:57:34 PM | Do I care that she met somebody new? Nope. Do I care that she cut me off and didnt care to tell me anything, until later when I almost had to drag it out of her? Yes. I've had my heart broken before, but at least it was in person. She, on the other hand, basically told me (on the phone) that she hadnt planned on telling me anything. I'm not sure I would really classify what she did as cheating, but thats probably because I dont "want" to view it as cheating, which it very much was, or at least completely dishonest behavior on her part. Have the courage to break up with somebody before you jump in with somebody else!
BTW the message was completely about how I felt and that I'd appreciate it if she'd have the decency to contact me. I didnt lay into her and make it rude, what would have been the point of going overboard on her when you're trying to possibly salvage a friendship? I wanted to get some closure from her, but instead got it from sending that message, which is probably better than even talking to her. If I would have wanted to tell her to fuck off, I would have just told her to fuck off, capiche? | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:32:05 AM | | Okay it was long distance, and hmmm, I guess I can say some girls are just realy good at being a great friend, be there say the right things and truly care but, maybe you were just realy in need of that friendship part, at least you got that and so you don't get anything else but, hey it's okay rosie palms is always there! Hahahah I know soo evil but, realy just take it as a long distance relationship, I don't think many work out in the end and relationships are hard as it is, so you did pretty good for long distance! | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:06:30 AM | We've known each other for 13 years, met in high school but I was too shy to accept her invitation to homecoming Then she moved away the next year, and years later I found her online. Started talking and hit it off pretty good, saw each other a few times over the last year and talked a lot. We both fell in love with each other almost right off the bat, but due to the distance thing I didnt try to push a relationship, I mean she's finishing school in the next year and was thinking of moving closer to where I live, since her family is around here also. I also had job opportunities where she lived, so it wasnt like either of us was completely tied down. She met my family and they liked her well enough, and while she does have some minor issues (crazy family and kinda short for me lol), she is truly amazing and blew my mind away in oh so many ways.
I was fine with being friends, then she confessed her love for me, sweet, I finally got to say how I felt too lol. While later, do you want to be in a relationship? Yup! Sooooo I thought we were in an adult enough relationship so as not to hide from each other. We did agree that we could talk to other people, and if anything happened to be open about it. Had we stayed "friends" I wouldnt have cared, but dont ask to be in a relationship and think you can ignore your way out of it a few weeks later. Dont keep pressing me about when I'm coming to visit you and profess your love to me one day, then completely ignore me the next day!
I wish I could say we were just long-distance friends, but it turned into way more than that. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:12:43 AM | While I understand that your strategy may make some people feel better. I'd like you to think about this, before you put your pen to paper (or your fingers to keyboard) ask yourself, "is this person really worth my words?"
The last time I wrote an email like that I spent more time feeling bad about myself and my inability to rise above than of what that person thought of me and what that person "did" to me and what impact my letter had on that person. Clearly, had that person really cared about me, he would not have treated me the way that he did. Yet, I had to send that zinger and for what? He didn't care, he was on to his next one before he ever left me. Just like your little sweetheart. My only regret is wasting my time and my words on him.
Clearly, this girl was a coward and not a very nice person and left you hanging, but the energy you expended writing this purge letter would have much better spent healing yourself in a positive way.
I made a vow to myself that I would not waste one more second of this precious life on someone who thought I was disposable, who had so little character and integrity and thought I should stand in line for him. No. Nope. No Way. When someone leaves you, let them leave as a matter of fact, do yourself a favor and hold the door for them. And do NOT waste your WORDS or your TIME on someone who is clearly not deserving of it. | |
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| Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart?
Posted: 4/3/2009 5:28:36 PM | | I appreciated reading your response. I am trying to learn how to be positive about losing the love of my life. You are right that if he cared about me, he would never have treated me this way. I sent an email when we parted and never got a response. Just proved that he didn't care about my feelings. I need to stop wasting anymore time pining away for someone who could care less if I live or die. Never make someone a priority who only make you an option. I keep saying this over and over. | |
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