| A vignette of contem
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:59:53 AM | Please do not be thrown by my author's name listed above, Contempt. It is being used to emphasize the vicious contempt I experiened with a woman who was totally oblivious to the basis of a relationship; compassion, kindness and respect regardless of whether or not one is in love with another.
Like many relationships the beginning of ours was marked by a honeymoon period and good vibes. However, after approximately six months into our relationship I came late to her apartment one day and she began to scream and rant for over six hours about how I did not care for her, presenting all sorts of petty and irrelevant "evidence" to support her beliefs. All attempts to convince her otherwise were unsuccessful. In fact the tenacity and conviction of her accusations were such that it appeared that she crossed the border from normalcy to a delusional state. My perceptions were reinforced due to the fact that the following day she behaved as if nothing ever happened and she was smiling and loving as usual. My attempts to discuss the previous days occurrence were met by indifference. I believe that she was engaging in "splitting", the act of unconsciously splitting, seeing me on one day as all bad while the next as all good. Due to our having a history of six months togetther and the fact that I did care for her I decided to stick with the relationship fully aware of what I was getting into.
Time passed and on at least six other occasions she let loose with similar raving verbally abusive attacks. In hindsight I should have moved on but due to the nature of my work, which is extremely taxing and psychologically draining, I was too inert and passive and did not move on. In the interim this woman would engage in provocative actions such as disappearing at a store during a snow blizzard, making hostile comments about my personality or how I carried a newpaper under my arm and canceling dates at the last minute without any concern about its impact on me. In fact when I purchased a beautiful pendant for her birthday, one that she indicated she desired, she subsequently stated with contempt that I did not really want to buy it for her. In short I could never satisfy this person. Most recently after I spent the entire day with a dying man who did not have any family at his side, I unfortunately went to this woman's apartment for solace. After dinner she indicated that she wished to go for a walk. When I responded that I would prefer to just sit for awhile, she went into another verbal rampage lasting five or so hours. Due to the fact that I was numb from being with this dying person I was not able to physically remove myself from this woman's apartment but (foolishly) stayed. However, the following morning I spoke with her regarding our plans to go on vacation together the following week (she was to call the travel agent to make the plan but did not) and indicated that perhaps she really did not wish to go, which I fully understood and that we should take separate vacations. In fact I was saying goodbye but she did not make the connection because she responded "Where are you going"? I responded that she didn'tt have to worry because I will be OK and she retorted "I am going with you". However prior to leaving her apartment to go to work she told me that she was not certain what she wanted in life and would prefer a 'wild man" (she is a 35 year old woman who has never had a relationship with any man lasting more than three months and tended to "date" three to five man at any given time, a fact I discovered after our split).
So she contacted me latter at work and I was unavailable so she left a message on my answering machine that IF I din't answer her message she would never call me again. In turn I did not respond to this message, went on vacation by myself (met two very
nice and attractive women) and when I returned had a friend contact her to return her clothes that she had in my apartment. In the interim she left a number of messages on my answering machine indicating that there was no need for ending our relationship in such a way BUT I did not return these messages even though I still cared for her. However, I did write a farewell note wishing her and her family the best in life which my friend handed to her when she came to pick up her clothes. However, I then started to receive hangup calls, holiday cards and then a direct call when she thanked me for having the most significant impact on her life and that her body was looking hot and that she missed making love to me. When I responded that I too needed someone to have an impact on my life and that she was abusive she responded that nothing could hurt her self-esteem to which I responded that was not my intent but to be truthful. Based on her call I sent her a second letter making it clear that I wished to have no further continuity with her because I did not respect or like her as a person and that she should "have some self respect and move on like a lady". However, this past week, almost a year latter she left a message on my answering machine indicating that she would "love to have a happy ending with me" because she did not'feel "happy or complete" the way we ended. I did not return her call and do not intend to although it is painful for me to treat any person this way. I believe that her intentions are disingenious because I did not have a happy beginning or middle phase in this relationship so how am I going to have a happy ending? Just wished to share my experience and thoughts. Thanks for your "ear" guys. | |
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