| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:30:51 PM | I was accused on cheating on my Bf, who is deployed, not true but we need help!
My BF is currently in Iraq. We do talk few times a week by e-mail and unfortunately our phone calls are limited. Over the course of the last 3 weeks our relationship clearly progressed and we started talking about our future together and starting a family when he gets back. He said he saw some very taught things there and wants to be married and have kids.
Now, someone e-mailed him that I have been cheating on him in the last 2 months. He forwarded this e-mail to me. It comes from unindified individual. Cheating was never an issue in our relationship neither on my part or his. None of us have done it before in prior relationship. It was an unexisting issue for us. I am saying we are not chaters.
Many may say if he trust you (that he does) he needs to believe you. However, I can't see him right now, and phone calls are verfy limited with a poor connection. The important detail that I know he is physically and mentally worned out. It is taught out there. Those news destroys him (even if it is BS).My sweetie is a strong man but vonurable at the moment.
P.S as someone already noticed... He knows from day #1 that I do forums here but never really cared. What he knows about are all mu church activities (I am very active there). He got the message that it is a guy from the church I messing around with
How to put his mind on ease? | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:38:17 PM | Yes I am ESL. My point is that he is at war and doesn't need this sort of false info. Venues of communication are limited. He is very vonurable now physically and mentally. I bet he heard about a proper share of "dear john letter".
How to comfort him? It is not a regular situaton when we can meet and the man is all clear. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:41:03 PM | First off.... you showing compassion and understanding in knowing his stress level is the BEST thing right now. I will tell you right now how much I admire what you even said in your validation of that.
The best thing you can do is do things like 'care packages' if they are able to receive them (though I know how long it actually takes for them sometimes to get them) and just keep communicating over and over again with him. Just keep a cool head about you with all of this. Your steadfastness toward him will eventually calm him down as much can be for the level of stress he deals with over there.
Also....the best way to avoid him having doubt is to not give him reason TO have doubt. It's quite possible that your 'unidentified source' could have been filling his head with you being on a site like this. And while I know some are able to do this and have mates, and are strictly here for forums and whatnot.... you have to understand the 'nature of the beast'. So, what I would ask yourself is...."is the entertainment provided in such a place like this WORTH the insecurity of your man???" I know that people want to have their rights to do what they wish.... BUT... I still contend that in order to have the most SECURE relationship with somebody, it means sometimes sacrificing things that, in the scope of it all....really aren't important at all. I hope that makes sense. Who knows what the idiot is saying to your man. I'm not suggesting you have to live like a hermit.... but just make sure that you've got all your bases covered.
Best of luck.....he's a lucky guy...
and please send him my thanks for protecting me.......
peace | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:42:45 PM | The best thing you can do is try to assure him that the email was untrue and that when he gets home you can talk about it.
~Tyler | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:58:04 PM | | If anyone would sent such stuff to my fiancee I would be devasted. For her and me. I know you move in the right direction. Just send him a nice e-mail and be sincere. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:02:21 PM | Is this the same man in the military who would not give you his address for care packages?
(I think I remember that from earlier threads)
who is talking about marriage and having kids? HIM or You
I personally think he has too much on his plate to try to deal with a relationship. If I were you I would give him space. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:00:23 PM | The same man who didn't want to give me address as well as to other family members because he just didn't need anything from other people. I am thankful that his sister explained it to me.
Yes it is HIM who is talking about marrige and kids due to the fact that he generated some life-changing experinces by now.
He has space and I am pleased with him very much so. However, there was the false accusation and I do not know how to comfort him. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:05:04 PM | He has space and I am pleased with him very much so. However, there was the false accusation and I do not know how to comfort him.
Nurse's we're built for this my dear~ he'll be fine.
You know, this man may not realize how *fortunate* he is right now.
OP~ send him a letter or perhaps even call and explain. The situation [being at war] that he is in right now may be the issue. Good luck to you.  | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:09:00 PM | | It would stink enough for me if someone would do so when he was home. But because he is at war I see it as the hit below the waist. E-mail communication is not effective as face to face. I know how tireds he is physically and mentally. I know most of us heard about "dear john letter". When he was deployed first time his frined got one and it just destroyed him on the spot..... | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:24:43 PM |
I was accused of false cheating.....
I understand that this is a serious topic here, however, OP.....what the hell is false
cheating ? | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:30:09 PM | Something is way off here. Waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy way off.
From all of your other drama filled posts about this "relationship"...
He wouldn't let you have his address to send a care package.
You fought before he deployed.
You weren't exclusive "for long time" but then definitely WERE boyfriend/girlfriend before he left.
You wanted to find out on the forums how to get him to send you flowers for Valentine's Day since someone else with a boyfriend in Afghanistan had received them and he should be able to send something to you as well... Even though you don't really need that kind of thing and don't campaign for it. Then you said the VDay gift was sent to the wrong house and you did get it later... And were very happy... For a minute.
Then you're suddenly about to be diagnosed with cancer and wonder how to tell him because you feel he should be there for you even if he's on the other side of the planet fighting a war.
Then you suddenly post a profile picture after saying before you weren't because of your "relationship".
And now... Some anonymous trouble maker has told him you're cheating.
My spidey senses are rarely off and I honestly think that you should go and talk to a professional. Something is very, very wrong here.
Good luck. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:31:20 PM | J. give her a break..... She is trying to say that she was falsely accused of cheating....
Come on...the village idiot could figure that one out. And as someone that has also been falsely accused, I can empathize with her...
OP... just hang in there..... He will come to the realization that he has someone that he can trust and count on....
And when you do email him..... Send my thanks also....
Sugar | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:32:34 PM |
I know most of us heard about "dear john letter". When he was deployed first time his frined got one and it just destroyed him on the spot
Having received one of those letters while I was in, back in the dark ages before email, etc, I can vouch for their devestating effect on troop morale. Not just the recipient but those closest to him in the foxhole as it were.
My suggestion is to "pen" a letter and mail it to him. There is a GREAT psychological impact being able to hold it in your hands and reading how much the sender cares. Emails don't compare, some how they aren't as real. Stick to him, and tell him everything. Be honest, be compassionate, and try to understand that he is isloated from everything he cares about.
If you plan to marry him in the future, conduct your life that way now, while he is away. No dinners with men, nothing that gives the idle something to yap about. Giving the benefit of doubt to the original writer of the letter, I suspect they think they saw something that your soldier needed to know, so told him.
While the military affords our enemies the opportunity to die for their cause, it is an unfortunate fact, that sometimes our troops die for our causes as well. I mention this because he wakes each morning facing that fact, and the stress of that is indescriptable to those who have never faced it.
Thank him for his service from me and mine, we'll keep him and you in our prayers. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:41:03 PM |
Something is way off here. Waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy way off.
It appears that H.Cats has quite a large mound of evidence that this OP may not be as much of a problem as it was made out to be. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:44:34 PM | Herding has it dead on.
As SOON as I saw the username, I knew it was gonna be more drama.
Ok...so... OP..... last month you were probably dying from cancer.... and...what.. not even 30 days later now you and he are talking about marriage and a family.
Did you find some sort of miracle cure for your problem or something??? Between the whether or not to be exclusive, him sending your flowers for VD, not accepting packages, and whether or not to add to his stress by telling him you might have cancer.... and now...OH!! I get it!
It's like Days of Our LiVes ONline! This month in Alamabamam's Saga: False Cheating
Stay tuned for Next month when she receives a "special" care package from overseas and ends up pregnant!
Hang on... lemme go get my popcorn and get comfy.... this episode looks like it might be a good one and my DVR is broke. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:46:11 PM | Herding Cats , I agree with you on the need for professional help.
I am glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks the situation is very odd , to say the least.
My Mother always taught me if a man is not interested in you, leave him alone. I guess that is a lesson everyone has not learned. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:51:01 PM | | emails have a source an it should be traceable somehow.(email address at all from sender?)all you can do for now is try to keep a level head an keep reassuring him when you can make contact.who at church amongst your peers knows you are with him?anyone stand out displaying odd interaction towards you(a guy keen on you or another girl keen on him?anyone chatting about him?you chatted to anyone in paticular about him?) who would know him well enough to be able to contact him by email ?was the email sent through army ranks via channeling to be forwarded to him? as far as this site goes,you can always become an open book an allow him to see who you talk to an let him check out any forum posts you have added(that might be a bit hard with this thread online now).all you can do is be honest an keep being honest.watch who you interact with at church activities an what you do.his family all ok with you?how well you get on with his sister who filled you in?cant get suspicious of everyone?break up badly with any exs? anyone holding a grudge for some reason an wants to get even with you?anyone from your past you have had trouble with?had words or runins with anyone?did he have a previous girlfriend who still could bare a torch for him or broke up badly with?all quests only get you thinking OP. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:51:45 PM | It will no doubt be a virgin birth, and her bf will see the star rise in the East. But then, if he reads the thread about DNA testing, he will probably find out it belongs to neither of them.
Sheesh! The drama, and it isn't even a well written script. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:00:04 PM |
Herding has it dead on.
As SOON as I saw the username, I knew it was gonna be more drama.
Yep, sorry, I’ve gotta agree here.
It’s been close to a month since the last episode aired here on POF. Prior to that, it was every couple weeks, so I guess we were over due.
Maybe it’s Sweeps Week…
OP, why not just print out all your threads about him and send…oops, I mean e-mail them to him. That should convince him you mean business. ‘Course it might scare the crap out of him, too. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:00:58 PM | i think that until he reveals who sent the email you should not be worried about it. how do you know that he is not just trying start some drama or maybe he just dosnt know how to commit to a relationship and wants to get out and hes lieing about the email. best thing for you to do is confront him about it and if he dosnt tell you talk to his friends and see if he told them anything about it.
hope that helps you out and if not i hope it ends well for you and you find what your looking for. good luck and hope things go well | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:01:35 PM | I am with Herding Cats and Sidewinder on this one.
You know those threads that you roll your eyes at but have to read just to see what the OP is up to this time? Well this is one of them!! I cannot resist reading when I see a thread started by this one...even though I wonder where she gets her material. | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:08:41 PM | Alabamamam having family members in the war zones I also know that emails from gossip minded people can wreck havok on men and women on the other side of the world, where one feels so alone at times. Not like being here in the states where if you live miles away or states away, you can at least get on a plane and be there within hours.
So let him you understand the stress involved like few do. Then make sure the ONLY thing you talk about with him is HIM. Not anyone else unless is something beign involving GOOD news about family and friends. No male friends unless they are on their death bed and are relatives or old men.
And knowing you are a nice Lutheran girl is a big plus  Yes, I listen to NPR's Prarie Home Companion.
~Beth~ | |
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Rush™
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Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 24 | |
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| I was accused of false cheating.....
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:02:13 PM | He forwarded you an email from someone he knows who accused you of cheating but doesn't want to identify???
Obviously he trusts that liar more then you. If he can't even tell you who that person is who could end your relationship what other things might he keep from you in the future. That email was sent for a reason and since your not cheating whoever sent it must have an ulterior motive.
You said we need help.
No he needs help. He lost his trust in you at some point because he so readily accepted that email from anonymous. | |
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