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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around      Home login  
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 lovinggal123
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 1
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
ME & my boyfriend have been together for two years...

i text him today and said
"babe could you see us being together in 5 years.. ill tell you what i think"- me

and he responds with

"im not gonna answer because unlike you I dont look that far ahead, I'll worry about us now"- him


I was hoping he would say yes.. because i totally wanna be with him.. were in our beginning 20's.. This is the guy i wanna be with for good

but it scares me like im hoping this isnt just a comfort thing thats good for now.. but in the future if its no good its like a see ya later thing?
its got me thinking.... i dont wanna be wasting my time and energy for someone who is just****ng around. im here as a serious thing...


so when a guy doesent like to think ahead is he just scared, or not commited? not sure

please asnwer.. really could use the help!
 Concertina
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 2
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:07:10 PM
Your boyfriend is being rational, and you're being a hopeless romantic.
 GoodeWitch
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 3
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:10:13 PM
yep, he's d888king around.
its a cop out. designed to keep you dangling.
Most men are happy to just coast along OP.
they never really want to do the commitment thing, unless they really really want to, or because they fear they'll lose you.
two years is long enough for you to be entitled to ask the question.
he copped out,.. if i were you, I'd ask him if theres no chance of comitment soon, and I mean in say oh, the next year?
if he wriggles off the hook again,.. well, you know you're being used as Miss Right Now, and then its up to you what you want to do sweetheart.
Dump him, or waste more time with him.
like I say, 2 years is long enough.
G. x
 lovinggal123
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 4
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:22:33 PM
then right after
he resonds with

" if you dont know how much i loe you then ur blind and deaf"

but why still cant he be like i wanna be with you... i wanna hear it.
 Concertina
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 5
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:24:43 PM
Just because he's unsure of what the future may hold doesn't mean he does not want to be with you.
 lovinggal123
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 6
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:26:30 PM
so i shouldnt be worry... maybe im just over thinking things?>
 Concertina
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 7
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:28:27 PM
Possibly. If he's with only you, and has been consistent (for 2 years), treats you like he should, then that speaks of commitment to me.
 mattdens
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 8
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:33:37 PM
Us guy's tend not to look to far ahead.
But the thing is, had he said yes and thought you two would be together forever, it wouldn't make it any more likely to happen.
If you love him, if he loves you and if your relationship is strong now, you'd be a fool to through that away. No-one knows what the future will hold, all you can do is hope for the best. And for you I hope it turns out well.

I hope this helps you.

Best regards.

-Matt-
 Kaptain Obvious
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 9
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:48:48 PM
I know a couple who have been married for 26 years.....very happily still.

And I'll never forget the one day when the husband and I were sitting in their family room talking while she was in the kitchen or something.... We were talking about their life.. how they met... the first time they kissed... etc.

He then said something that I thought was pretty profound....

"I told her that I would love her in twenty four hour increments.....no more...no less."

To the pessimist.....that would make somebody uneasy.....

But to the optimist.....they know that when that person wakes up....they're making a conscious effort every day to wake up and love somebody in that day...... and they'll wake up the next day doing the same thing.... until twenty four hours turns into twenty six years of twenty four hour increments.......

hope that makes sense.....
 GoodeWitch
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 10
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:59:06 PM

To the pessimist.....that would make somebody uneasy.....

But to the optimist.....they know that when that person wakes up....they're making a conscious effort every day to wake up and love somebody in that day...... and they'll wake up the next day doing the same thing.... until twenty four hours turns into twenty six years of twenty four hour increments.......

hope that makes sense.....

Excuse me, but no, that doesnt make sense at all.
It sounds like a way to control the other person.
What if one day, after many 24 hour increments, HE decided that he woke up and didnt love her one day.
She has wasted many of her 24 hour increments then.
nope, thats not romantic Korky, thats just another way of saying'I dont know what the future holds, but i'll try to love you every day. Whilst it all sound nice and everything, the future doesnt just suddenly 'happen' one day. You have to DO something to make the future different.
people just dont one day, wake up engaged, or married,.. if you take each day as it comes, in what 24 hour period will this be happening? Will it ever be happening? And I imagine that the decision is stuck to through many 24 hour increments till it comes to fuition.
No one knows what the future holds, but we make plans none the less, other wise no one would be married, or engaged, or buy a home etc, now would they?
This Que sera attitude is still a cop out, or a way of maintainuing control over the timing of events IMO.
G. x
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 11
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:02:30 PM
You're still a teenager.
You're nineTEEN
I doubt very much you'll be with this guy for too much longer, unless you wind up pregnant -- then you'll have him on the fringe.
 Kaptain Obvious
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 12
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:07:31 PM

Excuse me, but no, that doesnt make sense at all.
It sounds like a way to control the other person.
What if one day, after many 24 hour increments, HE decided that he woke up and didnt love her one day.
She has wasted many of her 24 hour increments then.
nope, thats not romantic Korky, thats just another way of saying'I dont know what the future holds, but i'll try to love you every day. Whilst it all sound nice and everything, the future doesnt just suddenly 'happen' one day. You have to DO something to make the future different.
people just dont one day, wake up engaged, or married,.. if you take each day as it comes, in what 24 hour period will this be happening? Will it ever be happening? And I imagine that the decision is stuck to through many 24 hour increments till it comes to fuition.
No one knows what the future holds, but we make plans none the less, other wise no one would be married, or engaged, or buy a home etc, now would they?
This Que sera attitude is still a cop out, or a way of maintainuing control over the timing of events IMO.


ummmm....pardon me.... but... I believe at this minute...that couple is still happily married and together....
while you are sitting on a dating site not really understanding what the phrase meant.... So my curiosity is..... WHO'S method worked better???

COULD he have woke up one day and decided not to love her??? Possibly. But this man was REALISTIC in knowing some certain things....

Waking up in twenty four hour increments means that you have FORGIVEN anything that happened the day before, and did not harbor anything against the mate..... Because yesterday is gone....

Waking up in twenty four hour increments means that you are not going to anticipate anything in the future happening, or worrying about it....BECAUSE IT ISN'T THERE YET........and hasn't happened yet.... But he KNOWS he's going to wake up the next day anyway and LOVE her....because he made the CHOICE to do so... He was committed EVERY DAY to waking up and doing the same thing over and over again......

LOVE....is always going to be a CHOICE.... LOVE is always going to be a VERB... And LOVE will ONLY be as good as the person who chooses to love another in the first place.... And I would think that saying THAT is FAR BETTER than a person who spits out stupid crap like "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND BE HERE FOREVER"....only to wind up in the divorce court five years later because they were unrealistic about how love actually WORKS.....
 pinciperro
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 13
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:11:25 PM
Nope... I agree totally with Korky...
Some of us like to live in the now, its all we really have.
I wouldn't view it as a control issue at all. Who knows, really , what tomorrow holds, or even if there will be a tomorrow.

I could accept that logic from my SO.
 GoodeWitch
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 14
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:45:11 PM
To Korky and Already Gone.
excuse me agin if im being dense,.. but in the story of the 26 year married couple,.. I assuming that they planned an engagement, a marriage, a home?
Isnt this commiting to a future?
im assuming they didnt get married in a 24 hour increment period!! jeez, cant you understand what im saying here? We do need to commit and plan for things like marriage, homes etc,.. whenever both feel ready. 24 hour, day by day loving isnt enough to make a plan on. jeez, will he even be there at the weekend? I need to know how much food to get in, but by your reckoning, he could be gone, in a 24 hour period, if he doesnt love me anymore.
its rubbish to say that we can live only in the here and now. No one could plan weddings, marriages children, if they did that.
I would find that 24 hour thing to be condescending actually, i like to have SOME idea of where im going.
I know more than some how easy it is to be here today, gone tomorrow,.. I had someone who procrastinated for 3 years over wether to commit to me or not.. in the end, before he could get his decision made, he died, aged 38.
now, I really do understand the importance of living in the moment, but i have a life, and a future (hopefully) and id like at least some idea from a partner wether they intend to be around,.. and say after 2 years together, like the OP, id think its okay to bloody well ask them dont you?

OT, Op, I missed your age in your first post./ i revise my advice.
Dont bother asking him, hes young, youre young, he will have no intention of committing.
Ether enjoy the ride, or get off now. its likely to go no where. sorry :(
G. x
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 15
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 4:56:09 PM
Its so funny, even if its good, women always complain "its not going anywhere" and I do understand your concern....then if they make it to marriage, it goes nowhere but downhill for 20 years....
 PassTheMuster
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 16
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 5:10:30 PM

im here as a serious thing...


You’re 19. And I agree with Landra.

Also, people who are “serious”, don’t use text to express their deepest emotions or inquire about another’s intentions. It’s the high-tech equivalent to passing notes back and forth in 7th grade.

If you’re too afraid to have the conversation face to face, then you probably shouldn’t even be considering the topic in the first place.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 6:41:39 PM
You are 19, the odds of this relationship being forever or even lasting another 5 years is about 1000-1.
Enjoy being a teenager. Put down the Modern Bride magazine and walk slowly away!!!!!!!!!
 EvilMelmo
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 18
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:04:21 PM
Wow some of you are being pretty condesending. Yea, they may be teenagers but. There are a lot of people who married their high school sweethearts and are still together. Im not saying it happens all the time but it does happen.
 mynamesnotjesus
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 19
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:14:07 PM

so when a guy doesent like to think ahead is he just scared, or not commited? not sure

Could be.

Or it could be that it seems like a loaded question and you texted him in the middle of something else and he knew no truthful answer would mollify you.

Or it could be that the way you phrased your question, not to mention the question in general, is loaded with extremely controlling, manipulative, and insecure overtones. Especially since you wouldn't tell him how you felt, unless he paid for the privilege with his answer. In essence fishing for validation AND an implied immediate commitment, in other words you were testing him to see if he was going to accede to your behavioral expectations.


I was hoping he would say yes.. because i totally wanna be with him...This is the guy i wanna be with for good

I notice that you did not say once that you loved him or cared for him.
It seems if you did love him, then you would know him, and you would know what his answer would be, without having to text a vague solicitous text message.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
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2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:35:15 PM
~OP~ Just because you want to hear something doesn't mean the other person wants to say it. That's life I'm afraid. You'll figure out (in time) that you don't ask those types of questions via text or email. That is a terrible position to put someone else in. He HAD to answer or you would've had an issue, he did answer and you have an issue. What does that mean? Be 19 ~ stop asking questions that in a year will be so far in the past you won't remember why it was so urgent. Just enjoy it now and don't worry about it. I can assure you ~ the last thing you are going to want when you ARE finally in your mid-20s is to be staring at the face of someone you don't know anymore because you rushed into something when you were too young. (I've been there, it's not pleasant.) JMO
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 21
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2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:35:58 PM

so when a guy doesent like to think ahead is he just scared, or not commited? not sure


In your case, you are both young. If I had to guess I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't ready to even think about settling down, which is essentially what you are asking him to commit to.

Of course, posters here can only give you speculation. You should know him better than any of us do.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 22
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/5/2009 12:30:10 AM
There is no way you should be attached to one guy at your age. You are only 19. Get out there and date at least 100 guys before you settle down.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 23
2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/5/2009 12:52:20 AM
Only in rare situations is a person absolutely sure they want to spend the rest of their life with this person within a short period of time of knowing/meeting that person...for the rest/majority of people...the love/relationship develops and is built over time and may strengthen but still may not have that sense of surety like the aforementioned situation...although I believe most marriages arise out of the latter situation because they either settle prematurely and haven't had the opportunity to meet that one true special love of their life and don't know any better or they may have but the prospect was too scary/intimidating for them and so have settled for number two...and very few actually go for it and go for number one. Besides, you're 19...you still have a lot of experiences to be had.
 ~Traveller~
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 24
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2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/5/2009 1:18:47 AM
You are formulating an ultimatum for him. You are giving him a choice right ? Stay with me and commit or go out and meet hundreds of other women. Do the math .
 mogrl42
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 25
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2 years and is ready to stand up to the plate? No more dicking around :)
Posted: 4/5/2009 6:07:33 AM
I hate to bust your bubble ,but you will fall in love many more times and nothing is forever.
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