| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:45:01 PM | I find it frustrating to invest time into someone just to have it wasted by not even getting a fair chance.
here is how I go about dating, I msg many women who fit my interest, at least a few respond back and I ask for a number or offer mine to that few, usually one responds, then after initial contact I focus on that one, if it gets to a meeting point I see if she is into me and if I am into her if it makes it to that stage we see where it leads.
problem is many women will date me but are also dating others so I end up getting the fuzzy end of the stick because I was not being judged on my own merits, but instead being judged in comparison to someone else.
Any woman I meet off of here is going to get my full attention and if it does not work out its all on her or all on me and on our own merits.
question is how do most of you go about dating?
do you give the respect of your full attention or do you play games and lead on? | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:52:57 PM | | Until I meet someone and we really connect (and have agreed to be exclusive) I feel I have every right to date more than one woman if the opportunity presents itself. If asked, I would be truthful. But everyone has different views and if you prefer the "one at a time" way of dating, thats fine. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:53:52 PM | I only date one person at a time. I can't compete with other girls because I'm not those other girls. I wouldn't expect a guy to have to compete either. That's part of why I'm not dating right now, I've been through a lot with a guy and I would be comparing any guy I date to that guy and no one can match up to that because no one is exactly like him. Just like no one is exactly like you.
It would suck to have a guy I'm dating, date other girls at the same time. Then again, I've never really "dated" I've just been someone's girl friend. Just dating for once would be nice, but it would have to be just one guy at a time. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:54:02 PM | I have been in the same boat here. But, I jumped ship and swam for shore.
I will not waste my time with women like that. It's just not worth it! And, when it all comes down to it neither are they!
I am worth what I give! My 100% undivided attention, and will except nothing less! | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:01:13 PM |
I only date one person at a time. I can't compete with other girls because I'm not those other girls. I wouldn't expect a guy to have to compete either. That's part of why I'm not dating right now, I've been through a lot with a guy and I would be comparing any guy I date to that guy and no one can match up to that because no one is exactly like him. Just like no one is exactly like you.
It would suck to have a guy I'm dating, date other girls at the same time. Then again, I've never really "dated" I've just been someone's girl friend. Just dating for once would be nice, but it would have to be just one guy at a time.
Your mother obviously raised you right.
I have been in the same boat here. But, I jumped ship and swam for shore.
I will not waste my time with women like that. It's just not worth it! And, when it all comes down to it neither are they!
I am worth what I give! My 100% undivided attention, and will except nothing less!
I agree its a respect issue. to me the whole "friends first" mentality is just a way to get all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations or expectations. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:19:58 PM |
to me the whole "friends first" mentality is just a way to get all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations or expectations.
I prefer to be friends first actually. I reguard my good friends very highly and if I was dating someone that I wasn't already friends with he should know that he would probably be put at the bottom of the list. That's not because I don't care or wouldn't make it want to work. I don't mean that I would blow off a date to go hang out with a friend because they asked me to come over, but if I had no real attachment to the guy I was dating I would have to politely reschedule a date if a friend needed me for something. If I had a good friendship with a guy, and then we started dating, I would be more apt to want to spend time with him than a guy that I just met honestly. At least that's been my experience so far. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:23:01 PM | Unless/until I know a guy long enough to want to focus on just him, I won't say no to another guy I am interested in meeting. If the exclusive talk isn't had, it's never assumed that's the case for me OR him. I expect he's still talking to or dating others unless otherwise discussed.
Before you've been on a couple dates, you're essentially strangers and are not obligated to drop everything else; however once you've been around them a couple times in the initial stage, you should know enough to cut and move on or stick with it.
I end up dating one at a time by default tho, because I am so picky I never meet more than one guy I truly have enough interest to meet a second time (in fact, most guys I meet are a one shot deal, romantically speaking).
And in my case, "friends first" means I have attraction to you but want to know we have more in common beyond that. If all I want is friendship, that's called "just friends". | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:25:39 PM | not for me, I hate the friendzone.
nothing worse than having feelings for someone who views me as a friend, almost as bad as dating someone who puts friends over me.
I like my friends but a romantic invovment takes president, (unless its life or death.).
my pecking order is:
my daughter
family= parents
my S/O
friends.
my extended family.
and its in that order. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:30:20 PM | | It definately sucks liking someone that's a friend and finding out they don't feel the same way, but so do awkward meetings with lots of questions and trying to get to know each other...in such an odd fashion. | |
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Landra
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 13 | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:35:26 PM | I do one at a time if it appears serious. That doesnt mean when I agree to one date I cancel everyone else. I might after a couple strong dates. But just because I agreed to meet someone and go out a couple times does not make an exclusive relationship for me or her. I am not afraid of competition at all. If its meant to be its meant to be. I think you need a few dates before you agree to be exclusive sorry. Agreeing to meet someone does not make an exclusive relationship.
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:38:41 PM |
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Me. I stopped dating like a shark in blood infested water a LONG time ago. I have trouble meeting one man I'd like to "date" let alone meeting 2 or more I'd like to see on a regular basis.  | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:40:41 PM | I've only, for the most part, dated one guy at a time. There was that one summer in the '70's but that's never been repeated, lol! I'm too distractible. However, I know of absolutely NO way to avoid serial dating, since serial means one *after* another, as long as I keep dating at all.
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 9:04:56 PM | I don't do "dating". I hate the whole process of working my schedual so I can see 5 different guys...it just wouldn't feel right to me. I think there was one time where I was "seeing" 2 different guys at once....but mind you, I didn't have sex with either of them. It was more like I was hanging out with both to get to know them better and see who I was more compatible with. Even if I was physical with one of them, I would drop the other...its just not my personality to sleep around. I admit to have gotten multiple numbers in the past...but to actually physically go out there and date several ppl would just be way too complicated for me.
As for these women, I don't think they are obligated to only "date" you esp if no exclusivity has been established. Dating could also mean hangout/having fun with different people or just casual dating. I would only see it as playing games if they lead you on to think there would be future exclusivity when in reality, they are still seeing other people. Or if they lie when you ask them if they are only into you. You can very well ask these women what exactly they are looking for to get a clearer idea where things might be headed. However, just prepared if you hear an answer you don't like. You might define dating as seeing one person at a time, taking your time and letting things gradually grow...whereas some ppl may see it differently. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 9:30:25 PM | One of my best friends since college actually did this process. And she let all of her dates know that she was 'widdling down'. Whether or not the other guys just bowed out because they didn't want to do the 'competing' thing, I really can't say. but she eventually widdled it down to one guy, who she's now married to.
The style is just not for me. I simply don't have the energy to keep tabs on who is who, and what I would have to say, or the drama that would ensue by having five women lined up for 'my good time'. And sometimes I actually do wonder if it works against me. Because, it seems that women these days, determine your worth as a prospective mate by how many other women WANT YOU. And it's no secret on places like this of how many women will pine over guys who seem to have MORE women as competition, even if the women CLAIM to hate it. Maybe those 'playas' are right. Not having dates, or letting a woman know that you haven't had a date in some time, seems to signal to a woman that you MUST be a loser, thus writing you immediately off.
It's actually kind of funny to me, because I PURPOSEFULLY made my life as uncomplicated as any man could make it, with the intention of making some woman's life as 'drama free' as possible if she entered into my life. I mean....that's what all of you put in your profiles, isn't it??? "No drama..."....."No headgames..."....yada...yada....farickin' YADA.... The only thing guys like me can figure out is.... none of you ever really mean what you say........ | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:19:44 PM | I don`t really "date" too much either. The whole dinner date thing just wasn`t working for me. Too many expectations, guys upset if there is no connection and you don`t want to go out, creepos who want to get off. Just doesn`t work for me.
So what I decided I would do is if I met someone who stoked my interest, I would get to know them casually at a music venue, where I know friends are close and I can be rescued or leave easily, but no one on one dates, at all. Go dutch, grab a small appetizer or drink, but not all the formality of a date. It has really worked out for me. No hard feelings, no one being used, you can screen over conversation and the guy doesn`t cop an attitude that you are using him because it isn`t a date. It`s just two people talking. It`s the only way I will even go about meeting men any more. I` ve
learned from the POF forums and my dating skills are much better than a few years ago. No drama, and actually meeting better guys, or at least not getting in situations with jerks or bad dates any more. I miss dating, but it is worth it for the peace of mind.
So maybe rather than dating, you should get to know a woman a bit more casually until you both decide that there is a real strong attraction and you both are ready to give it a try with one another, instead of the whole dating thing. It has really worked for me. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:27:51 PM | I date one at a time. I watch for red flags, though.
I want to take time to get to know someone, not rush into a full blown relationship on the first date. I had someone tell me that after I met him one day, that I already met someone and get off of this site. Sorry, after one date, I don't know that.
I went and he had me coming back every 3 hrs. Then, after awhile, said he lost his car and DL to a DUI. I am apprehensive as he has 2 kids he wants to see on weekends. I don't want to get caught up in that. | |
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Tuanda
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Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:34:45 PM | Dating means so many different things now.
I find the definition varies from person to person and can inculde everything from going for a coffee or to a movie to being exclusive (dating one person) including sex.
So it is good to make sure you have the same definition when you start out.
Originally dating was an agreement to attend a social engagement with someone on a specific date. Pretty simple.
In the good old days there were steps that were more defined.
One would date several people until they decided to go steady (now called exclusive).
Then going steady usually led to marriage.
Now marriage is not necessarily or even likely, the goal.
So the steps have changed or even been eliminated.
Everything moves so fast now..some people want to meet, decide ok I like you from my first impression and then let's get exclusive.. all in the first hour.
Then in a month they find out they aren't really compatible.
Then it's on to the next one and that is serial dating.
The benefit of dating (but not sleeping with) more than one person is getting to meet a variety of people, having fun socializing, and not jumping into the serious stuff before you get a chance to know the person.
There is less pressure while you are checking each other out.
When you are exclusive immediately, that is being very serious very quickly.
Sometimes it might come across as desperation or that real goal is a sexual relationship asap... not that there is anything wrong with that if you are both on the same page.
A lot of people don't know how to date now.
They just jump right in with both feet..base it on sexual attraction and go from relationship to relationship hoping for the best.
It is to your benefit to do a little ground work beforehand to see what you are dealing with and if there is enough common ground for success before getting too involved.
Beats the hell out of getting a suprise once a week until you call it quits.
The reality of dating is that there is competition, comparison and judgment.
We all compare and judge every day without giving it much thought.
We all have our own preferences which makes us exercise judgment.
We judge every time we look at a profile.
Even here, you are judging people who don't date one at a time.
And that's ok it's just your preference.
But I would suggest you can't avoid competition.
You might want to put your preference in your profile.
Then you will attract the ladies that are on the same page as you. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 10:41:33 PM | You just gotta keep on pushin through until you find what's right for you.
It gets frustrating, trying to keep hope when things seem so very hopeless. You get lonely, you get sad, you wonder "where is the one for me?" You have dates where there's a spark...on your end at least...but it doesn't go very far.
There are good people left. I'm very cynical, I see the worst in people every day at work. But I know that there are, definately, good people left.
They just aren't in TX. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:34:44 PM | Hi Mortalez-- I know, it doesnt seem fair does it? Its really frustrating I'll agree- but you have to look at it from the woman's point of view also-- she is not sure where things are going with you either-- she might be concerned that you might dump her if you're not sure about her ... alot of people get hurt in the dating game and feel the best way to "win" is to have alot of options and keep them open until the best deal comes up!
I admit -- I'd prefer it your way overall --- to date one at a time-- and for the most part I do that-- but after being burned so many times I am starting to play the game too. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/3/2009 11:49:47 PM | alot of people get hurt in the dating game and feel the best way to "win" is to have alot of options and keep them open until the best deal comes up!
People get hurt because they are not healthy enough to be dating! Plain and simple!
Options are for those who fear there own ability to make choices!
I can imagine the conversation. One person telling the back up that they are the back up! If things don't work out with the winner, I'll come and get you. Then on to the second runner up. Hey, your # 3 in my list of choices. So if 1 flakes out and 2 doesn't fly, I'll be ringing your bell.
You may not see a problem telling someone that but, would you like to be told that?
That doesn't work for me. And it never will. Because I am able to trust my own decisions and live with what ever out come there is. I am the golden ring. I'm the fecking Rock Man baby!
~Hard Rock~ | |
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