| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:40:53 PM | I've come to terms that my ex of 2 years doesn't want me anymore.My ex broke up with me and said he wanted to be friends but I told him I couldn't do that because it hurts too much. I've stopped contact after a couple of days. I believe he found someone else because I happened to see him having a conversation with some chick on his myspace page in his comments. I can see the comments they address to each other.. hey babe,hey boo all through the comments and that hurted like hell! So I deleted his number and everything that reminds me of him. It's left me alone and a little depressed. Sad to say it, but I didn't have much of a life without my ex. He was my best friend & the only person I felt truly understood me. Yeah I have work & I have school.. seems like a pretty boring life ahead of me. I'm sitting here on the computer doing a project but yet has my ex in my head so much that I can't even concentrate on what I'm supposed to be doing.
I've never really dated much and I'm only 22. I've had only 2 serious relationships.. One when I was in high school and one recently with this guy. I feel like I won't find anyone else and that scares me. I feel like I'll be a bitter lonely old lady with nothing. I have friends but most of them are busy with their own lives. I may hang with them maybe twice a month when all of our schedules are free. So now I'm trying to get over the anxiety and this lonely feeling that has come over me. I feel butterflies in my stomach and I'm hurt... How did you deal with someone leaving you?? | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/3/2009 9:32:20 PM | Oh honey i am so sorry that your hurting. I have had all those feelings and its awful
but with time u will heal i promise. You will look back one day soon and say to yourself
what was i thinking!!!! You are yonge and will meet many many more guys. I cant say that you wont ever feel like this again, because chances are that you will.
Just belive in youself sweetie and try to get out when you can. Life dose go on no matter who we meet, but that special person whom we dont know yet will come around sooner than you think.
I am glad that you removed things that reminded you of him.
Soon it will be out of sight and out of mind.
STAY STRONG  | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:28:45 AM | | Don't let past relationships agonize you. Learn from the experience and move on, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, makes you wiser, and prolongs the inevitable. Forgoet about him, he forgot about you; LIVE A LITTLE | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:46:53 AM | too true my husband left me for someone else after 12 years, and I lost perspective in my life upset many people. Now I will not let him get to me... I find it easier to stay away and not contact him any longer and get on with things. I hope to meet some great friends and maybe someone special and I will not let what he did to me ruin my future love adventures. AND I WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN IT'S WORTH THE RISK | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/4/2009 7:42:19 AM | Wow. I understand how you feel, hon.
My ex of 14 years decided to walk out the door with a new girlfriend (which later blew up in his face but that's another story) but he wanted to remain friends. I declined. Thanks but no thanks, because the translation there was he wanted friends with benefits. Forget it.
Yes, like you, I had work, and I had (and still have) school and that's okay. But I needed more. - and no, lest you think I jumped into another relationship, I did not. Instead, I got a new change of scene. I moved about 2 years after my relationship ended. I got involved within my community. I joined a bowling league, a book club, picked up on some hobbies I hadn't touched in a long time, and now volunteer at a wonderful museum. In doing these things, I kept busy, but I got out of the house 2-3 nights per week, had something positive and constructive to look forward to, and made some amazing new friends which proved to be a huge bonus. - No I did NOT go into any of these new ventures with the idea of meeting someone special, and yes, it was awkward at first, but in time, I began to look forward to these things. I did it to broaden my horizons and social circle and it truly was the best medicine for me.
Yes, the first year was very very tough being on my own, but the growing experience was great. At the first anniversary of his leaving, I actually celebrated at how far I had come on my own - and still do. I went to dinner with a couple of my new friends and had a wonderful evening.
Take some time, grieve your loss, don't have any contact with him, and get out there. Don't fear being alone. Heck, both my aunt AND uncle on my mom's side are now in their sixties and never married and both have good fulfilling lives. My auntie has traveled all over the world and is quite an accomplished person. - Educated, cultured, and very worldly. She has quite literally seen all the continents, lived in some of them and has a whole host of good friends all over the world. - she is retired military. And my uncle lives on the west coast, has for over 40 years and has a lot of good friends and a full life managing apartment houses and office buildings and absolutely LOVES what he does.
So you see, you truly CAN be on your own and be your own best friend. You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. You will love again and have many more relationships. Life is all about relationships and is a series of adjustments - and yes, how you handle them.
I know you are hurt and yes, scared, but you will be fine once you get through your grieving stage. Just take your time, take a break from the dating pond, get yourself together, and in the meantime, get out there are make some new friends.
Good Luck, godspeed and glad you are here to talk about it. Keep talking and keep reaching out. And most importantly, keep us posted.
While I am not where you are to give you a hug, I'll leave you with these little guys:  | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/4/2009 11:08:39 AM | ^^^Renegade has some great advice.
OP, you're 22. Hardly anywhere near being a lonely old lady! Stop worrying that you won't find anyone. You have plenty of time.
I agree that you need to get out there and live life. Meet people, but not always with the hope of finding someone. Do things. Join some sports leagues, or some other type of organization if you don't care for sports. Find some hobbies and interests.
If you don't have a life, only you can make one. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We have all gone through hardaches. They make us stronger and better people. You need to develop a life and live it. Along the way, you will probably meet some men you are interested in. | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/4/2009 12:45:08 PM | I have found out one thing about this topic - do what you are good at doing, and feel the high quality of what you can do well. Perhaps the ego and heart are the worst off for feeling hurt. So why not get totally involved in doing what at which you are an expert. Your ego will like that, but maybe the heart takes longer. Activity is like an anesthetic (sp?), it takes a a lot of the pain away, but not all.
You can feel like a complete reject after a breakup, but being around a lot of people can show you that your feeling of disproportionate rejection is false. Instead of focusing on yourself, which is too easy to do after being hurt, focus on other people. Even if you have to do that with held-back tears, it's better than being alone. Nothing beats feelings of hopelessness and loss of self-esteem more than projecting yourself out there among other people.
Talk to a sympathetic listener and vent. Don't keep losses to yourself. As klunky as this may sound, your ex/boyfriend/girlfriend is not the source of your worth as a human, and they are not an exclusive source of your happiness. What you miss is the feeling you had when you were around them. You can have them again with the right person.
Ben Franklin said to keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut after. We would do well to keep our eyes wide open to admit that our potential mate may have some basic features that we really don't like. If so, think it over before increasing the intensity of that friendship. Hoping a person will change will not cause that change.
You might ask yourself, why did the relationship breakup? Sort through and learn from the breakup, but don't become overly defensive about the next time you meet someone you like.
I wish you a speedy emotional recovery, and I'll bet you'll meet someone that you will love, and with that person, you will find a lot of mutuality! | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:39:40 AM | | Your experiences seem very much what I have suffered and it is now a year since my ex left me. The pain does slowly ease but it's a time consuming process. I found that keeping busy helped but I still worry I won't find anyone else and I am scared of growing old alone. It doesn't help that I am 35 and so a good majority of the women my age are off the scene so to speak and I'm not really all that much in the looks department so I hardly get noticed by women socially. Most important keep busy and try not to dwell on it. I find I am best when I am busy and not dwelling on my situation. You do have time on your side too and I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 26. | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/7/2009 6:50:14 AM | | I'm sorry you are going through this as we are all there and can feel the pain I don't know if you ever learn to deal with the loss it just takes alot of time I was married for 9 years and my ex still calls me every day as if things are alright It's pure hell but I don't want to be rude or mean to her. I do truly feel your pain at 49 years old I feel I will be alone forever who wants an old man.You are still young hold your head up it will get better Terry | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:11:46 AM | | I know just what you're going through. My husband of 26yr. left me for someone 15 years younger than he is. It's been 8 months since I've been on my own. I can tell you that it's not easy, but I have found out that I am way stronger than I ever thought I was. Each day will get a bit easier for you. Go out and make new friends. That's what I did and it really helped me. Things will get better with time, I promise you. Take care of yourself. | |
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| Dealing with the loneliness and anxiety of a breakup...
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:26:28 AM | | I just read your letter, and I feel like I wrote it myself, My now ex boyfriend just lost his mother, and since I was the nurse taking care of her, he blames me for being involoved in what happened to her. I did nothing wrong, I have been with him for 2 1/2 years, He was too my best friend, we had a chemistry that was out of this world. I have never loved someone so much. I am almost 30 years old, and feel that at my age all the good ones are taken. I am terrified and lonely. But there is no turning back. Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together. Give yourself time, and keep friends and family close by. That is the one thing that is keeping me above water. Love sucks!! Just like that song says........why do we love love when love seems to hate us?? Love yourself enough to know that oneday he will look back and miss pieces of you. There will be many things that will make you come to mind, and after the wounds have healed, maybe he will realize that he had a great thing, and by then you will have found someone who appreciates you. Good Luck! | |
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