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 davey1208
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 1
Dating A Separated WomanPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How many people out there (guys or gals) have dated someone who was going through a separation? And, were there any children involved? I know there are no threads in the Ontario section on this subject when I looked, so I thought it was a good idea to start one here.

What are your experiences? Good or bad. And... is it wrong to date someone who is separated and not yet divorced? even though a divorce is 100% likely.
 davey1208
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 2
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:02:39 PM
I just realized that the title of this thread says ... "dating a separated WOMAN". lol

I meant to type... dating people who are separated.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 3
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:55:28 PM
Last year, I dated a total of three guys who were newly separated with children involved. I'm safe for them because with my background and personality - I'm therapy... lol - rehab them and send them on their way.

The biggest problem with separated is when... the newly separated haven't packed their baggage and they have a few issues that get dealt with on the path to divorce - but it ain't over even with paper in hand, even if it's amicable. There's a lot to get used to especially when kids are involved.

The ones that fair the best are those who initiated the separation... they plan and wait, sometimes for years. The ones who are shanghaied and blindsided need time to work things through. It is really hard to be with them in the early days. Usually by the time they get around to dating, they're past the bewildered stage and are at angry, trying to hold it and their world in check. The first year is the roughest - incomes are impacted, living arrangements need to be sorted, and the shuffling of kids worked out.

I will say that until both of the parties, be it male/female, get laid, they are still in the marriage. Mind you - the battles can continue for years....

I'll tell you my personal fav - women who want out, but expect their lives to carry on - as is - same house, same income, same life - just minus him. Another fav... guys who cheat. When wifey finally has enough and kicks him out - they're surprised. Regardless, most will move to the angry stage within 3-6 months of separation... eventually it will fizzle. Even with amicable, unless both have sat down and put pen to paper, it has its hiccups, too.

Family law sucks and unless you want to be knee deep in it - avoid the "separated" at least 'til the dust settles. I call them the "walking wounded". It's never what they thought it would be.
 davey1208
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 4
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:11:43 PM
Yeah, I was seeing someone for a few months. She was recently separated and the guy had already moved out. They have a child together and the kid stays with her most of the time. But since the guy moved out, she suddenly realized that she now has wayy less time to do errands and chores because of the increased supervision she now has for the child. When the guy was living with her, she had some more freedom and more time. Then he moved out, and shortly after, she met and got involved with someone, me. After a few months, it just wasn't working for her anymore, and we both agreed that we needed to take a break for a while.
 sassysinger
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 5
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:35:46 PM
I have been hurt in the past and have heard so many stories about people being hurt in those kind of situations that I have a strict rule that the divorce already has to be final before I will get involved. I myself have reconnected with an ex partner more than once so I wouldn't ever think it was out of the question unless the legalties were taken care of and even then I am still cautious.
 Resident Evil
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 6
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/6/2009 12:38:47 AM
Oh god !
Stay away from it ... trust me.

Your stepping in on some other dudes famly before the sheets are even cold.
She's probly doing him right now while you're reading this ....

Hey cool !
I see delete buttons... does that mean I can delete someone if I don't like them ?
 Experientia docet
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 7
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:40:07 AM
as far as dating someone who's separated goes . .. as long as there's proof present that the relationship they previously had is permanently over then that would be good enough for me. just because someone is living with their ex partner doesn't mean they're going to get back with them or do anything with them, as I have dated someone who was in a situation where they weren't able to move right away after they separated
 fly-on-the-bike
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 8
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/6/2009 8:05:50 AM
hey resident, thats the delete button, not sure if it's been used on me, I'm little bit sure it's just for that posting ... lol
the moderators have an even better one, now we all know I keep them pretty busy :0)
 sassysinger
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 9
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:44:46 PM
"as far as dating someone who's separated goes . .. as long as there's proof present that the relationship they previously had is permanently over then that would be good enough for me. just because someone is living with their ex partner doesn't mean they're going to get back with them or do anything with them, as I have dated someone who was in a situation where they weren't able to move right away after they separated"

What do you consider to be proof? Just wondering because my ex. used to reel different women in by telling them that we were only living together and we were separated, when it wasn't true. He was pulling that routine when I was pregnant with our third child. Started cheating on me when I was three months along and left with one of them when I was six months along.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 10
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:48:02 PM
Well I was 2 years separated when I was dating - had no intention of ever going back to the ex - simply had no time or money to divorce - once I did and once I had found the real Mr. Right I got the divorce within 3 months. My ex and I really had no reason to officially divorce as we never had anything to fight over or intentions of remarrying - lol woops! My kids were adults so hey no worries there.
In my mind I was offically single!!! My ex was happy for me that I was moving on and that I found someone awesome. Mature intellectual people can make a life for themselves without baggage if you make an effort to do so!
 maybeangel
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 11
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/7/2009 5:53:23 AM
I think every situation is different. I have been separated from my husband for 5 years. In that time, I have had a long term relationship with a man who lived with me and my children.

My ex and I know that we are never getting back together. We are good friends, and we are co-parenting fairly effectively. There have been many reasons over the years that we have not divorced -- it started because of benefits, and has simply become a money thing. It will happen. I suppose that if one of us wanted to remarry-- it would happen sooner rather than later.

I have more baggage about the man who died than the marriage that didn't work!

For me-- I don't think that I would want to be involved in a situation where I felt that I was causing tension between 2 parents. But I think that I would find out about circumstances before I would put a big "no" stamp on someone who didn't have divorce papers. (lol-- obviously since I don't have any!!)
 photopilot1
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 12
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:36:02 PM
Dated a woman who was "separated" for about 6 months and things were going pretty good. Then one day, out of the blue, she tells me it's "over" and that she's getting back together with the "ex"........ he'd just got out of PRISON and begged her for another chance.

My advice..... don't get involved until you know the true situation!!! Thankfully that was many, many years ago.
 GoodGirlLOL
Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 13
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/7/2009 6:44:31 PM
Divorce can take years and thousands of dollars depending on the parties involved, especially if there are children involved.

So don't over look someone because of there status. If they spark your interest talk to them, and ask questions !

GoodGirlLOL
 VainH
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 15
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:20:01 AM

So don't over look someone because of there status.
That's a slippery slope. I might not overlook a separated woman, but she'd better be something goddamned special for me to look very hard. What's next? Should we ignore the fact that people are married and still living together? I mean, if they're really, really unhappy in their marriage, how much different is that from being separated? Maybe they just couldn't afford to move out.

Find the money, beg, borrow or steal it if you have to, sign the papers, and get out. If you feel that it's time to move on and see other people, then it's time to move on and end the marriage. Otherwise it just looks like you're reaching for a new branch while still hanging on to the old.
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 16
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:24:42 AM
Otherwise it just looks like you're reaching for a new branch while still hanging on to the old.


I could not have said it better myself. I know it is a touchy subject. As some people have already stated here...they have lived apart from their spouse for a long time and there is no going back and the economics is not there to divorce, but dammit...I am speaking from experience 4 fold here....Unless you are divorced, you are still married!

I have had the misfortune of trusting a separated man on more then one occassion and the majority of them went back to their wife. One man was separated for over two years and I really thought we were on to something. He and his ex had even sold their family home and split all their assets, but just this Feb, they reconcilled.
A few years back, three men in a row that I dated, were separated and each of them went back to their wife. I could go on and on with my experiences, but I won't bore you.
The point is, if it is over, make it official. If it is not over, don't drag an innocent person into your drama.
 onefreeguy
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 17
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:34:04 AM

Posted By: greanize on 4/8/2009 1142 AM

I have had the misfortune of trusting a separated man on more then one occassion and the majority of them went back to their wife. One man was separated for over two years and I really thought we were on to something. He and his ex had even sold their family home and split all their assets, but just this Feb, they reconcilled.
A few years back, three men in a row that I dated, were separated and each of them went back to their wife.


That's quite the effect you seem to have on men. Perhaps you should hang up a shingle and rent yourself out as a marriage reconciliation facilitator?
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 18
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:42:44 AM
it depends on the individual and the circumstance

but personally, i think that if someone isn't divorced then they're still married and i don't want to date married men
 Greanize
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 19
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:25:57 AM

That's quite the effect you seem to have on men. Perhaps you should hang up a shingle and rent yourself out as a marriage reconciliation facilitator?


Actually it is probably because I am so much hotter then each of these ex's and they freaked out so they asked their 'spouse' to come back.

Point is...if you are looking for a long term relationship, stay away from separated. The majority of separated people are NOT ready to step into another LTR.
 Resident Evil
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 20
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:22:27 AM
One friend of mine always seemed to meet the single mom who just broke up with the so called "X" and there was always trouble brewing. There were nights that he would call at 3am asking me to pick him up because the X was outside with a bunch of his buddies going to kick his ass.

I mean look at this:
Here she is seperated because the dad cheated on here or did something out of line and she wants revenge right out of the gate.
So what does she do ?
She finds a guy like you, me or anyone of us that will fill the need.
Now you know that this guy wants to see his kids. Half of everything he owns is still in the house with her. And he'll be dropping by unannounced every time he feels like it. Probly half drunk cuz he knows you're there and will most likely pick a fight with you every time you see him.

When you are not there he will be trying to get back with her and make all these promises till she turns to mush (Remember ! He knows her and he knows what to say to her) and she then agrees to sleep with him again behind your back... maybe!

I have never dated a single mom and I never will. I don't want children and I sure as hell don't want someone elses....

Of course most parents can't understand why you don't love their snotty nosed kids as much as they do. And I like the "X" even less...!! But as long as they have kids together he will be comming around. You might meet a decent fellow now and then that got his head on strait but it's very rare when it comes to taking his spot as man of the house. hell ... I'd beat your ass in too if it were my famly.

But I'm smarter than that. I made sure over the years that the women I dated knew how I felt about having kids and I made sure it never happened.

This doesn't happen in every case.
I got flamed big time for saying stuff like this here before.
If the women is strong and she means what she says then there is a very good chance that you won't run into any problems. If she is confused or bitter about her X then you can bet there is a lot more to it than what she's telling you.

Pay attention as to how often she mentions her X and the words she uses. If she is trashing him or not. That's a good sign that she still loves him and you are only runner up. As far as him still living with her as "Just Friends"... That's a load of bull and I would walk so fast my shadow would have to catch up to me... lol!

What can I say. This is life and as we get older and find ourselfs single, there is a very good chance that you will meet someone who has kids. Some are all grown up and some are just babies. It's up to you to pay attention to what is happening around you. With eyes wide open, make the correct decision that is going to further your happiness in life. Not bring greif into it.
 GoodGirlLOL
Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 21
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:18:15 PM
This to me is not a cookie cutter question, and I am sure many people have had bad experiences with dating someone that is separated. However troubles happen even if someone has never been married, but was in a long-term relationship. With kids or not involved, some people just don't want to let go and are not ready for a commitment.

My divorce took almost 4 years and in the time yes I did date and have meaningful relationships. I knew my separation was definite and it was just a matter of time to get the divorce (I admit mine was more complex then some others).

If people wanted to rule me out at that time because of my being only "separated" then that was there loss.

There are lots of reasons to "break -up" way to many to list. But to lump everyone in one simple category as updateable because of there "separated status" sounds lame to me.

 CanadianChic2006
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 22
Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:22:29 PM
Why don't you talk to the person and see where their "seperation" is at. Fresh out of the gate.. maybe not a good idea... If they have their ducks lined up and are ready for a new future... consider it...

Not all 'X's are involved in the person's lives... even if you have kids --

And.. as far as "not dating" them until the divorce is finalized.. divorces are expensive... and sometimes you have to choose between providing for your child, or paying some private eye to locate your ex... besides.. when you start dating someone... do you really need to make sure their good to go to get married again??? If nothing else, it will delay an impuslive wedding!
 Sweet Euphoria
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 23
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:40:46 PM
Like a few of these posters...I agree, it depends on each individual. I myself have been separated for 10 years, and have been chastised for it, and others don't care. Yes, I will be divorcing in the next couple of years, but at this point, something ALWAYS comes up when I'm saving up for filing. There is no way that my ex and I will ever get back together, he's with the woman he left our family for still to this day and I'm ok with that. For the most part, the last few years we get along, since there are kids involved, you have to get along at some level.

I've had relationships within the 10 years of being separated, but waited about a year before I decided to start dating, and it took a couple of years before I even entered into another relationship. Again, it all depends on the individual.

I have been on the other side of dating separated men and have come to the conclusion that unless it's been a couple years since the separation, I don't even entertain the idea of dating him, let alone get into a relationship with him.

I don't think anyone should pass over every separated person out there. There are circumstances and, no matter how much anyone believes people can scrape up the money for a divorce....unless you've walked in that person's shoes, or live the same life they do, you can't say that with 100% certainty can you? It's not that easy for a single parent to save up for a divorce. Besides, it's not like you are going to enter into a marriage with someone within a few months, at least not if you're sane...lol.
 ava-adore
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 24
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:45:43 PM
I wouldent touch a situation like this...even if the divorce is 100% likely.....plus children which makes things super difficult... wait untill the divocer is final if you must be with this person...

It just seems like a lot of stress and an inevitable crappy breakup in the future... stay away..find a healthy situation for a relationship to happen...
 BeautyinSpirit
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 25
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 6/14/2012 9:07:11 PM
I am with Greanize.

I started dating an old flame. The divorce was going final in 3 weeks. We were loving friends, but it waa too early to be intimate. His X found out about me. She is universally detested. One night she showed up after I had been at his house for 40 minutes. She screamed in front of all the neighbours and got violent. I hid, and woul have called the police if I had access to a phone. It was shattering, but she was relentless and would not leave him alone. She begged him to return.

He called me, texted me, etc every day filled with love and plans for the future. He offered to buy me a car, provide good work for my daughter, international trips, etc.

Guess what - he's going back with her. And you know what? Even HE doesn't know it.
 messenger8
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 26
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Dating A Separated Woman
Posted: 7/1/2012 9:48:57 PM
Well first off how many pieces is she in ??
Second are all the parts of her all in good condition??
And whats the best glue to bond her back together with as I don't think contact cement or crazy glue is good to use !
And third is she under warranty ?? If so sned her back for repairs then date her !LOL
Smile and get out and meet someone is all I say and if your afraid to take a chance with someone then stay in doors and hide !
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