| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:28:25 PM | I am 32 and am down to just one close friend. It seems every year, since I was 25, I lose one close friend. Some get married but most just drift apart. Is this normal to have so few friends after age 30?
I am trying online dating, but I sense that many girls tell I have few friends and think I am a loner. I have tons of 'virtual friends' but do they count? | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:37:28 PM | | Thats how it is when ya get older I guess. Alot of people wanna start familys and what not in staid of hanging out with friends and enjoying themselves. I had more friends 10 years ago than I do now myself. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:38:30 PM | Do they count to you?
You have to ask why you aren't maintaining the friends you have.
As someone that is 44, I got into a relationship, where to please him, I didn't make friends... Now it is a lot harder, people are busy, and have a life, which includes their family, kids, and friends that fit in their tight circle...
I have a lot of "virtual friends" ones I have never met, but have been a part of my life and thoughts since the internet came to my house.
If you want more friends, you may have to get out and away from your computer, if you are happy with how your life is, then it isn't a problem...
My SO and I are pretty quiet people, and are content with OUR circle... It is small, but those who have been with us through the years, are there for life...
Perhaps give a jingle to someone you haven't spoken to in a while, you may find out they have been wondering about you... | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:56:27 PM | Go out and see I Love You, Man. It's a funny movie, and on topic.
I've had a slow decline of close friends for the same reasons, but new ones happen once in a while too. Do whatever feels right for you. Talk to more people at work or do some social activities if you want to meet more people as friends. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:08:22 AM | | Well it kind of depends on what you call a friend. I know lots and lots of people (due to my job and hobby) It use to drive my x wife crazy as no matter where we went I would run into somebody that knew me. But I have a very very close circle of friends that I can say I trust and are my best friends. I have lots of aquainteses and friends and a couple best friends is the easiest way to say it. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:17:35 AM | yes, i've lost contact with some of my friends - they've moved away or got married... at first we tried to stay in contact but now it's a rare event if we even write
there's one friend that i know i can call any time and i know she feels the same way - but she's also busy with her husband, kids and grandbabies (even tho' she's only a couple of years older than me) and works full time...
i enjoy people and can chat with anyone, but it's keeping a friendship going that's more challenging - making the time when life is already full
but if i don't make the effort i know that one day all four kids will be grown and gone and i'll wish to have adult companionship even more than i do now
trouble is i hate making small talk and so much is the same from day to day - hard to think of new things to chat about to keep the contact going | |
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dvpal
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Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 7 | |
| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:39:36 AM | I have lost alot of friends over the years. I am 34. I have around 4 friends that I actually do things with but the reality is they all have wifes and I do not see them very often.
I would love to have a friend or two that I can hang out with once a week or something but it is hard to take people you know and get along with at say work or whereever and actually turn it into a friendship outside of that environment.
Alot of people are set in their ways which includes being happy not making new friends.
Women do not ask me about my friends but if they ask you just say you have a few close friends and that is it. It should not matter either way if they like you. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:06:54 AM | | I have a few acquaintances but few friends. And they are scattered all over the world. Also I stopped drinking and smoking pot a few years ago and there were a few friends where that was really all we had in common. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:10:26 AM | | School is an environment that puts you with lots of people and so you normally have lots of friends. If you have neighbors as friends and you all stay in the same neighborhood, you'll stay friends. Work is another example of a routine that keeps people in contact with each other. Then if you head out, away from school, leave home, change jobs, any friendships you keep will be based on something other than the fact you're already around one another all the time anyway. Friends stop being the people you hang out with. They are the people you keep in touch with. And, the people you don't give that one finger to. | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 10 | |
| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:35:47 PM | | I think it's fairly common to gradually lose friends over a period of time. I no longer hang with out with of some of my closest friends from high school or college for a variety of reasons. Some of them moved. Some of them worked very strange hours. Some of them stopped hanging out when they got a boy/girlfriend, got married, or had kids. Some of them had changed. Not always in bad way. But I really didn't have much that in common with them any more. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:46:05 PM | All friends of all types count. Most people I know only have one truly close friend and less than a handful of somewhat close friends. I went through a similar time period and began spending more and more of my social time when loved ones died and good friends moved away and was left with those people I knew who were entertaining and still around. Those people ended up being clingy manipulative possessive and full of constant drama of their own making. They brought a lot of drama into my life that I didn't need. I suggest that you use this time to be very picky. I was just open to friends and more friends and then had to spend a long deliberate time of weeding the toxic people out of my life. You have a clean fresh slate. You have to force yourself to get to know lots of people without trusting too much too soon.
I'm actually shy. People who think they know me will say that's a lie. I make myself do a personal introduction. I make myself ask questions about others. I make myself arrange dates for coffee or what have you. And I make myself apply discernment to these new friends. Few will be keepers and will only be friendly acquaintences. A few will show their colors soon and immediate distance and firm boundaries are required. You can go the route of making friends in a manipulative way so that everybody loves you, but you run the risk of emotionally disconnecting from everyone.
As far as a new girl judging you on this, be honest, tell her you reached a point in your life where you need to make new friends. Everybody finds themselves here now and then. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 2:10:06 PM | In my case I moved away from my home town, to a place where I knew no one. Now I have no idea where to reach my old friends at.
The people I volunteer with are typically in a totally different age bracket, so I don't socialize much with them. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:13:44 PM | | Maybe try getting involved in some sort of organized thing? Clubs for people who have similar interests or hobbies? Sports? Charity work? Perhaps you can make some new friends that way. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:15:01 PM | | I agree with many of the things that have been mentioned. But I think there is another key point. Many young people are concerned about being popular or the quantity of friends that they have. Especially in junior high and high school. But when they get older, they often become more concerned about the quality of their friends. They stop hanging out with people who were immature or troublemakers. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:21:22 PM |
But when they get older, they often become more concerned about the quality of their friends.
Good point. True friends versus people you hang out with. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:25:21 PM | | When I got out of high school, I got tired of being the only one putting forth effort to stay in touch. I am one that if I put out an invitation and get no response than I assume they are not interested and leave it at that, and that's how it goes most of the time. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 2:04:02 AM |
Is this normal to have so few friends after age 30?
Don't know. I can tell you I'm 31, and have at least a dozen good friends. The kind that would hop on a plane, and come get me if I was in serous trouble. I have several hundred acquaintances , and many virtual friends.
I have tons of 'virtual friends' but do they count?
You tell me - what does "virtual" mean? | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:23:08 AM | Firstly I would suggest that you are a little more grateful for having that one friend.
Secondly I would suggest that you don't project your dissatisfaction with the number of your friends on your potential dates.
Thirdly - even if they DID mind that you are a loner, SO WHAT? Why do you need a potential date to approve on how many friends you have? | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:06:43 AM | I wouldnt worry too much about how many friends you have unless you are also really a very bitter person and no one knows where the people you used to call freinds are now....
it really feels lonely sometimes im sure but you need to figure out that people arnt going to reach out to you through the screen . go do stuff! even if it is just walking around | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:40:50 AM | | But, what if her loss of friends is indicative of a deeper problem? What if there's some basic social skills she's missing that could be a problem in a relationship? | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:19:13 AM | nerdstatus
the thing about social skills is unless you actually go out and spend time with people... they dont develop.... you dont learn them
it could be possible that she is but unless she seeks very specific help for this issue it wouldnt improve because the other way we learn social skills is by being around a trusted friend that guides us ... she said shes got one friend unless that person is already helping all the can or even sees there is a problem there isnt anything they can do. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 12:09:28 PM | | I have 3, and I prefer it to be that way. I do not want or need large circles of people in my life. The friends I have , have been in my life for 6, 14 and 18 years. All 3 are gay men and all 3 would and have done anything for me without ever asking questions. Virtual friends are what they are....some you may get to know more than others. I have made some on here, but I also know they can at any time be "gone". Who cares if you are a loner. I am to a degree. It simplifies my life. try meeting women. Not "girls". | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:42:18 PM | I have close friends I've known for a long time, but you know what happens when you're all single and then one or more of them find a relationship. They get all into it and you barely see them.
Over my 20s, this happened to me a lot, so I ended up becoming more a social butterfly. I go out and do my own things, meet people, make new friends, and suddenly have several social groups I know and call upon. Most of them are not as close as my long time friends, but they're also people you can count on.
At my age now (35) I see the friends who marry, have kids, and thus are more distant, but I have others who didn't marry or didn't want to marry, and thus they're more open and sociable to going out, talking, hanging out, etc.
If you venture out you can find these people. When I see someone who tells of how they keep losing their friends one by one, it tells me they live their lives only with their friends and no "outsiders". It's like when I see women who never venture outside of the group and hope their friends will introduce them to a possible mate. Suddenly they're in their 30s, alone, all their friends are married off and having kids, and now they sit there wondering what they're supposed to do.
Seen men get this way as well. You want a social circle, then venture outside of your usual circles. | |
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| I can count my friends on one finger!
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:20:35 PM | I agree with the post that asked what do you consider friends?
If it is one that you call or text and keep in touch with on a regular basis, than I only have 1, and that doesn't bug me. I have tons of acquaintances at the bowling alley that I know they like me as a person, and like having a beer, bowling a tournament with.
For me it is a matter of finding people who have respect for others. In that I mean in many different ways. Are they somebody you can rely on when something needed? Are they going to be there when they say they are? Are they someone you can trust in any situation?
For me it is hard to find people that you can fully trust. I really pay attention to what they say and how they act, if they are on time.
The one "friend" I do have is somebody I know I can trust and will do anything for me at anytime. Yes anytime. We have known each other for 30 years and I would do anything for him at anytime no matter the time of day or circumstances.
Now to try and meet new people I agree with a lot of the posts. Get out and do things. Go to the bookstore, go to the mall, library. I go to the mall and walk for 3 hours 2-3 times a week. A)I'm getting exercise and B)I am seeing potential new friends. You just never know. | |
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